Opana The coffin maker episode 53

Opana – Episode 53
 
© Akoto Alexander
 
Michael Ansah: Why won’t I laugh at you Mr Hercules, can’t you see the reason why am laughing at you block head. The narration and scenario here, can’t you read in between the lines?
 
Quincy: What are you trying to insinuate here Jack?
 
Michael Ansah: If you an-lyse, calculate, tabulate and equate the narration you gave and what Herty said it is the same. I mean to say she was the one who came to knock but not any hoodlums or bad people.
 
Quincy: Hey tell me you are kidding me my guy because I don’t believe what you are saying Kwaku Mike, Herty tell me what he just said is not true?
 
Henrietta Barnor: (smiling and nodding her head) Am sorry to disappoint you but it seems what he said is very true. Am sorry if the way I knocked caused fear and panic at your end, I never meant to scare you and cause you to receit an apostle creed or any repentance words.
 
Quincy: Aaaaaah Herty so it was you that nearly called for my blood pressure to go up like that? Herh if it was not you and it was anyone else like the person will see the other side of me paa oooo. I nearly urinated on myself when the knocking went on ooo and if there was any other exit in this room like I would have used it.
 
Michael Ansah: See mumu, John boy, when you see women then you go about doing guy guy and be flexing your muscles because you are fine boy. This small drill and you were freaking out like a chicken who has escaped a 25th december chase, do you know how aggressive you made me look when your call came through, the way I psyched myself to fight erh, like I will beat them like a father and sons affair. Herh like I will wh¡p them like class one children, infact like I will so deal with them in a way that even when they see a man coming their way they will run in fear, oooooooh Quincy you have called for my fighting hormones, see the way my body is shaking and vibrating.
 
Quincy: My friend shut that door you call a mouth, I heard how your voice was shaking when I called to inform you of the attack. You were confused and didn’t even know what word to even use. You are bragging because you are infront of a very beautiful damsel.
 
Henrietta Barnor: Hahahahaha you guys are very funny, you are behaving like Kwaku Manu and Nkansah Lil Wayne. Honestly Mike you looked scared though and you even confessed to me that you were scared when we got to this compound.
 
Michael Ansah: Oh that one is just a jail man tactics, I did that to gain sympathy from your end which you also gave to my satisfaction, don’t forget your promise though but on a more serious note don’t raise any force alarm like this again. I nearly called the police to come in and assist us when you called, am glad my instincts told me to hold on for sometime if not their coming here would have been something else.
 
Henrietta Barnor: Its true ooo because if Mike you didn’t restrict me I believe I would have also placed a call through to the police. Now please get me some ice cubes so I take care of your swollen foreheads or should I say torchlights? Hahahaha I now know am covered by your insurance so I fear no man who will try to abuse or intimidate me.
 
Michael Ansah: Abi you know dada my dear, for you I think you had the chance to see a little show of mine. You saw my Anthony Joshua show the other night or should I say Maywheather rather?
 
Quincy: You can call it Mike Tyson or Lenox Lewis or even Azumah Nelson, my friend go and get the ice cubes from the freeze whiles I search for any hot ointment in the first aid kit. But hey the machine Julia brought are very fresh and sophisticated paaa ooo, I can’t wait to start using them and giving the best pictures and quality soundtrack when we take any coverage.
 
Back at the Conference Room:
 
Boss: Scorpion take that junky out of our sight and make sure you give him enough food and also get him a lot of groundnut to chew so that it flushes out the stuff in his system early.
 
Red Lion: Lady and Gentlemen now that we have had a fruitful deliberation here now let’s think of the way to do the distributions because we all have to know our boundaries so that no one will invade in someone’s territory.
 
Boss: You are very right with the issue you just brought up, if I say am going to do the allocation with my vito powers someone might not be happy with what he or she might get so I will suggest we cast a vote here, Lady Julia here will be in-charge of the election, she will right the cardinal points on a paper mix it and we do the picking, the place you pick will be your portion and you must respect and accept it, but no one should blame or point fingers at what you get or pick.
 
Lady T: Well said Albert, this election must be free and fair without any favouritism or compassion.
 
 
Black Angel: Where would that favouritism come from, it’s four slots so if you don’t get south, you might get west or possibly north or even east. With me I had a dream and vision that I will pick the paper which had west territory written on it.
 
Red Lion: (spits the water that he had just put in his mouth out) Hey if it is a dream you better wake up from it, start thinking of how to handle the northern sector and stop day dreaming about the west my friend.
 
