Take a fresh look at your lifestyle.

KpaKpa Grammar School batch1




-Episode 1

It was early in Monday’s morning in class 1 of Senior Secondary School, Mr. Okoro the biology teacher stood before the students who were listening very keenly to him, he is taking them on their favorite subject.

Anthony: [raises his right hand] sir! sir!! sir!!!

Mr. Okoro: Tony, is not sir! sir!! sir!! vagabond! [everyone in the class laughs] I resemble the missing fowl you and your mother dey look for that day? [the class roars in laughter]

Anthony: [scratching his head] sorry, sir.

Mr. Okoro: [gnashing his teeth] sorry for yourself, if you no get anything to ask yansh down, Tony!.

Anthony: I get something I wan ask, but em hard for me to talk am [scratching his head] sir ehn… them say one condom dey tear and the girl go mistakenly get belle, what if I use two the thing go still tear? [everyone in class laughs]

Mr. Okoro: will you all keep quiet! [silence roams the class] mumu question from mumu, if you like use ten condoms. if you and Angelina enter school toilet again all go tear! [the class roars in laughter]

Sandra: [sneaks in the class without noticing Teacher Okoro who is busy writing on the blackboard]

Mr. Okoro: young lady [Sandra jumps up in freight] my pant is missing on my waist, class make ona stand up greet Sandra.

Class: [every one gets up from their seats] good morning em wan wan tear my pant, we are happy to see you. Welcome late comer.

Sandra: [smiles and rolls her eyes, blows chewing-gum in her mouth] my children, make ona sit down.

Mr. Okoro: will you go inside! [Picks up his cane on the table and chases Sandra to her seat]

Everyone laughed at the way Mr. Okoro ran with his self-acclaimed British jump-up trouser and old coat with his long white socks upto his kneels. he kept back the cane were he took it earlier from the table and continued writing on the board.
At the back seat of the classroom.

Tracy: [carries her seat-mate’s hand and places it on her laps, raises her skirt to her laps] forget w€tin Pub dey teach, do me utooruru joor!

Jack: I dey fear [she eyes him and winks at him] I go do am, no m0an well well oh.

Tracy: [he shifts her p*nt and uses his thumbs to rub her c–t] aaahh! [M_oaning inaudibly]

Teacher Okoro: Jack! why your hands dey under your desk?, define puberty for us.



-Episode 2

Jack: [quickly takes his hand off from Tracy’s c-unt and raises his both hands up] na my hands be this oh [everyone turns back and sees his fingers glittering with Tracy’s w-et and they all laughs]

Mr. Okoro: will you all keep quiet! [normalcy returns to the class] am teaching, you dey busy dey look for hidden treasures [everyone laughs] oya define puberty?

Jack: [scratches his head and stretches his locked hands forward and then places it on his head] sir, issit me?

Mr. Okoro: [groans in frustration] no, na your papa wey dey bush dey tap palm wine [everyone laughs]

Jack: [hisses] I sabi am, shey na to define puberty? [The class echoes his name] puberty can be define as an age, wey your broom [uses his finger to demonstrate] turns to cucvmber, and if you get cassava it will turn to tuber of yam. Black black grasses go start to grow for here [touches his armpits] and here [touches his g—n]

Mr. Okoro: class clap for the moron! [His classmates starts clapping and cheering him, Jack raises his both hands up in happiness] will you buttocks down! [Jack quickly sits and everyone laughs] lets continue, no mumu should disturb the class again oh.

A student wearing a black short and a white shirt came out of SSS2 class checking his time, he picked up the bell by the side of the corridor pillar and jingled it twice.
Mr. Okoro peeped through the SSS1 classroom’s window.

Chinonso: [shouts] change of lesson. [and drops the bell]

Mr. Okoro: [checks his wristwatch once again] Chinonso, na African man time or Western time, you dey use?

Chinonso: [groans when he sees Mr. Okoro] sir, your time no dey correct oh. [he runs into SSS2 classroom]

Mr. Okoro: stupid boy, born by mistake and result of broken condom [he turns and sees a paper bounces on Adaora’s desk and falls on the floor] who throw this paper?

