Memoirs of an ugly girl
By HSR* 📝📝📝
– *Diary entry –44*
It’s a Thursday afternoon and I am dead tired, I had a hectic day at school all I wanna do is lie down a little.
I strip off the clothes I wore at school and get into comfortable ones before I get into bed and lie down. I quickly doze off to sleep propping my head on my pillow.
I sleep so soundly for a while before I am woken up by a knock on my bedroom door, I snap my eyes open and sit upright while loudly yawning and stretching.
‘Auntie Zen,’ Rina calls my name
‘Someone is here to see you.’
I glance at my clock, its 16:45 I still feel sleepy though.
I am out of bed before I can stop myself, I slide my feet into a pair of slippers and stride through my bedroom to the door.
‘What are you doing here?’ I demand when I find Elijah in my living room
‘We need to talk Zen.’
‘There is nothing to talk about,’ I contradict him
‘Please,’ he takes my arm and i shake it off.
‘What’s there to talk about?’
‘Give me a few minutes of your time.’
‘Can we go somewhere private?’
I laugh, ‘Elijah, do you want to talk or not?’
‘We can’t talk from here, they are kids in here,’ he looks at the girls
‘Let me change into something more decent I will join you shortly.’
I quickly head for my room and push the door open with the flat of my palm. I am still angry at Elijah but I think he owes me an explanation so yes I am gonna hear what he has to say.
So I change into a short dress and some boots then I grab my phone and purse.
‘Shall we?’ I ask once in the living room.
‘Wezi, tell Koko I will be back shortly.’
We walk out of the house to his car, he unlocks the car and I open the passenger seat before he does it for me.
‘I would have gotten it for you,’ he says
I shake my head and slid into my seat, he walks over to his side and climbs in.
Before I know it, he is driving us towards the direction of his house.
My phone begins to ring a few minutes later I pull it out from my purse and answer.
‘Hear my soul speak, the very instant that I saw you did my heart fly into your service.’
I burst out laughing.
‘When did you become a helpless romantic?’
‘Your beauty is captivating,’ Mel says
‘What have you smoked?’
‘Can’t I compliment my friend again?’
‘Mel what do you want?’
‘My friend has a birthday dinner, I need a date.’
‘You want me to find you someone?’
He laughs, ‘Silly I am asking you out.’
‘Tonight, I can pick you up at 7.’
‘It’s a date.’
‘Thanks, I knew I could count on you.’
‘Can’t you be romantic?’
‘I will see you later my darling,’ I say with emphasis on the word ‘Darling.’
‘That’s more like it.’
‘Bye,’ he cuts the line.
I put back my phone in my purse, I can feel Elijah’s intense gaze on me.
He silently shakes his head.
‘You got over me that fast?’
‘I don’t owe you any answers.’
‘Elijah please, I am not in the mood for this, you left I moved on. So?’
‘Mel, that’s what you call him now.’
‘None of your business.’
He shrugs and focuses his eyes back on the road.
Minutes later we get to his house and he pulls up in his driveway, we both step out of the car at the same time and he leads me into his house.
‘Can I get you something to drink?’
‘Take a seat.’
‘I am okay.’
He paces back and forth then he suddenly stops.
For a long unbearable moment we just look at each other.
He clears his throat.
‘I don’t have the whole day.’
‘I miss you, I miss us.’
‘I love you.’
I laugh, ‘Don’t joke like that.’
‘I am serious and you know it.’
‘No I don’t know it, you don’t love me remember, you never did.’
‘What I did to you will be like a brand on me all my life, I know I hurt you bad.’
I pace back and forth restlessly for a few minutes anger leashing itself tighter around me.
‘I am sorry.’
‘Sorry?’ I ask, my voice louder- I feel like I am about to explode.
‘You didn’t hurt me, you fvcking tore me apart, you broke me you stripped me [email protected] and left me in the cold to die.’
‘I am sorry,’ his voice is terse, low and strained.
‘Start explaining yourself or else I am out of here.’
He gives out a frustrated sigh, ‘It did it for you I did it for us.’
‘What do you mean you did it for us?’
‘My Auntie?’ I cut him off before he can finish.
‘Your auntie somehow managed to find out I am a lecturer at your school and she followed me home……’
‘Allow me to finish.’
‘She made it clear she didn’t want us to be involved, in her own words you don’t deserve me. She said she was a better match for me, that I needed someone mature like her. When I refused she threatened to report us to the school authorities, she even had photos of us kissing as evidence, I have no idea how she got them.’
‘Ah!’ I gasp in shock the world suddenly stops moving everything else seems to have come to a standstill including my breathing then after a while it starts.
‘You have come a long way Zen, I didn’t want to be the reason they kicked you out of school, I didn’t want your years of hard work to go in vain.’
I know my auntie hates me but to go to this extent.
‘You have every right to be angry,’ he says his voice is sombre.
‘Couldn’t you have found a better way?’
