Tales of two funny ritualist episode 19
Dencygirl arrived at the hospital and the doctor told her that our case is critical and there’s every possibility that we may not survive the accident. She instantly fell to the ground and started crying.
Me: flex, if I fit survive this, then I go give my life to Christ.
I said to Donflex who just appeared besides me.
Flex: my cousin Ella dey come. She don inform my mother for age-wife/">village and
my siblings too.
Me: chaiii, your own better. Me wey no get parents nko? My own don finish ooo.
Flex: no be so, wait, see the doctor dey come out.
Dencygirl: doctor, doctor what’s happening, please tell me he is fine.
Just then Ella ran inside the hospital.
Ella: doctor please, where’s my brother. Please tell me he is fine. Doctor please.
Doctor: am afraid we lost them, we did our best but God knows best.
Dencygirl: doctor no!!!!!!
Me: Dencygirl am here, am here dencygirl. Please dency look at me.
Ella and dencygirl where busy crying out their eyes. Soon I joined them in crying. It hurts a lot when they can’t see or hear you.
Then an angel appeared before us.
Angel: it is time, let’s go.
The angel said and though we didn’t want to follow him, we all vanished from the earth.
We appeared at the gate of heaven, where everything seems nice and perfect. A paradise to behold.
Angel: stop their, you can’t enter inside. You died in sin so your place is hell.
Me : angel please forgive us.
Angel: too late, go to hell.
The angel at the gate said while the other Angel that took us in earlier kept silent.
Me: OK, can we see Jesus Christ before going to hell.
Just then Jesus Christ appeared and we got scared, so Christ is real. As in very real.
Jesus: you wanted to see me why?
We both bowed before him while I speak.
Me: I didn’t believe in Christ, I never knew you existed. No one preached to us before we died. We were poor, rejected and dejected. But now I believe in you. Give us one more chance to go back to earth for only one reason, to preach to the sinners.
Flex: now I know say heaven dey real and hell dey real. We go fit win souls for you. We no go pursue after money again but your work.
Jesus: very wise, I will grant you your request because the harvest are plenty, and I have just few workers. Before you go, Angel Michael shall take you across heaven and hell, so that you can see things for yourself.
He disappeared and angel Michael appeared. The angel took us round and across the heaven. Wow, everywhere was nice. No sorrow,
no pain, no hardship. Everything seems perfect and good. They were angels singing praises to God, others hymns and everywhere smelt of peace and Harmony.
Then we visit hell. The place was so hot, so hot that I thanked the lord for showing us mercy. The hell was divided into two, part a and part b.
In part A, there were many people burning there, amongst which was killer. The guy that attacked us in Niger state.
I shouted in surprise.
Flex: w€tin you dey do here.
Killer: ahh, my own don finish. After we attack you,
we go rob bank but police catch and shoot us. Abeg forgive me ooo. Forgive me.
He cried out and I couldn’t help but pity him.
Me: what of your girlfriend.
Killer: she leave me as I die oo.
Angel: now time to visit the part B of hell.
We went to hell part b and there was nobody there, only Lucifer and many wall clocks.
Me: good day Mr Lucifer.
Flex: good day Lucifer.
Lucifer: good day gentlemen, how can I help you.
Angel: they are tourists who came to check hell part b.
Lucifer: oh, I guess they were sent here by your lord.
Angel: yes of course.
Me: why are they many clocks here.
Lucifer: because the clocks here, each one is owned by a living person. When you die, the clock will fall down and break.
Just then a clock fell down and broke into pieces.
Lucifer: someone just died now.
Flex: w€tin be the use of the clocks?
Lucifer: if someone tell a lie, the second hand will move a bit. If you tell two lies, it will move two times. If you tell sixty lies, the minute hand will move only once. If you tell one hundred and twenty lies, it will move twice.
Me: wow, can I see barrack Obama’s clock.
Lucifer: yes at the top over there.
We walked to where the clock was kept and it had moved thrice, meaning he told three lies.
Flex: what of TB Joshua.
Lucifer: over there.
We moved towards there and the clock hadn’t move a bit, it had began to rust.
Me: wow, he never told a lie.
Angel: yes, since he gave his life to Christ.
Flex: what of Osinbajo, Nigeria VP.
Lucifer: check there.
We turned and started laughing. The clock was
moving like a wind vane.
Flex: what of Buhari, and some other Nigerian politicians?
Lucifer: those one dey oga Satan office, he keep them for ceiling they use dem as fans. You know say here hot well well.
Me: na true.
After we were through, we went back to the gate of heaven. There we saw Jesus waiting for us.
Jesus: now you have seen things for yourselves, go into the world and spread the good news.
We flew through the sky, we could feel our clocks being amended, they got broken immediately we gave up the ghost.
As we landed in the hospital, we knew we were sent back for another reason. Now we know the purpose of our lives on earth.
The first thing we are gonna do is to burn all the evil riches, money and houses we have. Then we will confess our sins out. After that, we will write a book. A book that will reach to everyone, telling them about heaven and hell.
The first money gotten from the book will be given out to the church. Then will write another book again, about the coming of Christ.
The money gotten from these will be use to repair our lives. I have a feeling that our books will make a great sale.
I just hope Dencygirl will forgive me, if she do, then I will marry her for real.
Nurse: Doctor!!!! They are awake.
A nurse shouted. We are back. Ready to tell everyone about THE TALES OF TWO FUNNY RITUALIST..
THANK YOU FOR READING
written by: Mustapha Idris