ECHOES OF LONELINESS
Part 23 – The Come Back
[Two Years Later]
I have been a mess for two years, why? Because I lost another person who was close to my heart. Ayanda and I are no longer friends so the time I lost her, I gave up on everything, including my sister. Thank God, aunt Nina is still around to help me with Warona. I have been very bad. I have been taking drugs and sleeping with the men who comes in and out of this orphanage. My problem is that I never cry. The last time I cried was when I was called for a job interview and almost got raped by Joshua. I was not even living in the orphanage. I did not know that I’d even lose my parents’ house by then – THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I CRIED (If I am not mistaken)
When I lost my friend, Ayanda I also did not cry but I was very hurt. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I am still hurt, I just can’t forget. Ayanda said so many bad things to me. I remember that I had stolen Joseph’s phone just to call Ayanda. I then told her everything about her father but she didn’t believe me and called me ungrateful bitch. I didn’t lose her to death but I lost her to the cruelty of this world. Her cruel father won and I am not surprised. Nobody would want to hear bad things about their parents so I should understand that I lost Ayanda forever.
I am now twenty two years old and Warona turned four like two months ago and I couldn’t even celebrate her birthday with her. I was with Thabo. Yes, I feel bad but it is what it is. I can now understand 100% of the things she says. She speaks clearer than before and it’s amazing. But I really don’t want her to grow, I don’t want her to end up like me. This place is bad. This place knows how to turn a person into something they are not. It’s really bad.
Joseph and I are forever fighting because he doesn’t want to share me with anyone, I’ve pushed him back to Rita and I really don’t care. What’s the use of creating a rift between them when there’s no way out of this place? I am really done.
Aunt Nina came to my room.
Nina: What has happened to you?
Me: What do you mean?
Nina: You have changed, Wame
Me: Change is good, isn’t it?
Nina: Not always
Me: Well I don’t care
Nina: You have to care. You are now twenty two years old and you have a sister to take care of
Me: Tell Rita to sell her
She gave me a hot slap.
Nina: (Shouts) ARE YOU MAD?
Me: Something like that
Nina: AYANDA MOVED ON SO DO THE SAME. HOW CAN YOU THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY JUST LIKE THAT?
Me: Which life?
She held my hand and spoke softly.
Nina: Baby, stop everything you are doing. Warona is yearning for your love. Don’t you love her anymore?
Me: I do
Nina: Won’t you stop all the bad things you’ve been doing just for her?
Me: Just for her?
Nina: Just for her
Me: Okay then
Nina: Will you stop?
Me: Yes, I’ll stop
Nina: Thank you
Me: Who told you about Ayanda?
Nina: Michaela told me everything. She’s also worried about you
Me: I am sorry
Nina: It’s okay
Me: I won’t lie to you, I am now a drug addict, how will I stop?
Nina: I will help you
Nina: Don’t worry
Me: (Smiles) Thanks
Nina: It’s okay. Uhm… Waro wants to see you, should I bring her in?
Nina: She’s going to be so happy. You’ve locked yourself in this room for five days, Waro really misses you. She couldn’t stop talking about you
Me: I locked myself in this room because I wanted to think about everything
Nina: Did you think about everything?
Nina: And what’s your conclusion?
Me: I will try to be a better person now. I will stop sleeping with all the men who comes in and out of this place
Nina: Will you also stop drinking alcohol?
Me: It’s not going to be easy but I will try my best not to touch it
She left and came back with Waro. I was happy to see Waro. She made me play with her. It was really nice.
Me: Thanks, aunt Nina
Nina: (Smiles) You are welcome. I will leave the two of you to catch up
Me: (Smiles) Sure
Warona: But I have to go to creche
Me: Aunt, what is she talking about?
Nina: There’s creche here. Warona started going to creche when she was three years. You didn’t know because you never really paid attention to her
My heart just broke. My sister went to creche when she was three years old and I didn’t know? I am really bad.