Black Angel: (slams his hand on the table) How dare you say that stupid thing to me you moron, who are you to open that stupid thing you call a mouth and utter those ungodly and unkept words to me here, how dare you talk that way to me.
 
Boss: Take it easy Blackie, why do you have any personal score to settle with him? He just made a harmless statement and you don’t have to escalate with such anger, except there is a problem between you people that we don’t know.
 
Red Lion: Am surprise the way Blackie is even reacting or is it because of that pr-stitute that is why you are reacting this way? Hey I stopped banging her when you told me she was your meat so why are you still harbouring that pain and anger in you.
 
Black Angel: How dare you call my girlfriend a pr-stitute, if you don’t retract that stupid adjective you just qualifed my girl with, I will deal with you here in a way that your face would be disfigured by my action.
 
Red Lion: (raising his voice) Hey watch your mouth man, you think raising your voice will scare me erh, see don’t let my cool and calm nature be a sign of cowardy, my dressing gentle shouldn’t make you think that am a gentleman and that I respect myself at all oooo, if that has been what you are thinking then massa you have dialed a very wrong number. See all my life I have slept in slums and under bridges so I have seen and been through it all. I have killed lots of people with my bare hands so you tantrums and shouting won’t lead you anywhere, if you don’t know me very well go and ask of me in the notorious slums we have in Accra and find out for yourself the reason why am called the Red Lion.
 
 
Lady T: Enough of this bulls***, I say enough of this child’s play. Do you think you people are still kids, if you want muscles to intercept and show your manliness I can book the Bukom boxing arena for you to go and settle your dispute there ones and for all. Do you think I flew all the way here to listen to you silly night escapades here? Do you know how much money am losing every minute that passes by? You people should be ashamed and must bow your heads in a regretful way. If it’s girls you want I can arrange some for you that every day you will get three different varieties of women and seven times in a week. Is it the Asian, Black American, Caribbean, African, Blonde, Albino, Red Indian, South American, Exotic, Big b-obs, Big Ass, Big b-obs and Ass Combined, Bulky, Slim Things or the Zebra Type? Just name your preference and at a snap of my finger they will be at your disposal, one thing I hate is to see men fighting over a woman whereas this women are in abundance and can’t get men to pepper them.
 
Red Lion: Lady Terror for you, the unshakeable lady.
 
Lady T: That is me.
 
Red Lion: The one and only female player in the league of men.
 
Lady T: It shall be well with you and your unborn generation.
 
Red Lion: The evergreen young lady.
 
Lady T: Yes no one but me.
 
Red Lion: The stylish mama.
 
 
Lady T: That’s me, myself and I.
 
Red Lion: The woman who never lost in town.
 
Lady T: You know how I do it.
 
Red Lion: The mother for all drug peddlers.
 
Lady T: Say my name again my guy.
 
Red Lion: The genesis to revelation in drug business.
 
Lady T: Herh you shall live long to see your children’s children.
 
Red Lion: The one and only drug baroness whose name never appears on the wanted list of the Police or Interpol.
 
Lady T: Am the game changer and controller, forget those men in black, when we were we, where were they?
 
Red Lion: Lady Terror I throw salute
 
Lady T: I take am soldier, carry on to Charlie checkpoint with an accelerated speed of 120km/h.
 
Red Lion: The cocolistic mama.
 
Lady T: That is me, numero uno, any female who claims owns this name is an imitation and I mean that person is F.A.K. E in capital letters.
 
Karl Simpson: (cuts in) Its okay with this plenty accolades, time is not our friend here you know. Lets do this balloting thing and get out of here because am no longer comfortable with this meeting.
 
Lady T: But you this local oyibo why, can’t you see I was collecting my samba here with the accolades that was been rained on me. I can see you envy me, I wanted to give you a hærd-core Jamaican lady to spend the night with but with this gross misconduct I have decided to have a rethink on that. You have the PHD spirit in your blood.
 
Karl Simpson: PHD? What is that suppose to mean?
 
Lady T: It means “Pull Him/Her Down”, as you came to live amongst us that spirit has found its way into you system, see me in chambers so I cast that spirit out of you so that you will be a free man once again and when coming, come along with two barrels of olive oil.
 
Karl Simpson: Two barrels? Why are you going to fry me in it?
 
Lady T: Know I will use it to fry kelewele, nonsense how dare you question what the spirits have instructed you to bring, don’t you know that your problem has passed the “becareful limit”? You are riding in the “take your time zone” and you might crush very soon.
 
