Intertwined episode 17

🤝INTERTWINED🤝

💑EP SEVENTEEN💑

 

In the mornings, I made sure I was up to make coffee forTravis before he left for work. I did his tie and helped himput on his suit.

He smiled at me. “You’ll do a good job at being Mrs.Cross,” he teased. “I’m beginning to get used to this.”

I laughed. “And who said you were difficult to live with?”

Travis rarely came home at eleven in the eveningsanymore. Most of the time, it was earlier than that, and wehad dinner together.

One night, he came home late and I had fallen asleep onthe living room couch waiting for him. When I woke upagain, I was already back in the bed with Travis snoringquietly on the couch.

I had a chat on the phone with Karl one Friday night. Hewarned me that Travis was in a foul mood. He’d had ameeting with his father, and it didn’t go well.

“Like how bad?”

“Really bad. Travis was pushing his father to the wall,making him realize that he didn’t have any other choice butto sell. When the older Mr. Cross realized he was losing moreand more to his son each day, he tried different tactics.”

“What tactics?”

“Since he couldn’t win with Travis arguing aboutbusiness, he decided to throw a few insults on the table,”Karl replied. “He called him insulting names. This way, heknew Travis would never fight back. The guy still has somerespect for his old man. I salute him. Anyway, just to giveyou fair warning if he comes home cranky! He has a dinner

meeting with one of our shareholders so he’ll be home late.You may want to be asleep already when he comes home.We stay out of his way when he’s on the warpath. I wonderwhat you do.”

“Thanks, Karl. I’m sure I can handle that.”

I waited for Travis that night. I was in the bedroom whenhe arrived at ten. He gave me a smile that didn’t reach hiseyes and didn’t say anything. He went to take a shower.I was sitting on the bed when he came out of thebathroom wearing only a pair of boxers. He sat on the couchwithout a word. He looked lost in his thoughts.

I climbed out of bed and approached him. He gave meone hærd look, when I looked down at him. Somehow, I couldsee his soul through his eyes. He was filled with anger andpain—feelings he was struggling to hide. He took a deepbreath and then he wound one arm around my wa-ist, pullingme to him. He rested his cheek against my belly, his armstight around me. I hugged his head to me. I realized that hewas in tears. But he was quiet. He didn’t let out a whimper

or utter a word. I continued car-ssing the back of his neckgently, letting him know that somehow, I heard the wordshe couldn’t say.

We stayed like that for about fifteen minutes. Then Igently pushed him back to the couch and he pulled me withhim. I sat on his lap and rested my head against hisshoulder as he continued holding me.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked quietly.

“No,” he whispered. “But I would like you to stay withme for a while.”

I nodded. I circled an arm around his wa-ist and huggedhim, too. We stayed on the couch quietly. After a while, Imust have fallen asleep. When I woke up, I was locked inTravis’s arms. We’d both fallen asleep.

I felt Travis’s arms on me tighten. He gently car-ssed myarm. I looked up at him. He was awake, too.I leaned up and k-ssed his jaw. He car-ssed the top ofmy head and continued holding me.

“I know it’s your father,” I whispered and he s-cked in adeep breath. “You don’t have to be affected by him somuch.”

“For someone who’s family, you’d actually expect theman to behave better.”

“Why do you hate each other so much? I’ve been askingyou that question for years. You never told me. Maybe I canunderstand your pain better if you tell me.” I propped up onone elbow so I could look into his eyes.

He s-cked in a deep breath and then he said, “My fatheris a soulless man. He beat up my mother. There were timeshe even…” He took a deep breath. “He even raped her.” Iwatched Travis struggle to remember the painful memories.

I rested back on the couch, against his shoulder, to make iteasier for him to tell the story. I car-ssed his arm to providewhatever form of comfort I could. “He beat me, too. Whenhe got drunk, he’d lock me up in closets, hit me in the head.

He almost drowned me in the tub when I was nine.” I wasappalled, but I refused to let a whimper escape me. Travisdidn’t need that.

“He and my mother didn’t really want a child. Theydidn’t want the responsibility. When my mother decidedshe’d had enough, she just moved out of the house…shedidn’t consider me in the equation. When I was in highschool, I started excelling in sports and academics. That’swhen my father realized that I was smart. He started takinginterest in me. I was going to be a trophy that he could beproud of. But I had a rough childhood. My father had at leastthree mistresses.” He took a deep breath.