Me: What are you saying, aunt?
Warona: It’s true, sister
Me: Keep quiet, I am not talking to you
Nina: There’s creche around here, primary school, middle school and high school
Me: Since when?
Warona: Since forever. Rita says that all the orphans must be educated so that they don’t end up embarrassing her around the clients
Me: I see. So is my sister going to have education?
Me: That’s great
Nina: Yes, it is great
Me: I am sorry for everything, Waro. I won’t treat you bad ever again
Me: Do you forgive me?
Me: (Smiles) Thank you
Warona: Sister, I’ll come to you after creche
Me: Okay, I’ll be waiting for you
Warona: I will miss you
Me: Me too
Warona: I love you
Me: Me too
Warona: Say it
Me: I love you too
Warona: (Smiles) Bye
Me: (Smiles) Bye baby
She kissed me and left. I didn’t know that I really hurt her. I didn’t realize how much I missed her. I can’t believe that I had given up on her. I am really a bad person but enough is enough now, the old Wame is Back.
Joseph walked in and closed the doomys: Hey
Me: What can I do for you?
Joseph: I am sorry for everything, Wame. I am the reason for your change. Please forgive me
Me: Let it go, Joseph
Joseph: But I mean it
Me: It’s fine
Joseph: You can have your phone back. Here you go
He handed me the phone.
Me: My friendship with Ayanda is over so I don’t need a phone anymore
Joseph: You can just use it for social media. Meet new people online and have fun but don’t tell them about this orphanage because I’ll know and this time everyone will pay
Joseph: Are we clear?
Maybe I do need social media to distract me from everything. I won’t be so lonely online, right?
Joseph: I’ll see you later, I am going to my house now
Joseph: Don’t sleep with all those men
Me: I won’t
Joseph: Do you promise?
Me: Yes, I do
Joseph: I’ll take your word
Me: (Smiles) Sure
He kissed my forehead and left. Sometimes I feel like he’s got a soft spot for me. I mean he let me get away with so many things all the time. But the problem is when I ask him why he forgave me he never gives me an answer. He’d scratch his lower lip with his index finger as always.
Part 24 – Distraction
I changed my name on Facebook because I don’t want to be caught by Rita. I know that she’s on social media so I had to change my Facebook name. I changed my name from Wame Daniels to Lesego Modisane. Modisane is aunt Nina’s surname by the way. I then logged in on Instagram and made my account private. I left twitter the way it was because I don’t think Rita can ever find me.
I had so many notifications, I just couldn’t deal with them on the same day. I’ll check the others tomorrow.
Somebody knocked on the door. I hid my phone and opened. What is Alicia doing here now?
Alicia: Are you going to eat or not?
Me: Eat what?
Me: I am coming
Alicia: Fine. We don’t want to be waiting for you so hurry up
Me: Don’t start with me, I will beat you up right now
Alicia: I am sorry but please come downstairs soon
Me: I heard you
Alicia: Okay, I am going
I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not but I love how Alicia is scared of me. It gives me the power.
Well she should never mess with me again because this time I won’t hit her with a bottle, I’ll shoot her to death.
[Few Hours Later]
My beautiful sister came back from creche. This girl is really beautiful, no lie. She’s getting more beautiful by the day.
Me: Mhmm, look who’s here
She hugged me and sat down.
Warona: Sister, I had a good day
Me: I can tell
Warona: Do you know why I had a good day?
Warona: Ask me why
Me: Why did you have a good day, baby?
Warona: Because you love me again
Me: I’ve never stopped loving you
Warona: You are lying
Me: I am not
Warona: So why did you treat me so bad?
Me: I wasn’t treating you bad. I was hurt
Warona: Who hurt you?
Me: Uhm… I…
Warona: The witch?
Me: The witch? Who’s that?
