HOUSEHOLD ENEMIES* ????
In short, after hesitation, Funke finally agreed to spend one of Kenny’s bags for hers.
***Let me quickly please throw a special warning to all Our Readers, a little reminder of the safety rules comes like this: “Do not accept any luggage or packages of a third party, whatever the motive.”***
Funke comes out of the airport and sees that Kenny has already stopped a taxi and was waiting for her. He looks pensive and was like one who is afraid that something may go wrong before he leaves the airport.
Funke: “Hey, why are you looking tensed, is anything the matter? You weren’t like this when we came out of the plane. What’s up? Care to share? ”
Kenny: “Nothing mehn, you took so long in there that I was afraid something may have gone wrong.”
Funke: “Something gone wrong, how? Were you expecting anything to go wrong? What is inside the bag you gave me anyway. It feels so heavy”
Kenny: “Will you just shut up and get into the car? You are beginning to get on my nerves with your too many questions.”
Funke: “Okay, I have heard you, you don’t have to shout at me.”
Kenny: “Just get into the d–n car.”
Funke: “Nawa o. Take it easy now”
When they get to his apartment, Funke notices that everywhere is dirty and unkempt. His clothes are scattered all over the bed, dirty boxers lying on the floor, singlets on the chairs and the bedsheet looks like it has not been washed in ages. In fact, the white bedsheet has changed colour from white to brown. In a minute, she takes all about his room into account, it is a direct contrast with how he looks. When she met him in the airport, he was well dressed in black suit with deep blue tie and grey suede shoes. He had a Rolex watch on his wrist his crocodile skin brief case gave him away as a very influential person. She couldn’t reconcile the difference between his apartment and appearance, so she asks.
Funke: “Is this where you live? Like, is this your house? I’m confused”
Kenny: “No, this is not where I live, this is where I fly. And, it is not my house, it is your own. You seem not to be smart”
Funke: “Oh, I only wanted to…”
Kenny: “Ooooh, why don’t you stop asking stupid questions and get in to kitchen and make us something to eat. I am starving”
Funke: “I beg your pardon? I should go where and do what? What are you even feeling like sef?”
Kenny: “See this girl dey speak Oyibo for me. No be only I beg your pardon, na I crave your indulgence. Abeg enter kitchen arrange something make we chop jare. Alarm dey stone me anyhow”
Funke is obviously shocked and taken aback. She cannot believe her ears. “Is this the gentle man she met at the airport in Nigeria? How did he easily change as soon as they get here,” she asks herself.
Funke: “You mean you can speak pidgin this much? Hmmm wonders shall never end” she puts her hands akimbo
Kenny: “Ah, Oluwa o, kiloshe girl yi? Pidgin English is now a topic for question? Hian! Abeg, shift enter kitchen.”
Like one under a spell, she finds her way into the kitchen, there in the sink are dirty plates and pots. It appears like he didn’t even wash his plates before travelling down to Nigeria. The kitchen has the smell of rotten food, she notices that the stench is coming from the waste basket which is over pouring with all sorts of debris including rotten food and fruits. She decides to clean up the kitchen first as there is no clean utensil for her to use. She finished washing the plates in half an hour’s time and then she couldn’t find any food stuff in the kitchen nor ingredients with which to cook. She goes back to the sitting room where Kenny is already dozing. She didn’t know if she should wake him up or quietly lie down on the scattered bed too since she is also tired from the long flight. She opted for the latter and is about dusting the bed to sleep when Kenny’s husk voice caused her to startle.
Kenny: “What do you think that you are doing? Are we going to eat on the bed?”
Funke: “I am dressing the bed, so that we can sleep.” She says confidently
Kenny: “Sleep as how, where is the food you were cooking?”
Funke: “I haven’t started cooking any food. I was cleaning up the mess you left in your kitchen before travelling and when I finished, I couldn’t find anything to cook. I guess there is no food in the house.”
