Crime and Adventure

Crime and Adventure – episode 12 (finale)

© Mazi Omenuko

Burn what!
Did she just say she will help me burn a
box of half a million naira?!?!
“No, you can’t do that!” I exclaimed over
the phone.
“Why? You asked me to help you burn
your old fake life, isn’t it what this is
about?” She asked surprised.
“I know, but I need to do this myself.” I
had to be careful not to make her
suspicious; that is if she wasn’t
suspicious already.
“So tell me about your day.” I said,
trying to warm her up a bit. I listened as
she talked endlessly about how hectic
her day was. I feigned interest and
endured through it all.
“You need to rest; we will hook up later
tonight.” I said and she agreed.
An hour later, she called to inform me
there had been some developments. She
said a colleague of hers just reported
sick and their supervisor was trying to
swap her to do the duty. She sounded
very angry, saying she was sure the
colleague lied about her health and that
she was sure she’s faking it all.
I felt it was going to be impossible to
see her that 31st night. I had almost
given up but an hour and half later she
called and informed me she was done
with her duty and was about leaving the
hotel. I was too delighted to ask how she
managed to pull it off but instead,
prepared to meet her.
We were to meet at an eatery close to
my place. I chose the eatery as a matter
of convenience. I still hadn’t drawn up a
plan yet on how to convince her we
shouldn’t burn the carton. What would
be her reaction when she sees the
contents? Was I even going to allow her
see it? Seeingt i would be absurd. I
decided to let the events take care of
themselves; one thing was sure: no one
is going to burn my half a million “hærd-
earned” money!
It didn’t take her long to locate the
eatery. She looked exhausted and I had
this feeling she was struggling to stay
focused. She carried a fancy polythene
bag with contents of what I presumed to
be the carton. I was delighted.
“how do you do?” I asked as we settled,
trying to hide my excitement on the
baggage she was carrying.
“Tired! Exhausted!” she exclaimed. Then
went on and on about how the hotel was
filled to capacity and everyone had to be
on their toes to attend to them and do
their job.
“Only for that silly Emily to claim she
was sick and head home!” she added.
“Emily?” I asked. The name rang a bell. I
was sure I had seen one of the
attendants with that name tag; either
the dove, raven or parrot.
“Yes! She was fine in the morning, only
to come back from room-cleaning and
lie that she was feeling sick and needed
to go.” She continued.
It was obvious she needed someone to
talk to and let off the steam, so I
listened to her boring tale with patience.
“I too told them I was on medication and
couldn’t work more than 12 hours!” she
informed me with a smile like she was
proud of her desceptive bravery. I guess
that was how she was able to convince
them to let her go.
I asked what she would take but she
declined; like she wanted to get it over
with and head home.
“I can do this alone by myself if you’re
too tired.” I asked, hoping she would
hand over the baggage and head home.
She stared at the baggage, stared at me,
and back to the baggage like she was
“No, I promised to be there with you
when you burn the old life, we’ll do this
together.” She said. “Moreover, I will love
to see what is in,side the bag.” She
added like an afterthought.
“Alright then, lets go.” I stood and we
left the restaurant.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“My place isn’t far from here.” I replied.
My friend had gone for the all night in
his church. If I play my cards right, I
may just have the best of the out-going
2014; half a million cash and a lovely
ar’se to rock.
She threw her exhausted self on the bed
as we got into the house, exposing a
huge part of her laps in the process.
Then she rolled on the bed to face me.
“Are you done with the old fake life
now?” she asked.
“Yes, old things have passed away, all
things are become new.” I replied and
she smiled.
“Tell me more about yourself.” She
requested. Here was I, thinking she was
d–n too tired to maintain a stare. I
told her bits about myself, skipping a
wh0le lot of details. By the time I was
done, her head was resting on my
shoulders on the bed.
I didn’t need any other invitation before I
started car-ssing her. Without any
hesitations coming from her, I took that
as consent and probed further. Bleep
[Details coming up later…]
“Can I use the bathroom?” She asked
after we were done having wild s€×.
“Of course.” I replied and she left for the
This was the opportunity I had been
waiting for me. It will take her minimum
of 120seconds to finish whatever she
wanted to do at the bathroom. It will
give me the needed time to offload the
cash in,side the carton and fill the carton
with my briefs, p-nts, singlets and any
other thing I could lay my hand on.
I moved fast; reached for the nylon bag,
opened it and brought out the carton. I
rushed to the wardrobe and brought out
two singlets, I couldn’t see my briefs so I
used my friend’s boxers and few other
things my hands could reach. I placed
them on the bed beside the carton.
There was no sign of her coming out so I
took my time. Took a deep breath and
relaxed. Moment of truth. I felt my heart
beat faster. I was really excited. I could
easily think about a wh0le lot of things
to do with half a million naira. I
marveled at my exploits. Adventure is
fun; adventure with a bit of crime is the
big deal. I smiled at myself and assured
myself I was going to write a story about
this. I could imagine lots of people
reading and smiling at the adventure
and exploits. It would make a good read.
I thought about the title I could give it; I
could title it Adventures at Hotel
Presidential; or PH Adventure; I decided
that whatever the title would be, it will
be a great read. But it needed an ending,
and the ending was in,side the carton on
top of the bed. Half a million naira
waiting to be opened.
Then I proceeded to open it.
I loosened the ends and opened the cap
of the carton. in,side the dimly light
room, I overturned the carton, emptying
all its contents ontop of the bed.
What I saw gave me the shock of the
I kept staring at it like it was hærd to
believe. Of course it was not hærd to
believe; I had seen those contents before.
I was still in a state of shock and
What happened?
Why this?
What went wrong?
A lot of questions rushed through my
mind of which the answers I couldn’t
tell. Only one person has the answers to
the question.
The sound from the toilet indicated it
was just flushed. I moved my gaze from
the bed and its unsatisfactory contents
towards the toilet door, waiting for it to
open. My answers are definitely going to
come from Eve. She has a lot of
explaining to do.
“Are you ready?” she asked as she
walked into the room.
She maintained her stare at me while I
looked away and focused at the contents
on the bed.
“Are those…did you just bring those out
from the carton?” she asked almost
exclaiming. I took some time to study
her face; it showed sign of genuine
surprise. Was she faking it? Was she
totally ignorant?
“Did you make me steal these from the
hotel room and have me carry it all
day?” she asked again, with a look of
disappointment written all over her face.
I was tempted to believe her but decided
not to be naïve. Girls can be deceptive;
who knows if she was feigning it all.
“This was not what I asked you to
bring!” I said firmly, trying so hærd to
control the anger and disappointment
brewing in,side me.
“What!” she asked.
“What do you mean?” She asked again.
I stared at her face for some more
seconds then slumped on the bed.
“Is this what you brought out from the
bathroom?” I asked, hoping to hear a
different response but knowing deep
down in my hear that the answer will not
Scattered all over my bed, were the
contents of a hotel issued toiletry; 2
pieces of tissue paper, tubes of cream,
liquid soap, shower-cap, face-towel,


THE END (thanks for reading, pls remember to drop comments before leaving)

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