Tears of a Helpless Woman


© Pauline Mumbi 

“Are you done?” He asked me.
“Yes im almost done.. give me two minutes” I responded.
“I will go before you and you can follow me slowly” he said.
When Atusaye was out of sight, I tip toed to the gate and pretended to be busy on my phone when I reached security
Atusaye was already in the car and off we drove to a secluded place where he found a s₱0t to park.
“Mwansa do you think I’m after your body?” He asked as he turned off the engine.
I didn’t know what to say so my head hang low as my eyes focussed on my lap
Atusaye grabbed my right hand and changed his sitting position to face me.
“Look at me” he said.
I wasn’t ready so I ignored him and kept staring on my lap.
“My love look at me” he said calmly.
My mind went crazy and my stomach became hot just by hearing his voice utter those words.
Did I hear him correctly or was I imagining things. Was he playing with me?
“Mwansa my love” he said as he plated with my hand..
” I’m not going to beat about the bush. I can’t stand it anymore. I think am in love” Atusaye said.
I was so shocked to hear him say those words and it was then that I lifted my head to look at him.
“Please stop.. You can’t be telling me that Atusaye you are engaged”.. I responded.
” yes I am but so what?. Is it my fault?” He responded.
Oh dear Lord this wasn’t funny.. Everything in me was jiggling.
“Am waiting for your response” he said.
“I have nothing to say. I just want to go home” I said while still hoping he doesn’t take me home.
Atusaye got his phone from the pocket and opened a message which was sent from my phone.
” I know you didn’t write this message” he said.
When I read through the message I was truly shocked.
“Why would she do this?” I said.
“Oh… So you already have an idea who it is” he said.
“It should be Stella . yes it just has to be Stella” I said to convince myself.
“That’s right.. I thought about it and I noticed her behaviour today” he said.
“When you went clubbing? How was it by the way?” I asked
“Who went clubbing?” Atusaye asked me calmly
“Did she lie about that too?” I asked.
Atusaye laughed and clapped his hands.
“Stella never ceases to amuse me” he said.
“I want to hear everything she’s ever told you about me” he said
“No .. Its not important it won’t change anything” I responded.
“Please am begging you. I’m just trying to clear my name so you know how genuine I am ” he said
“And then?” I asked.
“Your eyes are the window to your heart Mwansa and even though you can’t admit it, I know how you feel” he said.
I looked down and again afraid of admitting my feelings.
“Why did you leave her after using her?” I asked.
“Is that what you will do to me too? I’m an orphan. I’ve got no where to go” I said.
“Did you listen to what you just said? Do you even believe what you are saying?” He asked me.
“I don’t know. I don’t even want to know” I responded.
“Why? Because you are afraid that it might actually hurt you?”
“Atusaye what do you want from me? Please just tell me” I said.
“Can you at least look at me while you ask that question” he responded.
“No I can’t..” I responded shyly.
” you’re so naive and innocent. I just love it” He said in a soft voice.
“You already said it.. My eyes are the window to my heart” I responded
Atusaye lifted my chin up and without even thinking I allowed him to k-ss me. I couldn’t even stop him or even pull away.
If I had to described the feeling I would say…. No i really can’t describe the feeling but it was almost like I owned the world.
“I’m sorry” Atusaye said as he pulled away.
“Please take me home” I said.
” Mwansa.. Theirs hope. Theirs really hope for you and i.” He said.
My eyes failed me and tears quickly rolled down my cheeks.
“I hate to see you cry Mwansa, what did I do wrong?. Please forgive Me. You have to stop shedding tears”
” I don’t know what
this feeling is but it over powers me. I have no strength to fight it but neither can I escape it” I said.
“Well then fight for it” he said.
“Believe in me And hold my hand” he said.
“I can’t believe you Atusaye.. You are engaged to be married and…”
“Of course I am engaged to the most arrogant woman on earth!” He interrupted.
“OH and did you just realise that? You must have known well before today but no… you telling me you didn’t know until I showed up in your life?” I said as cried. I could hear myself shouting but a lot of things were going through my mind.
“She was my first love.. She had basically showed me the world of dating and yes I didn’t know things would get to this between you and i. If I knew I would have not brought you to my sisters house in the first place” he said
“Oh.. So you would have left me on the streets looking for a place to live” I asked in shock
“No we would be telling a different story today
. Yes it was mare attraction at first but slowly turned out serious. After that birthday dinner I knew something had to be there, something more than just mare attraction” he said.
Atusaye pecked my forehead and later wiped my tears with his hands.
“Atusaye please what we are doing isn’t right. Let’s go home and let’s forget about everything. You know we come from two different worlds and the last thing I needed is this kind of assurance… It will take me nowhere” he said.
“My mother always told me that In the abundance of water, a fool is thirsty. He responded.
” what does that mean?” I asked him.
“I can’t let this opportunity pass me by.. The opportunity of being with a wonderful lady like yourself. If I end up miserable after this it will be my choice” he said
“Atusaye don’t make promises you can’t keep, please let’s just forget this and let’s go home” I interrupted.
“Come on let’s take a walk outside” he insisted.
“No that’s not necessary. I think its time to go home” I opposed.
“Please I just want you to see something, I promise we won’t be long” he said.
I opened the door and came out, he locked up before holding my hand and we started walking
Atusaye tapped his phone and said he had a dedication for me. So I waited and finally the song started playing. It was a track by Israel “hold on”.
He specifically recited the words ” fili oko tuleya ni gwililile chabe babe”
“You remind me of myself Mwansa” Atusaye said.
“How?” I asked
“Well we weren’t always comfortable, I lost my dad when I was quite young and mum became a maid.” He said.
“Really? I would have never imagined” I responded.
I was filled with shock because Atusaye
looked like a man who had it all from birth.
“Yes Mwansa my mum worked for Mr. Martins dad, by then Mr. Martins was a child up until he grew up. Mr Martins fell in love with my sister and that’s how our lives changed” he said.
“No .. That’s not true. It sounds too good to be true..” I said.
“That was exactly my reaction when I heard that he was going to sponsor my education. He educated us all. I have great respect for that man. He is my second father” he said.
“Wow this God is amazing” I said as I looked up.
“Yes he is….. so you see why this arrangement isn’t strange for me?” He asked
I looked at him and smiled.
“You’re blessed” is all I said.
“And so are you” he responded
“I’m scared Atusaye”
Atusaye stopped and he hugged me tight.
“I know.. But you don’t have to be. Just lean on me” he said.
“I’m confused Atusaye.. I’m so confused” I said as I rested my head on his chest
“You have every right to be because I am too but I want to be more than your friend. I want to give this friendsh¡p a chance. Please give me this chance” Atusaye whispered
“And Claudine?” I asked.
Before Atusaye could even answer me his phone started ringing.
“Honey hold on a second let me just pick this call” Atusaye said as he moved away from me.
His face suddenly changed when he looked at his phone. His facial expression was worrying and I saw he was panicking.
“My sister is calling.. She rarely calls when I’m out.” Atusaye said.
” Could she be aware that am with you?” I asked in panic.
Atusaye didn’t respond but we rushed to the car. I had left my phone in the car and when I got there my phone started ringing. It was Mrs. Martins who was now calling my line.
“Oh Lord I am finished!!!”
Read also: Chronicle of a Teenager 
To be continued… 
NEXT (episode 13)                                                                                PREVIOUS (episode 11)

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