Bitch – Batch 1

B. I. T. C. H” A story by Stephen c. Osaje


Richærd found himself doing what he promised Zainab he would never do again. He made the promise to her at the
‘St Luke hospital’ where he was admitted for taking an overdose of the ‘stuff’ – as he fondly called it. Zainab, who had been as scared as hell literally forced him to make the promise after the doctors successfully resuscitated him because he had passed out, so he reluctantly looked her in the eyes and said;
“As long as I live on this earth, I’ll never do drugs again”.

Those were just merely empty words now as Richærd presently leaned over the table where a ‘whitish’ powder-like substance was and expertly placed his nose close enough to inhale a substantial amount of the substance which was probably cocaine.
After he inhaled the substance, he sniffed harshly and shook his head vigorously then he sniffed once more, before he knew what was happening … he lost his balance and slumped to the tiled floor of room 21 in ‘The ‘Wheatbaker’ hotel located in Ikoyi, Lagos. He looked dead from a distance but he wasn’t.
Subconsciously, his mind drifted of course and started wandering, the past moments he shared with Zainab were the first to pop in his head and he could remember the first time he set his eyes on Zainab. It had been at a ‘three days’ global work shop for actors, actresses, TV personalities, producer and other people responsible for those moving pictures we watch on our TV set.

It was day one of the event and Richærd who was present as an aspiring producer, was among the first set of people to walk into the rather luxurious looking hall, he choosed a seat at the third row where the view of the stage was perfect and thereafter patiently waited for the event to start.
Barely two hours later, the event had begun and already gone half way when he first sighted Zainab as she mounted the podium in other to give a speech. He stared at her with his mouth widely opened, totally amazed at how beautiful she looked, technically speaking – he didn’t think it was possible for a ‘normal human’ to look like that.

Funny enough, Richærd hadn’t been the only one who had been charmed by Zainab’s prowess look because a couple of other guys in the hall had their mouth wide opened as well. Zainab, on the other hand didn’t seem to care about the way all the guys in the entire hall reacted, all she had on her mind was;
“who sent me to wear this heels now? Ouch! They are really hurting my legs. Let me just give this silly speech and get the hell out of her”, and at that very moment, she grabbed the microphone and started delivering her speech.
From where he sat, all Richærd could hear from Zainab’s mouth was “bla bla bla” as all his attention was focused on her super cute face, extra large bosoms and that kind of h¡ps that would make Toolz feel as straight as a ruler. Although he didn’t voice it out, he vowed to at least say ‘hi’ to her after the event ends.

About an hour later, Zainab was through with her speech and since she was the final speaker for the day, the event had officially ended. She quickly informed her audience about the plans for the next day and without observing some protocols, she shut down her PC, picked up her hand bag and hurried out of the hall like she was being chased. As soon as she got to her car, she immediately removed the shoes and let out a loud sigh, the shoe had a ridiculous 7 inches high heels so her rush to remove the shoe was quite understandable. As she flashed back to reality, she swore never to wear the shoes again unless the heels magically reduced in length.
Richærd who had been staring at Zainab in her car from a distance for quite a while, was fighting a mental war in his head – while a part of him wanted to approach Zainab, the other part strongly advised against it, so after weighing his options, he figured the worst that could happen was Zainab zooming off in her car and leaving him standing like a moron, he decided to take the risk.
He slowly walked up to the car, which by the way was just a silver Toyota Corolla, as he got close enough to the car, he knocked on the window because Zainab hadn’t whined it down then he waited for her to respond. It was obvious that the knock on the window took Zainab unawares as her skeleton nearly sprung out of her skin in shock, she only gained back her composure when she looked outside and saw it was just a harmless dude who obviously had no weapon on him.
She ins**ted the keys into the ignition and twisted it in such a way that the car didn’t actually start, but was possible to whine down the window;
“Yes? Can I help you?” She asked irritated.
“Err.. Err.. No.. Yes.. Sorry, I mean no” he stuttered in response.
Zainab who was obviously confused by the look she had on then asked;
“So why did you knock on my window?”
Richærd was feeling really stupid at that moment, he regretted approaching her without thinking about what he would say first, he imagined himself telling her how he chased her to her car just to say she was beautiful and in his imagination, he also pictured her slapping him for wasting her time. So he scratched his head silently praying an idea would pop.
“Why did you knock on my window?” Zainab asked again, only this time, there was some traces disgust in her tone.
Luckily for him, an idea popped into his head, it wasn’t the best of ideas but it was better than keeping quiet.
“Err.. I just wanted to say I loved your speech, the points you gave were very nice and am sure if I can apply it when producing, the result would be great” he blurted out.
Zainab who didn’t fancy flattering, kept her face straight and asked;
“So you are a producer?”
“Yes, I am” Richærd had a quick thought about what he just said and quickly added “well, am not really a producer yet, but am working towards it and with the points you gave, am sure…”
“… You would be a great producer.” She cut in and completed his statement. “thanks for the compliments but I really need to take my leave now” she added.
“Err.. Okay, anyway, thanks for your time” Richærd replied trying to hide his disappointment.
“You are welcome” Zainab replied and before Richærd could think of something to reply her, she quickly zoomed off.

