memoirs of an ugly girl
By HSR* 📝📝📝
– *Diary entry –42*
It’s a glorious sunny day I am lying in bed reading ‘Meandering Sorrows,’ It’s a Novel by Janine.
I just got a copy a few days ago and I haven’t been able to put the book down- its good.
So the past one month has just been amazing, Mel and I have been working hand in hand brainstorming over the project and getting resources, the project will kick start in December when I get done with school, Mel insisted I should be the one to lead it and my boss agreed, in his own words there is no one better for this than me.
You don’t know how excited I am diary, this means I have a job immediately I finish school, I am in awe of God’s favor upon my life like what have I done to deserve this.
There is too much light shining brightly upon my life right now- it’s overwhelming.
So yesterday was my last day at work, schools kick start next week for my last and final semester, I need to work extra hard this semester so I clear my course with Distinctions.
Well my eyes are still focused on the book in my hands when suddenly my phone buzzes I look at the screen to see a text from Melvin.
‘How are you?’
‘I am okay you?’
‘I am awesome.’
‘What are you doing?’
‘Okay, can I persuade you to lunch at Grill?’
‘Okay, that would be nice, I have never been there.’
‘I bet you will like.’
‘I will pick you up at 12.’
Before you even get any ideas diary, Mel and I are just friends nothing more, we have spent a lot of time together the past month working on this project so it’s just normal that we have become close, he is a good friend and he makes me laugh.
I spend the next few hours just lazing around in bed, Koko has gone for a church meeting, Auntie Naomi hasn’t been around for a week now, we all don’t know where she is, Sherister is in her room she doesn’t go out these days her bump has grown bigger and the girls are in the living room watching Television.
Around 11, I roll out of bed and walk towards my bathroom so I can take a bath and get ready for lunch, Mel is very punctual I know when he says 12 he means 12.
I take a long hot cold shower and when I am finally done, i step out feeling more alive.
What am i even supposed to wear for the lunch- date, oh no this is not even a date but I don’t know what to call it, it’s just lunch right- okay whatever.
Ripping through my closet I finally settle for a royal blue sleeveless jumpsuit that hugs my body, it’s the first time I am wearing it, this was a gift from Angie. I pair it with a pair of nude high heeled shoes then I wrap a pearl necklace around my neck with matching earrings to compliment my look. Afterwards I perfectly apply my makeup and do my hair.
When I catch my reflection in the mirror, I am speeches. I look amazing!!!
‘I am beautiful, I am amazing, I am lovable, I am the good thing, I am the prize,
I am worthy of all things wonderful.’
I repeat these words over and over again then I smile at myself, this is my new ritual I do this every morning because I am words I affirm to be.
‘Zena,’ Rina runs into the room and startles me out of my reverie.
‘Uncle Mel is here to see you.’
‘Oh, I will be out soon.’
This is the third time he is visiting me home, the last two times he had picked me up for work so Koko and the girls know him.
I grab my purse and walk out to the living room to see Mel chatting happily with the girls.
‘Hello to you too,’ he says, ‘you look amazing.’
‘Thank you, you don’t look bad yourself.’
‘’ he says and I burst out laughing,
‘What?’ he shrugs
‘Zendaya you are such a bully.’
‘What have I done now?’
He rolls his eyes, ‘I am trying here and all you can do is laugh like really?’
‘You sound so ghetto right now.’
‘I give meaning to the word ghetto,’ I say and we both burst out laughing.
‘Let’s get going before you make me go mad.’
‘See who is talking.’
He shoots me an evil glare and I laugh out some more.
‘Girls I will see you later,’ I say as Mel leads me out of the house.
We get to his car and he opens the door for me, I slid into the passenger seat and he goes to his side of the car, before I know it we are on our way.
We get to this strange place about an hour later I call it strange because I have never been here before.
He holds out his hand to me and helps me out of the car.
‘Did you just call me baby?’
‘Me? Call you baby? For what?’
‘Someone has a crush on me,’ he smiles
‘Nigga stop feeling yourself, what’s there to crush on?’
I laugh, ‘It’s supposed to.’
‘You are such a bully, why are we even friends in the first place.’
‘I am the air that you breathe.’
‘Stop growing wings.’
He rolls his eyes again,’ Oh please.’
We walk into the restaurant hand in hand like a couple, I am sure everyone looking at us thinks we are an item, come to think of it we could make a cute couple, I look up at him and smile.
‘Hell no,’ I hit him
The waitress walks us over to a quiet table by the window, I love this place despite it being small its classy and elegant.