“He saw women as toys that he could play with. At anearly age, I was exposed to loose, gold-digging women.” Hepaused for a while. Then he continued, “My father’s birthday gift to me when I was twelve was a woman twice my age. Iwas young, Brianne!” he said in a rough voice. “I wasinnocent. I felt…” He trailed off. “Molested! I lost my

V-rginity to one of the women my father picked up somewhere. How twisted is that?!” He took a deep breathand for a while, I thought he was struggling to continue. Ireached out for his hand and squeezed it to make himunderstand that it was okay. He could tell me his secrets. Hewas not alone.

He k-ssed the top of my head, and then he took a deepbreath before he continued his story. “From then on, I feltashamed of my family. I think I disowned them a long timeago. That’s why I ran away from him whenever he’d comehome. I’d sleep at your house. There were times when hisbodyguards found me. They would force me to go home.They’d tie me up and carry me to my dad. And I wouldreceive a good beating afterward.”

I propped up on my elbow again. I stared into Travis’seyes. He was crying. I realized then just how torn andbroken he really was. And I felt for the boy he used to be.The mischievous kid I used to hate when I was younger.Underneath the strong, naughty façade was a scared littleboy…abandoned and abused.

“I was alone from the time I was ten. Then I had yourfamily,” he said. “Before Thomas died, you were all I had.He knew everything. He didn’t tell you. I asked him not to. Iwas afraid my father would abuse me and my mother moreif anybody knew. And I was afraid of what my father woulddo to your family, too.

“When I was a teenager, I was a mischievous daredevil.But can you blame me? I got the concept of right and wrongfrom a few maids, butlers, nannies, and mostly thetelevision. I started taking care of myself. I started choosingwhat I wanted to learn in life. I was racing even before I gotmy driver’s license.” He s-cked in a deep breath and fellsilent for a while.

I stared up at him. He gave me one hærd look. I sawguilt, remorse, and hatred cross his face all at the sametime. Then he said in a broken voice, “You’re going to hateme for this, Brianne.” I didn’t understand what he meant,but I dared not interrupt him. “That day…I got into achallenge with a bunch of kids. The bet was high. My

Porsche. Tom warned me not to mind the kids from the othertown. They were a bunch of lawless imbeciles. But I was toofull of my own ego. I agreed to the bet—to race.

“The night before, I had an argument with my father. Itwas those times that I was already rebelling against him. Itold him I had an important thing to go to. He didn’t listen.He had his bodyguards kidnap me, tie me up, and lock mein my room. I wasn’t able to make it to the race. But Tomwas driving my car then. He waited for me to come. But Inever showed up. I would forfeit my car…or my life if I didn’tshow up. Between Tom and me, I was the racer, the better

driver. But Tom stood in for me…so I wouldn’t lose myPorsche or risk being beaten to death by those guys. Butdamn! I would have given them all my cars…if I had knownwhat was going to happen.” Tears rolled down from his eyes.

My heart pounded in,side my chest and I was confronted

by a mixture of emotions. “Tom…took your place. He racedfor you.”

Travis closed his eyes. More tears rolled down hischeeks. “He died…I lived.”

I couldn’t understand the pain I felt. I cried once againfor the brother I had lost. The sweet, happy-go-lucky,standup, responsible kid who was trying to look out for bothTravis and me.

Travis crushed me into his arms. “I’m so sorry, Brianne,”he whispered. This time, I couldn’t control the tears thatrolled down my cheeks. “Tom asked me not to tell you whatreally happened that night. But I can’t lie to you anymore. Ican’t let Tom shield the truth from you just so you wouldthink better of me. You see, Brianne, I’m not a good person!I’m the reason why you lost your brother. I caused you all

this pain, this misery. You lost your family because of me.You’re alone because of me!

“Tom always sacrificed himself for the things he helddear. He would do anything for the people he loved,” Travissaid remorsefully. “I wish I hadn’t been one of them!Because if I hadn’t…then he would still be alive!”

Travis looked at me, shame and regret evident on hisface. His expression was pleading, as if he were asking formy forgiveness. “I’m sorry, Brianne! I was the reason Tomwas taken from you. And I will never forgive myself for that!I will never forgive my father for that night! If he…had beena good father…if he had learned how to listen to me…if hehad just given me another punishment, like…grounding meor taking away my luxuries…I would still have found a wayto make it that night. I would have saved Tom.”

I could see Travis’s guilt, his pain. He had carried thissecret all these years. Every time he looked at me…he felttormented for causing my brother’s death.My heart broke for him. It wasn’t his fault. It was anaccident. It must have killed him to carry this burden foralmost half of his life.

I leaned forward and hugged him. To assure him that Ididn’t blame him…that I wasn’t mad at him. “But, Travis…itcould have been you, too!”

