Vanity Episode 27

© Akoto Alexander 

For a wh0le year as I came back to the village the only useful thing I was doing in the village was reading and interpretating news papers and letters for the villagers when someone was sent one or bought one, I equally wrote letters for the wh0le village people and that was what was fetching me small money and also I got fed freely by the farmers and hunters in the village, but my mum knew I wasn’t happy in the village knowing very well that I had bigger and better plan to execute but the finance to accelerate my movement was the problem.

There was this rich cocoa krachi (gentleman) who I realised had been making advances towards my mum, he always came to our compound to try and lure my mum to accept to be his seventh (7th) wife and that if she accepted his offer, joy wouldn’t depart from our house, hmmmm can you imagine the insults that his actions threw at me, ah so if I was gainfully employed would this man with his yellowish brown teeth even come close to my first love which is my mother and spew this nonsense to her? My mum one night called me to let me know her plans, she told me that during the third (3rd) week of every month the man (Agya Oduro) goes to the rural bank to redraw money from the bank and when he does he first comes to our house to either tease my mum with the money or brag to her the things she will do to her when she decides to marry him, secondly when they are alone he likes to make advances and touches on my mum which she didn’t like, so the idea my mum brought up was, when she got informed by Agya Oduro that he will be coming over after he had gone to the bank, I should stay out of sight with a very sharp machete on standby, when I hear a particular sound I should rush to the room and catch Agya Oduro in the act of making advances or trying to rape my mum. In that village raping someone and been caught led to ostracism, Agya Oduro wouldn’t like to face that punishment so he will accept my terms for negotiation that day.

 As if by magic everything my mum discussed with me started unfolding bit by bit, my mum prepared Apapransa that day and when Agya Oduro came around she offered to serve him in,side since I wasn’t around and will only come back at night fall, Opana was so happy that for the first time he was receiving attention from my mum so he followed her in,side like the way insects followed nice smelling flowers, all this while I was in the branches of an orange tree in the middle of the house.

After he was done eating in,side because he was giving a first class reception by been served with food he started making s€×ual advances towards my mum, because she knew our plan she played along with Agya Oduro so he will also be motivated to go further with his s€×ual motive, this man took off his dress and was left with his stained underwear knowing very well that today he was going to step in my mum’s paradise, he jumped on my mum and that was when the signal was given for me to step in. I jumped down from the tree with my well sharpened machete and barged into the room, as I got there this old man was trying to force my mum to have s€× with him, I made an aggressive sound with the machete to make my presence felt in the room and that was when Agya Oduro felt my presence in there with them, he jumped to his feet in search of his dress but unfortunately for him the dress was lying behind me;

Agya Oduro: Afua Ohenewah but you told me your son was not around and he will not be coming home until night fall.

My Mum: Yes but I don’t know what brought him home at this time of the day.

Nana Yaw: Aaaaaah so this has been your plans all this while, when am out of the house you steal your way here to be sleeping with my mum behind you six wives huh?

Agya Oduro: I swear by my back that I haven’t seen that I haven’t been an closer to your mum than today and you see I was only helping to m-ssage your mum when she complained of some body pains she was having. I swear I didn’t go any further.

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Nana Yaw: Hahaha so you are not only a cocoa farmer but also you specialise in giving m-ssages with your manh-od standing upright like a soilder man at parade, everyone in this village has to come and witness your good work since I know most of the women in this village needs your specialised services.

Agya Oduro: (tries to come closer to Nana Yaw and plead with him for mercy) If you come any closer to me I will chop you into pieces you dirty old man, because of your money you don’t regard anyone in this village as a human being, today you see how sober you are, greedy man after all those wives and concubines you have you still have eyes for my mum, take a closer look at my mother and if not for poverty do you think she felt in the category of the women you chase? Today your end has come, I will raise an alarm for everyone to come and see your evil deeds, I believe after that you will be ostracised and I personally will take care of your house and cocoa farm.

Agya Oduro: Please don’t tarnish my image and reputation I have built for myself over the years, please name your price so I give you something to set up your business, I beg you in the name of God.

Nana Yaw: So you want to insult my integrity also huh, first you try to rape my mum and now you want to buy my conscience with money right? By the count of 3, if you don’t carry your cracked feet and smelling armpit from this compound I will cut you into pieces and feed you body to vultures of this land; I raised the machete and started counting




He took to his heels without even his dress or the bag which contained his cocoa money.

Adjoa Wusua: Hahahahahaha I wish I was present to see the speed he left your house with, so what happened to his things?

Nana Yaw: Easy my dear, please get me a drink from the fridge, we have a long way to go………


Adjoa Wusua: (comes back with glasses and a fruit juice) Nana I must confess am enjoying your life time story, but the old man’s side is still cracking me up, you didn’t allow him to dress up koraa.

