Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY

Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY Episode 15

 
Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY………. Episode 15 
 
The Sallah holidays were here at last. It’s one of those holidays I actually look forward to because it provides a much needed break from the tedium of the non stop stress of five or six days of work and getting home late. What made it even more beautiful was the fact that it coincided nicely with the wedding. Tunde and Amaka were to finalize their wedding with a church ceremony the coming saturday. The past few weekends have been grueling but fun as the members of the groom train made serious preparations towards the d-day. We chose two weekends ago to go on a splurge with everyone wanting to look sharpest on the wedding day. But we made more pressing preparations for the passing out rites for Tunde from bachelor hood; the Bachelor Eve Party. As the best man, I was in charge of the general co-ordination and I enlisted the support of Tuoyo, Ifeanyi and Austin, a cousin of Tunde who came in from Germany a few weeks ago. We planned to spare no pains to see that Tunde got an august send off from bachelor hood. We initially wanted the bachelor party to be a small affair between close friends and family but as the word spread round, there was no way we could keep it small. We talked to the manager of one of the clubs we frequented and after negotiations, we were good to go.
The final grooms man came in from Calabar on thursday. Dr. Kome was a close friend of Tunde from their undergrad days and a doctor by profession. I was the only one amongst us who had had the pleasure of meeting him once before. He couldn’t make it to the traditional wedding because of his tight work schedule. With Tunde absent, I assumed the buck and introduced him to the guys. Within a few minutes of introduction, we were all talking and laughing like we’d known each other for years. It was a public holiday so everybody was free to tidy up the last minute details for the bachelor eve. We had all made the trip to the airport to pick up Kome so from there, we went drove to Shoprite to buy some of the drinks and also pick up other stuff for barbecue which we were to deliver to the man handling it.
While pushing trolleys laden with all sorts of alcoholic drinks, I ran into Sylvia. Sylvia was an old flame who was married now. We had a brief but interesting chat. She wanted us to catch up on lost time but I told her I was on a tight leash and promised we’d hook up sometime; a promise I knew I was never going to keep. Sylvia was still hot but I have a mental block for married women. I never give them a second thought. From there, we paid a visit to one of our muslim friends, Nasiru, who’s parents always had a sallah bash every year. After eating well prepared meals, we headed out in search of alcohol. We finally ended up at a cozy little s₱0t somewhere at Ikeja. There, Kome’s cousin Louis joined us and the heavy drinking began. We went from location to location from 4pm till about 9pm. By this time, we were pretty inebriated. It was then Louis suggested he take us to a strip club somewhere nearby.
“We got strip clubs in Nigeria now?!” Austin asked surprised. “That’s some cool stuff.”
“Is there still a strip club in Ikeja?” I asked, quite surprised. The one I knew about was shut down about two years ago.
He nodded. “Several but they are well hidden.”
“Men, I’ve never gone to a strip club before o.” Ifeanyi said.
“I’ve gone to one in Surulere.” Tuoyo said.
“They got the stripper poles and gymnastic ladies that know how to work it?” Austin asked again.
“Yes, of course.” Louis said.
“I don’t know where my cousin finds these strip clubs from. The last time I was in Lagos, we went to…what’s the name of the one we went to last time?” Kome asked Louis.
“Miss Congeniality. Its closed now.” Louis answered.
“What are we waiting for gentlemen? Louis, please lead the way. I haven’t been to a Nigerian tittie bar before.” Austin said, excitedly.
We all headed out in a convoy and drove into a quiet street nearby and parked. The place was not too far from where we were. It was a small but very neat, quiet and secure building. To a first timer, it was an efficiently run bar with an active live band. Louis led us to the back entrance where a heavy black metal door stood. He rapped on it twice and a shutter opened revealing the eyes of the doorman. They exchanged greetings after which Louis gave what I guessed was a password and we heard the heavy slide of the bolt of the metal door. As we entered, we saw the true size of the doorman. He was a hulking figure of about 6″3′. His muscles rippled from his tight black t-shirt. With the no-nonsense look on his face, my security concerns were allayed. There would be no trouble here as long as this dude was around.
He welcomed us politely as he asked for our mobile phones or cameras.
“Cameras, camcorders of any sort are not allowed here.” Louis explained. “Club policy, I’m afraid.”
“Scheiße!” Austin exclaimed in disappointment. I laughed hærd. We passed our mobile phones and received tags from the doorman who’s name we discovered was Fred.
“Have fun gentlemen.” He said, waving us in the direction of wooden double doors. Louis pushed it open and immediately, a blast of loud music that was barely audible at the entrance and a haze of smoke greeted us. I have of course been to a couple of strip clubs but I was impressed by this one. It was compartmentalized into different private sections, each with its own gymnastic pole. The center of the room had a massive circular podium that had about four poles. Seats were arranged according to the circular nature of the podium. Coloured lighting blinked from ever corner of the expansive hall, giving it an appreciable ambience.
The place wasn’t so crowded as I had expected. The men here were well dressed. Some were huddled in groups and seemed to be engaged in a very serious discussion. This struck me as odd with the deafening boom of music from the speakers, the skimpily dressed waiters serving drinks and the s€×y exotic dancers carrying out amazing acrobatics on the pole. How anyone could have anything other than a mind filled with lewd thoughts had to be an impossibility. Majority of the guys just positioned themselves at the front seats surrounding the podium, tucking naira notes into bras and p-nties while the dancers did highly suggestive acrobat moves. We took a seat in one of the private cubicles. A half unclad waiter came and took our order. When the bottles of Jack Daniels arrived, we began drinking immediately as we took in the electric scene of amazing semi-nude acrobatics.
Ifeanyi kept gaping as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Austin was besides himself with excitement. He wanted a private dance which Louis promptly arranged for. When the lady came to our cubicle, I think our jaws dropped. Before us was a stunning fair complexioned beauty; her eyes were like little sparkling diamonds beneath her false lashes. Her hair was long, her l-ips were puffy and sensual. She introduced herself as Miss Jade before dropping her coat to reveal red thongs that matched her red l-ips. Her voluptuous br-asts moved freely with just “red stars” covering her n-pples. When she began her moves on the pole, we all went crazy. She spun all over from the bottom to the top showing how flexible she was. It was a challenge to not imagine this flexibility in bed. Austin kept m-ssaging her cle-vages with #1000 naira notes. This made her leave the pole and come to him for a more personal dance. Ifeanyi’s eyes remained glued to her as if in some sort of trance. When she came to him, with shaky hands, he plastered money on her br-asts. She encouraged him to get a squeeze when she figured he was new at this. The rest of us just sat and watched in amusement. We declined personal dances so she went back to Austin who seemed to have limitless money to burn.
It was then it struck me. Why not have the bachelor eve here? I spoke with Louis about my brain wave and he agreed it was possible. The owner of the club was a personal friend. Tunde was going to be in for the surprise of his life!
Malcolm
@saymalcolm

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