Well, all of that was about five years ago, how Richærd and Zainab fell in love and got married a year after that first encounter is a story for another day.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The time was about 7:54 PM when Zainab finally got home, she was totally exhausted but irrespective of that, she still looked beautiful, five years had past since she first met Richærd – her soon to be ‘ex’ husband, and frankly speaking, she still looked as dashing as ever, as a matter of fact, she seemed to be getting more beautiful by the year.
Even at the age of 32, She had been voted the s€×iest female celebrity for two consecutive years and from the way things looked, she was going for the third award since there wasn’t really any competition.
She went straight to the bedroom and after undressing, she moved straight to the bathroom to shower, as the water dripped on her, it sent cold shivers down her spine at first but she immediately relaxed and for the first time since she zoomed out of the premises of ‘ KINGSTON jo ‘, she actually took a deep breath and wasn’t thinking about what she had done so wrong which made Richærd to change his attitude towards her.
When they first got married, he had been so caring and rom-ntic, but now, he was just cold and didn’t seem to even notice her presence anymore. What made matters worse, was that she had no idea what she had done wrong and no matter how many times she had asked him, she kept on saying;
“There is no problem with our marriage, stop trying to create one”, so she gave up on asking, and although she had caught him cheating several times, she had kept her cool thinking it was just a stage in their marriage but finally, the camel back was broken and she couldn’t take it no more.

She came out of the shower and just as if it had been planned, her phone started ringing almost immediately. It was still in her handbag, so she searched for it vigorously, finally, she found it and firstly checked who was calling her. It was her best friend, Jumoke, who she fondly called Jummy, she grinned.
“Hello, please who is on the line?” She asked jokingly.
Jummy, who was the ‘rascal’ one between them replied;
“ Ah! Ori e ti baje! (Your head has spoil), is it me you are asking that one?” Jummy fired at her over the phone.
Zainab grin grew w¡der as she had expected such a reply, she then asked;
“Why are you speaking gibberish? Can’t you just answer the question straight forward in plain english?”, but maybe she shouldn’t have.
“ Iya la ya! (Your grand – mother) Ori e ti fo ka sibe! (Your head has scattered) Thunder fire you there!…” Jummy rained curses on Zainab who could help but burst out in laughter.
“Jummy.. Jummy! Its okay oh, abeg no kill me with your mouth oh, na play I they play with you na, or I no fit play with you again?”
“Ode! Foolish girl, God just saved you now oh, if you had asked that question once more, I would have sworn for you with Sango! ‘

NB: Sango is believed to be the yoruba god of thunder.

Zainab, who felt she had had enough fun already, just ignored Jummy’s last statement and changed the topic;
“How are you doing?” She asked.
“Am fine oh, how about you and that your hot husband that I plan on s——g one day na?” Jummy asked jokingly, or so it seemed.
That question brought back some bad memories so she just kept quiet, Jummy became worried and added;
“Hello? Are you still there? Na play I they play oh”
“Jumoke…” Zainab called coldly.
“Ah! This one that you are calling me by my full name, am I safe?”
“Jummy, we need to talk” Zainab replied.
Jummy sighed and replied;
“hope there is no problem oh! I’ll drop by your place tomorrow on my way to work”
“I’m divorcing Richærd” Zainab replied using the same cold tone she seemed to have suddenly adopted.
“What?! Am on my way to your place right away!” Jummy replied in surprise and hung up.


