Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY Episode 26

Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY………. Episode 26 
 
I had to lie about having a brief office meeting to discourage Christy from holding me down. Weekends were sacred to her, especially saturday mornings. Since she moved in, she always insisted we slept till 10am on saturday mornings after which, we would get up and do the general house clean up together. The young lad I used to pay to do my laundry and clean up the house was not a happy man. He would still show up at my door step with hope in his eyes. After two saturdays of pity payment, I stopped going to the car wash and put his smile back on as I gave him the responsibility of ensuring my car was clean at all times.
I managed to wiggle out of Christy’s tight embrace and headed to the Galleria. I left the house a few minutes past 8 and deliberately took my time. I got there a few minutes to 9 after running into an unexpected hold up. I called Kunle and he picked up on the first ring.
“You finally made it.” He said cheerfully. “I’m having breakfast at Barcelos. Come and join me.”
I hung up and walked in,side the massive fun paradise. It was crowded as always. Happy and excited kids milled about with their parents. Young and really pretty girls walked in the company of their Wizkid-looking boyfriends. The atmosphere was laced with the scent of fried chicken that wafted from the open space where the restaurant lay. I took the escalator up to the first floor and located where Kunle was. He was with a group of friends; two guys and four white girls. I didn’t know what to think but I suspected an ambush but it didn’t matter. I could take care of myself.
As I stepped in the massive diner, he s₱0tted me and waved excitedly as if I was an old friend. I joined them where they sat while he went about introducing me as an “old friend”. This was hærdly what I was expecting but I was quite familiar with the tactics. Give me a false sense of security and lull me into letting my guard down before he struck when I was at my most vulnerable. The four ladies – 3 Americans and a Brit seemed to focus on me as they besieged me with questions. It was their first visit to Nigeria and they seemed to be so in awe with what they had seen so far. However, the one called Chloe seemed to be way more than friendly and she made no attempt to disguise it. She left her seat and came to sit by me as we spoke.
The other two guys, Niyi and Shola took their leave shortly after I arrived. I didn’t blame them; it was hærd trying to keep up with the many sweet sounding accented English that flooded my ears but I was used to it somehow. I had cousins who lived in the US and made my ears and brain hurt every Christmas in trying to keep up with what they were saying when I was a lot younger. They had probably had enough. We shook hands and they said they hoped to see me again sometime. It was highly unlikely but I nodded and smiled. Kunle seemed to sit back and watch with a relaxed smile on his face as Elise, Marie and the Brit, Charlotte entangled me in a web of entertaining banter. Chloe by this time, had taken to holding my arm affectionately and even attempted to feed me her half-eaten sausage which I politely declined. She was blonde, pretty and intelligent. They all were and I enjoyed their company immensely. Charlotte set the ball rolling when she commented that I was a wonderful specimen of an African man.
“You really are. I wish I could take you home with me.” Chloe said, looking me in the eye while batting hers. I was lost for a second as a gazed into her green eyes; they were like shiny pearls. Very beautiful.
“You’re not married, are you?” She asked frowning, when I remained silent.
“No, I’m not. Not yet. Just amazed at how beautiful and green your eyes are.” I said smiling. A hush fell over the table as everyone focused on me, Kunle inclusive. Now when I say she blushed, I mean it this time. I saw the motions as blood rushed to her cheeks, her eyes softened and she looked away.
“Wow. A friend warned me about Nigerian men. They’ve got the most sugary of tongues. Impressive charmers. I can confirm that now.” Charlotte said smiling at me. At that point, she gave a look like “You can so get it if you really want it.”
“That was really sweet.” Elise added. “I’m jealous.”
“Who told you that about Nigerian men?” I asked laughing.
“Oh, a Nigerian friend back home. I dated one many years ago in London too so I ought to know.” Charlotte said haughtily.
“Really? What happened?” I asked.
“He left me for a black woman.” She said casually.
“Oops. Sorry.” I said apologetically.
“That was a long time ago. I’m over it.” She smiled wryly. “Apparently, I wasn’t round enough.” She said describing the thickness of the African woman’s br-asts and backside with funny gestures. I had to laugh.
“So Chloe strikes gold!” Marie clapped laughing. When I looked at her confused, Marie continued.
“She’s been complaining about how all the really cute guys seem to have been taken.” I laughed at this.
“I think you ladies are getting carried away.” Kunle interjected. “Can’t you tell a player when you see one?” He was getting obviously uncomfortable about how I seemed to flow with ease.
“Oh, we sure can. Being in the midst of two…” Elise said, winking mischievously. I laughed again.
“Now she’ll finally get laid and we can all be happy.” Marie continued.
“Oh, shut up!” Chloe said, blushing some more.
“Oh please! You’re always so choosy.” Marie said, gently taking her long and jet black hair backwards.
“Yeah. But perhaps the search for the Nigerian version of Idris Elba has ended?” Elise said, smiling.
“But I don’t look like Idris Elba. He does.” I said, pointing to Kunle who had been observing me the wh0le time.