‘You could have told me, we could have found a way out.’
‘She didn’t want you to find out, she wanted me to break up with your abruptly. Those two weeks when I mysteriously went away, I was stuck between a rock and hard place, I had to think.’
‘And your best option was to hurt me?’
‘I didn’t mean to hurt you.’
‘You broke me you took me back to that dark place that I had been trying to escape from for months.’
‘I am sorry,’ he holds my hand
‘And Christine, why was she at your house that day? Did you cheat on me with her?’
‘I never cheated on you, when I said I loved you, I meant it. Christine showed up at my house that day unannounced, apparently she is in love with me and she came to confess her feelings for me.’
‘I only used her as shield to keep you away from me.’
‘This is a fvcked up situation.’
‘I know I don’t have the right to ask you this but do you think we still stand a chance? Can you ever forgive me and take me back or maybe I am a little too late?’ he asks
He is looking at me directly in my eyes, my head is kinda throbbing I am confused.
I open my mouth to respond but quickly close it.
I yank my hand off his grip and move two steps behind.
‘Broken glass can’t be fixed.’
‘It’s a little too late for us.’
‘You love him?’
‘This isn’t even about him.’
‘You did me bad Elijah, you could have fought hard for me, you could have told me you made me believe I was worthless.’
‘Don’t baby me.’
‘Your ten minutes is up, take me home.’
‘Take me home,’ I scream at him.
We walk out of the house and get into his car, he drives me back quietly I just need time to think about all this.
He pulls up in front of my gate.
‘I leave for S.A tomorrow.’
‘Is there seriously no hope for us?’
‘No,’ I respond my voice cold and devoid of emotion but deep down I just wanna break down.
‘I guess this goodbye.’
‘Take care of yourself.’
I open the door so I can step out, he holds my hand.
‘I love you, don’t ever doubt that.’
I step out and walk in without looking back at the car.
– *Diary entry –45*
I walk into the house and slam the door shut behind my back, both my auntie’s are in the living room watching television, I don’t what time they came because they weren’t around earlier.
‘Look what the cat dragged in,’ Auntie Naomi exclaims
I shoot her an evil stare.
‘You are the wickedest woman I have ever seen,’ I say
‘You know what at some point I thought I was the problem, I did all I could to make myself worthy of you but now that I know better, this isn’t about me, you are naturally wicked.
‘Shut up!’ Auntie Jenny yells at me
‘You shut up yourself.’
‘Zendaya! Are you talking to me like that?’
‘Wonders shall never end,’ Auntie Naomi exclaims
‘Yes I am talking to the both of you.’
‘You have grown wings I see.’
‘So you just weren’t happy that I had a boyfriend, someone ten times better than the men you sleep around with you had to threaten him to leave me?’
‘Oh this is about that stupid teacher?’
‘The same stupid teacher you wanted in your bed, you are shameless auntie, no wonder your husband is marrying someone else,’ I yell
She stands up, ‘Zendaya, you dare stand here and call me names in my own mother’s house?’
‘This is my grandmother’s house, I will call you whatever I want.’
She raises a hand to slap me but I grab it before she can get a chance to do it.
‘You are challenging me?’
‘Yes I am.’
Auntie Jenny too stands up for a minute eyeing me angrily.
‘Steve must hear about this.’
‘Steve must here about this,’ I imitate her in a funny way, ‘Aren’t you old enough for such?’
She shakes her head.
‘You are just an ugly girl that………,’
‘Ugly girl,’ I cut her short before she can finish her sentence
‘You and you sister are the ugly ones, so you think I will shrink when you call me ugly?’ I burst out laughing, ‘Not anymore sweet auntie, not anymore. I am a beautiful girl I can’t be compared to you.’
Auntie Naomi laughs.
‘Who lied to you?’
‘You are not my creator and hence you have no authority to call me ugly, I forbid you to call me ugly.’
‘Or else what?’
‘I will beat you up so bad you won’t know what hit you.’
‘I swear don’t even touch me, gone are the days you would toss me around like some soccer ball.’
‘You are just as silly as your mother no wonder she discarded you like garbage.’
‘Even that won’t hurt me I am not responsible for Viola’s actions she left that’s not my business okay.’
‘Listen to me and listen to me real good both of you, make this the last time you ever interfere in my life, the next time you do, I swear I will forget who you are.’
They both silently looked at me in disbelief obviously surprised I could talk to them like this I have seriously had it with people stepping on me I am taking control of my life- Not anymore.
‘Wait till Steve comes here, you will be out of this house.’
‘As if I am scared of your hero Steve,’ I roll my eyes and march out of the room.
I get into my bedroom and lock the door up, I pace back and forth restlessly, why didn’t Elijah just open up to me, why didn’t he tell me what was going on?
So many questions run through my mind, I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if I can give Elijah a second chance but I don’t want him to leave.
‘Think Zen, think.’