As she picked up her car keys, Jummy wondered what Richærd must have done this time which made Zainab to want to divorce him, she knew Richærd wasn’t the ideal husband for her best friend since he had that ‘play boy’ packaging, but the fact that Zainab loved him made her to keep quiet and accept Richærd the way he was.


Just in her late twenties, Jummy was single – with no plans of marriage and was the exact opposite of Zainab when it comes to looks. She was dark, short, ‘yorubatic’ and fat or maybe ’round’ would be more suitable in this context. But, irrespective of her physical looks, Jummy was the nicest friend anyone would have loved to have. There was this one time when Zainab had some health issues which had to do with a faulty kidney, Jummy was ready to donate her kidney to Zainab even though the doctors had told her she wasn’t a potential match. Another notable characteristic of Jummy was her ‘I don’t give a fucck’ attitude, she was one of those few people who didn’t put other people opinion into consideration.
Even though they had a lot of differences, Jummy and Zainab, were with no doubt best of friends.

About twenty minutes later, Jummy parked her car right at the front of Zainab’s house, they both lived at Festac so there wasn’t much hassles on the way.

Before stepping out of her car, she took ten deep breaths to calm herself because she was already. Feeling quite uneasy with herself. After that, she walked to the building gate with the intent of knocking, but on getting there, she saw the door was unlocked so she simply stepped in and headed straight to Zainab’s room.

The room was unnecessarily big and spacious, the only piece of furniture in it was a bed, a chair and a dressing table which had a gigantic mirror attached to it. At one of the extreme corner of the room, Zainab sat on the floor, crying as if she expected the tears to change something in her life.

Jummy who saw this became worried and with a tone of authority, she asked;

“And what do you think you are doing?”

Zainab was startled by that question, she was familiar with the voice and she knew Jummy had said she was coming but there was no way she could have entered the house without knocking, she was surprised;

“How did you get in? I thought the door was locked?”

“After spending six years working for the CIA, you learn a lot of things” Jummy said jokingly, hoping her friend would at least smile.

Zainab got the joke and forced a smile, She didn’t mean to limit her friend but working for the CIA wasn’t even an option, her sense told her she probably left the door opened.

Jummy who was waiting for a response figured she wasn’t going to get any, so she walked to corner where Zainab was, dragging the only chair in the room with her and she placed the chair just at the front of Zainab, then she sat down and starred at Zainab in silence. Zainab looked up at her friend and had this ‘so you can’t sit on the floor with me?’ Look on her face,

Jummy understood what the look on her friend face meant so she replied;

“What na? Shey na me force you to sit down for floor?”
Zainab giggled at this question, she didn’t know how Jummy did it but Jummy always had a way of making Zainab laugh.

“Enhen, let’s go straight to the issue at hand. You said something when I called” Jummy said.

“Yes, I did” Zainab replied coldly.

“I think my ears weren’t hearing properly, can you repeat it?”

Zainab chuckled and repeated herself;

“I said I’m divorcing Richærd”

“Wow! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that?”

Zainab was shocked by such response, she had known from the start that Jummy never liked Richærd but she didn’t really expect such response, she jokingly pinched Jummy on the leg and asked;

“How can you say such a thing? I was hoping you would talk some sense into my head?”

“Some sense? That’s what am doing at the moment na,

Richærd is a cheating son of a b—h. He thinks because he now earns a six figure wage on each movie he produces that he can treat you any how, he seems to forget that the only reason he is famous is because of you helped him out”

Zainab didn’t know what exactly to reply to Jummy, every single word Jummy said was true. Richærd was truly a

‘nobody’ when he first met Zainab but after she somehow fell for him, she used her connections as a popular TV personality to push Richærd career and ironically, he now earns more than Zainab.

Jummy saw that Zainab was lost in her thoughts and decided to put more kerosene to fire before Zainab changed her mind;

“When was the last time he told you he loved you? When was the last time you both went out on a date together? Can’t you see that the only reason you guys are still together is because Richærd is a coward and can’t divorce you himself.” Jummy paused to see if Zainab was even listening to her, and the look on Zainab face replied in the affirmative so she continued; “let me ask you a question, have you told him you want a divorce?”

