Opana - The Coffin Maker

Opana the coffin maker episode 52

Opana – Episode 52
 
© Akoto Alexander
 
Quincy: (whispering in a low tone) Who is there and who are you looking for?
 
The person behind the door keeps mute and bangs the door again and this time it is louder then the first one.
 
Quincy: (tip toe to the kitchen and grabs a frying pan and baking roller then comes back to the door and whispers) Who is there and who are you looking for?
 
Quincy’s mobile phone starts to ring and immediately he deeps his hand into his pocket and brings the phone out without checking who the caller is.
 
On Phone:
 
Quincy: (in a low tone) Please who is on the line?
 
Michael Ansah: Herh are you sleeping or you have taken tramadol volume 1200mg? Can’t you recognise my number or voice again?
 
Quincy: Jack you are calling at the wrong time, there is someone by the door knocking violently at it and am sensing danger so am taking cover before the person enters.
 
Michael Ansah: Whaaaat? Do you by chance know how many people who are behind the door?
 
Quincy: (still in a low tone) If I knew their number will I be this scared? How would I know their number as am in,side the room and they are outside, my friend we will talk later, this is a wrong time to be on the phone and if you come to meet my dead body later, tell Maabena that I love and cherish her so much.
 
Michael Ansah: Don’t worry bro for am almost at the house, no one and nothing can harm you.
 
Quincy: (still in a low tone) Be there and be speaking be English, you are there and am here, “He who feels it, knows it”. Am suspecting the guys who came here the previous night looking for you, perhaps they have gotten to know that I lied to them the other time. God you know I have lived a clean life all this years, I have never coverted what belonged to my neighbour and I went to church when the need came. It’s only my tithe that I didn’t pay frequently because I am not working, please God with this looming attack please if possible divert it to another direction and let this death pass me by. I will serve you diligently and not even miss a sunday service even if am sick or not have money on me.
 
Michael Ansah: Quincy are you praying or what?
 
Quincy: Jack let me be, I will talk to you later if I don’t die by the end of this encounter. I love you bro.
 
Before Mike could say anything the line had gone off.
 
Michael Ansah: (speaking to hinself) Should I involve the police in this or what? Driver please step on the accelerator, my brother’s life is in danger back at home and if I don’t get there on time, I will only meet his corpse.
 
Driver: Boss am already driving on a top speed so what again do you want me to do? Do you now want me to put it on a flying gear?
 
Michael Ansah: Burger you are very rude papa, no wonder you are just a mere taxi driver.
 
 
Driver: You that you are a rich person why are you not driving in your own V8 now, if you don’t keep quite behind me, I will drift the car into the bush and you will see.
 
Michael Ansah: Oh is that so? You think now the juju that you drivers have gone in for we don’t know erh, if you like try any nonsense and you will see what will happen to your sorry ass. Do you know where I come from and the herbs that has been used to bathe me? Do you know the concotion that I have drunk into my system and do you know how many marks I have on me from some native doctors? Don’t let me do something to you that I will regret later.
 
Driver: Oh boss why, don’t you know how to play? I was only joking oooo, see I love my life more than anything, I have four wives and eleven children who are all boys so if I die who will take care of them? I just saw another young girl that I want to marry and make her my fifth wife, I know with her she can give me female children. That is why am working day and night so I can raise money for her customary rites.
 
Michael Ansah: Are you listening to yourself? How old are you and is the car for you?
 
Driver: Boss am only 39years of age, the car is not mine but I hope it will be mine some day.
 
Michael Ansah: Are you aware you are greedy and self centered? How can one man marry 4wives and want more and you think God will be happy with you?
 
Driver: Hahahahaha boss you paaa do you know how happy God is with me in heaven. Am a Muslim and my religion gives me the right to marry more than one wife. Again don’t your bible say that we should give birth like the sea sand? What am doing rather will decrease the l-sbianism rate in this country, have you heard of g-ys or l-sbians in the Muslim countries before? You there not try to practice that stupid act like your life will be taken away from you. What made God to destory Sodom and Gomora?
 
 
Michael Ansah: Hmmmmm this an interesting debate but unfortunately I have gotten to my destination. I will alight at where that lady is standing.
 
Driver: The lady standing there looks very familiar, she looks like my madam ooo.
 
Michael Ansah: (looking carefully at the lady) Oh she is also my girlfriend whom I will be walking down the aisle very soon.
 
