Hidden Dream – Episode 15
With his every step he led me deep into what I feared the most, falling in love with him. He held me so close as I felt his soft heart beat.
Closing my eyes I let the song take me, I felt comfortable and when I realised what was happening, I stepped back.
His soft eyes set on mine and I struggled to control what I was feeling.
I had taken leave when I noticed how he begun frequenting my office. I recalled how Tracy came to me one day and told me point blank how she felt for Jay.
” am going to tell him the truth tomorrow madam” she had told me.
” well, I don’t know what to tell you Tracy. It’s like you are not here for advice but to inform me of that your decision” I had told her. I knew she had something else planned not really wanting to ask my opinion. I knew at that point that she was suspecting something. She just wanted to make it clear I understood that she was aware of Jay’ s feelings for me and I knew talking her out of it would trigger something else. She was obsessed with him.
I saw him standing as he talked something with her even though I could see he wasn’t happy being around her, I ignored them that night and faked looking at something on my phone as I passed them.
The day after I signed for some leave days. Taking 3 months so that by the time my days would be over, the grade 12s would have finished writing their exams.
I didn’t anticipate Jay coming to find me. Having changed my number and made sure I didn’t give anyone from school my line so as to avoid him finding it.
” if you don’t care about him, why are you so determined to hide from him? Why are you afraid of letting out your number if you know he wasn’t serious about your feelings?” My friend had asked me.
“There can’t be anything between us my friend do you even hear yourself. It’s my student we are talking about here” I argued.
” Yeah, yeah a student that you won’t stop talking about him. Just accept it you feel things for this so called student of yours. And from the photos you showed me at that dance competition he is a very charming and good looking man. ” she responded
” well I really have not to worry now that am out of that place and since he will be going for his studies with that scholarship am sure I won’t be seeing him any time soon. ” I defended myself.
However I was shocked seeing him at my brother’ s house. When the guy who is renting at the servant’s quarter told me someone was by the gate I had thought maybe it was one of the people from the dance class I used to go help out in town. Seeing him there in his jeans and a dark shirt that made him look so grown up and handsome, I couldn’t say any words. My mouth was dry.
“Talk to me, am all ears Angela” he smiled his stern voice close to my ears.
” I can’t do this Jay, we talked about this already.”
” exactly,” he cut me. We have talked about this before and we are not going back to talk about it in the same way. Will you stop resisting me already, you know how you feel about me but I don’t understand why you keep fighting it. Am I not man enough for you?” He asked not moving away from me his nice scent clouding my judgement.
” I don’t know what to tell you then. What happens If you decide am too old for you? You fall in love with a younger girl where you are going? No, Jay please understand, us women we grow faster than men. You are just starting your life and there are a lot of things you have not yet experienced as a man. Am a woman and pretty soon I will start thinking of settling down. When you are still in the world of exploring. Please. I may be feeling something for you Yes, I agree you are driving me crazy right now holding me and standing so close to me but this can not last. Trust me I might be 2 years older than you but for me a woman that’s lots of years. I have matured and you will find it difficult to catch up with me. ” I took my time bringing out every word with so much gentleness.
He stood quite for some time and I felt glad he was getting my points.
I held his hand wanting to add on to my words to convince him.
” Listen, you will fall in love again. You are only 21, I can promise you you will find a woman who will love you and you will love her back. Then, you will understand that it’s possible to forget someone. Am so greatful to have experienced this with you. You have made me realise and feel special and for that, I will forever be greatful. ”
He was still quite and this time it scared me. The last thing I needed was him getting upset or discouraged. I wanted him to be okey and to have his mind free from any negativity.
” hey, are you not going to say anything?” I asked him looking up at him as he stood a shoulder taller than me.
He sighed and instead, moved me closer to the vehicle until my back was to the body of the RAV 4. Pressing himself against my body closing in every bit of space between us.
” No, you will not use that calmness and all matured words or whatever you are telling yourself your words are. Am not scared of all that. You being matured, me being just a 21 year old with some life to explore. You know why? ” he asked his head on my forehead.
I looked up at him without saying a word.
” because I love you and I don’t want to explore anything else. I will not let what I feel for you be just some history that I can refer to in future. I want you Angela to be my past, my present and my future.” He frowned still keeping his forehead on mine.
” you have to understand I mean well for you Jay” I murmered my words.
He lifted his head and held my chin. ” look at me” he commanded
I did and he slowly moved his mouth to mine hesitating as he brushed my lips slightly.