“Ye.. Yes” Zainab replied as she had already started crying round two.
“And has he called you to beg or apologize since then?”

“Hmmm, is that the kind of man you want to spend the rest of you life with? I know a lawyer who specializes in cases like this and if you give me the go ahead, the divorce papers would be ready before 12pm tomorrow, the ball is in you court now” Jummy concluded.

Zainab was stuck between cross roads, she still had some feelings for Richærd, no mater how much he broke her heart, the broken pieces still loved the guy, but she wasn’t ready to spend the rest of her life with someone who don’t feel the same way about her, she took a deep breath and without even looking at Jummy she murmured something like;

“Make the call now…”


The time was about 11:50am in the morning when Richærd finally woke up with a banging headache, he struggled to sit back on the chair as soon as he sat, he picked up the hotel intercom and pressed the number “2”, a lady voice responded almost immediately;

“Hello, this is the customer services. How can I help you?”

“I need some aspirins immediately” he replied with an authoritative tone and waited for a response.

Truth be told, that was a very awkward request, the “Wheat baker” hotel was known for its world class customer services but delivering aspirins to their customers room wasn’t part of their services. The lady was about to rain curses on the person over the intercom for thinking he can just request for anything because he is in the hotel, but on a second thought, she decided to check who was calling first, so she checked the room number that the call was linked to and checked the name of the occup-nt, it read “Mr Richærd Anderson”, she was shocked.

“Sorry for the delay, your aspirin would be delivered to you in short notice, do you have a preferred brand?”

“No, you ask too much questions! Just get me some aspirins!” Richærd replied literally scre-ming and hung up.

There is this saying that ‘money makes the world go round’, and Richærd had more than enough money to spin the world in whatever direction he liked.

While he waited for the aspirins to come, he brought out his laptop from his suitcase and booted it, he confirmed if the wi-fi of the hotel was active before going on to launch his browser, without a second thought he logged on to a blog to read his daily dosage of online stories, also hoping there would be a new episode of
‘Relationsh¡p Talks’ and maybe
‘Music Reviews’ so he could laugh at how blogger yarbs all those wack songs, he was one of those people who just couldn’t get enough of that blog guy and his creative mind. After reading the posts he had missed he thought it wise to check other blogs for latest news, he hated the fact that the blogger didn’t post news on his blog and he had sent him several mails but that annoying dude kept on replying

‘I’ll set up a seven man committee to work on it’ as if he was GEJ.

Anyway, so he logged on to another popular blog to get the news. He got the shocker of his life! the headline made him suddenly grow white in shock. Boldly written at the top of the screen, just
below the blog logo was;


Two things surprised him the most. Attached to the post was a video which showed Zainab slapping a lady who sat on the same table with Richærd, the video didn’t show the part where Zainab said she would send the divorce papers but the video showed Zainab saying only

“its over between us”.

Richærd couldn’t believe his eyes, he knew Zainab had threatened to divorce him but he assumed it was an empty threat and had already made a mental note to take some flowers with him to the house later on in the evening and beg for Zainab’s forgiveness. But all this useless blogger had magically twisted the wh0le story. He was still lost in his thoughts when a knock on his door snapped him back to reality. He assumed it was the hotel services who wanted to deliver his aspirin so he sprung out of the chair and headed to the door.

Standing at the door was a man in this late forties, he looked odd in all possible ways, in his orange suit, he wore a pink glasses and he had a really full hair which he had dyed brown, as a matter of fact, calling him “Odd” would be an understatement.


Many social scientists all over the world have stated and proven that distance makes the heart grow fonder but if Zainab was used as a case study, that theory wouldn’t have been correct.

Its been over three days since Jummy made the call to her lawyer who in turn delivered the divorce papers to Richærd but she hadn’t gotten any response from Richærd, and this only made Zainab hate Richærd the more, she had almost cried out all the tears in her tears gland but after waking up that morning, she didn’t feel the urge to cry anymore, after all, it wasn’t worth it, or so she thought.

