Save me episode 12 – 13

Save me episode 12

By amanii

It was decided.. We were going to face my family and have my belongings back.

“Selma” gave me a hijab of hers to wear to my family’s residency.. It was probably her best hijab.

purple with black floral lace above the purple fabric on the chest area.. A black belt. And she gave me a black scarf to match with it.

It was so tight on me though since i was taller And curvier. Yet i could fit in it.

And then i draw my eyes with the eyeliner.. Making my pale face have a little life back.

I was going to meet the people who thrown me to the streets so I didn’t want them to look down on me even more than that. I needed to prove to them i can still live without their charity.. Like i always have.

It’s funny to feel like you should prove your self strong in front of your family

When they are supposed to be the people to ease your loud and hold your weakness.

_” the car is waiting for us.. Thanks for letting us use your car” Selma said as she looked at my reflexion in the mirror with admiring eyes.

_” you’re welcome.. We’re family now , i’m coming” i said as i followed her out of the house.

Before we leave .. My mother in law hurried to the kitchen ordering us to wait. And then she came back with a salt jar.. Grabbed a handful of it .. And did her “exorcism” thing above my head.

_” no envious eye will land on me Mma ( my mother).. What is left to envy about me?” I smirked in grieve.

_” you’re so beautiful as the face of moon my daughter mashallah. You’re intelligent .. And your manners are impeccable. There’s so much left in you daughter.. No thief on earth can take all your qualities” she answered with a smile as she patted my shoulder.

I just smiled back.

When they took my honor in this bullshit society.. They took my life. What’s left in me is like those rom-n ruins and rocks thrown in Tipaza ( a touristic city in north Algeria that once was a rom-n city)

Empty of life .. Empty of soul.

Just wrecking witnesses of the past.

When we finally left the house.. My car was waiting outside for us.

Once “Selma” and I stepped in,side the car i noticed it was “Rami” who is driving us and not my brother in law.

_” what are you doing here piece of trash! Get out of my car!!” I shouted ..

My voice echoed in the calm small village ..As both the siblings kept staring at me.

_” he is your husband sister “Hayat” .. He has to take you to your family for your first visit”

Here comes another tradition of my stupid community. Where the groom and his family has to take the bride to see her family .with fancy clothes and golden jewelries covering her wh0le body.

Telling the wh0le freaking world “i’m taking good care of my shiny new bride.. Look how much i spent on her”

But this is definitely not the case for me.

_” you think we married for real.. Only god know what is in my heart .. Only his almighty know i never accepted this animal. He isn’t my husband .. He’s my murderer” i shouted again.

Once i finished talking. “Rami” stepped out of the car angrily after he turned off the engine.

Stood a bit so far from us .. Brought out a cigarette and started smoking it.

I just kept sitting by the window .. Wondering if i should just ask “Selma” to step out of the car .. And drive my self to go meet my family alone.

I wanted to show them i had people behind my back .. But i guess i should just abandon that idea.

When i was contemplating my new plan.. “Rami” suddenly stormed in,side the car again and started driving in crazy speed.

_”hey__” i yelled before Selma gave me a pat on the back of my hand shaking her head.

Telling me not to say a word.

Looking at the raising dust our car left behind us on the road i indeed agreed with her.

We can make an accident if i anger him even more than that.

It didn’t take us long to arrive to my family’s residency.. Compared to the simple small houses in the village our house look like a castle.

Although we had much money .. My father never agreed to go to the big city and leave this small village.

Not because he is particularly in love with the land that gave birth to him. But because he is so narcissist that he rather stay in a small village looking like a king .. Than go to the big city and look just above average.

We had a big garden with a metal fence around our “castle” .

The house it self has four floors .. White and big with a fancy decorations.

We only lived in two floors though .. The other two were built just to show people we have much money.

May god take their fortune and give it to someone that deserves it!

Once we stepped out of the car.. My aunt “my father’s sister” and older brother were already standing behind the gates looking at us as if we were some raged dogs.

Actually i know they will see us coming even before we ring the house bell.

Because this stupid aunt of mine spends half of her life looking down to people and talking bad about them behind their backs. And she spends the second half just staring out the window to criticize every passerby.

Still unmarried at her fifties .. Her stupid brain couldn’t think of a worst thing to kill time with.

_” what are you doing here slut?” My aunt disgustingly asked with her voice sounding like a duck.

I always knew she hated me .. My mother and my sisters too. Because we all were pretty .. While she had so little beauty in her face .faded all with her bad manners.

_” the slut came to take her belongings” i answered coldly.

_” how dare you come show us your ugly face after you dirtied our honor.. Like they say .. Those who had shame long died”

_” indeed they died .. You’re setting the best example. Now either you go bring me every single thing i have or i’ll put every piece of shit in this family behind the bars . you know better how slut i can get to do that ugly duck” i replied .. Astonishing every one.

Because if anyone knew me just a little bit knows i would never talk like that. Nor use such words.

