A GUY NAMED AVAILABLE
Episode 17 – 19
Like a joke I was counting down three weeks of the new Ndaweni, let me mention that each time I
talked to him all seemed fine. He picked my calls without complaint, in fact not once did he ignore
me. We were talking perfectly but on all those occasions I had to call and I practically had to make
up plans. If I didn’t suggest where we would be going Ndaweni wasn’t going to do so and you must
have guessed this tore me apart. I was so glad to call this guy my man when everything he ever
did suggested otherwise. Now it wasn’t the same like before, he wouldn’t tell me his daily plans.
He would never tell me anything concrete, other days i literally just had to wait for him in his house
while he was at work on Saturdays. We kept being intimate and my bond with him kept being
stronger but more and more the pain I felt got stronger. Each day I tried to find closure in his arms
but it was only for the moment and once I was back home the pain would start all over again.
One Saturday evening, approximately two months since the nature of our relationship changed, I
felt the need to go out all by myself. That day I just wanted my own company and I was geared to
spend that night thinking about my life. Note that despite all this, Ndaweni still had his Benz parked
by my house and I was comfortable to move around with it except I was afraid of going with it to
see him for fear of him wanting it back. Not that I was materialistic, rather the thought of me having
something so valuable that belonged to him made me feel secure. It made me feel like I still had a
special place in his life.
When I was done with my shower, I checked on my phone again as if expecting a miraculous
message from him. Clearly there was nothing and the whatsapp message I had sent him earlier in
the morning was still unread despite him coming online frequently. I was well informed that
apparently it was possible for somebody to be online and not actually be online. Whatever that
meant. Anyway, I dressed up quickly and headed out. I was clad in a black skinny jean which I
paired with a grey Gucci body top, I tied my hair in a pony and on my feet I had black canvas. Just
a simple look to get me out was enough. Henry my next door neighbour was taking out the trash
bag when he saw me entering my car.
“neighbour..” he said with a wide smile.
Henry was in a pyjama trousers and a white vest. The guy was fine, really fine.
“heading somewhere?” he asked.
“yes actually.. home is boring. You know the agony of living alone. I just want to shorten the night
then I will come back to sleep” I said.
“oh I see.. one of these days just carry me in your bag so we can shorten the night together” he
I really wondered why this guy was always home early. He would normally park by 18hrs and he
would be home until the following day. I started my engine and drove out to party the night away.
There’s something about alcohol when you have problems, you can drink as much as you want
but it’s really of no effect if you have serious problems. The more I drunk and looked at my phone
my heart became heavy. The more the alcohol got to my head I knew Ndaweni would not get
away with hurting me; he knew from the start that i was fragile. He knew it all. How could he treat
me this way? Gathering enough courage, I picked my car keys and desperately drove to his
house. Ndaweni wasn’t home and the house was locked. I called him asking where he was and if
we could hang out his response was simple “honey I am just home today. I don’t intend to go out”
My heat ached and as usual I asked myself how much more I was willing to take. This guy literally
treated me like a fool and I was here still failing to move on. If not for the thick scary night I was
going to vow to sleep in my car outside his house just to look him in the eyes when he returned
from wherever he had gone. The pain, the pain was unbearable and Lord knows I just couldn’t
handle it. Many are the times I typed out my feelings but usually the response I got was a one
word answer simply stating that he had been busy hence the silence or that he was exhausted or
that the phone had a problem. Why couldn’t this guy just tell me to my face that it was over? Why
did I have to second guess his feelings? No matter how much I told myself that I was done, the
following day I would pick my phone and call him again. He was like a drug that I couldn’t do
without, each time I felt I was done.. I felt weak and I needed to inject myself with temporal
Because Khetiwe had clearly narrated all this to me before, I avoided seeing her for fear of her
reminding me what she had told me. I was crying myself to sleep nearly every night but every time
I got the chance to hear from him or see him we would once again be intimate and he would
assure me how much he loved me. However, every time I got back home the same thing
happened. The week that followed was hectic and I was a little too busy to think about calling
Ndaweni. That’s not to say he did not cross my mind. In fact he did most of the time but my bosses
were on my case to make sure I had cleared every sale that the marketing department had
managed to pitch that month. Well after that I could take my long awaited two weeks break. When
the week was done I was so glad to come back to my home with my bonus and just figure out how
to spend my break. The thing is this break should have come about in December but we had the
most clients then. Now I was taking my break in February.
