Memoirs Of An Ugly Girl

MEMOIRS OF AN UGLY GIRL batch 2

MEMOIRS OF AN UGLY GIRL
By HSR* 📝📝📝
*
*TUESDAY JANUARY 3, 2017*
– *Diary entry –3*
Dear Diary,
This morning I woke up feeling dizzy and shaky, I think it’s because I cried a lot last night.
Auntie Naomi said some unkind words to me after Koko went to sleep, I wanted to lash back at her but I didn’t.
Koko taught me never to yell back at adults even if they are in the wrong.
You know I seriously don’t understand why Auntie Naomi is this bitter towards me. I have always treated her with love and respect even though all I get back are curses and insults.
Shouldn’t an auntie be a girl’s safe haven?
I mean I have seen how our neighbor pampers her nieces with love whenever they visit her, she is always spoiling them with presents, at first glance you would think they are children, I honestly envy the bond she has with them.
I think some other families are just blessed with good people but a family like mine can drain you emotionally and make you feel bad about yourself. The only good person in this family is Koko I swear the rest are just toxic, sometimes I wonder what would have happened to me if Koko hadn’t taken me in. I would have probably ended up on the streets.
So I crawled out of bed & headed for a shower hoping that it would make me feel better.
I stepped into the cold shower and stayed there longer than I anticipated, by the time I got out, my headache was gone and I was feeling energized.
I wore a plain short sleeve dress and on my feet were a pair of Sandals. I am not a makeup person so I never bother with that I mean even if tried, no amount of makeup would be able to cover up this ugly face of mine.
I tie my braids into a bun and walk out of my room to the kitchen.
I find Koko sitting at the kitchen table holding a cup of tea in her hands.
She is all dressed up and ready to go for her women’s meeting and from the look of things she has already cleaned the house s₱0tless.
‘Morning beautiful,’ she says with a smile spread across her face.
That familiar smile that always lights up an entire room!
‘Morning Koko,’ I blush
‘You look beautiful when you Blush Zen,’ she says.
‘The way you chaff me Koko, we both know the word beautiful can’t be used to define these hideous features,’
‘There is more to beauty than outward appearance you are beautiful Zen.’
I manage a weak smile, ‘If you say so Koko.’
‘Come and sit here,’ she pulls a chair for me.
‘I prepared porridge, should I dish up for you?’
‘Yes Koko,’ I respond while biting my nails.
She stands up and dishes for me then she hands me the plate. She dishes for herself too and sits down. For a few minutes we eat in silence.
‘Zendaya,’ she calls my name.
‘Yes,’ I look up at her.
‘How was your night?’
‘Okay.’
‘Your eyes are swollen you didn’t sleep much did you?’
I nod my head.
‘Zen you should never take what Naomi says to you to heart.’
‘I didn’t take anything to heart,’ I lie.
‘Naomi is my daughter, I know how mean she can be at times.’
‘It’s okay Koko, I have gotten used to her now.’
‘I love you Zen and no matter what anyone says my love for you will never ever change.’
I smile.
‘You should know that you were never the problem, your mother didn’t leave because of anything you did she didn’t leave because of your looks either. She had her own agenda and it had nothing to do with you,’ she pauses
‘I raised you as my own, I enjoy spending every little coin I make on you and you are not a burden.’
‘Will she ever come back Koko, does she even think of me?’
‘I can’t answer those questions Zen, only time will tell.’
‘Okay.’ I respond, I can feel my eyes get watery.
Talking about Viola always brings tears to my eyes, all these years I have been hopeful of her return and Koko always says time will tell, it’s been 20 years, maybe I will have to wait another 2o years before her return.
Koko stands up, ‘Come here.’
I stand up and walk towards her. Koko engulfs me in her arms and she runs her hand up and down my back.
‘I love you my cupcake,’ she whispers.
‘I love you a wh0le lot Koko.’
‘Awwww! If it isn’t the rejected human and my mother,’ Auntie Naomi laughs.
‘For a second there, I thought Viola had returned.’
Koko pulls away from the hug and she gives Auntie Naomi a sour look.
‘What,’ Auntie Naomi shrugs her shoulders.
‘Leave the girl alone, haven’t you tormented her enough?’
‘Why do you always support her mother, it’s always been her over us.’
Koko laughs ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Zen is a fragile child, I have to protect her.’
‘She is not your child mother, the sooner you get that into your head the better.’
‘When is your husband picking you up?’
‘Oh so you want to kick me out because of her?’
‘You are a married woman, you don’t belong here.’
‘Just tell me to leave mother and I will leave,’ Auntie Naomi raises her voice.
‘You can leave if you want to,’ Koko says
A tear escapes Auntie Naomi’s eyes she looks at Koko then at me before she walks back to her room.
‘Koko you shouldn’t have.’
‘Tough love my darling tough love,’ she smiles
‘Where are the shop keys,’ I ask
‘In my room, top drawer,’ she responds.
‘Okay.’
Koko hugs me briefly, ‘I will see you later take care of yourself.’
‘Take care too.’
She picks up her bag and heads for the door.
That’s all for today diary I have to be at the shop now. I will see you next time.
WEDNESDAY- JANUARY 4, 2017*
– *Diary entry –4*
Dear Diary,
5: 20 AM: Lying in bed listening to Dolly Parton’s Imagine.
