Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY Episode 21

Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY………. Episode 21
 
The day of reckoning was here. It was a special day for her; her birthday. She had called me out of the blue after almost two weeks of no communication. I was beginning to think she had seen the light and had relented in her devious plot to overthrow Christy as number one in my life. Her call was sweet, brief and curt. I pictured her face as she spoke; the smirk of victory as she dictated what she expected of me now we were “officially” dating. The confidence with which she spoke was more infuriating than it was amusing. To me, it was now a dangerous game; a game where all was at stake and the winner had all to take.
The difference was that now, I had a plan.
Having a plan made me relish the challenge. My brain tensed – like the muscles of a wrestler preparing to enter the den to face the lioness in grueling battle. However, having a plan is one thing; executing it is another. My plan wasn’t so much of a plan. It was actually something that ought to have occurred to me after I watched the x-rated video clip but I guess I was too shaken to actually take stock of the situation and use it to my advantage. My plan was nothing that elaborate, dramatic or fancy. It was simple really. Words and words only were my defensive weapons of choice. Carefully rehearsed words…backed with the guts to go through with it, if necessary.
The funny thing was since the last phone conversation we had, she hadn’t bothered to call back. And having discovered what I perceived to be an appropriate bluff to her blackmail, I didn’t bother to call back either. She was confident that her scheme had worked out perfectly so I let her enjoy the illusion. I rehearsed every morning in front of my mirror while I brushed my teeth, I rehearsed whenever I was alone by soliloquy, trying to anticipate every possible defensive response that could arise.
I never felt satisfied with my readiness but at least, I had something. I just had to temper my raging conscience by constantly reminding myself that all was fair in war; that was how I saw it. A war for my independence. I stopped by Tunde’s place to visit after he returned from his honeymoon. When I told him about my plan, he was horrified.
“You are really going to do that?!” He asked, alarmed. We were alone in his plush apartment, indulging in a little alcohol while we discussed.
“I must. She’s made me desperate. She’s threatening my emotional sustenance.” I said evenly.
“And for that, you would ruin her life? That’s a little too dramatic, wouldn’t you say?” He asked.
“At this point, I’m way past caring. Except you’ve got a better alternative. Do you have a better alternative?” I asked pointedly.
“Come clean with Christy.” He said earnestly but there was a hint of mischief on his face. He knew better.
I laughed long and hærd before I replied.
“And have her leave me? Dude, you’re not serious!” I exclaimed.
“If you care so much about Christy, why do you keep playing these games?” He asked with a tone that surprised me.
“Dude, you’re going the wrong way on this one. You’re supposed to have my back.” I said.
“And I do. I just don’t want you to ruin a good thing because you’re too immature and too dumb to realize it.” He said vehemently.
I think his words hit home…a bit. There was an uncomfortable pause. I shrugged.
“I hear you but I have to do what I have to do. Besides, I don’t think she’ll take it that far once I’ve laid all my cards on the table. She’ll fold.” I said thoughtfully.
“If she’s as crazy as you let on, what makes you think she’ll fold?” He asked.
“Relax. She will.” I said confidently tapping his shoulder, hoping to end the conversation.
“And if she doesn’t?” He persisted.
“Well, I’ll do what I have to.” I said, eager to change the subject. “How’s Amaka and the baby?”
“Oh, they are both doing great.” He said beaming proudly. “She’s still with her parents. She should be back before next weekend. She’s itching to start up with her French recipes as soon as she gets back.”
“Abeg, make she come quick. Let me come and feast on some French cuisine.” Gratefully, he had kept Amaka in the dark about this. Especially as Kemi hadn’t brought her up to speed…yet.
Christy had left not too long ago, having spent the night at my place. Thankfully, she had ICAN classes for the better part of the day. She couldn’t help but notice I was mildly distracted. After several unsuccessful attempts to pry loose my shut mind, she left me alone. After a change and final rehearsals before the mirror, I was pumped and ready for battle.
Kemi wanted to have a private lunch at her place so she was pleasantly surprised when I suggested the Oriental. This was nothing other than for my own tactical advantage but I didn’t think she suspected. I was there at exactly 3pm; a good hour before she was due to arrive. I soaked myself with a few shots of Vodka so by the time she arrived in all her pomp and splendor, I was in high spirits.
She looked lovely in her red silk chiffon dinner gown that stuck to her wonderful figure like a second skin with a red purse to match. I noticed she turned not a few heads as she entered. I felt a stab of regret as I realized things could never be the way they were between us, ever again. I had run out of steam for her because of her obsessive plot.