‘What do I do?’
‘I don’t love you, I never did,’ those words hit a nerve and each time I think about them sadness grips me.
My phone rings suddenly and startles me out of my reverie. I pick up without checking the caller id.
‘Girlfriend!’ The familiar voice speaks on the other end of the line.
‘We need to talk are you home?’
‘Yes I am home.’
‘I am on my way.’
‘Clarence!’ she cuts the line right before I can object.
‘Lord I am not ready for her drama.’
Anyway I strip of my clothes and walk into the bathroom I need to take a bath to calm my nerves. I stand still under the cold water for about five minutes then I step out and head back to my room.
I change into a pink floral dress and my pumps. My phone vibrates as soon as I finish getting dressed.
‘I am outside.’
‘Will be out in a bit.’
I grab my bag and walk out of my room, my aunties are gloomy but I don’t even care, I guess they have reported me to their brother Steve, let him come and meet me here, I will be waiting.
I step out of the house and find Clarence standing outside the gate.
‘Baby!’ she wraps her hands around me
‘Hey,’ I pull away from her.
‘How have you been?’
‘You look amazing girlfriend.’
‘What’s with the one word responses?’
‘None, I guess.’
‘Listen I am sorry for being cold on you the last time you visited, it wasn’t my intention, I was just trying to protect you.’
‘I hear you.’
‘I know my brother and I hurt you.’
I laugh, ‘Let’s not go over that anymore, you are sorry I forgive you, let’s move on.’
‘Does that mean we can be sisters again?’
‘You are going too fast.’
‘I forgive you but I doubt me and your brother can ever get back.’
‘I am serious Clarence I don’t ever wanna go back to that dark place again.’
‘Please think about it, you guys still have time to work things out.’
‘Okay I will think about it.’
‘Can I go back in now?’
‘I thought we could grab something to eat.’
‘Nah I am fine.’
‘Thanks for dropping by.’
‘Anytime and please call me when you change your mind.’
I walk back into the house and head straight for the kitchen, I need to start cooking Koko must be on her way home.
‘I can’t believe Naomi would do that to you, what sort of demon got into her?’ Koko asks after I finish narrating what happened with Elijah, we are in my room and I have my head lying on her laps.
‘Honestly I don’t know Koko.’
‘Well I know she hates you but I didn’t expect it to get to this extent.’
‘I was as puzzled as you are Koko.’
‘The evil my children do surprises even the devil.’
‘What should I do Koko?’
‘Do you still love him?’
‘I think I still do but then I am scared to go back to him, what if trouble comes again and he hurts me, I won’t be able to handle that Koko.’
‘What of this Mel guy, what’s going on?’
I laugh, ‘Mel is just a friend.’
‘And does he know he is just your friend?’
‘What sort of question is that?’
‘I have seen how he looks at you, he wants more.’
‘You think so.’
‘I know so.’
‘He has never opened up to me.’
‘Maybe because he knows you still like Elijah.’
‘Ah Koko this is complicated.’
‘I can’t tell you what to do, follow your heart baby.’
My phone vibrates before I respond to Koko.
‘I am outside,’ It’s a text from Mel
‘I forgot I was supposed to go with Mel for his friend’s dinner and he is outside.’
‘You can quickly change and join him outside.’
‘I am not up to it Koko.’
‘Then go out there and tell him.’
I rise to my feet and slip my feet into a pair of flip-flops. I walk outside. He is standing next to his car.
He throws his arms around me and embraces me tightly then he pecks me on the cheek.
‘I can’t go with you tonight.’
‘I am not feeling too well.’
‘You have texted.’
‘I am sorry it slipped through my mind.’
He lets out a heavy sigh, ‘Can we just talk for a few seconds.’
He opens the car door for me and I sit down, he walks to the other side and slides into his seat.
We sit in silence for a few minutes.
He faces me and holds my hand in his.
‘Well I know this is too soon but I can’t hold it in any longer.’
‘I like you,’ the words finally rush out of his mouth.
‘You what?’ I ask trying to be certain I heard him right.
‘I like you.’
‘Oh!’ I gasp out, my eyes widen in shock, so Koko was right after all.
‘I am sorry this just happened, I want you to give me a chance.’
‘You don’t have to answer me right now just go in there and think about it.’
I take in a long breath and let it out slowly, ‘I wasn’t expecting this.’
‘I know but I am willing to wait.’
‘I think I need to go in.’
‘I hope I didn’t scare you off.’
‘No, I just need to think about this.’
He steps out of the car and walks over to my side, he opens the door for me and I step out.
‘I guess this is goodnight.’
I turn away and start to go back inside but before I get far, he holds my arm and spins me back before I can even comprehend what’s happening, he leans in and kisses me.
For a moment or two I freeze under the touch of his lips then in a second I jerk away from him and pull out of his grasp.
‘Zen, I am sorry i…,’
I run into the house before he can finish his sentence.