Lucy episode 2

Lucy episode 2
That is what happened when the person a girl likes goes for another. I mean…that was it right.
 
But son,she was wired differently.
 
She didn’t stop. She didn’t leave.
 
No she didn’t.
 
She still cared and showed her love and was there for me even when I told her I didn’t need her..ever.
 
Then one day…i hoped that she would leave me to be alone in my pain..
 
I had fallen off the stairs and twisted my ankle and while my friends and fiancé laughed and jeered at me because it was funny…
 
She runs to me and tries to help me.
 
I was angry. I was mad..I scre-med at her and pushed her, causing her to tumble backwards showing all of her girlie underneath ..which caused everyone to jeer and scre-m and laugh and point ..
 
But she gets up, and comes to me…yet again.
 
“Its okay Peter, it’s okay. Let me help you up, you are hurt”
 
Angered I pushed her again and scre-m .
 
“leave me alone..leave me the hell alone Lucy…I don’t like you..I never have and I never will…can’t you just go away…can’t you just leave me ….die or something…just go away” I yelled loud enough for everyone to hear
 
But she gets up and walks back to me…again…
 
Arghhh!!!
 
And then I grab her and shake her…”leave me alone damnit . ” grabbing my juice and all that I had next to me on my food tray I pour it all over her. ..and just on cue…everyone else emptied their food on her head. ..and when they began to laugh , I joined them too.
 
I think if I wasn’t stupid I would have noticed the tears that feel from her eyes that day wasn’t the same that I have been witnessing ever since I began to cause her pain,
 
That when she got up and ran away from there…I should have realised that….something different had happened that day.
 
Because I didn’t bother to check on her , because I didn’t bother to think of what I did which was much worse than all I have ever done…
 
I was too happy for her absence that I didn’t realise that her absence had gone on for far too long.
 
After awhile…I must have felt the silence ..I realised now .
 
How long as it been. ..since I heard her last laugh? I couldn’t tell.
 
You see son ,
 
She used to sit at every corner she knew I would be there…
 
 
 
 
She used to be the one when am alone and distressed..all my friends gone but she always seemed to care..
 
She used to be the one to help me when no one else was there…she used to be the one to show me love and utmost care even when I didn’t dare
 
How long has it been since I haven’t seen her near..? I ask myself walking back home..
 
It was so quiet..
 
Even the streets and my shadows seemed very bare .
 
I don’t hear her walking behind me, i don’t see her lurking at school and then later walk down beside me..
 
I don’t see her stand at her balcony and wait for me to turn off my lights before she goes to sleep.
 
I don’t see her laugh at me when I make funny faces to the other girls,I don’t see her help me pick up my books when I let them fall..
 
I open my door and ..
 
 
 
 
I don’t see her stand at my door waiting for us to walk down to school..
 
I don’t see her cry and tell me it’s fine when all I do is hurt her and make others hurt her too.
 
I didn’t realise how long her silence had been..and how long it has been since I last saw her near…or even here. .
 
I could hærdly bare it now..
 
She knew me as a kid..
 
 
 
 
Saw me when I was down and sad..and cried on my knees..
 
She was there for me..even when my dad left Ma and me to fend for our needs..
 
She was my friend never wanted to be with me..just because of my looks and my financial heels. It was because she loved me for me.
 
She was quiet and shy…I could almost see it now..
 
Walking behind me because I was always ashamed to be friends with her publicly..
 
When not so long ago…she cradled me in her arms and let me cry and sleep in her lap when life took a drastic t-rn on me so suddenly. .
 
Her seat was empty..I could see it as clearly as I can the day now..
 
Not a word..not a goodbye..just an empty space where she once occupied..
 
I walked up..looking behind every now and then..praying to see her ..pop out strolling as quietly as she always did .
 
I ran up the stairs. .hoping that I would bump up to her on my way down just as we always did..
 
I waited by my window..hoping to see her sitting by hers …waiting to see her wave and smile and tell me goodnight. .just like every night she always did…
 
I felt alone…so alone…I could feel it now..
 
Her laughter..her smile..her presence..The way she looked up at me..and smiled…I knew she loved me…but I didn’t want anyone to see..because I too didn’t care to see
 
She was a friend to me…but I became nothing to her..I couldn’t just let it to be..
 
But all I feel right now is just empty in,side, like a hollow space in my heart and all i amm left with is with her silence..and letters of love she poured out to me…that I didn’t bother to truly read..
 
I go back to read them…the last few I didn’t throw away and all I did was break down and cry because I saw her love for me poured out in those words in blue.
 
You see, that girl I thought I loved, I grew tired of her and wished she was someone else…
 
Every day now since that day…I wish I saw her sitting there and waiting for me to stare. .
 
 
 
 
Some days now…my friends don’t give me the joy I thought I had with them..
 
 
 
 
I called off my engagement and stayed by myself
 
Nothing again made sense.
 
Because I kept asking myself…
 
Why did I feel so sad all of a sudden that she wasn’t here anymore..?
 
And it felt worse because I didn’t know where she left to so I could ask her what was this I was feeling .
 
Her house was empty …her seat was empty and all I am left with is her scent…that lingers in my head.
 
Now she is gone….I know that now..
 
 
 
 
My pride..as kept me quiet for too long…I can see that scar..
 
You know how you never know how much you love someone untill you lose them?
 
Well.. that is how I felt .
 