As she paced round the house deep in thoughts, she finally paused at the front of the thirty two inches plasma LCD TV set which hung on the wall and thought out loud;

“So that FOOL doesn’t even want to attempt to settle this shey?” She thought, emphasizing on the “fool”,

“He thinks I’ll be the one to beg him or what? In fact its over between us, and the funny thing is I was willing to take him back if he had come earlier to beg oh…” She added and then quickly walked to her room as if she was being chased or something like that.

She checked if her credit card was in her hand bag before lifting it on to her shoulder, and on her way out of the house, she picked up the car keys that were on the dining table and “out” she went.

Thirty minutes later, Zainab parked her Honda Accord in the parking lot of “s₱0t One” . s₱0t One wasn’t as famous as other relaxation/ good time places in Festac, but if you had money to spend and you wanted to buy the best relaxation money could afford, then it is the place you need to be.

The way she walked into the building and navigated to a seat close to the swimming pool with much confidence only showed that Zainab had been there before and was probably a regular, as she sat, a waiter came to her table almost immediately and asked for her order, Zainab was in the mood to let go of all the troubles in her life so she simply replied;

“Get me anything that would make me forget my way home”
The waiter smiled at this funny request and replied;

“Give me a minute, I know what you need”
While she waited, she picked up her phone and dialed a number;

“Hello” she said.

“Ah! Bestie of life! Ki lo shele na? (what’s happening?)” the recipient replied.

“Wait oh, Jumoke! why are you so razz? can’t you speak plain english for once? Must you speak gibberish always?” Zainab asked knowing fully well what Jumoke response would be like.

“Eh? Ta lon soro (who is speaking?)!” Jummy replied just to confirm who she was speaking to first.

“Are you blind? Can’t you see the name of the caller on your phone screen? Or are you still using that your blind phone? I’ve told you to get yourself a new phone, haven’t I?”

“Make I no talk wetin they my mind, because if I talk am, you fit run come kill me for my house. Anyway, wetin they happen na?” Jummy replied in an attempt to change the topic.

“Err.. Where are you at the moment now?”

“I they house”

“No work today?”

“Today na democracy day na, abi them no teach you for primary school say no work on public holidays?”
Zainab was tired of speaking plain english to her friend who wasn’t even attempting to switch her pigin, so she responded;

“Okay, good. I dey s₱0t one now, you fit come jamb me for there?”

“Ah!!! Zainab is flexing sha, e be like say money don land, owo lon soro!!!” Jummy tried to flatter Zainab, and as Zainab never let flattery to get to her, she simply replied;

“Shey you they come or not?”

“Na question be that? I don they road already na, abi you no trust me?”
Zainab just laughed and hung up.

Just like clock work, as Zainab ended the call the waiter arrived at her table approximately a minute later, he dropped a drink which was in a transparent bottle and had no label on it, he placed it on her table and before he left, he said;

Don’t drink too much if you don’t want to have a permanent loss of memory”
Zainab smiled and replied;


“You don’t know what you have until you loose it”

Those ten words quoted above makes up the deepest sentence known to man, its meaning and relevance to the everyday society can’t be overlooked. At some point or the other, most of us have actually had reasons to agree with the statement because we’ve been there.

… As Richærd refused to answer her, Zainab then tried to run toward him and pull him out of the fight before he killed his opponent with his all those kind of punches that would scare even “Muhammad Alli”.
Richærd paused for a second and said;

“Woman, Stay out of this!”

But Zainab just couldn’t let him continue, she kept on pulling Richærd who at a point got fed up with Zainab and he pushed her away with full force, he didn’t see that coming or he didn’t plan for it to happen that way but Zainab staggered backward due to Richærd push and she slipped and fell, hitting her head at the edge of the bed so hærd that anyone who saw it would have assumed her skull had broken or at the very least

“cracked” .

And that was how Zainab died, or so Richærd thought.
Confused about what’s happening? Let me rewind back to fifteen minutes ago …

“Zainab!” Richærd called out. He knew what he just saw but he was sure his mind was playing a trick on him, how can his “good and faithful wife” be s——g some other dude in the house and on their matrimonial bed for that matter? Was the question he asked himself.