Driver: Allah walahi, boss I beg don’t tell her how I misuse her car or else she will take her car key from me and if I lose my job I wouldn’t know how I will take care of my wives and eleven children.
 
Michael Ansah: You see how selfish and greedy you are, you think the car is a machine so it doesn’t also get tired. As you are misusing the car if it breaks down how will you feed your football team family. How much sales do you in a day for her?
 
Driver: Boss I do 70Ghana cedis for her in a day but for her she prefers I do it weekly.
 
Michael Ansah: Who does the maintainance on the car when it develops fault?
 
Driver: I do it with my money then she pays me later when I bring the invoice and receipt of the workmansh¡p and the things that was bought for the maintainance.
 
 
Michael Ansah: Wicked man, from today you will incure that cost when the car develops fault and you will only work on one shift of the day, I won’t tell your madam but I will be watching you from far. Also let me inform you that I did a recording of our interesting conversation, now stop the car right here, how much is my fair or bill?
 
Driver: Oh boss how can I charge you for bringing you home, please let it be.
 
Michael Ansah: Nonsense don’t you buy fuel? Do you drive with water in your tank? Are you trying to bribe me or what? I have given you my word and I won’t go against it, do the right thing at the right time and at the right place and you will love your life and Ghana as a wh0le. Take this advice from a good citizen and not a spectator. (hands over two 10cedis notes to the driver then alights from the car)
 
Driver: Thank you very much boss.
 
Henrietta Barnor: Adamu what are you doing here by this time of the day?
 
Driver: Eeeiii madam I came to drop a passenger.
 
Henrietta Barnor: And are you doing a night shift or what?
 
Driver: (scratches his head) Yes madam am doing a night shift, I didn’t work in the morning so I want to work small so I can get you your sales by the end of the week.
 
Henrietta Barnor: My goodness, my dad always says, “a liar has no memory”, were you not the one who picked me from the house to town this morning and brought me back in the afternoon? Didn’t I pay you? Wasn’t I standing there when another person hired you to Tema harbour?
 
Driver: Madam you paid me but when I dropped you and left your place with the man, the car developed a problem and when I took it to the service center the amount they charged after fixing the car made all my money finish so I wanted to work small so I can get something small for my family and you.
 
Henrietta Barnor: Family? Didn’t you tell me your parents and siblings are late?
 
Michael Ansah: My dear let’s go in because I doubt if you are ready to hear the answer that will follow, he said he is working on the night shift so he can render a proper account to you be the end of the week. Maybe this time around he wants to cater for the servicing fee or coach Adamu I dey lie?
 
Driver: You are very right my boss.
 
Henrietta Barnor: Am sensing some foul play somewhere and I promise you I will get to the bottom of this.
 
Michael Ansah: Let’s go in my dear for my brother is in danger back in the room. Coach Adamu we shall me again very soon.
 
Henrietta Barnor: What is wrong with your brother? I have been here for quite some time now and I knocked the door several times but no one opened the door so I left to see if could get a taxi back home since I didn’t inform anyone one that I will be coming over.
 
Michael Ansah: Really? Hope this hoodlums haven’t murdered my brother ooo.
 
Henrietta Barnor: Murdered? How and why would they do that? God please don’t let what we are thinking come to past please, we beg of you my saviour. Mike the way this place is quite am a bit scared ooo, should I call the police?
 
Michael Ansah: Herty honestly am equally scared but wait, don’t call the police yet, hide under the staircase as I go to the top. When you hear the sound of me whistling three times then it means call the police but if you hear it twice then I want you to join me upstairs. Do I make myself clear?
 
Henrietta Barnor: (draws close to Mike and plants a short soft k-ss on his l-ips) Please take care of yourself and make sure nothing happens to you my dear.
 
Michael Ansah: (looking very surprise after getting the k-ss) Herty did you just plant a k-ss on my l-ips? Do you mind doing that one more time for it to boost my confidence.
 
Henrietta Barnor: (in a low tone) Hey your brother is waiting for your help up there, keep yourself safe and I promise to give you more when you return.
 
Michael Ansah: Are you sure you are not deceiving me? I don’t like promise and fail oooo.
 
Henrietta Barnor: Where I come from we don’t go against our words or promises, now go and help your brother for he needs your help before it’s too late.
 