I used to be calm and collective .. Choose the best words to say. Kept silent in front of the elders .. Took the blame even when i was the victim.

But what did all that bring me ?

Nothing.

_” go tell your sisters to gather her things .. We too want to clean the house of her dirt” my aunt ordered my brother.

He went in,side the house right away .. Just like the obedient silly goat he always was.

_” indeed you have no dignity ” she smirked next .. Looking down on me.

I couldn’t take her words anymore .. So i looked at “Rami” as i said:

_” at least i’m a man’s wife.. Look who has no dignity and no man to cover her shame”

For a moment his expressions softened .. Looked at me amazed.

That was the first time i admit he’s my husband.

It wasn’t that i meant it .. i just wanted to Hit the painful part of her past.

Only our family knows my aunt had a relationsh¡p with some man in the army back those days.

No one knows how far they went with it. We just saw her refusing every man who asked her hand after the soldier dumped her.

” i think my aunt lost her V-rginity for the soldier” that’s what my youngest sister hushed in my ears one day .. And i think that was right.

As she looked frightened at me i added:

_” i guess you’re the last person to call me a slut aunty.. You know i still have a tongue. And i don’t mind making my family’s honor even dirtier”

That was enough to make her shut up finally.

We waited for some time until finally my silly brother came back with two heavy bags.

Once he opened the gates .. “Rami” took them forcefully from his hands and led the road for us back to the car.

With no word..

And no one to bed farewells to me..

That was my last visit to my family’s house.

I was worthless to them till the end.

*************************

When i finally reached my room. when i opened the closet to put some of my clothes in it .. I found it full of men clothes.

That’s when i heard a knocking on the open door.

When i turned to see who that was .. I found “Rami” standing by the door.

_” what are you doing here?” I asked coldly.

_” i came to empty the closet for you.. I won’t take long”

I just ignored him and went to sit above my bed.

He took that invitation enough and immediately started emptying the closet in a big basket he brought with him.

As i sat above the bed .. I saw the dirty clothes i was raped with thrown above the bed creased and looking disgusting.

I took them in my arms .. And looked at them .. They were torn . with dirt .. With blood. They suffered as much as i suffered my self.

Poor them .. Poor me.

So i put them above the bed ..and started folding them . that’s when suddenly “Rami” walked closer to me and took the clothes forcefully from my hands.

I was so startled that i didn’t realise what was going on until he ran out of the room holding them.

So i followed him .. Wanting to know what possessed that animal all at sudden.

He stepped out of the house and threw them to the ground with disgusted expressions.

_” what are you doing?” I shouted observing his crazy actions.

As my voice echoed in the silence .. All my in-laws fast joined us to see what was going on.

“Rami” soon went to my car trunk .. brought a bucketful of gasoline and w-t the clothes.

_” hey, what__” i shouted .. But before i even finish talking he already took a lighter from his pocket and set fire those clothes with anger boiling in his face as he watched the burning flames raise.

_” what did you do that for! .. These are my clothes”

_” i promise i’ll fix every thing that was broken that night .. Even if that was the last thing i’ll do” he hushed determined.

_” you can never fix what’s broken animal .. You did your thing and now i’m paying the price” i smirked in disgust.

He acted as if he didn’t even hear me .. He just kept looking at the fire eating every left trace of my clothes.

_” you don’t deserve to be called slut .. Not because of a trash like me. I promise i’ll have your dignity back” he hushed again looking at me deep in my eyes.

With tears steaming down his face.

With “guilt” printed in every expression of his.

Episode 13

As the flames turned those dirty clothes to ashes.. “Rami” kneeled on the ground dropping his hands in helplessness.

Looking at the fire that is burning both of us.

I know he feels guilty, that can’t be even more clear..

And i can see he’s trying to correct his mistake.

He hærdly looks at me .. He locks him self in his brother’s room all day long.

As if he isn’t there..

But that, didn’t make my heart soften the tiniest towards him.

Because what he did to me .. Is beyond my forgiveness.

_” you can’t change anything now .. What is broken can’t be fixed ” i sighed as i walked in .. Fleeing the scene.

It’s hærd to be sinful.. But it’s h-rder to forgive a sin.

**********************

_” i’m leaving the day after tomorrow Mma” i blurted out when she asked why i didn’t unpack all my bags.

“Since i’m leaving this soon .. I will just put few of my clothes above the drawer__”

_” leaving where?” She asked confused.

_” going back to D city.. I just took a week leaf from my work to come bed farewells to my grandmother but i already skipped two weeks , i’m afraid i’ll be fired if it went further”

She sat down above my bed contemplating what i said and added:

_” but you still are injured.. Can’t you take few more days”

_” i’m afraid i can’t”

She nodded in understanding as she weirdly left the room.

I thought that was it .. I’m leaving them this easily and this fast.but i was wrong.. As they kept asking me questions all day long.