Technically speaking, Zainab wasn’t on the bed, she was on the floor kneeling and mo-ning loudly as Clement had his hands on her wa-ist and was … Well, that’s a story for another day.

Both Zainab and Clement were too engrossed in “whatever” they were doing that they didn’t even notice Richærd who was standing at the door talk less of hear him murmur Zainab’s name.

Richærd on the other hand stood still for about five seconds after he had called Zainab’s name the first time, he was trying to gain his composure back and also hoping he was dreaming, he blinked twice, but nothing changed, Clement was still busy with Zainab.

He decided to face reality and take action, he consciously let the bouquet of flowers slip from his hands and before Clement could at least attempt to defend him self, Richærd ran towards him with rage and pounced on him, in one quick movement, both of them were on the floor tossing and turning like babies playing, the only difference was, each toss and turn was accompanied with a punch from Richærd to Clement’s face.

Zainab who was taken unawares didn’t know what to do or say at first, but after looking at how Richærd was beating Clement, she figure Clement might soon pass out or probably die if she did nothing, so she did what any lady in her shoes would do when two men are fighting – although this isn’t really a fight, perhaps a good beating. She started scre-ming at the top of her voice;

“Richærd don’t kill him oh! Richærd! Don’t kill…” She wanted to call Clement’s name but realized she had forgotten it or maybe she didn’t even know it in the first place, whatever that waiter had given her must have been conjured from the lakes of hell by the devil himself.

So as Richærd refused to answer her, she started throwing pillows at him, but she soon ran out of pillows as there were only four in the room, Richærd wasn’t distracted. Zainab had only one last option, pull Richærd out of the fight by her self. She took a deep breath before she ran towards Richærd and I guess you know the rest.

“Oh my God!! What have I done?” Richærd exclaimed, asking no one in particular, he was in a state that can’t be described by any english word.

At first, Clement was too weak to understand what was going on, the punches he had received had paralyzed him temporary but as soon as he saw what had happened to Zainab, a suddenly boost of adrenaline flowed through his body and just as if he was on drugs and the drugs just kicked in, he stood up, picked up his clothes and zoomed out of the house at the speed of lightening – he was able to grab just his trousers and singlet, but that was all he actually needed, ain’t it?.

Richærd was a little too devastated and still in shock so he didn’t bother going after Clement, all he had on his mind was how the hell was he going to hide Zainab’s body – Yes! Hide!

It’s no news that he never really loved Zainab, he just loved what she had to offer him, and now that he had gotten it, what was the point of keeping her around?.

He sat down on the floor close to Zainab’s body, chewing his finger nails out of anxiety and then an idea popped into his head, he recalled he had a friend at speed dial who might be able to help him.

e brought out his “Iphone 4” and scrolled through his contacts, he stopped when he got to the name “Dr. Daniel” , and clicked on the call button then he waited for the call to go through.

The problem now is, Dr. Daniel isn’t really the kind of doctor you are expecting.


As she drove home, Jummy had a kind of mischievous smile on her face, she noticed she was smiling sheepishly and tried to kept a straight face but the stuff on her mind was too good a news for her to keep a straight face.
Mentally, she thought;

“At long last! That my daft bestie has decided to move on and am glad she’s lucky to have such a cute guy to spend her first night as a single lady once again with” her smiled w¡dened as she pictured Clement’s firm body against Zainab’s. “Maybe I shouldn’t have set the ‘P’ for Zainab, I could have set it for myself” she thought in regret, although it was nothing serious.

NB: P could mean many things ranging from Parole to Peniis and many other things, but in this context, it means Package.

“I just can’t wait for Zainab to holla at me and give me the full gist… In fact let me call her.” Jummy concluded and stretched for her hand bag at the back seat of the car.

As she stretched, she lost control of the wheels and nearly collided with a Range Rover that was approaching her;

“Olori buru ku! Ode oshi! You no dey see for evening?” She cursed the driver who just ignored her and drove away.

But then, that was just God’s way of telling her to focus on her driving but she didn’t listen.

She stretched for her hand bag the second time and got it this time, she brought out her phone and with on hand on the wheel and the other holding her phone, she held the number ‘3’ since that was the speed dial for Zainab’s ‘Glo’ number.