The place looks busy but not overly so, soft music is playing in the back ground.
The waitress comes back to our table and takes our order. We sit in comfortable silence till our food comes.
As we eat, we chat away slowly, he asks me questions about school, relationships and just my life in general.
‘So you have only dated once?’
‘Yes though it even last.’
‘I don’t know.’
‘What do you mean you don’t know?’
‘Well he just woke up one day and decided he didn’t love me.’
I smile, talking about it doesn’t sting anymore, it’s just one of those things I can talk and laugh about.
‘And you are over him.’
‘It’s Mr. Nuez right?’
My heart beats hard I give him a quizzical look.
‘That guy we met when we first had our meeting.’
‘How did you know?’
‘I saw how he looked at you, the tension in the air somehow I knew there was more to you guys than that lecturer bullshit you fed me.’
‘Language!’ I exclaim
‘Well he is my lecturer but we had something going on for a while- first boyfriend.’
‘He doesn’t deserve you.’
‘Let’s drink to that,’ he raises his glass at me, a kind of cheers I return the gesture and smile.
An hour later, we finish our food and get ready to leave.
As we walk out we bump into Clarence.
‘Zendaya!’ she loudly exclaims.
She pulls me into an embrace, ‘Girl it’s been ages.’
‘Why did you just disappear on me?’ she asks
Given a chance I would slap this woman, like I went to her when Elijah left me and she told me her hands were tied she couldn’t do anything to convince him otherwise.
‘I have been busy,’ I respond.
‘Hey,’ she says to Mel
‘Hey,’ he responds
‘I will call you this week we have a lot to catch up on.’
I just nod my head.
‘Let me get going, a friend is waiting for me inside.’
– *Diary entry –43*
I woke up slightly late this morning because I stayed up all night chatting with Mel, I swear that guy is not good for my health, what started as a simple hi turned up into a big conversation and before I knew it, it was already 3 in the morning.
So you can only imagine, I only had like three hours of sleep before my alarm went off.
With a tired groan I roll over in my bed and fall down on the floor face first.
I let out a long sigh as I stand up and rush to the bathroom, I quickly complete my morning routine and get ready to go to school. I am excited because this is my last semester, I can’t wait to graduate and see what the world has to offer me- the future looks bright.
As soon as I finish eating my phone buzzes, indicating a text from Angie, ‘I am outside.’
‘Koko, I gotta go to school I’ll see you later.’
‘Have an amazing day, may God’s goodness and Mercy follow you throughout your day.’
I step out into the cold windy morning and make my way to Angie’s car.
‘Morning,’ I greet her as I settle into my seat.
‘Morning my darling,’ she smiles
‘You look fresh.’
‘Yes please and you look like you have been run over by a train.’
I let out a loud yawn, ‘My sister, I had a long night, I am tired.’
She gives me a questioning looking, ‘Long night doing what?’
‘I was talking to Mel.’
‘Our dear Mel.’
‘It’s not what you think.’
‘Have I said anything?’
‘I know that tone.’
She coughs and clears her throat, ‘Mel is just our friend we know.’
‘But he is just a friend.’
‘I haven’t argued.’
‘You are such a fool.’
‘And you are the bigger fool.’
Angie doesn’t believe Mel and I are just friends because we are too close but in all honesty there is nothing going on between us apart from friendship, it’s too soon for me to get into a new relationship, I might have healed but I still feel a kinda way for Elijah.
‘Home sweet home,’ Angie exclaims as she pulls the car into the school parking lot.
We step out of the car and walk down the corridor to attend our first class with Elijah. When we walk in we find some of our colleagues already in classes.
I spend the next few minutes browsing on my phone as we wait for lessons to start.
The door swings open when it’s almost 8 and a short bald man with a withering face walks in.
‘Business and Administration class fourth Year?’ he enquires
‘Yes,’ Sarah curtly responds
‘I am your new lecturer I will be taking you in management this semester.’
Uncomfortable murmuring erupts around the room and I begin to wonder what happened to Elijah.
‘Excuse me,’ the new lecturer loudly says, ‘Can we please have order in here.’
‘What happened to Mr. Nuez ?’ Sarah asks
‘I really don’t know and I actually don’t care.’
‘If you are not ready to cooperate with me, I will ask you to leave my class.’
Everyone gradually fell silent.
‘I thought as much,’ he says, ‘so first things first, my names are Jonas Siame. I hope we can work hand in hand, I do not tolerate nonsense, you misbehave I kick you out of my class.’
‘Ah, as if it’s high school,’ Sarah’s friend whines.
