Save me episode 17 – 18

Save me episode 17

I opened the water tap .. And then i washed my hand.

After all the blood was cleared i sank the coton peice in alcohol and cleaned my wound. Taking my time so as Rami finishes cleaning the room and let me only see what he wants me to.

After the noise stopped in the tight room i figured out he might finished .. So i went outside to join him again.

_” is your hand ok?” He asked not even looking my way.

_” it’s fine” i mumbled .. As i made my way through the room and stood beside the door.

I’ve never been alone with a strange guy in a closed room. Even when i had to be alone with a man before i made sure the door was open .. Always fought to keep my honor.

So i was nervous being alone with Rami although i had no more honor to keep.

I tried convinsing my self he was my husband in front of god and people.. But i still can’t even take off my head scarf in front of him.. Not to mention being alone in a room.

May god forgive me, but i can’t see him as a husband.

_” i’ll empty some drawers for you to put your clothes__”

_” No!” I shouted startling him.

I cleared my voice and added more gently:

_” i won’t stay here for long.. I’ll leave as soon i find some apartment to rent, i don’t need to unpack”

He nodded in understanding as he held the keys and came my way. Probably to leave the room:

_” where are you going?” I blurted out surprising both of us.

He stopped walking and looked at me for a split second making me realise how different he looks from that bad boy i once knew in highschool.

He used to be confident and risky. When he looked at me back at those days i used to tremble of fear against him when i played tough instead.

He had edgy features .. Dark strong eyes and black as a night hair. And when he looked at me .. He never shifted away daring me to keep staring at him. And it was me who would lower her gaze at the end so he smirks in a mocking tone and walks away.

But now .. He’s so different, older and nothing like that boy.

He looks nothing but tired, as a man in his 80’s. No traces of confidence . nor for that boy who thought he owned the world.

He looked at me for a split second and then he looked away as if he was hit by an electric shock.

That wasn’t Rami . not at all.

_” i’m going to buy groceries to make lunch . you stay here” he explained looking away.

I just headed towards my purse and suggested:

_”let me pay for them .. You already paid for the cab, so”

But once i finished taking money from my purse and looked his direction.. I heard the door slam hærdly behind me.

And that beast was already gone.

I sighed for so long and just sat on the bed resting my knees.

And i finally got to have a full look at the room.

_” he ended up here” i whispered to my self.

Not to mock that bad boy i once knew .. But to mourne his death.

I hated Rami Belarbi and i hate him even more now for what he did to me.. But i can never wish bad for him.

Once my eyes fell on a small wooden desk pushed to the corner .. I saw Rami’s wallet buried under some tucked poster.

I stood up and checked it .. And realised he must have forgotten it.

I quickly looked out of the window to call him out .. But he was already few buildings away.

So i decided to just follow him and hand it my self.

There wasn’t anything i could do in the room anyways except for feeling sorry for Rami which i shouldn’t.

I locked the door and went through that dark corridor again.. And out of the building following his path in a faster pace.

There was only one shop in the wh0le surrounding .. Not even big enough to feed all the customers. Yet better than nothing.

It was a small wooden shop the kind you’d think it’s a florist. Yet the entry was stuffed with vegetable boxes and bred baskets.

The in,side looked even messier.

As i approached more i could hear the owner scre-m:

_” No! no loans anymore! You already owe me a fortune!”

_” only this once, my family is in the house and we can’t find what to eat..” Hushed the voice that was the last i expected to beg in this lifetime.

Rami’s ..

And although i wanted to see Rami as the biggest sc-mbag on earth i couldn’t stop my self from opening his wallet and check my self.

He had a sum of 100 DA in it. Barely ( 100DA = about 0.5£ )

I looked at Rami who didn’t even beg the school headmaster who kicked him out once begging now for a couple of loaned groceries and i realised he didn’t actually forget his wallet, he just left it because he knew it was empty.

And for a second i felt my heart aching me watching him like that.

I couldn’t anymore.

I just couldn’t see him begging that grocer in front of my eyes. So i took a bunch of green papers out of my purse and stuffed it in,side his wallet.

_” you forgot your wallet” i said as i stormed in,side the store.

Rami turned to look at me as if he saw the angel of death himself standing in front of him.

_” pay him all his loan” i suggested handing him his wallet.