Nana Yaw: He was mad to think my mum was his type of meat, poverty is a disease oh, and it’s something I pray to God that He should take it out from the world, like life will be too tasty.

Adjoa Wusua: Like aluguitugui!!!

Nana Yaw: Medaase (thank you)

Adjoa Wusua: Hahaha you blast ooo please continue your story for me wai.

Nana Yaw: As I was saying, he run out of our house to save his dear life, my mum came to hug me for such a professional performance that I displayed, she made me quickly check the bag and in the bag was a box of tusker cigarette and three hundred and seventy thousand cedis (370000 cedis) now thirty seven Ghana cedis.

That money wasn’t small money by then, I gave it to my mum so she decides what we were going to do with the money but surprisingly she turned everything to me and said I was the one who needed it most, she blessed the money for me to go and use it to start my dream business.

 The day I left the village I gave my mum twenty thousand cedis(20000) out of the money for her upkeep till I was able to send her more when my business grew better and stronger, funny enough I met Agya Oduro in the same car that was conveying us to the city, I sat next to him and because of me he alighted at the next village to find a different car. Eventually I got to the capital city Accra and I didn’t know where to go, I was so hungry that I quickly rushed to a chop bar in the corner of the station, as I entered the bar I met this beautiful damsel behind the food, I bless the day I set my eyes on that lady.

 My heartbeat started racing in,side my body and it was beating in the range of 180km/h, as I got to her she smiled at me and that was when I realised the cowardice in me, my l-ips were so heavy that I couldn’t even voice out what I wanted to buy and when I summoned courage to speak I fumbled with words, can you imagine what I told her I will buy?

Adjoa Wusua: Banku or Kokonte maybe.

Nana Yaw: Hahahahaha, that would have even been cool, I told her I will buy “Cassava and Palm nut”, she in return looked at me like I was an alien from a different planet and later bursted into a loud laughter which caught the attention of everyone in,side the chop bar, she spoke and her voice arrested my hormones, her voice alone could invite an orgasm of a man, herh it took me a little time for me to compose myself well enough to speak, I told her I wanted to buy fufu and plam nut with goat meat, I was in town and had to do big boy things, she served me nicely and called a lady to take my food to a table so I eat, her beauty and the taste of the food was on the same scale, if she prepared the food then I was going to find it very difficult to judge her and my mum should they enter any cooking competition but I will be biase and give it to my mum because to me, my mum is the best cook in the world.

 I enjoyed the food to the brim and after eating I drunk the wh0le soup in the bowl, all this while the lady I could tell was stealing a glance of me anything she saw me looking else where and when I turned my head to her direction she will also look else where, after I finished eating I decided to sit and draw a little plan on my stay in Accra, first I needed to get a place to stay, then along the line I start my business but even before coming to the city I had written some letters that I was going to distribute to some companies, can you believe after sitting and thinking about what to do next, I foolishly fell asleep in my chair in,side the chop bar.

 I heard a soft tap on my shoulders and that was what woke me up, my bag that contained my world (money, dresses and my educational certificates) was nowhere to be found, I started searching for it under the tables and chairs in,side the chop bar, all the lady did was to stand and watch me continue making a fool out of myself, after searching everywhere in the bar I came to the lady to ask her if by chance she saw any Ghana must go bag in,side her bar? She shook her head and asked me if I was alright upstairs, on a regular day I would have taken that as an insult but for her she could insult me all that she cared but it won’t tickle me for a second, I nodded my head to approve to her that I was very much okay and told her my current problem was that I couldn’t find my world or better still my bag. She went behind her counter and brought out my bag and handed it over to me, I hugged her out of joy that she had to squeeze herself out of my grips, hey behave yourself for we are in a public place you insane guy, leave me before my mother walks in here, that statement brought sanity to my being, I apologised and she smiled at me, she told me that from the way i was behaving she could tell I wasn’t from the city and I comfirmed that it was true.

 I told her my reason for coming to the city and she liked my passion and zeal to come out of my comfort zone and work my ass out to climb the ladder of success, I pleaded with her to help me locate a modest hotel around and of which she gladly helped me out. She left me at the entrance of the hotel and I even forgot to ask of her name, I paid for a week and I was given a key to my room, as I got to the room I locked myself and brought the money out to cross check if everything was intact and as I checked it was exactly how it was, that alone gave the lady extra marks in my mind, I tied the money in a polythene bag and went to hide the money in the water closet pump where the water for flashing is kept, I came to lie on my bed and drew my plans for the next 3months ahead of me, I don’t know how I slept because when my eyes opened again the clock in the room was 12:47pm, I was feeling so hungry so I freshened up and went straight to my new base and as I got there I was  met with a big surprise which changed my mood.

To be continued

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