MEMOIRS OF AN UGLY GIRL
By HSR* 📝📝📝
– *Diary entry –23*
It’s a Monday morning, I wake up feeling nauseous, my head is throbbing and my throat feels like it is on fire to top it up all there is an overwhelming feeling at the pit of my stomach.
‘Oh Koko, when are you coming back, I need you right now, I need you to hold me in your arms and tell me everything is going to be fine, I need to you sooth me, my heart really aches.’
I splash some water on my face and drag myself out of my room to the living room I need to clean the house before I go to school or all hell will break loose.
It takes me about forty five minutes to quickly clean the house and an extra ten minutes to wash the plates and pack them.
As I head back to my room to get myself ready for school, I feel something coming up my throat I rush into my room and quickly empty my stomach into the toilet.
‘I must see a doctor,’ I say to no one in particular.
After a few minutes I slowly make my way to the bathroom, the water is unusually cold this morning, I walk out shivering a few minutes later.
Then I dress up quickly and make my way into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea.
I walk into the kitchen to find Sherister sitting at the table with tears streaming down her face.
I stare at her for a few minutes, thinking of what to do, I can walk out and pretend I didn’t witness her crying but my conscious won’t let me.
I quietly grab a kettle and fill it with water and put it on the stove to boil before I sit next to her.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask
She shoots me a narrow eyed glare.
‘You know you can talk to me right?’
‘So you can laugh at my predicaments?’ she asks
‘I am not that kind of a person, I would never laugh at another person’s problems.’
She sniffs, ‘Well my baby daddy doesn’t want to see me anymore,’ she cries
‘He doesn’t believe this child is his.’
‘Why would he think a thing like that?’
‘Because he wasn’t the only man I was sleeping with, this whole thing is messed up. I don’t know what to do Zen and if Uncle Steve finds out, he is going to murder me.’
‘No he won’t murder you, have you talked to your mother about this?’
A piecing sound interrupts her words, I stand up and remove the tea pot from the stove then I pour the tea in two cups handing one to Sherister.
‘Thank you,’ she responds
‘You know what, don’t stress yourself , just take each day as it comes you can always do a DNA test after the baby is born for now just focus on being healthy.’
She takes a sip from her cup,’ Thank you Zen.’
We drink our tea in silent, when I am done I stand up.
‘I need to get going I am going to be late for class.’
I grab my bag and walk towards the door, as I am open to walk out, she calls my name.
‘Huh,’ I respond
‘Thank you,’ she says
‘You are welcome.’
I head out into the cold January morning thinking about the little chat with Sherister, this is the first time we have had a decent conversation, I can’t believe she even said thank you to me, wonders shall never end, well maybe it’s the hormones acting up.
I arrive at school after like thirty minutes as usual there is no one in class, well I move my table to the far end of the room, I don’t want to sit with Angie I can’t stand her.
I settle down and remove the novel I have been reading the past few days,’ Redeeming love’ by Francine Rivers, I just love how this woman writes someday I hope I can write as good as she does.
I am so engrossed in this book that I hardly notice anyone entering the class till they clear their throat. I look up and find its Elijah standing next to me.
I jump a little startled,’ You scared me,’ I say
‘Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you, how are you Zendaya?’
‘I am fine thanks sir.’
He smiles, ‘sir?’
‘How can I help you?’
‘I decided to come early hoping I would catch you here alone before class.’
I put my book on the table and look at him, ‘Why?’
‘I just wanted us to talk.’
‘I haven’t been able to get you on phone did you block me or something?’
‘Nah, I didn’t block you, my phone broke.’
‘So what do you want to talk about?’ I ask him but before he could respond the door swings open, Sarah and her friend walk in.
‘Still wanna talk?’ I ask Elijah
‘I will talk to you later.’
‘Okay,’ I respond and focus my eyes back on the book.
‘Morning girls,’ he says to Sarah and her friend as he walks past them.
As soon as he is out of the class room, Sarah walks over to my table she grabs the book from my hand.
I shake my head,’ Tsup.’
‘I know your type Zendaya, you act innocent at first glance yet you are a silly conniving little weasel, now listen to me, Elijah is my man so don’t you dare go anywhere near him.’
‘I have heard about your little escapades with him, the concert date, the ice cream date at the mall,’ she rolls her eyes ‘a man like Elijah is not for a woman like you.’
‘Yes,’ her friend responds, ‘stick to your level Zendaya, you might be dressed in all these expensive clothes but even that is not enough to wash away your ugliness. Stay away from Elijah or else….,’
‘Or else what?’ I cut her short
‘We will make your life miserable, just try us,’ she spits in my face and throws the book on the floor.
I wipe my face with a tissue and pick my book from the floor.
I am just so mad at the fact that they know about the concert and the date at the mall, like could Angie be capable of telling the whole crew my secrets.
I am disgusted by the fact that I trusted her and she went around and told people about my secrets.
