Tales of two funny ritualist episode 9
The landlord ran out in anger while we all
laughed him, useless man. Come collect your
rubbish house rent make we see na.
Just then, Halima came out with a flask in
her hand and she was laughing, its obvious
she over heard all the discussion and
quarrel that just happened.
Halima: abeg una
no fit stay?
Me: why you say so?
Halima: if una go compound go dull well well
Me: aya, make una just manage na.
Halima: ok we go try, Donflex, you know dey
Flex: I dey talk o. Just don’t know what to
Halima: I go miss una.
Me n Flex: me too.
Baba Ayo: e don do, make una carry una
problem dey go abeg make we fit
concentrate for this game wey we dey play.
Halima: *eyed him and hissed* mtcheew!
Halima: abeg make una come make I escort
Halima escorted us till we got a bike that will
take us to PEACE MASS TRANSIT. She hugged
us again and bade us farewell.
We got down from the bike and did what
we should have done since before engaging
on the journey.
Me: na where we want travel go?
Flex: wait o, hahaha.
Me: flex, why you dey busy dey laugh.
Flex: I dey laugh your foolishness.
Flex: I think say you don already plan the
place wey we go go?
Me: I no plan o. I think say you don already
figure out the place wey we go go?
Flex: I no think na because I think say you
Me: you are stupid o. Me too I know think so
because I been they think say you don
already think am o.
Just then one young babe passed us.
Flex and me: chaiii!
We said simultaneously.
Babe: yes mummy.
Babe: am at the car park now.
Babe: Peace mass transit.
Babe: I don just know today o. Passengers
going to port Harcourt are not complete,
just only two seats remaining.
I looked at Flex and Flex also looked at me
KILLER’S HIDE OUT…
Killer: so na me wey those two idiots do like
Girl: honey no vex. But w€tin carry you go
Killer: * showed her a small knife*
Killer: yes, I been want give them our
signature. The last time, that yeye man save
them dats why I go church today.
Girl: so now w€tin you go do?
Killer: I dey go their compound go Kill them
once and for all.
Just then, Arrow and other rough looking
guys came in with a sad expression on their
Arrow: capon, we greet you.
All: na only you we see.
Killer: so how far with una investigations?
Arrow: we succeed to find out their
compound, the place wey dem dey live not
too far from here.
Killer: very good, tonight will strike.
Arrow: dat one no go fit work o.
Arrow: I hear from one of the tenant say
dem don travel this morning.
Killer: noooo!!! You know the place wey dem
Arrow: the tenants say dem no talk. Them
say they suspect say the two Idiots dey run
Killer: na worry, make
dem run but I promise
dem with my life. One day, I must catch them
and I must revenge, that is a promise.
Girl: *sighed again*
Killer stood up and left in anger. The rest of
the gangs knew that when he say
something, he always keep to his word.
we arrived at Port-Harcourt for no reason and we have nowhere to stay.
Me: flex, na w€tin even carry us come here self?
Flex: na that girl na, we must sample that girl o.
Me: flex na true talk you talk o. w€ther devil like it or not we must sample that girl.
The driver drove to Peace Mass Transit, port harcourt branch and stopped, everyone came down including the girl.
*girl’s phone rang*
Girl: hello Alhaji Danfodio.
Girl: aya, am so sorry I didn’t inform you on time oo. Am currently in Lagos now.
I turned and looked at Flex and Flex also gave me this, “we don lost look”.
Girl: I don’t know but I will be back before this week ends.
Girl: ok good bye, love you.
She dropped the call and me and Flex walked up to her to say hi.
Girl: hi, how can I help you.
She said, chaii, this girl too fine like mad. She too fine enh. Me self come fear to talk to her oo. See as my whole body just dey busy dey shake.
Me: erm, I just come ask you w€ther na, na, na, na,
Girl: talk na, you dey craze.
Me: no ma.
Girl: you be stamerer?
Me: yes ma.
Girl: abeg do fast talk w€tin bring you here,
I no get time to waste.
Me: na phone dey your hand so?
Girl: no, na plasma television, mtcheew!!!
He called at the girl as she was about to go away.
Girl: I hope that you too are not here to waste my time.
Flex: no o. Me and my friend are new in this place.
Girl: which of your friend? This dummy?
She said pointing at me.
Me: **chaii, I don suffer o.**
flex: hahaha, he is just being shy. As I was saying, we are new here and we don’t know anywhere to spend the night. Do you know any place where we can stay?
Girl: yes I do, followe me.
We got to a place called Mile 2 in port harcourt.
Girl: welcome the family of Poolvallers.
She said as the ushered us into a compound. Me and flex laughed uncontrollably.
Me: na w€tin be the family of poolvallers.
Girl: na worry, you go understand very very soon, by the way, call me jummybabe.
Flex: jummybabe, na which kind name be that.
Me: na swhaili?
Flex: abi na Portuguese?
Jummybabe: lol, actually the short form of jumoke.
Me n Flex: ok o.
she climbed on a staircase and knocked at a certain door. Just then, one huge man came out.
Man: haa jummybabe, you don come back?
Jummybabe: yes o oga val.
Oga val: na who be this two?
Jummybabe: Idris and Flex, shabi that room for back still dey vacant?
Oga Val: yes o, they want rent am?
Jummybabe: yes of course.
Oga Val: ok, night don do for now. Tomorrow mu go talk. I dey come make I go bring the keys.
Jummybabe: ok, thank you very very much.
Oga val: you are welcome.
He said and entered inside his room. He later came back with the keys which he gave to jummybabe and she gladly took us to our new apartment.
Me: thank you.
Jummybabe: you are welcome.
Me: and am also sorry for what I did earlier.
Jummybabe: you are forgiven. Meet you guys tomorrow.
Flex n me: ok, thanks and goodbye