Me: Uhm… Yeah, she hurt me so I didn’t want you to see me crying
Warona: Oh, sorry sister. Mom and dad will teach that witch a lesson
Me: Mom and dad?
Warona: Yes, I know where they are
Me: Where are they?
Warona: Heaven. They are now angels
Me: Who told you that?
Warona: Mother Nina
Warona: Sister, I am hungry
Me: I’ll get you something to eat
Warona: Wait, let me show you my drawing
Me: What drawing?
Warona: A drawing of our family. Me, you, Mother Nina, mom and dad
Me: Oh wow, let me see it
She showed me her drawing.
Me: It’s beautiful
Warona: (Smiles) Thank you
Me: You are welcome. Do you see aunt Nina as family?
Warona: Yes, I love her so much
Me: (Smiles) That’s amazing
Warona: I have another drawing
Warona: You, me, Kate and sister Michaela. I also have another one of me and my creche friends
Me: That’s amazing. You are happy, right?
Me: That’s good
Warona: I also have another drawing
Warona: The witch
Me: Okay, let me see it
Warona: (Laughs) Okay
Me: Why are you laughing?
Warona: Because the drawing of the witch is funny
Me: Let me see it
She showed me the drawing. All I see is an animal, knife and blood.
Me: I don’t understand
Warona: That’s Rita. She’s a dog and one day I will stab her with a knife
Me: Who’s teaching you this things?
Warona: Uhh… Why?
Me: Do you want to kill Rita? The police will take you away
Warona: But everyone wants to kill her
What are these children turning into?
Me: Warona, don’t ever speak about killing someone
Warona: Okay, I am sorry
Me: It’s fine. Let’s go to the kitchen
She’s scaring me now. Why is she talking about knives and stabbing Rita? I hope my sister will not turn into a murderer.
[The Next Day]
Warona is at creche and I am alone in my room. I logged in on Facebook and just distracted myself. I also uploaded a picture and updated my profile picture.
Some guy by the name Alex Evans replied on my pictures. He was just telling me that I am beautiful. Before saying “Thank you” I checked his pictures. I didn’t even know that I have him on Facebook. He is soooo handsome. He’s really handsome, wow. Maybe he’s the distraction I need.
He sent me an inbox.
Alex: Hey, Lesego (With a smiling face)
Huh? Lesego? Who’s that?
Oh flip, I changed my name yesterday. I am Lesego.
Me: Hey Alex (With a smiling face)
Alex: How are you?
Me: I am good thanks and you?
Alex: I am happy. Thank you so much for replying back (With a winking face)
Me: It’s okay (With a tongue out face)
Alex: You are really beautiful (With a heart)
Me: Am I? (With a big smiling face)
Alex: Yes, I never lie (With a blowing kiss face)
Me: Thank you. You are also handsome (With a winking face)
We really click, this is weird.
Alex: Thank you so much. Are you on WhatsApp?
Me: No, I am not
Alex: Why not?
Me: I don’t have contacts. I am using a new number and a new phone
Alex: Well I can be your contact (With a winking face)
Me: (Smiles) Are you flirting with me?
Alex: Do you want me to flirt with you? (With a tongue out face)
Me: You are so full of yourself (With a tongue out face)
Alex: I know, Ms Modisane
Me: “Mrs” (With a winking face)
Alex: Are you married?
Me: Yeah, I married myself
Alex: Are you that single? (With a laughing face)
Me: I am allergic to men (With a laughing face)
Alex: You and me are just the same. I am also allergic to women (With a tongue out face)
Me: So why are you talking to me?
Alex: And why are you talking to me?
Me: You started (With a winking face)
Somebody knocked on the door.
Alex: Brutal (With an angry face)
Me: You’ll be strong (With a laughing face). Look, I have to go. Someone is at the door. Chat later
Alex: You are so mean (With a crying face)
Me: Sorry, I’ll make it up to you (With a winking face)
I immediately switched off my data and hid my phone.
Who’s at the door now?
To be continued…