Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY Episode 25

Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY………. Episode 25 
 
Assumption is truly the mother of all f-ck ups. It is the principal ingredient that births the folly of false security. Never underestimate the capacity of a human being to hold a grudge. I think I was lulled by the fact that Christy agreed to move in with me. The last few weeks we spent together gave me a glimpse of what marriage is actually like. Its not so bad; the companionsh¡p, the wonder meals, the laughs, the plans and the like, but it was awfully stifling for a free spirited individual like me. It was something I could grow back into though. I had to be a gentleman all round and resist the urge that gripped me every now and then to stray. Come to think of it, I hadn’t strayed in a couple of months; it has got to be a record!
The irony about it all was that suddenly, I was getting all this attention from other ladies. The moment I kind of put it out there that I was official seeing someone seriously, the forces of evil turned against me. Pamela, the new girl in my office never stopped flirting with me. When she heard from the office grapevine about me and Nike, it didn’t deter her. Nike never stopped trying to sed-ce me at the slightest opportunity at the office hoping for a repeat performance of our rambunctious episode in the conference room last year. She kept reminding me about the dinner owed her. I ran into Maggie, my last serious date before I met Christy at Shoprite when I went to pick up some beverages. She wanted us to hangout once more to talk about what went wrong between us when she found I wasn’t married, even though I told her I was seeing someone. We exchanged numbers and I promised her I’d call, knowing I wouldn’t. I ran into Temitope, one of my many MAULAG flings last Sunday at the Silverbird Cinemas when Christy and I went to see “Django”. She was in the company of her formidable gang – Sandra, Kimberly and Ufoma. Sandra wouldn’t say hi because she was still smarting from the fact that I broke her heart when she found I had infiltrated her crew after giving false hopes about us dating after all said and done. Kimberly was all smiles and she flirted with me shamelessly in front of Christy – our thirty minutes of urgent passion in the back seat of my car early last year forever fresh in mind and she winked invitingly. Then, there was this junkie half-Italian belle – Maria. I met her at the airport when I went to pick up a package for my boss. We met at a bachelor eve party two years ago and had a wild night. She loved s€× and cocaine. She wanted to hook up too: had to tell her I was getting married the following weekend to get her off my back… it was all too much!
Fortunately, Christy didn’t give me much hell about the few she got to meet. As a matter of fact, she seemed to be amused at my apparently long string of conquests and was quick to point out to me the ones that still fancied me. When she asked for their stories, I declined telling her the past was past. Somehow, I found it weird that she seemed so nice, accommodating and even indulgent to a lot of my habits, especially her insistence at accompanying me to my Saturday hangout with the boys last week. I reasoned she was trying to gauge opinions on how I was seen by my boys, and on two occasions, alcohol-loosened l-ips almost sunk my sh¡p. Still, it didn’t ruin anything between us. At least, not then.
Kunle continued to lavish her office and home address with gifts and when he discovered she was in the process of moving in with me, the gifts stopped coming to her house but continued to jam pack her office. Even a couple of staffs of hers who I thought were on my side had begun to sway in his direction. He took to bringing gifts personally for everyone in her section and intEr×¢ting with them and before long, they softened up towards the “down-to-earth Nigerian-American basketball star”. Without Christy asking, he deposited over two hundred thousand dollars in fixed deposit with the bank and shortly after, the branch manager was wooing Christy on Kunle’s behalf.
Oddly, I was kept in the dark about this new development. Christy never mentioned this to me and I was furious about it when my informant gave me this latest update. I decided to give her time to do this but it seemed it wasn’t on the agenda. Apparently, I had made a grave mistake assuming I was winning because Christy had moved in with me. I began to panic and was considering proposing to Christy on Valentine’s day when a dramatic change that altered the course of victory for me occurred.
I was just getting to the parking lot where I had parked my car at the office after working late. It was 9:45pm and Christy had just called to tell me she had was already home when my phone rang again. It was an unregistered number.
“Hello.”
“Mickey Jay…Mickey Jay…or should I say Michael Jackson?” The unmistakable American accent cooed. I knew who it was but I was so out of my wits that I didn’t know when I decided to play dumb.
“Who’s this?” I asked, my voice hærdening in anger.
“I like what you did with your name. Not many people know Mickey Jay actually stands for Michael Jackson, do they? I agree with you. Its a pretty lame name and Mickey Jay sounds so much better.” He mocked.
I was shocked. I never told anyone but my dad is a great fan of the King of Pop and I was named after him.
“So, you’ve been digging?” I said, regaining my composure. “You mind telling me who you are?”
“What? You’ve forgotten all about me already?” He asked, his voice taunting.
“Is this Kunle?” I asked in mock realisation.
“Yes, it is. Do you forget so easily or are you just trying to act like you have?” He asked laughing
“Oh, pardon me. I seldom forget memorable people.” I said quietly.
“Touche!” He exclaimed. “So, you are as witty as they say. I’m impressed.” He said laughing.
“I’m guessing you didn’t call to ask how memorable you are to me because if that’s why you called, I’m sorry to disappoint you. I’m not g-y.” I said icily.
I heard him catch his breath. I could imagine the change of expression on his face and I felt pure joy.
“Ok, let’s not fight over the phone. I want us to meet. I’ve got a proposition to make to you. Let’s meet.”
“Give me a reason why I shouldn’t hang up on you right now. I’ve had a long day and the last thing I need right now is a prank call.” I said, tiredly as I unlocked my car door.
He laughed. “This is no prank call, I assure you. As you rightly guessed, I’ve been digging. I know something that you know but Christy knows nothing about.”
He paused for effect before he continued.
“I’m sure you’ll be mighty pleased with my offer. Its one you can’t refuse.” He said.
I had to laugh. After a long and hærd laugh, I apologized.
“I’m sorry. For a second there, I thought I was watching The Godfather.”
“I’m really not pleased that you’re making a sport out of this.” He said heatedly. He was beginning to lose his cool.
“Oh, come on! Who are we kidding? Its been a sport from the word go.” After a pause, I asked.
“Time and place?”
“There’s this cozy little bar on Bourdillion at Ikoyi. Think you can’t make it there now?”
“That’s out of my route. Pick another place and time.” I said curtly.
“Ok. Tomorrow at the Galleria. 8am?”
“8am’s good.” I said and hung up.
An offer I can’t refuse, I mused. What a joke r, I thought c*ckily.
@saymalcolm