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The changing tides episode 9

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The changing tides episode 9

Paul, Parked the car aside the road.

He was in shock,

“how could I be so blind,?” he whispered to himself confused.

He couldn’t get passed the fact that Maria has turned out to be a prostitute. he now understood

why he had felt so drawn to her. His heart felt just right being close the the woman he thought to

be Jessy up until he heard her speak in her voice. Her eyes so deep with a combination of shame

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and pain.Paul couldn’t stop the images of Maria from his mind.

“Oh my God, what has Maria got herself into? And where is my child? I can’t go to sleep tonight

until I find her” Paul sighed starting the car engine. he drove back to the bar in the hope to find thefriend he had seen Maria with but all to no avail. She was not there and he felt so powerless.

Paul made a mental note to continue going to the place and other night clubs too knowing he

would one day see Maria again or her friend.

He wished he had got her number since Maria never left with her phone the time she ran away.

He had no idea whether she had a phone or not since he had not seen her with any.

“Maria, tell me why you ran away girl, you are too much my friend it’s like you have cursed yourself

to suffering.

Accept it already. That guy loves you even when he had not recognised you he still was attracted

to you. What more do you want? ” Doro scolded her as Maria sat on her bed crying.

She had not gone out for days in fear she would meet Paul again. She had to feed on the little

money she had left.

“You won’t understand Doro, you have no idea how much I felt hearing Paul say all that to me.

He’s suffering but just look at me am a prostitute, I threw away my life. It’s not fair that I be with

him. He doesn’t derseve me my friend. He’s probably going to forget me now that he knows who I

have become.

I can’t face him now. No I can’t look at his eyes am so ashamed of who I have become. I saw that

look of disappointment in his eyes. There’s no way he’s going to look at me the same way Doro.

All I have done is cause him pain , you should have heard his voice that night. He sounded so

much like he was hurting and I cant do that to him any more.” Maria lamented crying. .

“How do you know he looks at you that way, take courage Maria and for the first time in your life

face your fears, running away at this point will make life difficult for your child. Go out their find that

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man and make things right” Doro advised her.

“Besides he’s so good looking” she added with a smile and stood to walk out.

“I don’t think I can face him” she thought to herself.

” I love him so much and it hurts to see him suffering. I have to find another way for my son maybe

some time in future he will get to meet his father but for now I can’t” she shrugged convincing

herself even when her heart was longing to see Paul.

She had been looking forward to Friday’s the past weeks as she got to be with him . Now a week

had passed and she had barely moved out of her house.

Paul was driving through kanyama as he had gotten some days off from work. He had been going

round kanyama and the compounds near the bar he had meet Maria.

Every day he hoped to see her, sometimes he would find himself dozing in the bar as he got tired

of waiting to see her.

He was lost in thoughts when he saw Doro walk by the road side in some decent clothes than

when he last saw her . She looked quite different and if it wasn’t for the crazy weave on her head

he wouldn’t have identified her. he stopped the car and went out running towards Doro.

“Excuse me lady ” he spoke to her”I don’t know if you remember me but I last saw you at the club with a lady. Maria or Jessy I don’t

really know what name you know.” He paused breathing heavily.

Doro looked at Paul, and sighed.

“Oh yeah I remeber you. You are the famous Paul. Am glad you have asked me, Maria needs you

but she doesn’t want to acknowledge that. ”

“I want to see her please, no, I need to see her” he rephrased his words.

” do you know where she is?” He asked relieved that at least he found someone who gave him

hope.

“I will show you where she stays but don’t tell her I told you. She forbid me to ever reveal that to

you if you ever saw me anywhere, but I just want you to help her. You see, Maria is not like some

of us. She’s so delicate and she cares so much about hurting other people. She’s willing to suffer

just to make sure she doesn’t hurt you.

Please if you love her for sure, don’t be harsh on that girl. She won’t survive that especially from

you. She was desperate especially when she realised you where with another woman when she

wanted to approach you .”

Paul looked at Doro ,

“am with someone?” He asked in a whisper his eyes narrowed in surprise.

But instead he ignored it and went on to ask the direction.

He drove deep in the compound following the given directions.

He parked when he saw the house he was directed to and since the road was smaller ahead, he

walked on foot.

Coming to the full view of a one roomed house in front of him, Paul stopped and looked around.

He was still looking around when he saw a small boy walking out of the house.

His heart beat fast as he saw how much the boy resembled him. The baby looked up at Paul and

he smiled at him instantly connecting with him.

The boy walked towards him and before Paul could bend down to pick him up, Maria came out in

a rush wanting to stop her son from walking far away.

She stood frozen when she noticed where the baby was going.

“Paul,” she said, almost in a whisper.

“What are you doing here?” She asked him surprised. .

instead of answering Paul picked up the boy who smiled at him. he held him so close tears in his

eyes. The feel of the small heart of his son beating on his making him want to scream with joy.

The touch from the boys small hands to his face just felt so right, Paul cried.

Maria watched in tears as Paul remained quite trying to bond with his son.