He shoots her a death glare, ‘Out.’
‘Out,’ he yells louder this time around, she grabs her bag clicks her tongue and walkes out.
‘Anyone else who wants to join her?’
He smiles, ‘I thought as much.’
He quietly connects his laptop and turns it on.
‘So I believe you ended on strategies for leading and managing organizations.’
‘Great. I have a few questions for you more like a mini test just to assess you.’
‘Like right now?’ Angie asks
‘Yes, you have a problem with that?’
‘You there,’ he points at me.’
‘Collect all the management books and bring them here.’
I do as I am told then he passes us some papers with the questions.
‘Lord this man will be the death of us,’ I mumble under my breath.
I instantly begin scribbling down my answers, I can feel Angie’s gaze on me I am sure she is stuck. When he steps out for a minute or two, I show her my paper and she reads through.
The morning passes by real quick, before we know it we are in our second class.
I am busy taking down notes as the lecturer is dictating when a knock sounds at the door.
‘Come in,’ the lecturer calls out
A guy from the second year class walks in and tells the madam I am being called.
Confused, I stand up and walk out she leads me to Elijah’s office, I knock on the door.
‘Come in,’ he calls out
I push the door and walk in; he is busy clearing his desk and packing his stuff into a box.
He looks up at me there is a pained look on his face.
‘You called for me,’ I maintain a serious face
He walks over to me and pulls me into an embrace then holds me tight, I wrap my hands around him and for a minute I am lost in his embrace, I breathe in his cologne and listen to the beating of his heart, I feel his hand caressing the back of my neck.
‘I don’t love you, I never did,’ the words replay in my mind and I pull away from him.
‘What do you want?’
I take a few steps back, ‘Stay where you are.’
‘I have resigned,’ he says
‘Oh,’ I act surprised
‘I am moving to S.A,’ he says
My heart beats fast and hard.
‘I got a better offer that side.’
‘I need to talk to you before I leave.’
‘I owe you an explanation.’
‘No you don’t.’
‘I do Zen.’
‘I need to go back to class.’
‘Let me take you out for dinner for old times’ sake and then we can talk.’
‘Please,’ he pleads
‘You made it clear we had nothing to talk about so what’s all this?’
‘All I want is just ten minutes of your time.’
‘No,’ I shake my head, I won’t give him the power to break me again no I won’t listen to him.
‘Zen,’ he holds my hand.
‘Just let me go back to class before your girlfriend walks in here.’
His grip on my hand tightens as he pulls me to him, now we are standing so close to each other.
‘Give me this chance to explain please,’ he whispers
‘No,’ I shake my head.
There is an awkward silence as he stares into my eyes. He cups my face and kisses me. I gasp and push him away, he tries to pull me back in his arms but I struggle till he lets me be.
‘What sort of nonsense is that,’ I slap him hard across his face.
‘Sorry I got carried away.’
‘Make this the last time you do that,’ I angrily yell forgetting we are in school.
I shake my head and walk out of the room and slam the door shut. I walk back into the classroom and sit down, Angie looks at me but I ignore her.
Just then my phone buzzes just then indicating a text from Elijah.’
‘Ten minutes is all I ask for please.’
I click my tongue, delete the message and block the number.
We are at the cafeteria and I am having the usual if you know what I mean, I missed my smoothie.
‘The way you drink these things even if you don’t gain awe sure,’ Angie says
‘Not now please,’ I roll my eyes.
‘You have been gloomy.’
‘Elijah called me into his office.’
‘Gist me,’ she says excitedly
‘Gossiper,’ I laugh
‘Makes two of us.’
‘So he kissed me.’
‘And you allowed him to ai,’ she gives me a quizzical look
‘It’s my mouth not so,’ I smirk
‘Awe Zen, not after what he did, you can’t just go back into his arms.’
‘Look at how terrified you look.’
‘This news is terrifying.’
‘I thought you loved Elijah.’
‘That was then I am team Mel now levels baby levels.’
We burst out laughing.
‘You are a goat you know that?’
‘You are a pig.’
‘He has found a job in S.A.’
‘He wants to take me out for dinner so we can talk.’
‘Hope you accepted.’
‘He owes you an explanation, plus who says no to free food.’
‘I said no.’
‘Meet up with him, get closure.’
‘You think so.’
‘I know so.’
‘I will think about it, but I don’t think a meeting is worth it, what does he have to say to me that he didn’t already say?’
‘I will think about it.’
‘I will think about it,’ I cut her short, ‘Tell me about your date with lover boy last night.’
Her face glows as she begins to narrate the story to me.