(everyone breaks down with laughter after that comment)
 
Boss: Enough of the fight and funny comments, lets get down to business once again, lets do this balloting and leave this place to our various abodes. Lady Julia I believe all is set at you end?
 
Lady Julia: Certainly sir, please you can now come and pick your paper so you know which territory you will be operating from.
 
Everyone rises from his seat and approaches Julia and picks the paper of their choice and as everyone opens his or her paper some frowned whiles others smile. At the end, Lady T gets to handle the southern territory, Red Lion gets the eastern territory, Black Angel gets the northern territory and Karl Simpson gets the western territory.
 
Black Angel: This is preposterous, I smell a rat here. You people intensionally played your cards together for me to get this zone, you know very well that nothing go comes from the northen belt and you dilebrately gave me that portion to handle. I won’t succ-mb to this cheating game you are playing.
 
Boss: Hey Blackie handle your emotions before you incure my wrath, are you not the second person who picked up the paper? Did anyone choose for you or you selected the paper all by yourself, why are you trying so hærd to be a sycophant this evening like this. Please respect yourself and start drawing a strategic plan on how you will get people to patronize the new product in the system, learn to “brighten the corner that you are”. If you need help you know you can always call on me for any assistance you require. On this note if there is nothing to add or subtract I hereby call…….
 
Red Lion: (cuts in) Boss before you draw the curtains down, my friend can interchange his territory with me if he so wants.
 
Black Angle: My friend if you dont have anything important doing you can find a very hærd hide(wèle) of the cow and make your mouth busy with it. Don’t call for my anger this evening ooo.
 
Boss: Blackie I think I have had enough of you cacophonic and recalcitrance attitude. The balloting that took place here some minutes ago was very transparent and free from any favouritism or any merits, you better hold your emotions back before I decend heavily on you.
 
Black Angel: Am keeping quite not because I fear any of you here or am scared of your threats. You people have not seen or heard the last of me, I know what to do.
 
Lady T: My friend shut up over there, I have kept mute for sometime for you to display you arrogance and studpidity, if you don’t have much money to set up a strong and vibrant cartel at the northern territory why don’t you channel you grievance here so we assist you in diverse ways and stop behaving like a class one pupil. Another word from you and I will slap you with my heavy b-obs.
 
Boss: Hahahahaha on this funny note I hereby draw the curtains of this meeting down. Now Scorpion bring the wine glasses and the special champagne I ordered from South Africa, we have to make merry for such a successive meeting. After drinking then you guys can come in for the packages you ordered.
 
Scorpion and his boys brought wine glasses and the big champgne bottle and served everyone in the conference room, a toast of friendsh¡p, bigger business deals, good health and long life was made before everyone drunk what he had in his or her glass.
 
Boss: Scorpion is Ginola back?
 
Scorpion: I think he is somewhere outside there Boss.
 
Boss: Get him for me right now and I mean now.
 
Lady T: Blackie you know after rain the sun will definitely shine and when a door closes on you another door opens. Sometimes it’s not what we want that we get but it depends on how we treat it that our wants will be turned into needs. I will give you a special treat with some of my finest girl, there is this Caribbean girl whom I sh¡pped in recently, actually I was preparing her for a big shark in the ruling government but I will do you the honor of allowing you to tear the rubber before I convey her to the big shark. Hope her services will calm your nerves down and give you a foresight to serge on with the herculean task ahead of you.
 
Scorpion and Ginola walks into the conference room to meet the Boss. The boss excused himself from his business associate to meet his boys for a conversation.
 
Boss: Have you conveyed that fool to the warehouse and I believe you did a clean job?
 
Ginola: (fumbling with words) Boss I…….. Myself and the boys…… We went to……. I and the……. When we……
 
Boss: Will you stop this nonsense and start your statement from one point. Why do you act like an imbecile most at times, I asked a very simple question and you are running your mouth like a fish that has been brought out of the water. Now talk for me to listen and make your statement very brief.
 
Ginola: Boss when I and the boys got to the lady’s room, there was no sign of the guy I met in her room earlier on. We combed every corner of the room but we didn’t see him, when I checked the balcony of the suite I saw the guy almost at the main gate of the hotel.
 