Kenny: “ki ni there is no food in the house? Shebi you are a woman? Isn’t that what women do? Enter the kitchen and cook food even when we men can’t find anything in the kitchen?”
Funke: “No, there you are wrong. Women are not magicians and if other women are, I am not. I don’t know how to manufacture food and cook when there is no food stuff or ingredient in the kitchen. ”
Kenny: “Did you check the carton of noodles on the upper shelve?”
funke: “No, I didn’t check. My hands can’t get up there. How would I have known that there was something there when the kitchen looks like a mad man’s playground?”
Kenny: “Well carry a stool and climb up there so that your hands can get there. Pick the noodles and cook.”
Funke: “Why should I be the one to climb up to get that? Why don’t you just help me get it since you are taller and besides, its your house.”
Kenny: “You don’t order me around in my house. You do as I say, okay?”
She obeys and picks a stool and went to the kitchen. She climbs on it and is stretching her hands to reach out for the carton of the noodles when she falls and with her buttocks to the ground. The noise of the fall infuriated Kenny who was fizzling with his Samsung tablet.
Kenny: “What is that noise? I hope you are not scattering my kitchen.”
Funke ignores and opens the carton, she finds only two packets of small sized noodles. She cooks it and brings it to the sitting room where Kenny is already dozing again.”
When he hears her set the food on the ground, he opens his eyes and reaches for the spoon. He launches at the food like one who has been starving for days. He doesn’t even wait for Funke who has gone to get water from the fridge. When she returns with the water, he had almost finished eating the noodles. Funke is shy and too shocked to protest.
Kenny: “Oh, I am sorry, I forgot that you are in there so I almost ate up the food. Thank God you came out when you did, else, you would have met nothing in the plate.”
Funke: “You really do not expect me to eat what is left, do you? This bobo sha, I no blame you.”
She storms out of the sitting room and goes for a cold shower. While she is bathing, she cries, hot tears of regret and nostalgia for Nigeria floods her face. She wishes that she is in Nigeria, no one would have treated her so.
Funke: “Right from the first day I started the process of coming to this America, it has been one problem or the other. Afterall all that I went through on my way here, see the kind of first night experience I am having. Oh God, who I offend wey no wan allow me rest sotey the person pursue me come America?” She laments.
She has just slept for about an hour and is about to fall into a deep sleep when she hears Kenny make his way to the bed where she is. He had already removed his clothes and had on him only boxers. He draws near to her, plants a kiss on her forehead and said “Open”.
Funke: “Open what?”
Kenny: “Your legs, I want to go in.”
It is 3am back in Nigeria, a man in a white vest and wrapper comes out into the open field of his compound, checks around to see that no one is watching and brings out his idol and a human-like wooden image.
Man: “Funke, the daughter of Aderibigbe, you cannot be successful while I’m alive in this world, HELL NO! There is no way that will happen. You think you can go to America, complete your studies, come back and be more successful than us? You Funke, a child that was given birth just few years ago going to America for a Masters degree? Over my dead body will you acquire that certificate. You think you are smart right? You escaped all our manipulations and graduated with a 1st Class degree again you escaped all the obstacles we sent your way on the road to prevent your journey and you are finally in America but that is how far you can go.
You are at the top now, you can’t go higher, begin to fall,” he picks up his Idol, places it on a wooden human image that he had carved and hidden in his bedroom.
“Funke! Funke!! Funke!!! Never has it been heard that the gods summoned a human to a meeting and he refused to attend. I command you to ignore your studies in America, you shall loose concentration and despise pursuing your education there. You shall get carried away by a man and come back empty handed. Your journey to America shall be an exercise in futility It is me that say so!” he grabs a black and red thread, ties the human image goes back into his room and hides it under his bed, “As long as this image remains where I have hidden it, you will continue to behave foolishly until you return empty handed”
Dear reader say this prayer now.
My Father my God!!!
Every household enemies saying over their dead body will I prosper, and practicing witchcraft operation for my sake at night in order to pull me down, receive Divine judgement in Jesus name.