He smiled wryly as I managed to deflect the attention from myself to him.
“I told you ladies. I’m here on a mission to find my bride…a Nigerian bride.” He said, trying to dissociate himself. A thought occurred to me.
“You know what’s funny? We are currently caught in a triangle at the moment.”
“A love triangle?” Charlotte asked wide eyed.
“Something like that.” I said smiling, reveling in the shock on Kunle’s face.
“He stole my girl but I’m going to win her back.” He said flustered.
“Where is she now?” Chloe asked.
“At my place.”
“Ouch!” Charlotte said.
“For real?!” Chloe exclaimed. She looked at Kunle and I incredulously. “And you guys are sitting here together, as friends? Wow!”
“We’re not really friends.” Kunle said.
“I’ll never understand men. I’m sure if it were the other way round, we’d be tearing our hairs out!” Marie said.
“Can I see her picture?” Elise asked.
“Oh, sure.” I said, reaching for my phone. When I sorted a picture out, Chloe snatched the phone.
“Oh my! She’s beautiful.” She gasped. “And you both look great together!” She exclaimed sadly. Elise, Marie and Charlotte almost tripped over each other to get a good look.
“There goes my Idris Elba.” Chloe pouted.
“Never say never.” I said, winking at her and she squeezed my thighs from under the table and gave her most flashing smile.
“I don’t think you stand a chance, Kunle.” Charlotte said finally pronouncing Kunle as “Ku-unlaay”
“You think?” Kunle said. “I’ve got the aces.” He said confidently.
“Show me.” Marie said.
Kunle regarded me with an evil but victorious smile before he reached for his iPad which lay on the empty chair beside him.
At that moment, I knew the jig was up!
It had previously occurred to me that his antics at Christy’s office was going to get Kemi’s attention. I knew Kemi still held a grudge against me for the “ceremonious” send-off I held for her when she tried to do me in and I’ve lived in fear since he started sending gifts to Christy at the office. That was the only thing that could make me concede defeat. I wasn’t shocked and I wasn’t surprised. I was just numb.
The first thing we heard was the mo-ning of the other girl before he adjusted the volume. The sounds made them all flock around him. I just sat still with a blank expression on my face. I took a sip of water to w-t my parched throat. The look of incredulity on their faces was to die for. They all looked up at me to confirm I was the p-rn star in the flick before continuing. Kunle handed them the device and they settled down more comfortably while he leaned back with a satisfied smile.
There was nothing else I could do, so I smiled back.
“So, she got to you.” I asked quietly.
“She did. Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned.” He said grinning evilly. He leaned forward on the table and said in a hushed tone, “Why bother with what’s mine when you can have her?”
I looked away, feeling rather deflated. Chloe, Charlotte, Elise and Marie were full of excited giggles now. The looked at me and whispered among themselves and giggled some more. I wasn’t embarrassed, I just didn’t want Christy to ever set eyes on that video.
“Do you really think Christy will take you back when she sees this? It’ll destroy her. She’ll hate all men because of me, and that includes you.” I said.
“No, she won’t. She’ll need a shoulder to cry on and I’ll be right there. I know her better than you ever will.” He said smugly.
I looked away and weighed the options.
“So what are you going to do?” I asked.
“No, what are YOU going to do?” He said, posing the question back to me.
I shrugged. For the first time in a long while, I was absolutely clueless, just like the president.
“Break up with her. She doesn’t have to know. Do that and she’ll never see this video clip. I give you my word.” He said behind his infuriating smile.
I nodded.
Chloe spoke up first. She left the others and came and sat next to me and held my hand. She regarded me with pity in her eyes for a while before she spoke.
“I’m sorry darling, but I think you’re screwed.” She said with deep sincerity written all over her face.
I smiled sadly but said nothing.
“Whew! You’re quite a stallion.” Marie said smiling mischievously. When she saw my expression, her excitement dampened.
“Ku-unlaay, do you really have to do this?” She asked.
“All is fair in love and war.” Kunle said as he continued to smile. Charlotte and Elise handed Kunle the iPad and whispered amongst themselves. They wanted to leave.
“Here’s my card. Call me if you want to talk. I’ll be around for the next couple of weeks.” Chloe said, handing me a card she had just written her number on after consulting her mobile phone.
“I will.” I said smiling. She k-ssed me lightly on the cheek and smiled and they all said their goodbyes and left.
I sat there alone for a couple of minutes thinking about my life and how I had managed to ruin it all. I knew Kemi was going to strike back somehow and Kunle was the tool. I could still carry out my threat but it would be useless; it wouldn’t give me any satisfaction. I drove back home with an utterly blank mind. Christy was preparing breakfast when I got back home.
“How did it go?” She asked cheerfully before planting a w-t one on my unresponsive l-ips. She looked me in the eye and held my face, her pretty eyes worried.
“Are you alright, baby?”
I sighed heavily before I replied. “Darling, we need to talk
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