You see….Maybe I was too young to understand love then… maybe mainly because I was stupid ..just maybe. .
 
But I never allowed myself to see the tears in her eyes or the hurt behind those smiles.
 
But you see son?
 
I looked for her in everywhere everyday, every dark corners, every smile, in every tear…
 
I looked for her because I suddenly found myself drowning without her there anymore. ..
 
I cried in my mother’s arms…
 
“Mama,she isn’t there anymore. . I want to tell her I am sorry..I want to tell her so many things…I can’t breathe.. my chest hurts and I can’t see her..she isn’t here ma,she left.
 
I told her I hated her..I told her to leave and she listened to me mama , why did she listen to me? Why did she go away from me? Why did Lucy leave me mama? I want her back,I can’t ..I can’t breathe mama” I cried in her arms but there was nothing even she could do
 
“You never let a DAIMOND go while chasing stones Peter. Lucy is gone Peter, you have to move on”
 
But I didn’t want to.
 
You see,she was my star and I didn’t see her sparkle because I turned away from the skies at night.
 
She was my high and yet I decided to stay in the low because i didn’t want to be intoxicated by her.
 
She was my addiction but I was sane because I didn’t want to attached to her and lose myself.
 
I didn’t want to love a person like her because. ..i just didn’t want to.
 
But when she left. ..when she left…
 
I felt like dying and maybe a part of me died but I realised that..only too late that i loved her..and I couldn’t love anyone like her ever and I was too blind and too stupid to see…
 
For years she loved me…from when we were little to when we became adults but all I did was tell her to leave and she did..eventually and all i wanted was to have her back.
 
I swear to you son. ..I searched and waited and waited..unable to move on with my life because I couldn’t.
 
She was the best thing I never had because I refused to see the beauty she brought into my life
 
I miss her….I want her…my goodness I really love her…but where is she now?
 
She upped and left…because I never saw her…and she didn’t even bother to say a goodbye, but then again…I probably wouldn’t have cared much if she did because I would have been to blind to see.
 
Stupid me…what am I to do now?
 
It’s been years now….I still think about her…even till now..when I sit by myself, I wonder. ..
 
What she is doing?
 
 
 
 
Is she is okay?
 
 
 
 
Did she fall inlove with another and moved on somehow..?
 
I know if she did…I should be happy for her now…but I would be happier if she was right here…back to me..to that corner..but this time..I would hold her hand…and wisper “I love you too”…forever
 
And so…I sit by myself. .years later, married with a child of my own, you my son and yet…i still think about her…i still still want her ….over and over again i wish i could go back and change it all.
 
I messed up, I do realise now..
 
I have never been able to take her off my mind…
 
 
 
 
That smile..
 
 
 
 
Those eyes..
 
 
 
 
Her voice. ..I can tell it anywhere in my dreams too
 
 
 
 
The way she loved me …
 
 
 
 
Now I know…
 
But I lost her.
 
 
 
 
I lost her.
 
 
 
 
And till this moment I love her..
 
But she would never know..because she left me son,she left me because I told her to.
 
Some days, even now,i hoped
 
 
 
 
That maybe someday…. she would walk back through that door of my heart…and I would never have to lose her ever again..
 
Because to me…to me…
 
 
 
 
She was the best thing , the best thing I never had… ” he tells me, breaking down and crying…
 
And I didn’t realise the tears were in my eyes and I felt them trek down my cheeks.
 
See,my father loved only one woman all his life, but he settled for another because he lost her..he lost her because he was too blind to see before it was too late
 
See,he loved my mother. ..he gave her a part of his heart… but now I know that his entire heart belonged to another who left years ago when she couldn’t take his rejection any longer.
 
My mother died two years ago…
 
 
 
 
While he mourned her…,he mourned the other much more…
 
I watched him break down .. and then this song comes to mind by OSCAR ISAAC “NEVER HAD” I heard some time ago. ..going by the lyrics it plays in my mind..
 
“I’ve been gone for.. so long now
 
 
 
 
Chasing everything that’s new..
 
 
 
 
I’ve forgotten how I got here
 
 
 
 
I’ve not forgotten you..
 
 
 
 
We were just children, with our eyes opened, and
 
 
 
 
You were all that I could see
 
 
 
 
You came close enough to know my heart-beat, but
 
 
 
 
Still not close enough for me..
 
Through the good times and the bad
 
 
 
 
You were the best I never had
 
 
 
 
The only chance I wish I had to take
 
 
 
 
There was no writing on the wall
 
 
 
 
No warning signs to follow
 
 
 
 
I know now, and I just can’t forget
 
 
 
 
You’re the best I never had..
 
In this motel
 
 
 
 
Well pass midnight
 
 
 
 
When I’m bluer than a bruise..
 
 
 
 
You come drifting in, through the half-light
 
 
 
 
In your funny yellow shoes..
 
 
 
 
I hope that’s you standing, at my doorway;
 
 
 
 
That’s the scratching of your key
 
 
 
 
And I hope this song I’m singing
 
 
 
 
Someday finds you
 
 
 
 
My letter to Elise..
 
Through the good times and the bad
 
 
 
 
You were the best I never had
 
 
 
 
The only chance I wish I had to take..
 
 
 
 
There was no writing on the wall
 
 
 
 
No warning signs to follow
 
 
 
 
I know now and I just can’t forget
 
 
 
 
You’re the best I never had…..”
 
Tbc