It rung the first time and wasn’t answered, so she dialed it again, this time the call was disconnected, Jummy smiled.

She murmured quite loudly;

“My bestie is in action, what a sharp …”
Her thoughts were obstructed by the current happenings.

She was obviously staring at the road but had her mind elsewhere so she didn’t see when a “Dangote Cement” truck flashed its head lamp at her from a distance as it approached from behind in an attempt to over take her, the driver of the truck thought he had gotten her attention, so he horned just once before pressing his feet on the accelerator in other to gain up some speed, co-incedentially, Jummy had gotten to a junction where she had to turn right and enter the avenue her house was located.

Before she saw the truck and could press the breaks, she had already steered the car half way at the turn and the truck driver was too close to press his breaks too.
One moment, Jummy was filled with life, smiling with the thoughts of Zainab moving on and the next moment she was on the floor just beside her car which had damaged beyond repair. She was bleeding furiously, and at the rate she was loosing blood, her body couldn’t take it anymore, she passed out. The last thing she saw was the truck driver trying to navigate the truck past her in other to get away.

She didn’t even get the chance to say her last prayers.

“Nothing is what it seems to be” Babes in Total control of herself…. Enjoy “.


The St Timothy and Titus anglican church, Festac, was unusually filled with people from different walks of life who had come to witness the event on that faithful saturday.

Press agencies such as A.I.T, S.T.V, Beat FM, Top Radio, Punch and Sun Newspaper, Ovation Magazine and a host of other agencies had sent their representatives to attend the event and cover it in any way they could. As the television press agents recorded the event on video, the radio press agents tried to record the valuable sound bits on tape and of course, the newspapers and magazines agents, snapped as much picture as their camera’s memory would allow, which was an awful lot, thanks to the invention of multiple memory cards with the data space of over thirty six giga bite. Some of the photographers murmured a little prayer of blessings to whoever invented the

“Micro SD”.

At the alter stood three people. A man who wore a black versace suit and black Louis Vuitton shoes, a lady who wore a sparkling white Gucci wedding gown – don’t bother asking if
Gucci make wedding gowns, it was a limited edition gown, and a priest who of course, wore what priests usually wore when conducting a marriage ceremony service,

Yes! It was a wedding.

A wedding between Nigeria’s
“soon to be” s€×iest female celebrity and the then fifth wealthiest video/ movie producer from Africa, now second. It was indeed a perfect union to behold.

The priest looked at the lady as if he was searching for something on her face, she smiled. Then he turned his gaze to the man and gave him the same searching look and the man grinned. The priest then raised the Microphone up to mouth and said;

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together Zainab Okafor and Richærd Anderson in Holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted by God in the time of man’s innocence…” the priest paused once again and stared at the couples with his piercing eyes, then with out looking at the book which he had been reading from, it was obvious he knew the next statements by heart, he added.

“If any of you know any reason, or just impediment, why these two persons should not be joined together in holy Matrimony, let ye speak now or forever hold ye peace” a long pause followed.

During this pause, Jummy, in her silly and “always wanting to make people laugh” attitude, stood up as the priest paused for a response. All heads and almost all cameras in the hall, hundreds of them, all turned towards Jummy thinking she had something to say.

Zainab who stood at the alter almost fainted at this point, she was wondering what Jummy was up to this time.

Richærd was already trying to get the attention of Dr. Daniel with his eyes, with the intent of passing an instruction to him concerning the drama he thought that was about to unfold, yes! The same Dr. Daniel that was mentioned earlier.

Jummy stared at the A.I.T camera man and smiled, before she walked out of the hall sluggishly, purposely dragging her feet on the floor as she swayed her rather gigantic h¡ps. As soon as she left the hall, audible exhales of carbondioxide followed because almost everyone in the hall had been subconciously holding their breath in anticipation.

The Priest just shook his head and chuckled in his mind, before he continued with the ceremony;

“If there is no one, then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you both, husband and wife. You may k-ss …” Zainab’s and Richærd l-ips were already inter locked before the priest could finish his statement.

“Newly wedded” he sighed.

The crowd went wide with cheers as the new couple k-ssed like it was their first time, the press agents kicked, scratched and punched each other just to stand on the s₱0t where the view of the k-ssing couple was great.