As I lay on my couch after work, I thought of everything I had. I had a job I was so thankful to God
for, I had a car, an apartment that I had no trouble paying for and I could afford to leisure around
without straining my budget. Why was I complaining? Simply because I did not have a man? That
was being ungrateful and I had to change my attitude. I knew Ndaweni was a part of me.. Ndaweni
was a reality that I couldn’t run away from and I had to make a decision. The thought that I was in
another year and I was going to be single again hurt so much. I was so hurt even thinking of the
fact that I had to be single again, I was always walking away. The most logical thing right now was
just to walk but again? How many more times did I have to walk away?
As I got more and more comfortable on the couch thinking through my life I heard my door swing
open and I looked to see who was there.
“I realised if I let myself in you won’t have to chase me” Khetiwe said.
“Hai babe..” I greeted her reluctantly.
“The look says it all, that’s why I came with a bottle of wine so I could help you relax as you
narrate it all” she said.
I started thinking of the best way to break the news to my friend. Should I have chosen to hide or
maybe just tell the truth? I couldn’t reason beyond. I was confused. However the more I kept silent
the more she read the situation. She knew exactly what I was going through.
“Baby… what is it? Tell me please” she said.
“or should I pour the wine first?” she asked as she settled on the couch next to me.
As I put my legs down to face her I realised I did not tell her about my new place so how did she
“Khetiwe, you have never been here… how did you find your way?” I asked.
“oh… I was told by your workmate… I’m from your work place… her name is Sandra or something”
“oh ya.. she lived here before me.. she actually secured the flat for me” I said.
“but did you really have to go to my work place? really?”
“look I didn’t have to if you were picking my calls, I went there hoping to meet you but I found your
“ya.. I start my leave today… besides what are you doing here this time? Aren’t you working?” I
“Forget about me being at work.. its Friday after all. Yes so why have you been avoiding my
I looked her in the eyes and I failed to lie. I had no choice but to narrate everything.
“I hoped it wouldn’t come to this.. I’m ashamed of myself”
“No don’t be love… don’t be..” Khetiwe said as she got near me.
“So now I’m stuck, I have no idea how to walk out on him, I know this relationship is done but
girlfriend how long? how long must men treat me like a fool? Am I desperate? I mean I really held
back as much as I could. He seemed real.. I really do love him..”
“ok I hear you very well.. I do.. I just have one question for you though.. that’s before we open this
“ok go ahead.. but please I hope it’s nothing to do with judging me”
“no… I know that you hoped for the best and it’s normal. However my question to you is this….
how much do you want this guy? Because I know we are not young anymore and the big 30 is
around the corner. Soon we will be three decades on earth. How much do you want this
relationship to work?”
“Very much” I responded quickly.
“I can help you” she said
I took a moment to analyse that and I looked at her wonderingly.. “how?”
“I can help you my love… you’ve just got to trust me. It’s just a matter of you telling me how much
you want this..” Khetiwe said.
My stomach did not settle well with that.
A GUY NAMED AVAILABLE 19
“Thandiwe, what I have to say to you is simple. It’s nothing complicated; you can still win this guy
back if he genuinely cares about you. All you have to do is to try and be quiet for a little while and
just wait and see”
“I beg your pardon?, here I was thinking you had some supernatural solution but you are asking
me to keep quiet? Are you serious right now?” I asked wonderingly.
“No my friend it’s as simple as that… Either you choose to live a lie or simply face reality but I have
no supernatural solution to your problem. Keep quiet and see if he will react in any way” Khetiwe
I must mention that I felt so devastated, here I was expecting a better solution but that’s all she
had to say. If keeping quiet was the answer then he would have at least come around, I tried it and
it didn’t work. I would be quiet for days and he would never pick his phone to call me. It finally got
to a point where I was so desperate that I showed up at his house anytime just to prove one thing.
