(Love in circles)
BY BLESSING SILVER
‘Brrnng.. Brnnnngg’ The annoying screech reaches my ears and I tossed sleepily on my bed. I yawned, stretched and sat up.
“I’m up..I’m up!” I gro-ned as it rang again. The old kill joy.
I reached for the alarm clock and turned it off. I rolled my duvet up and tried to sit up but the pain on my wrist surfaced and I winced. I took my hand up and checked my wrist.. I saw the red lines circling it, the circle was more obvious than last night and the lines had become too red and thick, last night’s event flew up my mental screen and I shook it off.
Fire. scre-ms. Anger. Pain. Tears.
It’s not like it’s the first time. I really hope he’s not home.
I got up, more carefully add cautiously this time and slowly rubbed my eyes. I walked to my window, stared out through the binders and sighed. My eyes we’re heavy and somehow I had to blink rapidly when the wind blew past them.
I hope today would be good, at least better than yesterday.
My life has always been moving tipsy-turvy.. From doing many menial jobs as a student just to get money which most times ends up being collected, to my long minutes of walking to school, then facing Allan’s trouble and crushing on the most handsome dude in Amity high.. Jason.
Most times my days always turns out to be painful and those times seem to occur nocturnally and when they come I feel unimportant, juvenile and pretty mad at myself for being me.. For being the girl to have such a life. A s-cky one.
I can be pretty clumsy annually but at the same time I’m a regular workaholic.. Being a high scholar and a staff wasn’t easy, life just doesn’t go smooth for everyone..But Jason had a way of wiping my sorrows for the moment, knowing that the next day would arrive and I’ll be in school and look at my Jason always tend to erase memories of fateful events.. Just in case you’re wondering, Jason’s not mine yet and well will not be physically but in my dreams he’s always mine and we’re perfect.
“Ouch!” I gro-ned after carelessly resting on my wrist, I sighed again and left the window.. The morning encourages me cos when they come, school comes and when school comes, there’s no grimy moment. I hope the sun rays can beam at my day.
I slowly undressed and moved my frail body to the bathroom, after a quick shower, I laid my school clothes down; a long sleeved sweat shirt, I chose that because of my wrist and the other injuries markings on my skin.. The last thing I want is being queried by Martha about it.. I really don’t like people knowing about how I live when they’re not there and that’s why I try to hide the scars, pull up a smile even though the pains beneath it are crushing, and then I try to move along and not feel dejected but happy when I’m with them.. And that’s because my life wasn’t the type to be envious about, it’s the type you’d not wish to have. Few a time Martha had seen the scars, purple wound, dark scars and a peek of some red burns and she had asked questions, being the curious groove that she is and honestly trying to hide and deny then put on a witty smile like it isn’t important, wasn’t easy but I did my best, though it was pretty obvious she didn’t fall for it but She stopped questioning and the rest became history.. I’ve always avoided that repetition and I could say, I’m doing great.
I set out a long ski-ny jean to go with the sweatshirt, my undies and a black boot.. FYI.. I’m not really a fashion type, I’m just a random teenager who only thinks of surviving and have no time for trendy looks. I wear what I think is cool and what covers my pains, it seems comfy to me. I wore my dressing robe, pulled my feet into my flip-flops and walked to the living room to grab one or two things for breakfast. I walked slowly to the living room and it was empty, that means Allan’s still asleep or away and I have the morning to myself, I sighed gratefully and walked to the kitchen.. I opened the fridge and grabbed a pack of cookies, I made coffee, added a bit of cream and sugar and stirred. Right there I had my breakfast. I quickly did the dishes and walked out of the kitchen..
“Trying to sneak out on me?” His voice sparked my insides, sending a sudden shiver like an electrocuted being and I stood still. closing my eyes, I took in quick shallow breaths then opened them back and slowly turned to him.
He’s home after all.. Looks like my little sparkles of light just got obstructed.
“G-g..ood morning” I stuttered , my gaze on him. He smirked and started coming towards me. A cup of coffee resting in his palm and steaming hot.
I gulped my saliva and watched him get to me.
I pulled back and eventually crashed against the wall, he caged me with his free hand; the one that didn’t hold the coffee and he bent his head towards me, I stiffened in fright.
Please.. Not now! My insides cried.
“Trying to escape huh?” He asked, his coffee-d breathe all over my face.
“Escape.. No I.. It didn’t.. I mean..
I tried to speak but I ended up sounding like mush to my own self, something that happens when you have no self defense, I kept mute and he chuckled slightly, yet the sarcasm in that hushed laugh was present..
“I’ll take that as ‘yes'” he said then slowly took a sip from his coffee
“You know it’s wrong to sneak out on family right?”
Family?? My subconscious repeated to me, like I hadn’t heard him.