_” what is it that you work?” .. “Where are you staying?” ..” How are you going there”

“Are you leaving us forever”

And to this last one i said: ” i’m really thankful to your help .. But i can’t be part of this family. I will have my divorce once things are settled and those criminals are sent to jail”

I work as a high school science teacher for two years now, In D city .. And i used to live with my aunt ” mother’s sister” .. Which by the way i don’t think it’s still open for me now.

I bet my aunt will say : ” this house has respectful daughters! .. It isn’t a place for sluts and homeless”

Because my aunt isn’t so different from my mother after all.

When we finished having dinner and after i joined my room again . i was surprised with a knocking on the door.

When i opened it .. I found “Rami” standing in front of me.

I wasn’t putting my scarf above my head .. So i hurried back in,side to cover my self again.

Because i still see him as a stranger.

So he can’t see me without my hijab.

He apparently sees me as a stranger too.. Because he shifted his gaze away.

_” i want to talk to you” he mumbled after he cleared his voice.

Although i wanted to slam the door in his face .. I acted a bit civilised and said:

_” i’m listening”

 

#save_me

Ep 13

2

_” i want to talk to you” he mumbled after he cleared his voice.

Although i wanted to slam the door in his face .. I acted a bit civilised and said:

_” i’m listening”

_” i heard you’re leaving soon” he hurriedly hushed.

Standing in front of me .. Not even looking at me.

Turning the eye/ looking away. Is a blessed quality of a Muslim.

When you walk across a guy .. And he doesn’t eye you like if you were a bare animal. Such a respectful act is that .. Such an honoring.

But this doesn’t suit him.

He bared me .. He violated me. And took my dignity with him.

Why is he looking away now?

It’s too late for that.

_” yes.. I’m leaving” i cleared.

_”you told Mma that you used to stay in your aunt’s house, is it still offered for you?” He asked nervously.

Making me boil of anger.

It is because of him that now i’m disowned and without a family!

He has no right to ask me about that!

_” it’s not of your business where i stay or where i go! Get lost!” I shouted as i slammed the door on his face and went in,side my room again.

He didn’t knock again.

I took off my scarf and covered my self under the quilt.

Just one more day and this nightmare will be behind me.

*************************

It was h-rder than i thought to bed farewells to my in-laws,

A tearful goodbye.. Without a promise of meeting again.

I thanked them for having me .. For accepting me. And for being the family that i never had.

_” you’re such a blessed daughter .. Rabi yehafdek (may god keep you safe) .. You’ll always remain a member of this family” my mother in law said with a choked voice as she touched my face with the tips of her fingers.

As if she was making sure i’m still there ..that i’m not gone yet.

While “Selma” hugged me tearfully and begged:

_” you must come back to us .. You must”

It was so early in the morning.

Few minutes after 5 am .. In that cold sunrise of mid March.

I couldn’t but think of all those times i left my house to go to “D” city.

My family never woke up to bed me farewells or to wish me a safe trip.

Instead my mother would worn me the night before:

_” don’t make any sound when you wake up so early tomorrow… Don’t bother our sleep. I already talked to your brother .. He will drive you to the station”

Since the station was in another nearby city. “Poor” him was obliged to drive me there.

And of course he would say while driving me:

_” what is the use of a woman to go to far places .. The woman belongs to the kitchen! It’s a shame that i have no saying in this because your father is still alive, but i think he really spoiled you .. I would forbid you from going if it was in my hands!”

And although i had many replies to inject in his retarded way of thinking. I just kept my mouth shut and mumbled like a stupid chicken:

_” thank you so much for driving me khouya ( my brother) .. I’m really sorry for disturbing you”

What a life is this?

Where you get affection from strangers .. And disgrace from your own blood and flesh.

Sure my brother had my same name.

He sure looked so much like me.

But he never had the heart to smile in my face and say ” may god protect you sister” like my brother in law just did when he drove me to the station.

_” Amiine.. Thank you for everything you have done brother” i replied my brother-in-law.

_” i really did nothing. Your car will be safe and neat .. I will bring it to you to “D” city once you settle down” he promised.

I looked at him grateful .. He seemed so much like the brother “i never had”

Mma and Selma accompanied me to the station too in the car although i told them they didn’t have to.

That Aminal was there too.

The station was a bit empty that early in the morning.

So we waited in,side the car for my 6 am bus.

When it finally was there .. I k-ssed Mma and Selma good bye as my brother-in-law helped me carry my bags.

Once i reached the bus he wished me a happy life as he walked away.

And right at that moment i wondered.

Is he really a drug dealer? .. Did he really spend all those years in jail?

Because he never looked like taking anything the long of my staying with them.

And although he had a scary look.. Although he seemed sick with those dark circles under his eyes and half missing teeth, He looked nothing but a good “good” man to me.

I misjudged him for years.

Once i took a seat at the front of the bus. I noticed that beast “Rami” getting in,side the bus too!!

Surprised i followed him with my eyes. Only to find him taking a seat at the back of the bus.

Is he going with me too!