Memoirs of an ugly girl batch 4

MEMOIRS OF AN UGLY GIRL
By HSR* 📝📝📝
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*SUNDAY- JANUARY 8th, 2017*
– *Diary entry –7*
Dear Diary,
I couldn’t sleep last night I kept turning & tossing till dawn. The strange thing is that I can’t seem to get Elijah off my mind, each time I close my eyes his face flashes right before me and then I keep getting that tingly little feeling in my tummy, like is that even normal, I barely know him yet he is haunting my mind.
Anyway I woke up this morning in a pretty good mood I rolled out of bed, got down on my knees and gave thanks to God for keeping me safe throughout the night, then I brushed my teeth and washed my face.
‘It’s going to be a great day,’ I said to myself as I headed towards the living room to start with the clean up.
So I turned the radio on and turned it up as I started cleaning the house.
I was singing along to the song which was playing while dancing a little as I dusted the ornaments on the TV stand.
‘I know who God says I am, what he says I am, where he says I am, I know who I am, I am working in power, I am working in miracles, I live a life of favor for I know who I am,’ I sang at the top of my voice
I was so focused on what I was doing I didn’t even notice auntie Jenny had walked in till she turned off the radio interrupting my joyous moment.
‘Oh! Here comes trouble,’ I say under my breath.
She yawns out loud and gives me one of those nasty looks.
‘Of course you know who God says you are, we all know who he says you are. You are a bastard you are an ugly unwanted child. Yes that’s what God says you are. You know when I look at you, I am more than certain they swapped Viola’s baby at the hospital, that girl was too pretty to produce this.’
Her words sting, they pierce my heart, my eyes well up with tears but I blink them away.
‘You wake up early and decide to disturb our peace in our own mother’s house? You know what I think it’s about time you went mother hunting.’
I stand there frozen unable to utter any words this woman sure knows how to spoil my mood.
Koko walks in, ‘Jenny if you want peace go back to your house,’ she scolds her
‘This is my mother’s house I have every right to demand for peace, if she wants to make noise let her locate her mother’s house too.’
‘When I look at you I am ashamed to call you my daughter, I raised you better than this Jenny, this bitter woman you have become is not my daughter.’
She laughs out in a mocking and disrespectful manner.
‘Mother you are just reaping the fruits of your harvest you made us this way so please don’t stand here and act as if you were ever a good mother.’
Koko raises her hand and wh¡ps it hærd across Auntie Jenny’s face, ‘Don’t you dare question my parenting skills, I raised you the best way I knew how to, do you even know the sacrifices I made to keep you ingrates alive huh?’ she yells
‘What’s going on?’ Auntie Naomi and Sherister both rush into the room.
‘Your mother just slapped me,’ Auntie Jenny laments.
‘I guess it’s because of this thing right here,’ Sherister says
‘Another ill word about Zen and all of you will kicked out right this minute.’
‘You can’t be serious,’ Auntie Naomi exclaims
‘Naomi you have way bigger issues to deal with than picking on Zendaya.’
‘Don’t rub my mistakes in my face mother please don’t.’
‘Cheating is not a mistake, cheating is a choice.’
‘Mother!’
‘Daughters of mine do not lead me into temptation, Zen go and get ready for church.’
‘I haven’t finished cleaning,’ I respond
‘The girls will do the cleaning today, just got and get ready.’
‘By girls you mean us?’ Jenny raises her brows
‘Yes baby girl, my house my rules, if you aren’t comfortable then leave.’
I swear Koko made my morning with her statement, I even forgot I was about to cry, I laughed out loud my aunties were nearly bursting with anger.
So I ran back to my room, stripped off my clothes and headed for the shower. I was singing one of my favorite worsh¡p songs as I bathed, worsh¡p gets my mood back on track I didn’t want to go to church in a foul mood.
When I was done, I dried my body and went back to my room.
I searched through my closet for something to wear after a while I settled for a floral-flare dress, it’s one of those beautiful dresses I bought a while ago but I have never worn. I have a tendency of buying things and never wearing them.
Afterwards I sat down in front of the mirror and applied a little make up then I styled up my hair, I just wanted to look different today.
I finished off my look with peep- toe high heel sandals.
‘Zen,’ Koko peeks through my room
‘Yes.’
‘Someone looks beautiful,’ she beams with excitement.
‘Thought I try out something new,’
‘I love it you should try to dress up more often.’
I take a few selfies with Koko on my phone and we walk out to the living room.
Sherister is mopping the floors while Auntie Naomi is washing the plates i bet they are fuming with anger. Auntie is sitting in the living room with a cup of coffee in her hands she looks at me and clicks her tongue.
‘We will be back by twelve please prepare lunch,’ and with that said Koko and I walk out of the house.
Koko owns a gray Toyota Corolla Spacio.
She opens the car door and gets in, I walk round to the passenger seat and slid in too then she starts the engine and pulls out of the drive way.
Diary entry –8*
Dear Diary,
Church was amazing today.
