CHRONICLE OF A TEENAGER (episode 3)

(Desperation)

© BLESSING SILVER

“No!..I’m not doing it” Jill said as she angrily stood up from the couch..

“But it for the best honey and besides it’ll be much more easier for you there” Selene, her mom said calmly.

“Or you..you’re tryna send me away coz you’re ashamed of me right..

Selene gasped..

“No honey..I can never do that, I’m your mother and I love you so much” she said..

“Oh please stop the act mom..there’s no one here so stop this freaking act, it doesn’t suit you” Jill yanked angrily..

“No honey..I truly love you and I’ll do anything that’s best for you”

“Yeah..but guess what I hate you Mom, I don’t love you one bit..

I hate you coz you’re poor

I hate you coz you’re my mom

I just hate your totality….this is all your fault, if you hadn’t given birth to me all this wouldn’t have happened “

Jillian said and stomped away..pushing her mother in the process..

Tears welled up in Selene’s eyes,they fell and rolled to her cheeks..

she didn’t deserve any of this, she was only trying to change her daughters view about her, only trying to prove to her that she loves her immeasurably no matter how she looks..

she was her daughter..her flesh and blood and she loved her..but Jillian was too blind to see it..

She wished Jillian could see her heart, see everything she’s done just to make her live..

she remembered when Brandon (Jillian’s father) left her after discovering she was pregnant, she remembered how hærd she cried and pleaded with him but he refused to accept her..she felt all alone and abandoned especially when she realized her parent were no more, living her all alone to herself.

she remembered how she did menial and dirty jobs, how she ate from bins and lived on streets caring not about herself but her child..she was physically abused on several occasions but she chose to live..thinking not of herself but her child..

she remembered how she suffered during delivery, the pains, the tears all for her child..how she had to risk her life to save Jillian, how she had to donate a kidney to save her even tho she was discouraged..

she remembered how she had to suffer a cesarean section just to make sure her baby lives..

she suffered alone, the scorn and shames all because she loved her, she didn’t deserve any of this..

she never planned on sending Jill away because she was ashamed of her she did it because she was scared of losing her..she rescued her on several occasions when she tried to commit suicide..she just couldn’t watch her daughter die..

And if after everything she’ll do, Jillian still hates her then she’ll leave it to fate as long as it doesn’t risk her child’s life..she had suffered way too much to just end up this way..

she’ll do all she can to protect her even at the expense of her life..

She just want her to be happy.

.

Jillian collapsed on her bed as she quickly dabbed the tears that rolled to her cheeks..

She knew right from time that her mom hated her but she never expected it to get to this extent..where her so called mom would send her away to an unknown country..

It was all her fault anyways, if she had just terminated her when the opportunity came then maybe all this wouldn’t have happened..maybe she could’ve continued with her dirty lives.

Her fist grabbed the duvet as she fought back the tears p-nting hærd..

Why does God have to punish her this way..of all ways..

is he this callous, why didn’t he kill her rather than bringing her to this world of hatred..a world where a mother could hate her child so much..a world filled with scornful people..a world with no one to care for her..

why does she just have to suffer this way..

she has realized no one loved her except Jessica..she’s been the only one by her..the only one who truly cares and the only one who was ready to fight for her..the one who gave her the immeasurable love a mother couldn’t give to her..the one who’s always been there for her despite the insults.

She wondered what she could’ve done without her.

She sighed as she switched on the t.v..a song was being displayed on the music channel ‘scares to your beautiful by alessia cara’

‘You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are’

‘And you don’t have to change a thing..

she angrily switched off the television..

Stupid song..how was she beautiful this way..she doesn’t even feel it..nobody does..

How could someone be so cruel..that song indirectly insulted her..was it because the singer was beautiful…

can’t she just stay alone without hearing insults..even the television think she’s ugly.

She sighed

Oh jeez..she’s just 18.. all this is too much for her..just too much on one shoulder..she was never gonna survive this.

she knew that..

To be continued…. 

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