I love listening to Country Music because it’s quiet peaceful.
It helps to get my mind off everything.
I don’t know if anyone can relate but it sort of helps to heal my mind and soul.
I had a terrible dream last night I dreamt that Koko was involved in an accident and she died on the s₱0t, the dream felt so real.
When I snapped my eyes open, I looked around only to realize I was in my room and it was just a dream.
I was quiet shaken up by this dream hence I couldn’t go back to sleep, the thought of losing Koko terrifies me.
It’s not something I like to think about, I swear I would die if I lost her.
At 6:00 I roll out of bed, I wash my face and brush my teeth before I head out to the kitchen and start cleaning the house.
When I am done with my chores I decide to make porridge.
For as long as I can remember, Koko and I sit at our kitchen table and have porridge every single morning it’s sort of a family tradition.
I always look forward to our porridge dates every morning because Koko gets to give me undivided attention and we get to talk about a lot of different stuff.
‘Something smells nice in here,’ Koko walks in smilingly
‘Morning Koko,’ I smile back at her.
‘You woke up quiet early today.’
‘Yes I couldn’t sleep.’
She gives me the worried kinda look, ‘Is it Naomi again?’
‘No.’
‘You need to make sure you have enough sleep every night.’
‘I know Koko I just had a terrible dream.’
‘Dish up for me so you can tell me about it.’
I pour the porridge into the bowl and hand it to her then I sit down myself.
‘So tell me about this dream you had,’ she says
I hesitate for a while before I narrate the dream to her, when I am done she laughs.
‘It’s funny?’ I ask eyes wide open
‘No Zen it’s not funny, it was just a dream you should know I am not going anywhere anytime soon, I still have a few more years before I kick the bucket.
‘It was just so scary Koko.’
‘Don’t let such dreams drain you of your sleep.’
‘Alright Koko,’ I smile.
‘Who will give you away in marriage if I die this early?’
‘Koko,’ I hit her playfully.
‘Only when I walk you down the aisle will I be able to join my ancestors.’
I laugh out so loud at that statement.
‘What?’ Koko gives me a quizzical look.
‘Like really Koko, you need to wake up I am never walking down the aisle.’
Koko frowns, ‘Zen you need to stop belittling yourself I raised you better than this.’
‘I don’t want to get my hopes high, the ‘happily ever after’ theory exists only in story books.’
‘You will get your happily ever after.’
‘Have you taken a good look at me, like what man would fall in love with me?’
She takes a deep breath ‘It’s never about the looks Zen.’
‘So you say.’
‘I am serious you need to look at yourself through God’s eyes.
God sees you as his unique beautiful creation don’t take what man says to you to heart because you are of great value to your creator.’
I laugh quietly, ‘I hear you Koko.’
‘You need to learn to love yourself first my Zen only then will you see the beauty that you posses.’
‘I will try Koko,’ I lie only because I don’t want her to go on and on.
It’s not that I never want to get married and have that ever happily ever after like Cinderella it’s just that I don’t see any man willing to spend his life with me, i just turned twenty yet I have never dated, funny huh I haven’t even had my first k-ss though I do imagine how my first time will be.
If someone ever gets to k-ss me I want to it be magical and explosive, I read a lot of books and watch a lot of movies so I do have some expectations.
‘Zen!’Koko lightly pushes me, waking me from my day dreaming.
‘What.’
‘You were day dreaming,’ she says accusingly
‘Oh please Koko.’
‘Is it a boy you were thinking about?’
‘Koko, please,’ I laugh.
‘You are twenty and I haven’t heard you talk about a boy, I am worried.’
‘Breakfast is over,’ I stand up.
‘Zen,’ she calls.
I laugh, ‘Koko there is no boy they will never be any boy.’
She shrugs her shoulders, ‘Only time will tell.’
‘Yes only time will tell,’ I rush to my room.
I strip off my clothes and head towards the bathroom I take a long relaxing bath. After I am done, I wrap a towel around my head and dry my body off with the other.
I am not like other girls who spend lots of time trying to find the perfect clothes I simply open my closet and pull out the first thing I see.
It’s a little cold outside because it was raining last night so I decide to wear my meroon tracksuit and pair of thick socks on my feet.
I walk out of my room a few minutes later, Koko is watching TV.
‘Where are the keys Koko?’
‘I thought we will open a little later.’
‘Ahh Koko, people buy more in the morning I will go and open.’
‘Suit yourself.’
‘Are we being Lazy now?’
‘We are trying to keep warm.’
‘I will you use your fleece blanket to keep me warm at the shop.’
‘Alright.’
I rush back to Koko’s room for the keys and on my way out I bump into Auntie Naomi, from the look of things she has just woken up.
‘Morning,’ I manage a weak smile.
She clicks her tongue, rolls her eyes and bypasses me.
‘Suit yourself,’ I say under my breath.
She turns ‘Did you just say something?’
‘Nop,’ I nod my head.
‘I hope so,’ she says before she continues walking.
You would think after that little dramatic act of hers she would have gone back to her house but no, she is still here. I bet she wants to torment me before she decides to go back.
Anyway I will be back a little while later Diary, duty calls.
Love Zen….💙🖤💙🖤💙
*TBC*

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