_” that thing is empty Madame, it was never full! You better run away and save your self from a miserable life with him” the grocer said shamelessly eying me from my head to my toes.

I wanted to say something back .. But indeed i’m running away . and my life became miserable the first moment that beast walked in it.

So i said nothing.

I just looked at Ramy who took the wallet with shaky hands. Taking an eternity to open it.

But when he did and found all those papers i stuffed in. The look of embarrassment disappeared from his face.

Instead he seemed angry ..frustrated.

His eyes got that sparkle of highschool back.

He squeezed the wallet in his hand .. His knuckles were turning white.

_” how much do i owe you?” Rami asked with a tone coming from the depth of hell.

The grocer took out his notebook .. Turned some pages and then announced:

_” 1450 DA adding today’s bill.”

I looked at him dumbfounded. That was so little of money ! How could he humiliate someone for such a small amount and make him beg!

“Mercy” really vanished from hearts.

Rami took out a 2000 Da paper and threw it on the shops floor.

_”hey__” the owner shouted before Suddenly Rami dashed towards him and grabbed his shirt’s collar so tight the owner looked choking.

_” let him go!” I shouted as both man stood silent.

One looked terrified and the other about to kill someone.

_” let go!” I shouted again scarred to death.

Because i know how he used to hit people. How much damage he would leave.

But he didn’t look like hearing me at all .. With every vein in his neck bulging out .. His muscles stiffened.

He looked about to hit him!

I was going to get out call some man to help stopping the fight .. When suddenly Rami just let go of the frightened man and walked out of the shop holding the groceries he bought.

This sure was a weird turn of events but then this is definitely better than being jailed over groceries.

He just started walking away .. So i followed him until we reached the house again.

I opened the door .. And then he immediately went to the bathroom and threw the groceries on the floor.

I just took them and headed to the small corner that is supposed to be a kitchen and decided to cook something because i was starving.

I emptied the bag.

There was a pack of vermicelli and a pouch of milk.

And that was it.

I suddenly wanted to go back to the shop and punch that heartless grocer until he has no straight bone in all his body!

How could he make him beg over these!!

I searched in the drawers until i found salt and a casserole.

Technically that was all i found beside some plates and spoons.

I needed water next .. And i figured that the only tap was the one in the bathroom.

So i waited for that beast to go out of there ..

Waited .. And waited. For almost an hour.

But he didn’t.

And as much as i hated talking to him .. I needed to because i was starving.

So i went knocking on the door and said:

_” i need water”

But there was no answer from there .. Only the sound of water splashing filled the silence.

I knocked h-rder and shouted:

_” i’m putting the casserole behind the door .. Can you fill it with water?”

But there was no answer again.

I seriously began to feel worried. Why wasn’t he answering!

I knocked even h-rder and asked :

_” is everything ok?” .. ” are you ok?” .. “Answer!”

At this point i started to freak out.

So i threatened:

_” if you don’t open the door right away .. I’m barging in!”

And again only the silence answered me.

So i took a deep breath and opened the door.

And once my eyes fell on him .. I gasped.

He was shirtless sitting under the water tap. Water splashing over his head and his bare torso while he was just bowing his head.

Once i walked in he raised his head to look at me for a split second and then he moved away from the water tap to allow me to fill the water.

_” are you ok?” I asked hesitantly as i was filling the casserole. Trying to act as if i wasn’t about to have a heart attack just seconds ago because i was so worried about him.

_”hmmm” he twanged.

Once i finished filling the casserole i closed the water tap and said like the religious version of me :

_” don’t open it again .. You’re wasting water. Wasting is a sin”.

_” i missed your advises ” he strangely interrupted confusing me.

I held the casserole and turned to face him.

He was still shirtless .. With horrible bruises all over his chest.

I quickly shifted my gaze and looked away.

_” i always preyed not to meet you again, because you’re the last person i wanted to see how things turned out for me”

I lifted my eyes to see him again .. And said coldly:

_” you deserve this”

I wanted to see the pain in his face after i said that for all the pain he did to me.

But when i did.. When i saw those dark eyes of him sink in his tears .and the way his voice trembled when he hushed:

_”hmmm, i do”

I wished i never said that.

He ruined my honor.

And today i saw his dignity being broken in every way.

I didn’t need to hurt him even more .. But i did.