I stand up so I can walk out for some fresh air but all of a sudden I feel dizzy, next thing I notice is falling down and before I know it, it’s lights out for me.
MONDAY- JANUARY 21st*
– *Diary entry –24*
I wake up to an intoxicated smell of medicine invading my nostrils.
I glance around the room and realize I am lying in the school clinic bed the room is silent apart from my heavy breathing.
I close my eyes for a split second trying to remember what exactly happened to me & then everything flashes right before my eyes, the argument with Sarah and her friend, the dizzy spell after I stood up, the passing out.
I have never passed out before hope it’s nothing serious.
I shake my head at the thought of all the stuff that’s been going on in my life. It’s like nothing ever works out for me, every time I find a little light, darkness over clouds me.
I am just so tired of life, I feel low and drained this is too much for one person. I swear I have no motivation to live anymore.
‘I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t! Dear Lord I need rest, please.’
A few minutes pass by and I feel this stabbing pain in my chest.
I place a hand on my chest as the pain seems to fade momentarily before coming back worse.
‘ow!’ I whimper as the pain slightly eases
As I sit upright, the door creaks open and Dr. Chishala walks in.
‘Zendaya!’ she says my name with a huge smile
‘I am glad you are awake, how are you feeling?’
‘Is there anything that’s hurting on your body?’
‘No, I am perfectly fine.’ I lie
She jots down a few things in her notebook before she looks at me again.
‘What’s wrong with me Doctor, what triggered the dizzy spell and why did I collapse?’
‘It’s nothing serious Zen it’s just stress and lack of sugar in your body.’
‘Lack of sugar?’
‘You haven’t been eating of late Zen.’
I shake my head
‘You need to eat plus you also need lots of rest.’
‘So I will keep you here on bed rest for a couple of hours.’
‘Bed rest? No I need to be in class.’
‘That can wait.’
‘No buts young lady,’ she cuts me short.
‘Fine,’ I pout.
‘Here’s your medication,’ she says
She hands me two pills and fills a glass of water for me. I quickly swallow the pills with a drink of water.
‘Ill,’ they are bitter, I frown
‘I will check on you later,’ she says before walking out of the room
I try to sit up for a few more minutes but I can’t I feel exhausted and drowsy, I lay back on the bed and before I know it, I fall into a deep sleep.
**** (A few hours Later)****
‘Zendaya,’ a deep and un-emotional voice echoes through the room
I slowly glance around the room but I see no one.
‘It’s just a figment of my imagination,’ I try to convince myself
‘Zendaya,’ I hear the voice again, this time louder
I immediately sit up
‘What?’ I ask
All of a sudden the door bursts open and Uncle Steve walks in all covered in blood.
I look at him and my whole body becomes numb cold.
‘You don’t deserve to live,’ he says
His voice is cold and devoid of emotion.
‘Your mother was an evil woman that makes you an evil child.’
‘No I am not an evil child,’ I shake my head.
‘You are an evil child, you don’t deserve to live,’ he pulls a gun from his coat and points it at me.
‘No uncle, please.’
‘Say your last words before I blow your brains off.’
My heart is beating hard against my chest, my head is pounding and my palms have suddenly become sweaty how will I escape this, where is Koko when I need her the most?
‘Koko won’t save you,’ he says as if reading my mind, ‘Koko is dead, I killed her,’ he laughs
‘No, Koko is not dead.’
He laughs out loud, ‘She is dead and it’s your turn now.’
‘Please,’ I whisper.
He aims the gun at me and counts to three before he pulls the trigger & there is a loud boom.
‘No! No!’ I am screaming in pain as he tries to shoot again.
‘Please!’ I scream until I feel someone shaking me.
‘It’s just a dream Zen, please wake up, it’s just a dream.’
Finally I wake up, my eyes snap open to see Elijah in the room, I don’t even know what he is doing here but that doesn’t matter now, the dream freaked me out I am still shaky.
‘It was just a dream,’ Elijah says
‘It felt so real,’ I cry
He pulls me into his embrace and holds me tightly, I feel so safe in his arms I stay there for a while till Angie walks in and interrupts our moment.
The mare sight of her disgusts me.
‘What do you want here Angela?’ I angrily ask
Elijah stands up, ‘I will leave you two to talk let me find the doctor so she can discharge you.’
Angela walks close to the bed, ‘How are you feeling?’
‘What do you want?’
‘I was worried about you.’
I laugh, ‘oh really?’
I shake my head, ‘I fell into your trap once, never again, please leave.’
‘I know I owe you an explanation but this is not the right place to talk about that.’
‘Koko,’ my face brightens up
‘What did she say?’
‘She was asking about you.’
‘And what did you tell her?’
‘The truth, you are unwell.’
I roll my eyes, ‘You shouldn’t have worried her with such information I am fine.’
‘She said the network is bad that side so she will call tomorrow so you can talk to her.’
‘I am not interested in anything you have to say, thank you for telling me about Koko, you can leave now.’
She looks at me before she turns and walks out of the room.