Boss: (cuts in with an angry voice) So what you are trying to say with this long speech is that you couldn’t apprehend that guy? You mean to tell me that, that stupid idiot outsmarted you? No hold on, you mean to bring to my notice that you can’t be trust with any mission I instruct you to do. Ginola or whatever you call yourself, you are a very big fool, you know what, hold your two ears and repeat after me that…… I am a very big FOOL!!!.
 
Ginola: (holding his ears) I am a big fool.
 
Boss: (slaps Ginola very hærd) You idiot, is that the exact words I used? Now repeat after me and add your name to it. Say I then your name then, I am a very big FOOL!!!.
 
Ginola: (frowns whiles talking) I, Ginola, I am a very big FOOL!!!.
 
Boss: Better now take your stupid and foolish incompetent body from my face, I don’t know why I waste huge sum of monies on you without getting any value or positive income at the end. If you don’t man up early, I will sack you and buy a foreign dog to replace you. Now get out form here before I break your head with this wine glass.
 
(throws the wine glass at Ginola be he sees it and dodges the glass which hits the walk and breaks, everyone in the conference room attention drifts to the place the noise came from).
 
Julia: (walks to the boss) Sir is anything the matter? Are we in any form of danger? Should we move out from here? Please tell me something.
 
Boss: (gives a deceptive smile) Young lady, you worry for nothing, everything is under control and there is no cause for alarm or panic. I think your mission here has been accomplished so you can take leave now and go and rest or continue with what you were doing before the meeting was called. I will send for you if I need you and next time don’t ever mix business with pleasure, I hate been kept waiting from people who work under me. Do I make myself clear?
 
Julia: Its loud and crystal clear sir. If my lateness caused any inconvenience for you and your associates, I humbly apologise for that and I promise that won’t happen ever again.
 
Boss: Apology accepted my dear, this is my call card, call me if you need anything and if I also need you, I will send my boys to get you for me. Enjoy your evening and stay in the country. Goodnight young lady.
 
Julia: Thank you sir for the opportunity you gave to me, it was a great privilege to stand infront of you to do a presentation about our new stuff in town. I won’t hesitate to call on you if I need anything. Have a great evening as well sir. (walks out of the conference room)
 
Boss: Okay lady and gentlemen, the meeting is over, everyone has gotten his or her consignment and everyone’s territory to operate from has been allocated. Please let’s do business in a matured and professional way, if someone calls on you to do a transaction with you which does not fall in your domain or jurisdiction, please don’t do it. You can pass the deal to the territory owner for the person to do business with, at the end you take you comission on the business you recommended. By so doing, it will strengthen us more and make us a very powerful cartel, always remember “together we stand, divided we fall”, lets flush from our hearts and mind any sentiments we feel for each other and move on. If there is any help or assistance anyone needs, please don’t hesitate to call on me for help, let us go and make ourselves rich. Good luck to all of us.
 
In the elevator:
 
Julia: (happily singing to herself as she jams to the tune that is been played on her iPod and she ignores the noise her singing is creating for the people she met in the elevator) I have a feeling, that tonight is going to be a good night, tonight is going to a good good night.
 
Elderly Woman: Young woman the fact that you are having a feeling that tonight is going to be a good night for you doesn’t mean you have the right to disturb others. As you can see this place has a very siren atmosphere and noise making is prohibited over here so kindly abide with that simple rule accordingly.
 
Julia: Excuse me old woman, are you the one to tell me what to do and what not to do?
 
Elderly Woman: Hey young lady are you raising your voice at me for correcting you? I am old enough to be your……
 
Julia: (cuts in) Hold it there old woman. I know where you are driving at, I know you were about to say you are old enough to be my mother.
 
Elderly Woman: That is where you are wrong, as you see me now am here in this hotel to spend my 60th birthday and if you want to get to my age you must learn to be respectful and obedient so don’t talk to elderly people like that.
 
Julia: Thank you for that brilliant lecture, you know what, my grandmum celebrated her 105th birthday last two month before she died three weeks ago and she even looked younger than you. Do you know what kept her strong, young and active all that time?
 
Elderly Woman: No I don’t know so please the me.
 
How to grow your business while you stay at home
Julia: Her secret was very simple, she was minding her own business and not poking her noise into peoples business. (elevator door opens and Julia walks out without looking back)
 
Elderly Person: (speaks to herself) What an insolent young lady, because you young people don’t respect your elders you die very young at your prime ages. Hope my sons will not bring ladies like this to my house as they have promised to bring  home the ladies they want to marry. For you this young girl I pray God forgives you for disrespecting any elderly person like me in this elevator right infront of my granddaughter……..
 
To be continued