“Kemi.” I said, flashing her my most charming smile as I stood up and buttoned my corduroy jacket.
“Mickey.” She said politely. I moved over and gave her a civil peck on the cheek.
“You look lovely.” I said. She smiled shyly.
“Thank you.” She said simply. I drew her seat and she sat before I took mine.
The waiter appeared with a bottle of Moët & Chandon champagne in a bowl of ice and asked if we would be ordering now. I nodded at an excited Kemi and she picked the menu and made her choice. It was an excellent choice so I ordered same. There was an awkward silence as we surveyed each other. I couldn’t remember when last I had a woman on such an expensive treat without expecting the usual afterwards. It felt odd.
“This is nice.” She said taking a sip of the Champagne I poured her.
“Yes indeed.” I said. So I proceeded to making small talk, more to diffuse the mounting tension within me than interrupting the loud silence. When our meal arrived, we ceased all conversation and had a wonderful meal. However, I felt her growing discomfort as she regarded me suspiciously.
“So…” She said cautiously as she sipped her drink. “Have you called it off with Christy?”
“No.” I said nonchalantly. She frowned.
“I thought I made myself clear?”
“You did but I didn’t.” I said, my good-guy act wearing off rapidly.
“What do you mean?” She asked surprised.
“Kemi, you are an incredibly irresistible woman. I want you to know that I don’t regret our fiery moments of passion together. It was the spice of my life for a period.” I said, measuring my words carefully. She kept silent so I continued.
“But you betrayed me by this move of yours. We understood ourselves at the beginning. We don’t anymore so I must do the needful. This is the last time we are ever going to see each other.”
Her face transformed from a smile to a mask of rage.
“You don’t seem to understand the gravity of the situation.” She said coolly after a while, her eyes glittering. She sipped her drink with that expression I had imagined when we spoke over the phone.
“I do. The question is, do you?” I asked quietly. She wasn’t sure of what to make of that so she waited for me to continue.
“Yes, Christy may see that video and dump me faster than a speeding bullet. Yes, I’ll be heart broken for a while. I deserve it for fooling around with you but it won’t be as nice for you when a copy of that video appears on every social media network, including Youtube and a complementary copy appears on the desk of your employer.” I paused for effect.
The shock on her face was not instantaneous but as it progressed in stages, it was unmistakable. Her lovely manicured fingers turned into fists.
“You wouldn’t!” She said stiffly.
“And why not? You changed the rules, so I’m changing the game. Christy means a lot to me and if I lose her because of you, I will spare no effort to see I ruin you. I need not tell you the effect that video that you sought to blackmail me with, and failed to blur your face in, will have on your life.”
She sat still for moments that seemed like a century across the table between us seething with rage. Her hands shook violently as she tried unsuccessfully to regain her composure. I decided to say nothing else as I monitored every explosive emotion that emanated from her being. With shaky hands, she took a sip from her glass and seemed to regain herself. She forced a smile.
“I should have known you had plans to ambush me.” She said shakily. “I thought I had won you over.”
“You can never win a man over by blackmailing him. Especially a man like me.” I said.
“Your face is on the video too, you know.” She said after a while.
“Yes. However, I didn’t earn the sobriquet of “Lagos playboy” by performing saintly deeds. My boss is well acquainted with my escapades and doesn’t mind because I’m good at what I do.” I said, smelling a victory.
She leaned back on her seat and regarded me for while. Her expression turned to a mischievous smile.
“Oddly, I feel turned on.” She whispered smiling sed-ctively. In the past, that look, that statement was enough to get my juices flowing. Funny how infatuation dies quickly. I smiled back.
“Good for you.” I said, expressing my nonchalance in the strongest way possible. Her smile vanished immediately and before I could react, the contents of her half full glass was all over my face! The hush in the big hall was sudden as we became the center of attraction. It felt like everywhere went dark and a powerful flood light beamed on us.
“Go to hell!” She scre-med before she picked up her red purse and stormed off.
“But I forgot to say happy birthday!” I yelled after her, laughing as I wiped my face, my soiled jacket and shirt. The waiter appeared at my side quickly.
“Is everything alright sir?” He asked politely, a worried look on his face.
“Everything is now. Don’t sweat it. Let me have my bill.” I said still wiping my shirt. He passed it to me and I paid the frightful bill without flinching. I left him a generous tip and left the hall, walking tall and not giving a hoot about the numerous eyes and quiet comments about the short lived drama. I got to the parking lot and paid off the security guard I had told to watch my car earlier; just in case Kemi decided to visit her fury on it.
Indeed, hell hat h no fury like a woman scorned.
Malcolm O. Ifi.
@saymalcolm