Adaora: [gets up from her desk chewing gum] sir, as you open the window naso the paper fly enter from outside.

Mr. Okoro: [charges angrily] small br_easts sit down! [everyone laughs and Adaora sits]

Mr. Okoro went to were the folded paper is on the floor and picked it up, he went to his table and took his lens then wore it.

Mr. Okoro: [clears his throat loudly and reads] you sure say Emeka okoroafor don reach puberty age as Jack explain am? em thing no big pass my middle finger when em stand [everyone starts laughing] who throw this paper? [everywhere becomes silent] who is Emeka Okoroafor?

Emeka: [gets up from his desk with his hand up] sir, na me be Emeka. my papa na Okoroafor.

Class: [starts singing] Emeka where you go? I go shit. Wey the shit? dog don chop am!

Mr. Okoro: will you all keep tranquility! [he thunders and everybody keeps quiet] how many years you dey son of Okoroafor?

Emeka: I don reach twenty years.

Class: [starts singing] papa sss1! papa sss1!! papa sss1!!!

Episode 3

Mr. Okoro: will you all keep quiet! [he warns and the class returns to order] so Emeka [clears his throat] what is the size of your amu?

Emeka: [feigns angry] the thing is very big [shrugs] that person wey write that thing na just hater.

Mr. Okoro: one girl for Jss three don tell me say your pim pim dey like nokia pin [everyone laughs] that girl na hater too?

Emeka: [scratches his head] as she small like that she get borehole in between her legs.

Mr. Okoro: [picks up his belongings and stands before the class] any man wey drown for inside puna river, that person don fail to be a man.

Kelly: [gets up from his desk and raises an arm up] make ona give our teacher three gbosaa!

Class: [echoes] gbosaa! gbosaa! gbosssaaaa!!!

Mr. Okoro: [yells] idiots, will you all keep quiet! [points Kelly] no wonder, your papa na village town crier, like papa like son [Okoro exits the class and the class erupts in uproar of noise]

The school restroom is two built rooms faraway from the school main building, the staffs were ones with restrooms closed to the laboratory, that has little or no scientific equipment to carry out any test. Is either the contractor has refused to carry out the contract or the government are awaiting the beautiful ones to be born, with two wary doors that hung loosely on their holds.

The one at the right is for male while the one at left is female, tags has been placed on the doorpost to indicate. The restrooms were not really used as it was directed, it has always been used to carry out amoral acts instead of the call of nature, voices were heard from the back of the restrooms.

“Toto sweet” was boldly written on the wall at the back of the restroom, “don’t forget jungle prefect” those write-ups are custom on walls of public secondary school “anybody wey say mix school no sweet na gay”.

Two boys sat on a bench and a boy knelt before them with his hands raised up, both of them were puffing the sticks of cigar in their hands.

Bright [winces in pain] seniors, please na.

Nonso: [removes the stick of cigar from his mouth] your papa na senior! [sucks from the cigar again, he is awfully intimidating in stature] them never cut your tail, I be the labour p of this nonsense school.

Bright: [looks at him with disdain] labour prefect, I dey sorry.

Charles: [hits his head] apology accepted [brings out one hundred note from his pocket and gives it to Bright] buy agidi sixty naira, egg sixty naira, moimoi two, bring change of eighty naira come.

Bright: [he looks confuse] this money no fit buy all those things you mention oh!

Nonso: [spits on the ground] if this spit dry for ground, forget say you come register for this school or even get uniform.

Bright: [gets up quickly and walks away] wicked senior just full this school [he mumbles]

Charles: [singing] cigar, cigar, God go bless you cigar, na you dey make me high forget education.

Tom: [enters the scene breathing heavily] free ice cream, ice cream boy don enter school.

Without replying Nonso and Charles ran off, Tom followed them quickly passing confused Bright who has been thinking of who to borrow money from.

Bright: [jumps out of the way in freight and they all runs pass him] see them, see tear tear trouser.…

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