“Am your father little man,” he sniffed his eyes red from the tears.

“Dad is here for you and you will be alright now” he whispered kissing him.

He turned to look at Maria whose head was bow down as tears rushed out from her eyes.

“Can I come in ?” He asked her. Maria wipped her tears and nodded. Leading the way in.

Paul walked in and looked around the room. There was no seat only a bed. the room was cut inhalf with some curtains and on one side were a small vegetable rack with some foods and a small

table with plates and pots, two buckets of water.

He looked in the other corner where there was a baby dish and a small soap tray. The dish was

still w€t and that explained the scent of baby powder on the baby, she was obviously from bathing

him.

He was still holding the baby as he checked out the room and Maria watched him still silence.

“You didn’t have to go through all this Maria, you should have told me you were carrying my child

before you ran away. Do you have any idea what I had to go through to find you here?

You punished yourself all these months when all you could have done is tell the truth and easy

things for yourself.” He spoke lifting his face to her.

“Am sorry you had to go through all that but it’s too late now, you can have your son and take care

of him since you can do a better job than I have done.

I love him so much he’s my life. But I want what’s best for him. You can take him with you and

give him a better life Paul. Just promise I will have to see him every week please” she pleaded

crying.

Paul looked at her,

“Maria you want me to go with our son? I raise him because am capable? ” He asked as he went

to sit down still holding the baby.

“Yes he’s your son and I know you will love him too. I can’t give him a better life than you would.

So yes, it’s painful for me to let him go but it’s what’s best to do,” she responded seriously.

“And why do you want to remain here? You are his mother and this baby is still young to be left

without a mother. ” he asked

“I can’t go with you Paul am sorry. My life is here and I have to stay where I belong. ” she

shrugged looking down.

“Maria look at me, you want to remain because you are ashamed?, you don’t want to let go of the

things that you do just because you’re too scared to face new challenges.

You want to continue torturing yourself because you are afraid to be loved, you know that I love

you and you think I can even think of letting you in this kind of life?

Don’t you ever sit and think of how much you are not only punishing you and me but this child too?

Is it fair that our child should grow up with a single parent beacuse we are too proud to sort out

our issues?

Or are you so proud of what you have become you think it’s what is right for you? ” He asked his

eyes on her head since she had her face down.

Maria sniffed trying to control her crying but she could not stop. She felt so ashamed Paul was

right, she was so scared that someone could genuinely love her even after what she had done.

“I have become a prostitute Paul, i sleep with men for money. Life is simple, you make a choiceand you don’t look back. I made my wrong choices and I have to live by this now. Am not the

same girl you fall in love with Paul, I now know you loved me and honestly I wish you said

something earlier.

But I can’t go with you because I don’t feel worthy of you. Am so ashamed. You go on and live

your life. Be happy and am sure in a few days you will get over the love you feel for me. My place

is here and since I made this choice am going to pay for the consequences, ” Maria outlined.

Paul was quite for a while, then he finally spoke up.

” You know, I thought that maybe you loved me. That you would be willing to take my hand and

leave this life that you have subjected yourself to.

You know I was wrong, I thought you are strong that you had a heart to fight, that you were this

woman I could get to live with. It’s unfortunate you have hardened your heart and you have

chosen your path.

You are right, ” Paul added with a sigh, “life is easy, you get to chose what you want. How I wish

you had used that on yourself and used it to chose better.

Continue running away Maria, punish yourself if that’s what makes you feel like you are atoning

for your sins. But you are right about this boy. He’s my son too and am not going to let him be

subjected to this kind of life,” he said looking around Maria’s room.

“He won’t pay for your mistakes. So am going with him and am gonna give him a life he deserves

.”

Maria couldn’t get to say a thing, she just looked down on the floor without saying a word. All she

did was cry.

“What’s his name?” Paul asked before standing to go. .

“He’s Chisomo,” she replied, meaning,..

“Grace…” Paul finished her sentence.

“Yeah,” Maria nodded and for the first time since Paul got in the house raised her head to look at

him.

“Chisomo Paul Silungwe” she added including Paul’s surname.

“Well am going with him, since that’s what you want ” he told her lifting the boy who was

comfortable in his father’s arms. .

Paul looked at Maria one last time and walked out with his son.

Maria placed her head on the pillow and scremed out. She broke down crying her body feeeling so

weak she couldn’t stand. She had just given away her only source of hope even though she knew

somehow Paul could have have still claimed his son sooner or later.

She cried so much the feel of her chest made it feel it would burst out.

“I deserve this my God” she cried. “Purnish me for all my sins cause am just not worthy of him or

my baby. Let me die God. I cant do this anymore. It’s painful to pass through pain over and overgain. Why will you let me go further away without you using your power to bring me back home to

yourself ?

Am tired now, am so tired I want to rest God please.stop letting me suffer and take me already”

Maria lamented her face all covered in tears and her heart breaking apart.

” My sins are heavily pushing me down I can’t fight anymore. ”

She heard the sound of the engine outside and she walked to the small window and peeped just

as paul’ s car drove away.

 

Tbc

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