Episode 18

I got back to the room leaving him in the bathroom.

I couldn’t find the strength in me to comfort him or say that “being poor was never a shame to hold”

Because he was the man who raped me after all.

I flamed the fire in the small stove. Threw the vermicelli with water and salt and let the casserole boil.

What i’m cooking won’t definitely make me full. But it’s better than starving.

And then i went to sit by the edge of the bed because there wasn’t any place else to sit.

I was wondering why i wasn’t terrified or even cautious about me being alone with him in a room

Knowing what happened the last time we were together like this.

But i wasn’t even scared.

Maybe because i wasn’t awake and saw how monster-like he can be.

Maybe because he never looks at me right in my eyes, out of guilt.. He won’t hurt me again.

But mostly because a part of me believed he’s regretting what he did .. And that he’s willing to correct things. Although i don’t want that.

I added the milk to the casserole when i started to feel worried about him again .. Since i could hear the water splashing again. And i was sure he was still there under the freezing could bath.

What is he doing exactly under the water anyways!

If he was taking a shower then he long should have finished that.

I couldn’t bare it anymore.

Every wasted drop of water made me feel as if i was the most sinful creature on earth although it wasn’t me who was wasting

So i turned off the fire .. And knocked on the bathroom door again.

When i received no answer i just opened the door and dashed right in only to find him sitting in the same position again .. Closing his eyes and letting the water splashing thorough his face. To his bare torso.

He didn’t even notice i was there because the sound of water deafened his ears.

I was embarrassed to see him shirtless so i shifted my gaze. Walked closer to him .. And closed the water tap above his head.

It was only then when he finally noticed me and asked:

_” what are you doing?”

_” it is me who should ask you that.. Why are you sitting under the water like this for hours?”

I asked looking at his confused face.

I really didn’t want to be curious .. But i was.

_” this is better than going back and smashing that @$%&’s face.. And better than scre-ming in your face and throwing your money. This is what i do now when i’m out of my mind” he replied with a calm voice. Making me realise he hasn’t changed a bit after all .. And that he just finds weirder ways to release his anger now.

He used to smoke back at those days.. Some girls even told me they saw him drinking wine with their own eyes.

He was angry all the time for some reason. I was always wondering what problems he had that made him do all what god forbid.

At least now i know some of them: the money that he didn’t have. And most importantly . me.

I didn’t want to stay with him in that tiny space anymore .. So i just suggested:

_” the food is ready”

And then i walked in again.. With him following me this time.

Little he knew about me.. Little i knew about him.

But eating from the same pot .. Made us some how having something to share.

*****************************

I didn’t find anything to do next to kill the time and to avoid having awkward moments being stuck with “Rami Belarbi” in the same room.

So i washed my self .. Folded the rug . and prayed for hours.

Until my legs couldn’t hold me anymore .. And until it was so dark i couldn’t see anything around me anymore.

And that’s another thing.. The small room didn’t have electricity apparently.

Maybe he didn’t pay the bill. Maybe he never once had it at all. The result is we sank in the darkness ..and “Rami” didn’t seem like doing anything about it.

I turned my head to the right .. I turned it again to the left . and then i finished praying and decided to have my vision back.

I reached to my purse, brought out my phone and turned the flash on.

“Rami” was just sleeping on the bed with his back turned to me.

And although i really didn’t want to talk to him and pretend like we’re strangers until i leave his room but he really was making me talk to him somehow!

I was afraid my phone battery drops so i was forced to ask:

_” don’t you have candles?”

And again he wasn’t answering. So i walked closer to him to see if he was asleep or something.

And yes.. He was.

He looked so different.. So peaceful. And so innocent ..as if all his filthy side was hiding in the darkness of his eyes.

As if he’s a different person with those eyes closed.

But when he suddenly opened his eyes and looked at me .. I realised it wasn’t about them.

That i started seeing him differently.

_” candles.. Do you have candles” i rushed moving my self away from him.

It took him long time before he finally answered:

_” the second drawer to the left”

I right away went to bring out a white mid length candle .. And reached to get the lighter.

When i finally lightened the candle and could see clearly in the dark .. I noticed Rami was trembling under the quilt with sweat covering his forehead.

Without even reaching my hand to check his forehead i knew he had a bad fever.