Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY Episode 37

Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY………. Episode 37
 
April 16th, 2013
12:45am
 
After the visit to the hospital to see my beloved Goddaughter for the first time and the drinks afterwards, I had cause for sober reflection. I started to think how selfish I had been for a while, living just for myself and the pleasures of life. Seeing the unadulterated joy and pride in Tunde and Amaka’s eyes woke me up to how much I wanted a family of my own…a wife and a mini-me to live for. I was jealous of how effortlessly Tunde made the transition from playboy to family guy.
 
Meanwhile, I had a more important thing to worry about. I had called up Andrew and asked for an appointment.
 
“Is everything all right?” He had asked with concern.
 
“Oh, sure. I just want to do a little check up.” I said casually.
 
“You’re not due for another two months so for you to request for an appointment, something is not right.”
 
“What’s that supposed to mean? Does something need to be wrong before I book an appointment? See this guy oh.” I said, feigning irritation.
 
Andrew laughed and had his secretary call me up with a date. As a parting shot, he asked:
 
“Is your engine having problems?”
 
“Gerrawayou!” I said, laughing and hung up.
 
Christy spent the night after Tunde’s fatherhood celebration and was true to her word despite my advances. I tried to get her in the mood and I succeeded always to an extent but she wouldn’t let me go further. I had slept that night a frustrated man. The wh0le perceive-but-don’t-taste, taste-but-don’t-eat, eat-but-don’t-swallow was the most frustrating thing ever.
 
On Sunday, we both went to church together after which she headed home to prepare for the week. To make sure I was well prepared, I stopped by at the hospital to see Andrew. I wasn’t specific about what I wanted but a HIV test was amongst the many things I wanted him to check for. Though he insisted that he did that every time I came in for my general check-up, I needed to be sure there would be no surprises. We went through the motions of the general tests and I was given a clean bill of health as usual.
 
“What about HIV test?” I asked.
 
“Our lab scientists are unavailable at the moment. Except you want to come back tomorrow?” He asked as he took off his lab coat.
 
“How long will it take to get results?” I asked.
 
“I’ll recommend a Polymerase Chain Reaction test…”
 
“A what?” I asked blinking.
 
“PCR for short. It’s foolproof and shouldn’t take longer than 30 minutes.” He replied laughing.
 
“So there are tests that aren’t foolproof?” I asked wide eyed.
 
“Of course there are though the margin of error is very low.”
 
“I’ll be here by 12pm tomorrow for the Polyre…PCR tomorrow.” I said. He laughed.
 
“Hmmm. Been riding without a helmet, eh?” He said, eyeing me slyly as he cleared his desk.
 
“No. Just want to be sure.” I said nonchalantly.
 
“Yeah.” He said, not believing me.
 
“Going out?” I asked, changing the subject.
 
“Yeah. Got a date with the wife.” He said, grinning sheepishly. “She just came back on friday.”
 
“Oh, cool. No more hanging out at the bar.” I said smiling.
 
He laughed.
 
“By the way, you still owe me a drink. You can’t just engage a woman and not buy booze. It’s not done. I was with Tuoyo and Ifeanyi last week and every one is wondering how you’ve been keeping a low profile after you popped the question.”
 
“Oh, don’t you worry. In due time. Na una go run.” I said laughing.
 
I spent the remainder of the day at the hospital and accompanied Tunde, Amaka and my God-daughter, Olivia home when they were both given a clean bill of health. Tunde had this smug look on his face while we were at the hospital and I wondered about it but he wouldn’t tell. Somehow, the warning bells that should have rang in my head did not after his insistence that I accompany them home when they left the hospital. I was basking in my new found Godfather status so I didn’t suspect a thing. When I finally realised, it was too late.
 
We drove into the compound which was eerily quiet. Strange, I thought as I was privy to the conversation that Christy’s mom had just come into town and was at home waiting for us to return.
 
“Maybe she’s sleeping.” Amaka said as she took the keys from the bag while Tunde carried little Olivia gently who was fast asleep. I was expecting to see some activity but it was all quiet and dark.
 
As the doors opened, the light came on automatically and we saw a group of about 15 people cheering. The house was decorated with a banner that read;
 
“WELCOME HOME OLIVIA.”
 
At the center of these wonderful people, was Kemi!
 
Oh, not again! I thought exasperated. Can’t I go through life without running into her time and time again?!
 
I threw a stern look at Tunde who was busy exchanging greetings with friends who came, most of whom were neighbours to welcome Amaka and the newest addition to the family, the adorable Olivia. I now understood why he had that look of mischief in his face. I shook my head.
 
Seriously though, I thought to myself, how could Kemi not be here? She was Amaka’s close friend. I was still surprised that she hadn’t mentioned all that had gone on between us to her. Amaka would have surely giving me the lecture of life about the error of my ways. Tunde had done a good job of not divulging my secrets during their pillow talk; I loved him for that.
 