” Come on, k-ss me” he whispered making my legs go numb as the desire to do so filled my body.
He moved his head to and from making his lips rub mine. ” am waiting my love, please show me that you want me as much as I want you. You are mine Angela and am coming back for you. No matter how long it will take me, I still will find my way back to you because with you this close is how I wish to be forever.
I may have been your student before but now am ready to be the man that you would want me to be,if I will act like a child, I want you to be the one to remind me of who I should be and use your wisdom to bring me back to my senses. If at all i will go on those childish explorations for whatever reason, be the one to remind me of this day and I promise I will do as you will say.
All I want is for you to show me you love me and promise you will wait for me to come back from Paris. I know I don’t have much to offer you now. You probably have a lot of guys lined up wanting you for themselves, I just want to know if you will choose me. Call me selfish or whatever but I love you.
I love you and I love you so much… be mine please” he gave his heart out it left me defenceless.
I wanted him too, I didn’t want him to leave my side and I wanted to scre-m my joy out. He just made my mind go wild I didn’t want to ever leave his side.
He sighed and almost said something but without any resistance, pulled him closer and k-ssed him.
He must have not expected it sooner so he was still for a while.
I stopped, breathing heavily looking at him and like a hungry man he came forward k-ssing me with so much passion mo-ning softly as he engulfed my small body in his arms.
I could feel his bottom rising and I knew I had to withdraw before the worst happened in the small bush we were in. But my body didn’t want me to stop. I tried to loosen up from his grip but he wasn’t willing to let me go.
For some long minutes we k-ssed and when his hands touched my skin inside the shirt I felt sharp and dense feelings shoot all over my body.
” No, stop Jay!” I stepped aside breathing heavily. His eyes now turned to some intense and deep teary way..
” we can’t do this” I managed to say between my breaths.
” yeah I know,” he smiled.
“I was just lost in the moment. See it’s your fault now I won’t be able to control it” he faked a sad face.
” come on, let’s sit back in the car.” He held my hand and lead me inside but instead of the front we sat in the back.
He moved my head down making me lay on his laps. He put my favourite song ” I will always love you.” By Whitney Houston.
Grabbing his phone he held it high and got a photo of me.
” No please not with my messed up hair” I complained laughing and he took more as I laughed..” Come on… stop that seriously. I look terrible” I winced.
” I love these photos I wouldn’t ask for any other but these same ones” he laughed as he slid the phone showing me the photos.
He lifted me up and leaned his head on mine before getting a selfie.
We were in the same place for a long time i didn’t realise it was getting dark.
He told me he would be travelling on the coming Monday and asked if I would see him to the airport of which I declined.
I had to convince him I needed not to go after making me pay by going on another episode of k-sses before he could accept.
Outside my brother’s house he parked the car and turned on the light.
” it’s late I really need to go now, my brother will soon start calling me. He still thinks am a baby” I let a laugh.
” yeah I know, you told me how he’s so particular with your way of life and I love him for that cause he will probably help looking out for me when I go. Besides I think he liked me” he teased.
” I hate to leave right now. Believe me if it were up to me I would sleep in this car provided you are here with me. But I have to go, you know, borrowed vehicles, someone might want to use it” He frowned.
He bent down and planted a k-ss and pushed me a bit..
” go now, before I change my mind” he whispered still holding my hand as he stood by the door.
I slid down landing in him and let a small laugh.
” come on. Am not going to evaporate . Let go now” I smiled not really wanting him to leave.
I watched him drive away his face still facing me as I waved slightly .
He smiled widely and increased speed as though to escape being near me any longer.
I shook my head and walked inside.
” oh God! Someone is really in love, you look like someone from a rom-nce movie!” My sister in law shouted as I walked in humming to the song Jay played over and over again’ I will always love you.’
” oh don’t start” i shouted back avoiding to look at her as my face gave away what I was feeling inside.
” He’s a dancer, ball room dancer for that matter. It’s in his nature to be a gentle man” I blushed making my sister
” mnmmm I see, someone is in love with a dancer. What a couple, am sure your kids will be dancers too and I can imagine a family full of dances” she teased laughing.
I stayed quite. I had not thought of all that, having a family with Jay? Oh God I thought to myself. “Is this even possible?” I asked myself and turned to walk away. I had to have my hair cleaned up. I just finished unplaiting before Jay came by.
To be continued
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