Somewhere in between the loud cheers and rowdy environment, Jummy made her way back to the church and up the alter to congratulate her friend.

“What the hell were you thinking when you stood up that time?” Zainab asked her as she got within arms length.

“Shey e get time wey I suppose go toilet and time when I no suppose go?” Jummy asked mischievously.

“Naughty you. What are you doing standing there like a log of wood, won’t you come and give the new Mrs Anderson a hug” Zainab replied, and she probably regretted making that statement because the way Jummy squeezed her with her XX large body wasn’t an entirely funny scene for Zainab.

As the girls talked and fooled around, Richærd slipped away from Zainab’s side and headed out of the church, he signaled Dr. Daniel to follow him as he went out.

Richærd went to the back of the church where no one was and waited, few minutes later, Dr. Daniel surfaced.

Dr. Daniel was a man of roughly fourth years of age, he was quite short, always wore a hat and carried a walking stick because he had an issue with his right leg which made him always limp when he walked, either he was born that way or not is a question no one knew the answer to. There was something sinister about him and a cloud of darkness seem to follow him wherever he went, no one could actually boast of ever actually seeing his face, not like they cared to though.

“Did you do it?” Richærd asked Dr. Daniel immediately.

“Young man, you really need to learn how to greet your elders, especially the ones who you are indebted to.”

“Oh! Spare me the bull s–t! Did you kill the b—h?”

“When you say b—h do you mean that girl you impregnate and dumped because you met Zainab?”

“Whatever you say, just answer the question. Did you kill her? Yes or no?”
Dr. Daniel paused for a split second for no reason in particular, that was just the way he was.

“Yes I did, but you know she didn’t deserve to die right?”

“I should have let her come to the church and spoil my marriage like she threatened to?” Richærd asked rhetorically with an eyebrow raised.

“You know those were just empty threats”

“Whatever you say! I’m not ready to take the risk. I’ll have my P.A wire you the money” Richærd then attempted to walk out on Dr. Daniel but was stopped in his tracks when his name was called, without turning back he stood on a s₱0t and waited for Dr. Daniel to say what he wanted to.

“You know how to contact me if you ever need my services again right?”

“I won’t be needing it again” Richærd replied arrogantly and as he walked away, Dr. Daniel added;

“Don’t just delete my number, men like you always needs men like me help. Trust me.”

Richærd didn’t reply again. He was so confident he wouldn’t be needing Dr. Daniel’s help anymore, but he was wrong.



After letting the phone go to voice mail twice, Dr. Daniel finally picked up the call, it was just his way to know people who were seriously in the need to contact him. As he picked the call, he kept quite and waited for the called to speak first.


He cracked his memory hoping that the voice he just had would match with a name in his skull, but sadly, it didn’t.

“Who is this?” He replied coldly.

“Am I speaking to Dr. Dan?”

“That depends on who is asking” he was still sounding cold.

“This is Richærd, remember me? Some years back you did some clean up for me and I think I need another clean up now”

Dr. Daniel searched his memory for any Richærd he had met in the past but the only one that came to mind was one of his former apprentice name, and this couldn’t be him because Dr. Daniel killed him, but that’s another story.

“What sort of clean up did the Dr. Dan you are asking for do for you?” He asked.

“Does the name Chineye ring a bell?”

That question did the trick, just like magic, Dr. Daniel recalled it all. How Richærd contacted him and told him of his little problem and for a riduclously large amount, he had solved the problem for Richærd. His eyes shone in excitement as he thought this was another opportunity to be paid well.

“Yes, in that case, you are speaking to Dr. Dan” Dr. Daniel replied, obviously dropping his cold tone.

“Alright, I’ll text you the details right away, come immediately!”

“Understood.” And Dr. Daniel hung up, he always had the knack for being in charge always and even took such details as who ended a call personal, so he always made sure he was the last to speak and the one who ends all calls he made or received.

Richærd on the other hand sent the address and situation of things to Dr. Daniel who received it and he replied immediately via text;

“Piece of cake, I’ll be there in thirty minutes”
Richærd read the text and then looked at Zainab’s body on the floor and he smiled.

To be Continued

NEXT episode ➡️ 
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