Tales of two funny ritualist episode 18
For the first three days after we slept with the prostitute as advised my flex, nothing happened.
At first I thought flex had gotten the perfect solution we have been looking for, but then, on the fourth day came the problem.
I just woke up from the bed with dencygirl still
sleeping when I saw a scary looking monster beside the best.
I shouted so loud that dencygirl jumped up from the bed.
Dencygirl: what’s the problem.
Me: one big monster.
I said visible shaking and pointing to the position I earlier saw the beast.
Dencygirl: ohhh Idris you don start again o, w€tin be your own self?
Me: no I swear, one beast be dey here. As I shout the beast come run.
Dencygirl: and I tell you make you no watch that horror film last night but you no gree. How monster go just appear inside our house and disappear all at once.
I couldn’t argue with hee because I knew what I saw. Then another thing happened again, a big cobra appeared on her head.
Me: Jesus Christ, see cobra for your head.
I saw and dashed towards the entrance of our room.
Dencygirl: which cobra?
She asked surprised, to her, what she had on her head was her hair net.
Me: no, see big cobra for your head.
Then all of a sudden, the snake disappeared. Dencygirl became sad thinking I was playing games with her.
Me; what’s the problem sweetie?
Dencygirl: am gonna leave you, today I am leaving this house.
Me: why sweetheart.
Dencygirl: I don’t like this your character you’re displaying.
Me: OK, sorry no vex.
Dencygirl: which no vex, you just wake up dey shout this and that, you better stop o.
Me; OK I go stop. JESUS!!!!!!!!!!
I shouted, three skeletons in the form of zombies just entered in side.
Dencygirl: why you shout?
Me: eem, I don miss my match finish o. Chealsy versus Kano pillars. I dey come
I said as I dashed out of the room.
Donflex ran out if his room and entered his cousin’s room shaking like a dry leaf at the mercies of the wind.
Ella: what is the problem?
Flex: flying skeleton everywhere.
Ella; na which one be flying skeleton again.
Donflex: wait, no tell me say you no dey see all these things?
Ella: I know no w€tin you dey talk. All these one na rubbish. Let me sleep I take God beg you.
Donflex: but… but…
Ella: abeg brother. It is too early for your jokes. No catch me April fool this early morning o.
Donflex: but I dey serious. No be April fool be these at all.
/> He was still trying to explain things when the cobra, skeleton and other horrible things appeared again.
He quickly dashed out of the room in fear. It seems the whole house is filled with horrors.
Not knowing what to do, he entered his car and zoomed off to Idris’s house.
I couldn’t bear it any longer, worst still dencygirl didn’t believe me at all. So the best thing to do for now is to meet my partner in crime, Donflex.
Dencygirl: na where you dey rush go like this?
Me; I dey come. I need to meet Donflex. See you
Dencygirl: OK oo. See you very soon.
I rushed to my parking lot, revised my car and drove off.
I need the fastest route to get to Donflex’s house. Maybe taking the UBA junction will be faster.
I stepped on the accelerator as the car moved with high speed.
Flex: I need to reach Idris house sharp sharp. Oh God save me. Maybe if I pass through this intersection go burst out for UBA junction, I go reach sharp sharp.
Flex was talking to himself as he stepped on the accelerator, increasing the speed of his car.
The UBA junction was like a crossroad, luckily cars weren’t much so no need to slow down.
I quickly took a left turn, passed by UBA bank and I felt a spiritual force over me. I stepped on the accelerator so hard and took a sharp right turn.
That was when I saw Flex’s car, coming towards my car with the same velocity like mine. I tried stepping on the brake but it was too late, the brake wasn’t working again.
AND THEN, EVERYWHERE BECAME DARK.
baba laughed so hard as he witnessed the scene from his shrine.
Baba: that is what you get for claiming to be so wise, when you are actually very foolish. Hahaha.
I woke up suddenly, feeling no pain and having no broken bones. I was filled with the unknown. No blood no hurt. Then I came out of the car feeling well.
The collision of our cars were too horrific. Blood was everywhere and people were busy crying.
Me: e don do o. Make una no cry again. I am fine.
I said to the wailing crowd but it seems they are deaf, they didn’t even hear me.
/> Me: make una no cry again now. Una dey craze?
The wailing continues, even more harder this time around. I got close to one of them and tried holding him but my hand passed through him.
That was when I understood everything. I am dead physically, just alive in the realm of the spirit.
Donflex: Jesus Christ, we don die ooo.
Flex cried out pitifully. His spirit just came out few minutes ago.
Me: our own don finish oo and baba warn us.
We cried like children as we watched our life less body rushed to the hospital by an ambulance. Several thoughts ran through my head. Like where will I go now, heaven or hell.
No matter how hard I tried convincing myself, I knew it was hell. I stood up and disappeared.
I appeared in my house, Dencygirl didn’t see me or notice anything. She just kept on watching her television.
Seeing this innocent girl all alone pained me most. So now I can’t marry her again. She can’t hear me again, she can’t touch, cook and pamper me like a baby again.
Her phone began to ring, I moved quickly and the number was an unsaved one .
Dencygirl: yes I am his girlfriend, fiancé I mean and you can call me dencygirl.
Dencygirl: accident?? Where? When and how.
The nurse that called was nice. She answered series of questions before she gave dencygirl the address of the hospital and dencygirl rushed out with me following her from behind.