Humping styles episode 7

HUMPING STYLES
HUMP 7
The Author
Araba placed a head block under my head, bringing my face up so that I could now stare at them properly, eyeball to eyeball.
“He keeps staring, Araba,” Rosina said with a nervous chuckle. “He seems so alive!”
“Rigor mortis, my dear,” Araba said. “We’ll try to close his eyes, but if it doesn’t work, we’ll use a special glue to keep them shut.”
Glue your own eyes, you evil witch! Oh, Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord…help me, Lord, pleeeeeeeeeease help me! They’re going to glue my eyes, Lord of Habakkuk, Nebuchadnezzar and Bartholomew, please help me please please pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasePLEAAAASE!!!
“Step two, we have to make sure he is dead, Rosina, so that we don’t end up embalming a man who’s still alive,” Araba continued. “So we check his vital stats and signs. We’ll check for clouded cornea, rigor mortis, and even for a pulse in the carotid or radial artery. Come, let me show you!”
Gooooooooood!!!! Now you’re talking sense, Araba woman, that’s what I’m talking about! Check my cornea and you’ll see it’s not clouded! Check my carrots or redial artery or whatever the f-ck you said and see that I’m alive…yes, yes, go ahead, please…oh, please Lord, save me! Check everything and you’ll see that I’m alive oooooo tooooon! I’m still here, I ain’t gone nowhere, Araba Nkuto!
And so Araba poked into my eyes and some corners of my body extensively as I waited with anxious eyes.
Finally, she sighed.
“Hmm, so sad!” she said with resignation.
WARNING
“He’s dead?” Rosina asked sadly.
“Yes, dear,” Araba answered. “Very dead. So sad. So now, step three, I’ll wash him with disinfectant and germicidal solutions whilst bending and m-ssaging his limbs to relieve rigor mortis.”
Don’t rigor mortis me, you witch, you bad woman! What did you see, huh? Can’t you see a dead man when you see him? You don’t know your work. I’m sure you even used somebody’s certificate to get employment! That’s why you don’t know foko! I’m not dead, Araba…are you sure you checked the cornea and the rest of my anatomy? Don’t be lazy, Araba, please…for once in your miserable life, take your work seriously because you’re about to embalm a living man!
And then it hit me with a solid blow…
What if I were really dead?
What if this was what death was all about? No one knew about death, really, but I had watched movies where some out-of-body depictions had made me believe that indeed the soul could exit the body at the point of death!
So what if I was actually dead, and this was just my soul hovering in,side my body, keeping myself company for a while until the ultimate happened? Wouldn’t that explain why I couldn’t feel anything, why I was just seeing things but not actually feeling anything?
Oh, Lord…no!
I could be dead!
And so I waited with horrified terror as Araba washed me with her damn disinfectants and germicidal solutions whilst m-ssaging my arms and legs and hands and feet thoroughly to soften the body.
Finally, she sighed and stepped back.
“Now that is done, so we go to the next step,” Araba said as Rosina watched patiently. “We first need to set his features and make him look as happy and as peaceful as ever. We’ll give him a very handsome expression that would make his mother think that he’s just sleeping. It is a very important step. We’ll set his eyes, making them close permanently, and then I’m going to use wires to keep his mouth shut. Next I’ll use sutures on the l-ips and gums to shut his jaw. And then, finally, I’ll use adhesive to make his expression look relaxed, natural and very peaceful.”
So she picked an instrument that looked like a drill and turned it on.
It made a high-pitched sound that sent fear drumming through me…wheeeeeeeeeeee!
So, if I were dead, why was I feeling such great fear?
So you see, I couldn’t be dead…or what?
Oh, Lord!
And so I watched with mounting horror as she brought the drilling machine down toward my mouth. She opened my mouth, and the tip of the machine nipped my gums, drawing red crimson blood!
“Ajeeeeeiii, abowa Araba! I’m not dead! Abowa bi ba!” I scre-med shrilly.
Well, I didn’t know I had scre-med it out loudly until I saw Araba dropping the machine and fleeing toward the door with a horrified face, right behind a scre-ming Rosina who was running and jumping at the same time because of her terror, a peculiar and really strange action I had never seen before!
They were both scre-ming and shouting loudly as they fled from the mortuary! Rosina was throwing her arms around with sheer terror, and she actually crashed into the wall blindly before correcting her course and fleeing out the door behind Araba.
I could feel the blood in my mouth now, actually taste its pungent, salty nature!
And then, as I took deep breaths, I felt a moisture on my face…tears!
I could feel the tears on my cheeks!
Oh, Lord, my sense of feeling has returned…I could feeeel, feeeeeel, feeeeeeeeel!
And so I began to weep violently, and on the floor the drilling machine still continued to vibrate and go wheeeeeeeeeeeeee, wheeeeeeeeeee, wheeeeeeeee, wheeeeeeeee as if it was angry it had not been able to create proper h0les in my gums.
Dandruwaaaah drilling machine, come and create h0les….
tbc