Kemi as always was the center of attraction and rightly so. She was dressed in simple jeans and a tank that generously exposed her cle-vage. She glowed with a certain confidence and seemed to always have this s€× appeal that emanated from her and drew me, and I’m sure many other men like metal to magnet. The worst part was she seemed to do it with so much ease and it so happened that at this point, I was feeling s€×ually vulnerable having not had some…from anywhere in a while.
 
Kemi didn’t seem surprised to see me at all. She even acted like I was a ghost and I was grateful for that. After our last episode, I swore I’d never have anything to do with her again. After exchanging a few nice words with Amaka’s mom who handed me a bottle of red wine and plate of chops, I decided to call Christy and tell her. No more secrets, I thought to myself. I strolled to the balcony and called her.
 
“Can I trust you?” That was all she asked after a long pause.
 
“Yes.” I said.
 
“Ok. Try and leave as early as possible. You know you have to be at work tomorrow.” She said.
 
“I will. Have a good night. I call you when I get home.” I said and hung up.
 
I stayed on the balcony for a while longer, savoring the evening breeze when Tunde came to join me.
 
“Check in with madam yet?” He asked.
 
“Just did. So that funny look on your face was because you knew she was going to be here?” I accused.
 
He laughed. “Didn’t you know she would be here?”
 
“I didn’t think of it.” I said.
 
“For God’s sake bro, I hope you’re over her?” He asked with a concerned look that made me laugh.
 
“I was never below her.”
 
He gave me a sly look. “Really? Seriously? Not even once?”
 
I gave him a puzzled look.
 
“Even while in the sack?” He added mischievously. I laughed and punched his arm lightly as he ran in,side.
 
“Ok, ok. Its picture time.” Amaka called.
 
I went back in. The fussing over Olivia as she slept like an angel in her cradle had simmered down. Neighbours and friends formed little clusters and had light talks over drinks and food. The atmosphere was genial and calm. I carried a chair and positioned it closely before the cradle and sat, admiring the innocent beauty of my God daughter.
 
“She’s adorable, isn’t she?” A familiar voice said.
 
I didn’t turn around. “Yes. She is.”
 
“I hear you’re her God father.” She said, drawing a chair and sitting next to me.
 
“Yep.” I said, wishing she wouldn’t ruin my quiet moment.
 
“What a coincidence. I’m her God mother too!”
 
“Why am I not surprised?” I asked, in resignation.
 
She laughed and remained silent for while. I was so conscious of the proximity between us that I broke into a nervous sweat. I was disturbed that she still had some pull over me.
 
“How’s Christy?” She asked.
 
I gave her a sly look. “Like you care.”
 
“You really see me as the devil, don’t you?” She asked, amused.
 
“Well…I don’t have an answer to that.” I said with a shrug.
 
“I’m not. I’m just a girl who…” She continued but was interrupted by the flash of the camera. It was Amaka’s cousin, Andrea.
 
“You guys look fantastic as Godparents.” She said excitedly. “Please pose for a proper shot.” She said in a thick British accent.
 
I turned and faced the camera with a smile when without warning, Kemi hooked her hands in mine as the camera flashed.
 
“Its perfect!” Anwuli exclaimed.
 
“Let me see.” Kemi asked, joining her. I turned my attention back to Olivia who stirred.
 
“Ok people, show’s over. I’m taking the baby in,side.” Amaka’s mom said. “And you should be resting.” She said to Amaka.
 
That was my cue. I rose and bade everyone goodbye and headed out.
 
“Mickey!” Kemi called out as I entered my car.
 
I acted like I didn’t hear and zoomed off.
…………………………………………………
 
I was strangely anxious as I sat in the waiting room. The hospital here didn’t have the ostentatious sophistication of Reddington but it was an efficiently run and fully functional hospital. Still, the faint but familiar smell of antiseptics didn’t make me feel too comfortable.
 
I picked up a newspaper to occupy my mind and keep the growing anxiety at bay. I had come in 22 minutes early for my appointment with Andrew and had my blood taken. I had taken the test thrice before but the thought that there were tests that weren’t foolproof was disturbing. The fact that it was almost an hour since my blood was taken didn’t help.
 
The door to his office opened and an obese woman dressed in skirt suit stepped out. She signaled to me that I could go in. With my heart thumping and threatening to burst out of my rib cage, I put my game face on and walked into his office.
 
“Hello Mickey.” He rose from his seat and extended his hands which I grasped as I nodded, dimly aware that my palms were sweaty.
 
“Please sit.” I obeyed, trepidation eating away at my soul.
 
He put on his glasses and studied the paper. He was in no hurry, which infuriated me a little. After that, he put down the paper and took off his glasses, slowly and stared at me intently.
 
All these theatrics just to announce a frigging test result?! I wanted to shout “Get on with it man!” but I kept silent, keeping my face expressionless.
 
“You’re unusually calm.” He said, smili ng. When I didn’t respond, he shrugged.
 
“Your test came back negative. You can breathe now.” He said smiling expansively.
 
Thank you sweet Jesus!
 
I exhaled.
 
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