“That would have been better. I was meaninglesscompared to your brother! He had so much going for him. Ididn’t mean anything to anybody. The pain wouldn’t havebeen much if I died and he lived!”

I pulled away from him. Now I was mad. “Don’t say that!You meant something to us!” I said to him angrily. “And youmean the world to me now!”

I wanted to slap him in the face for thinking so lowly ofhimself. For thinking that nobody would care or cry if hedied.

He hugged me to him again. “Sshhh…”

I couldn’t stop crying now. I didn’t…and wouldn’t…holdmy brother’s death against Travis. It wasn’t his fault. But Icouldn’t help getting mad at him for thinking nobody in this world would mourn for his death…that he didn’t make adifference in anybody’s life…especially in mine. Because Icould never imagine my life without Travis, in the past, and

now in the future.

“You always underestimate us, Travis! You underestimatethe care and the love that the people around you have foryou. Even now. You still think you are alone. You still thinknobody cares for you. Nobody loves you.” I whimperedagainst his chest. “Tom would have been devastated if youdied in that race! I wouldn’t be where I am now if youweren’t with me all these years,” I whimpered. He didn’t say

anything.

“You’re so focused on the love that was not given to youby your parents…you fail to notice the love and respect thatare being given to you by the other people around you. Tomwould have felt the same way you did! He would havewanted you to live! I won’t blame you for his death. It washis time. And maybe he chose to go. To give you a chance tofind the love you deserve. So you could build a family of

your own and make it so much different from what yourparents built for you.” I took a deep breath.

“You’ve become cold and ruthless! But I know you’re notlike that in,side. You hide so much of your emotions. There’snothing wrong with risking it, Travis. You showed Tom love,and you never regretted it when he was gone. Becauseyou’ve done your part. Because ‘til the end, you werebrothers! But now, you refuse to open up yourself and loveanother. You’re becoming the same person that you hate the

most—your father!” I propped up on my elbow and stared athim again. “You’re better than that, Travis. I know you are. Ibelieve you are.”

I took a deep breath. “You’re a smart man. Peoplerespect you for that. You don’t have to be an assh-le all thetime. You make people’s lives difficult, and I know you’redoing that on purpose! Because you refuse to show any sign of weakness. Being thoughtful, considerate, and sweetdoesn’t make you less of a man, Travis.

“You have to risk your heart. Because someday, thesepeople will not be around you anymore. But at least, youwon’t regret making them a part of your world. You don’thave to live alone all the time. Because if you just open youreyes…you’ll know that you’re not. There are a lot of peoplein your world who care about you.”

He stared at me for a moment and then touched my

cheek with his palm. “Will you stay with me for a longtime?”

I smiled gently. “You know I will.” And I meant that. Irealized I hadn’t really understood Travis that much…untilnow. He had been deeply hurt when he was a boy. He was avictim of pain and neglect. The first person who really caredabout him was taken away from him. From then, it was easyto distant himself…so he wouldn’t feel any more pain. So hewouldn’t feel abandoned again. And I couldn’t blame him forfeeling that much anger with his father. Anybody would feelthe same. I would break if that ever happened to me.

Travis took a deep breath. “I was…afraid to need you,Brianne,” he said. “But God knows I do!” He crushed me intohis arms once again.

I smiled. It was probably the first time that I could dosomething for Travis. For years, it had always been the otherway around. He had always been there for me. I rarely everdid anything for him.

“I’m here for you, Travis.” I reached up and leaned myforehead against his. “Don’t ever push me away.”

He chuckled humorlessly. “I’m going to marry you,Brianne. You got me tied down, how could I push youaway?”

I glared at him. “You know very well that’s not what Imeant.”

He stared at me deeply. “Do you really think you cansave me?” he asked softly.

I smiled slowly. “I can. I will.” I leaned forward and gave him another k-ss on the jaw. Then I rested my head on hisshoulder again.

He held me against him tightly. We lay there for a while,lost in our own thoughts, and yet savoring each other’swarmth, knowing that the bond we shared had just becomestronger than ever. I understood him better. And now heknew he could trust me to stand beside him, the way thathe had always stood beside me.

I heard him s-ck in a deep breath. “I could get used tothis, you know.”

“What?”

“This…easy, comforting conversation,” he whispered.

“This…marriage.”

“It couldn’t be that bad,” I said.

He shook his head. Then he k-ssed the top of my head.

“No. It’s not bad at all.” He reached for my hand andbrought it to his l-ips. He k-ssed my fingers. “Goodnight,Brianne.”

I took a deep breath. “Goodnight, Travis.”And we fell asleep in each other’s arms on the couch.