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What A Life
Samantha had a bath and wore a little red dress that Dozie had bought for her on her last birthday. She took her time to apply her makeup ensuring that she looked her best. She was going to visit Dozie in his family house and she needed to look irresistible if she must succeed in winning his love back. She had made up her mind to fight for her love and win him back even if that was going to be the last thing she would ever do. As a trained medical doctor, she knew that until one lets out his last breathe, one must keep trying, a policy which they had always practiced on their patients. She slugged her Chanel chain bag on her shoulder after she was satisfied with her looks and came down stairs where her mother was watching a Christian programme.
Samantha: “Going out, mum. See you later”.
Mama Samantha: “Where to, my child? I must confess that you look stunning”.
Samantha: “Thanks mum. I will tell you about my outing when I come back. You just keep your fingers crossed”.
Mama Samantha: “Okay. Just make sure you don’t do anything silly”.
Samantha: “Mum, you should pray that I don’t see any reason to do any silly thing because if I see reasons I will do”. She ran out of the house.
Eno came out of the bedroom dressed in an Ankara skirt and blouse with an olive green shoe and bag to match. Her mother who was already running out of patience was waiting for her in the car.
Mama Eno: “It took you so long to get dressed that I almost came in there to drag you out”.
Eno: “Sorry, mum. I had to take my time to dress decently, you know…”
Mama Eno: “Wait a minute. What are you wearing?”
Eno: “Ankara skirt and blouse of course”.
Mama Eno: “And where do you think you are wearing that to?”
Eno: “Where we are going of course. You know they are my potential in laws so I need to dress decently to win their hearts”.
Mama Eno: “Hehehe”, she clapped her hands together. “Potential in laws ko, potential family ni. My friend will you get in there and wear something better? You need to put on a dress that will bring out your curves. A classic dress that will flatter your shapes. You think Dozie loves you? You should dress in such as a way as to sed-ce him. That is the way to go about it”.
Eno: “Okay, mum”. She turned back into the house”.
Mama Eno: “Imagine this stupid girl o, after spending hours in there, that is the best she could come up with. I am sure she took this dullness from her father, she didn’t take after me at all”.
Eno and her mother arrived at Dozie’s family compound and after horning for some minutes, the security man came out.
Jonny: “Yes, who are you wey you just dey horn anyhow like that?”
Mama Eno: “My friend will you shut up your gutter of a mouth? Why didn’t you answer when you heard me horn the first time?”
Jonny: “Why you go dey ask me that kind question? Na you dey pay me salary for here?”
Mama Eno: “You know what? I don’t have time for illiterates like you. My friend open the gate and let me in”.
Jonny: “Open your booth”.
Mama Eno: “You say what?”
Jonny: “I say make you open your booth make I see wetin you carry in,side before you go come bomb my oga and madam for their house”.
Mama Eno: “Are you out of your mind? Do I look like a suicide bomber?”
Jonny: “How I want take know? Them no dey write am for forehead, besides, I no even look your face”.
Eno: “How dare you talk to my mother anyhow? Open the gate before I come down and open it myself”.
Jonny: “Chimmoo! Thank God say I no open the gate o, na so I for don join unemployed peoples association of Nigeria. No be you my oga say make I no allow enter this compound if I no want make him sack me?”
Mama Eno: “Will you open the gate or do you want me to force my way in?”
Jonny: “I no go open. If my oga sack me, you go employ me?”
Eno turned to her mother in the car.
Eno: “Mum, I told you it will be impossible for the security man to allow us in. Let’s just turn back home and save ourselves this embarrassment from an ordinary security man”.
Mama Eno: “You just shut up and allow me think. You face little obstacles and you are ready to give up, how can you achieve anything with that kind of attitude? I dislike it when people chicken out at the slightest obstacle they encounter. Listen, we will come down and force our way into the compound. We cannot go back having come this far”.
Mama Eno: “I am going down there, you better follow me or else you will know the kind of mother you have by the time I change it for you”.
They came down and while Jonny was trying to stop them from going in, mama Eno pushed him aside with her massive bum and made her way in with Jonny trailing behind them and asking them to stop trespassing. Dozie’s father was watching news heard the commotion in his compound and ran out.
Baba Dozie: “What is going on here and who are these people”.
Jonny: “Oga sir, I…I…” he tried to catch his breath for he was breathing hærd.
Baba Dozie: “Open your mouth and say something. When did you start stammering?”
Jonny: “Sorry, oga. I never recover from the push wey this woman give me with her big bakasi”.
Baba Dozie: “Just go back to your duty post. I will handle this”.
Jonny: “Oga, I don recover now. I dey ready to talk”.
Baba Dozie: “I said go and lock my gate and remain there, that is what I employed you to do and not to talk”.
Jonny: “Yes, sir!” he ran away.
Baba Dozie: “Madam, what can I do for you?’
Mama Eno: “What can you do for me? Well, you cannot do anything for me. The question should be what I can do for you”.
Baba Dozie: “Very well then. What can you do for me?”
Mama Eno: “I brought your daughter in law to you”.
Baba Dozie: “My what?”
Mama Eno: “You heard me correctly the first time”.
Baba Dozie: “Whose wife, if I may ask?”
Mama Eno: “Why don’t you ask your son Dozie how many times he slept with my daughter in the past months?”
Baba Dozie: “Woman, you must learn how to talk politely. You cannot come to my house and start running your mouth anyhow. Anyway, I am sure that you know that I was Legistlator before? As a seasoned politician, I am going to ask your daughter some questions and I will find out if my son is truly responsible for the pregnancy”
Mama Eno: Go ahead and ask the questions in the world. All I know is that your son must marry my daughter”.
Baba Dozie: “My daughter, look into my eyes and tell me that my son is responsible for the pregnancy”.
Eno made to speak but she caught a glimpse of Dozie who was standing in a place hidden from his father and her mother’s view, he was holding a sharp cutlass and looking intently at her. She ran short of words for fear of what he may do to her if she confirmed her mother’s allegations.
Mama Eno: “My friend will you open your mouth and talk? Have you suddenly gone deaf?”
Eno: “Mum, I..he, I mean I don’t….”
Baba Dozie: “Who is responsible for your pregnancy, young lady?”
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