I just wanted to be sure that this guy was taking me for no fool.
“Well then all hope is lost. I have tried that but it does not solve a thing. It does not change a thing
in fact at this point he knows when I’m quiet that I am simply trying to get his attention. Trust me I
know Ndaweni knows my weakest point and he knows that his silence suffocates me. He knows
all too well and besides what If he uses the silence against me? what if he says I had been quiet?”
“well then you can also use his silence against him. Don’t let him act smart with you” Khetiwe
“boyi.. its not that easy.. I can’t stand the silence it kills me. I always wonder what he is up to or
why he is treating me this way.. boyi it hurts so bad. It really does”
Khetiwe left my sight and returned with two glasses of wine and she poured one for herself and
later poured some for me.
“look Thandiwe, what I am teaching you is not rocket science. I am teaching you about the law of
attraction. What you believe is what you will attract. You may hope to meet a good man but deep
inside you believe all men are dogs. That’s exactly what you get served. You can’t believe one
thing and expect to get another thing.
“Khetiwe come on.. you know I believe in good men existing and I actually thought Ndaweni was
“you thought.. but did you believe so?”
“that changes everything how?” I asked wonderingly.
“babe.. the power of the universe.. that which you believe, that which you attract.. it applies
everywhere.. even water can get you drunk if only you believe..”
I was kind of picking some sense in what she was saying but it still didn’t add up completely.
“are you saying that if I did not have this negative thought about men then I would meet a good
man? Is that what you are saying? So in short Ndaweni is another bad I am attracting because of
“Thandiwe, even a good man can be a bad man to somebody else.. it all just goes with how your
energy attracts that person. Bad energy can be felt from afar. Thandiwe you are too clingy.. sorry
girlfriend but you are too clingy.. your type chases men away. If all you dream of and hope for is a
man you will most likely not have one” she said.
Now I was so confused that I put my wine glass down.
“Khetiwe speak English please” I said.
“ok here’s the thing, your desire at this point in life is to meet a man and that’s all you ever exert
your energy on.. for you a man is everything. Your world ceases to exist without one. See you
have a good job, a great life but that life is only a bubble of happiness that you create when you
are single. Your whole life is centred around a man and when that man comes you give up on all
that just to be with that man thereby giving him the picture that aside him you cannot live. No man
ever wants such a woman. Ever wondered why women that are not even deemed marriage
material end up married while the ones who prep so much for it are not? That ever crossed your
I stopped to think for a moment and I realised she was right, in fact Khetiwe had numerous
“yes you are an example.. In fact I can’t get myself to understand how a man would even ask you
to marry them” I giggled.
“well simple.. I am not worshiping it.. I am not desperate for it Thandiwe, I am not spending days
and nights dreaming about marriage. I am living my life.. the only thing that you can chase is
success and I must say you are doing great career wise but you can’t chase a man honey. A man
can smell desperation from miles away. Apparently they just have no idea how to handle a
desperate woman. What a man chases is the wonderful energy you have, the attributes you
portray, they love just how amazing you are and when they meet you they chase you like no man’s
business just to be a part of your life”
“then they stop?” I asked wonderingly
“yes.. when they realise you were only playing “happy life” just to get their attention.. when they
realise your life is centred around getting that ring…”
“so what should I do? I think Ndaweni is already fed up..”
“Thandiwe what do you have to bring to the table? I mean what do you have to offer apart from
your legs which I believe you already have? What else can you bring to the table that every other
“Khetiwe you know me.. I can wash, I can cook, I can take care of a home.. most slay queens
aren’t that domestic..”
Khetiwe burst into laughter and looked me in the eyes.
“Thandiwe does Ndaweni have a maid?”
“yes he does” I replied.
“tell me if she can’t cook, she can’t wash, she can’t take care of a home”
“so you are telling me Ndaweni behaving this way is my fault?”
“not entirely.. but how he behaves from now onwards will be your fault. You are the one who trains
a man how he should treat you. Have some class.. a man shouldn’t have the freedom to treat you
like trash. You’ve got to put your foot down”