Mike grabs a coca cola bottle that he sees lying down and gives a heavy breath, looks at Henrietta with a burning desire and he takes steps to the staircase. He tip toe to the top and gets to the door of Quincy, he holds the door handle to open it but he realises the door is locked so he moves to a place where a spare key has been hidden and lucky he sees the key. He moves back to the door and ins**ts the key in, turns the knob and the door opens. He pushes himself in with a force and Quincy slams the door behind him and he throws the frying pan at Mike which hits his forehead and in the form of defence he also throws the coca cola bottle and it also hits the forehead of Quincy. Funny enough they all screen (aaaaajei) at the same time and they sit on the floor.
 
Michael Ansah: Is that you Quincy my brother?
 
Quincy: Yes that is me and is it you Kwaku Mike my brother?
 
Michael Ansah: Can’t you recognise my voice any more? See the way you threw that thing at me, my head is even aching me right now.
 
Quincy: Oh you mean the frying pan? Abi you also threw something at me which hit my forehead very hærd and it has started swelling even.
 
Michael Ansah: You mean the coca cola bottle I threw hit your forehead? Then it is one-one draw my brother, now where are the people who wanted to acttack you because I was very ready for a serious fight if I came to meet them here. The way am charged up erh, I can fight a wh0le battalion and I will not even feel I have done something. Oooooh I say where are they, because no one steps on the tail of the cobra and goes away freely.
 
Quincy: I don’t know where they went ooo my brother, am sure they got scared when I told them to come in and face me.
 
Michael Ansah: My brother I know you very well, are you sure you told them that? How can you ask someone to come into your room when you have locked the door.
 
Quincy: You too how do you fight a wh0le batallion without getting tired? You told a lie and I also told mine so why are you taking it personal?
 
Michael Ansah: Who said I have taken it personal, let me put the light on so i check how bad my injury is, hey what did you throw at me that way?
 
Quincy: (walks to a big mirror on the wall) You will see it when you switch on the light.
 
Michael Ansah: (scre-ms when the light is switched on and he saw what was thrown at him) Holy Mary the mother of Jesus Christ, Quincy how could you be so wicked to throw a wh0le frying pan at me, what came over you?
 
Quincy: You are even lucky I didn’t throw the roller in my hand rather, how would I know it was you and I was only defending myself because they say “the best way to attack is to defend”. You equally threw a bottle at me and look at the way my forehead has swollen. But for those people if they made a mistake and walked in here like they will smell hot peper here.
 
Michael Ansah: (holding his forehead) Jack are you sure some group of people came here at all? From my calculations I believe you got something wrong here. I will get to the bottom of this matter right here and now. (blows a whistle twice)
 
Henrietta Barnor: (walks in shortly and sees the face of the guys in the room) Hey what is going on here with you guys, your foreheads has swollen like Kwahu mountain, did you bump into each other or what?
 
Michael Ansah: Ask again my dear, this idiot here threw that thing at me when I entered the room.
 
Quincy: Hey hold it there you cheat, won’t you also add yours to it? See he also threw that coca cola bottle at me which hit my forehead as well so it’s a one-one draw thing.
 
Henrietta Barnor: Guys so where are the people who came here to acttack you Quincy?
 
Michael Ansah: Thank you for that brilliant question. Now oga, I beg oya answer her now now.
 
Quincy: Don’t be silly my friend, I was in,side and they were outside so how would I know where they passed.
 
Henrietta Barnor: Mmmmm if I may ask, what time did those people come to your end?
 
Quincy: About 25 or 30minutes ago.
 
Michael Ansah: That is around the time you called me right?
 
Quincy: Exactly so, I was standing behind the door who I made that call.
 
Henrietta Barnor: Ah I was around by that time, if am not wrong I was by your door around that same time knocking but I didn’t see anyone or group of people around that time. I knocked several times but no one came out so I went to the roadside to see if I could get a taxi back to my house because I didn’t inform you guys that I will be coming over.
 
Michael Ansah: Herty how many times did you knock on the door?
 
Henrietta Barnor: About two or three times before I gave up.
 
How to grow your business while you stay at home
Michael Ansah: (gives a very loud laughter) Hahahahahahahaha my goodness, Jesus come and see  Christ. Awwwww power boy, so all the bragging and last minute apostles creed you recited was for nothing. See you are a………
 
Quincy: Hey was with this laughter?
 
To be continued

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