Oh, he knows we’re family or is he realizing that now because he has never treated me like one, well not until the accident.
“Alright, I’ll accept that you do. Wrong deeds deserve punishment. Don’t they?”
“Allan, please not now. I-I-I have to get to school”
“That makes two of us, I have a job too but we can’t leave corrections hanging.. It’ll be improper”
I wanted to say something but the words died and a bile rose up toy throat when I felt his hand working on the knot in my robe, resting on my abdomen. He loosened it and I felt the tears building up, he reached up to my shoulder and drew the robe down from that side.. Leaving my shoulder and a little of my cle-vages bare. I fought the tears dribbling and punching the corner of my eyes and sniffed in my inferiority, something that only Allan happens to unbuckle. One of the thing I learnt is that crying never solves issues but at the same time letting them out releases the stress and that tight grief that biles up in your throat and sometimes, well most times; they leaves your head splitting with an ache.
I felt like a helpless wimpy worm being poked by a toothpick and just squishing around, taking the pains alone. I shut my eyes when I felt his palms pressing my shoulders.. He made a circle with his index finger and in a flash I felt a hot burning liquid on my shoulder and it crawled on my skin. I winced in pain and my eyes flew open to see him dropping the empty coffee cup.
I felt the hot liquid burning into my skin, as if searching for an inner place to dwell and as it crawled deeper, it left memories behind. Painful memories plus a bumpy skin.
The pains were too excruciating though not compared to others that I’ve inhumanly received.. My skin kept burning and itching and ignorantly, like a slave begging to be freed, a tear fell and rolled, tickling my cheeks in a not-funny way. I sniffed again and looked at the devil’s son, smirking at me.
After seconds which felt like forever, of bearing the pains.. Allan bent and put his head down then opened his mouth over it. Soon I felt his tongue working and aggravating the pains I was feeling. I shut my eyes and felt him licking my skin after taking in the coffee he had poured on me. His teeth sent hard bites to the corner of my skin that was red from the burns and I hissed in pain, quietly taking in the ferociousness of his handiwork.
He bent his head to me and licked my shoulder, then strolled his tongue down to my cle-vages and he lashed them wet with his tongue. The feeling of inferiority juggled up in my system and I breathed in.. First holding the other tears that threatened to fall and secondly preventing myself from pushing him off me and running away because it never helped. I sunk into the wall, feeling disgusted and angry at the same time.
After what seem to be eternity, he pulled away from me, I opened my eyes and in a swift moment I felt a light slice on my soggy, reddened skin, my shoulder.. Blood spurged out immediately and the pains doubled up. I glanced at Allan, stored up tears blurring my vision and itching my eye corner. He smirked satisfactorily at me and closed up the pocket knife which had my blood on the blades, he drew my robe up to cover my unclad shoulder and tied the robe, I could we the blood finding it’s way through the soft fabric of my robe and making a pink line at the shoulder. My gaze fell on his. Unwanted anger welled up to my body and I stared expressionlessly at him. Those angers were just bare because even though there was a thousand and one thing I wanted to do to him, I couldn’t do a single of them.
“I think that’d do” he said, licking his lips.
My once blank expression turned to that of disgust, first at myself for always being weak, helpless and a tool for his satisfaction and wicked urges and then at him for being my source of pain and regrets, for having the same blood running through his vein; with me.
I tightened the knot on my robe, grabbed my shreds and ran out of his presence with them.
I hit the door behind me and walked to my lengthy mirror, with a tears covered face I squat and checked the burns on my shoulder, drawing my robe down.. The circular wound was swollen from all the s-ck and the dead skin was getting itself apart from it by the cut, blood resting on the surface. The circles went swollen and the slice made a bisection, reddening a little more of my skin, just a bit above my cle-vage. I stood up and walked to the bathroom, I took off my robe completely and opened the bathroom door. I stepped into the en-suite and took the shower head, I turned it on and sprinkled water on the bloody wound, I watched as the water turned to pink and ran down the drain. I shut my eyes as a hiss of pain, passed through my teeth. I turned off the shower and head to my room, getting the first aid box, I settled on my bed and took out a medicated scissors.. I slowly and carefully cut out the dead skin and left the open wound. I added antiseptic that stings like mad, to stop the blood and with closed eyes, I placed a plaster on it and covered it up. I opened my eyes and looked at it.. At the corners, I could see the red skin.. I stood up and checked the time..
🕓7:34🕓 I was so late for school.
I stood up and wiped my wet face and added a bit of my foundation.. I took the brassiere away from my set-out clothings, it’d only trigger the injuries.
I pulled into my clothes, tied the lace of my boot, grabbed a dollar and my phone, and walked out of my room.. I got to the sitting room and sighed out his absence, before hitting the road to school. I’m sure I’d be missing homeroom.
Life just s-ck, Doesn’t it?
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