The pastor talked about the power of forgiving those who have hurt and injured us, he said we don’t have to wait for someone to seek forgiveness before we can forgive them but we need to forgive even the people who aren’t sorry for the hurt they cause us so that we can have peace of mind.
This sermon got me thinking though, a lot of people have caused me so much pain, I don’t know If am capable of rendering such kind of forgiveness to them, I think it just takes grace for someone to be able to forgive this way.
Anyway one thing I really enjoyed at church today was the worsh¡p time, I got down on my knees and just praised God for his amazing love, like really where would I be today if not for his grace and love.
God is really amazing.
When the service was finally over, I waited in the car for Koko while she talked to some of her friends.
Then afterwards we drove to the mall Koko wanted us to spend some time away from the house it’s like my aunties are suffocating her too.
You know Koko is a sweet woman, I wonder how she gave birth to such children, they are nothing like her they are just so bitter and disrespectful. God knows if Viola never left I would have loved her with everything in me, I would never disrespect my mother like my aunties do with Koko.
Anyway that aside, we got to the mall and went straight to Debonairs Pizza inn, I haven’t had pizza in a while so I had to take advantage of this opportunity, it’s not every day that my beautiful Koko takes me out.
We ordered pepperoni pizza and found ourselves an empty table.
I got a slice of pizza and took a bite from it.
Koko did the same too.
‘Koko! ‘ I called out after taking a large sip from my drink.
‘Yes.’ she looked up at me
‘Tell me about Viola.’
‘Huh!’ she gave me a puzzled expression.
‘I want to know about Viola what kind of person she was, you know.’
‘You have never been this interested to know about her, why now?’
‘Curiosity I guess,’ I responded quickly.
Koko closed her eyes and remained silent a long time.
‘You don’t have to tell me anything if you aren’t comfortable,’ I said, regretting ever asking her about Viola, I guess it must hurt for her to think about her.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly before opening her eyes again.
‘Viola was a sweet girl, she was nothing like her sisters,’ she began
‘My girl was beautiful! Light skinned, long natural hair you would think she was colored, I guess that’s why her sisters where jealous of her,’ she chuckled
I listened quietly as she told me about Viola.
‘She had a nice slender figure, round hazel eyes & her l-ips were set in a small line, that girl was my prized possession,’ she smiled.
‘Viola was always so respectful unlike her siblings. Lord she was so humble and soft spoken. We were very close, I was her best friend. She would always come to me for everything sometimes she would just lay on my laps and pour out her heart to me, something none of my children ever did.’
‘If Viola was this perfect child what went wrong Koko, how did she just wake up and leave?’
‘Viola started changing when she went to Uni, she started drinking, going out more often and keeping late nights. I didn’t understand what was happening to my baby, she couldn’t talk to me anymore, I prayed to the lord so many times to put her in the right direction but the situation worsened.’
‘It was after she had written her final exams at Uni that I discovered she was pregnant, I was disappointed because she had a wh0le life ahead of her, a child would stand in the way of her dreams but nevertheless I urged her to keep the pregnancy.’
‘What happened after?’
‘She left home, I came back one Sunday afternoon and Viola was gone, she had packed all her belongings, none of her siblings knew where she had gone too, it was like the earth had suddenly swallowed her.’
That must have been hærd on you.
‘It was so hærd Zen, each night I went to sleep I wondered if she had eaten, if she was still alive and if the baby in her womb was well taken care off. The hours of waiting turned into days, days into weeks and weeks into months but there was no sign of Viola, I had even lost hope of ever seeing her alive when she suddenly appeared carrying a baby in her hands.’
‘That baby was me I guess,’ I laughed
‘Yes, it was you, you were so tiny, fragile and beautiful I fell in love at first sight.’
I smiled.
‘I asked your mother if she had named you, she said she didn’t want to, so I came up with Zendaya- to give thanks, I was thankful that she had returned to me and I was thankful she had given birth to this wonderful baby.’
‘How did she eventually leave?’
‘I had gone out to the market to buy a few things, her siblings weren’t home it was just her and you at home. When I came back I found you crying on the bed with a note that read, ‘I am sorry Mama I am not ready to be a mother, I don’t see myself loving this child, I am out of here please don’t look for me.’
I blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes, like how could she just leave me in a house like that all by myself, what if the house had caught fire, what kind of mother discards her child off like that.
‘I do think about Viola sometimes but she made her decision and we had to respect it,’ Koko said.
‘Do you resent her for leaving?’
‘I am a mother so I would never resent any of my children my love is filled with love for all my children despite how they turned out.’
‘You are a great woman Koko, I swear I am never leaving your sight, I am always going to be here for you.’
She smiled, ‘I love you my pumpkin,’ she said.
‘I love you too Koko, for always.’
‘Okay enough of all these sad stuff let’s finish up the food.’
‘You are right,’ I laughed.
It’s just an emotional ride today diary, hope I will have better news for you tomorrow.