What A Life – Final episode
LIST OF COMPLETED STORIES
What A Life
Doctor: “Ah, I remember you. My patient’s hot tempered husband, I remember how you angrily left my office that day even though I wanted to tell you something very important about your wife’s health status at that time. Well, about your question, I don’t know why your wife had a miscarriage because there was actually no miscarriage”.
Dozie: “I don’t understand what you mean, doctor. Are you saying my wife is still carrying that pregnancy?”
Doctor: “There was never any pregnancy. I guess she was under pressure and that is why she put up that act. Wait a minute, didn’t her mother explain all these to you? She promised to tell you everything when you calm down that day”. While he was talking, Dozie who was holding his iphone in his hand was recording his conversation with the doctor without his knowledge.
Dozie: “Thank you very much, doctor but I have to leave now”, he got up abruptly and left the office. From there, he drove straight to his parents house and after they listened to the doctor’s revelation on his phone, he left them and drove to his house. Eno was on her bed taking a nap when he kicked the door on her.
Eno: “Gosh, you scared me Dozie. I thought it was an armed robber that entered the house. Why did you bang the door like that?”
Dozie: “So, you still have mouth to talk? Not only are you a cheap prostitute and seductress, you are also a wicked and pathetic little liar. A pretender per excellence, that is what you are. God, I don’t even know what to think about your mother, to think that a woman in her right senses can mislead her own biological daughter this way is appalling”.
Eno: “Why are you calling me and my mother names? Are you drunk or something?”
Dozie: “Before I open my eyes and close them, you have packed your things and returned back to your evil mother where you belong. You think you can trap with any fake pregnancy? Well, my instincts told me that you were lying but for the sake of my mother’s political ambition, I decided to play along. As you know, the elections have come and gone and my mother won the position she contested for. Now is time for you to leave, this so called arrangee marriage is over”.
Eno: “What! You mean because your mother is now a senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria you can now throw me out?”
Dozie: “No, I am throwing you out because I have confirmed that you were never pregnant for me. It was all a sham, a stunt you and your mother pulled to drag me into your miserable lives. My parents and I know and that was why we never did any ceremony with you. If you remember, we didn’t even pay your bride price, we said we would pay and do the wine carrying and marriage proper when you give birth. So, wake up, there was no marriage whatsoever between us. The doctor at the hospital I took you to when you said you had a miscarriage has confirmed that you lied about the whole thing”.
Ashamed that her deeds had been found out, Eno packed her clothes into the only box she had and made for the door.
Eno: “I am glad I am even leaving you for good. You are such a senseless and insensitive man. The two months that I have been here are the worst months of my life. I know you are chasing me away so that you can marry Samantha but I promise you that I will deal with her. She will never have you. If I can’t have you, then no one will”.
Dozie: “Get the hell out of my house. you are just bluffing, there is nothing you can do”.
The next day, Samantha, her mother with Dozie as the driver drove to Church for the concluding session of their prayers and fasting session. When they got to the Church premises, her mother and Dozie led her by the hand into the Church where the pastor and other prayer warriors were waiting for them. The pastor instructed Samantha to kneel down in their middle and they began to sing and pray.
Eno was in her mother’s house, locked up in her room all day and despite her mother’s plea, she had refused to open the door or come out to eat. She felt bitter, having been abandoned by Dozie. Her mother’s knock on her door caught her by surprise for she was deeply buried in thoughts. “Mum, just leave me alone, I feel like a failure and I don’t want to see you or eat anything. Just go away, please”.
Mama Eno: “Are you still sulking in there? Instead of you to get up and fight for what is yours, you are in there wasting your time. Well, I got information from a reliable source that Samantha and Dozie are in Fountain of Life Church. Who knows if there are there to tie their nuptial cord”.
“What! No! This is not possible, I will not take this”. She grabbed her bag containing the idol the baba gave her and ran out to her mother’s surprise.
“Where are you running to?” her mother called our after her.
Eno: “To settle this score once and for all”. She grabbed her mother’s car keys from her dressing table and sped away.
When Eno got to the Church, the security personnel at the entrance tried to prevent her from running in but she overwhelmed them and ran into the building where intense prayers and speaking in tongues were going on. “Jesus Christ!” the pastor screamed. Immediately Eno got into the Church and came face to face with Samantha, she felt her head spinning and she couldn’t stand. Then she remembered the warning that the spiritualist had given her the last time she visited him. In her anger and quest for vengeance, she had forgotten that she was told never to behold Samantha again. When the consequence of her disobedience dawned on her, she turned back and sped to the shrine. Samantha and her mother including Dozie and the members of the praying team were surprised at her unruly behavior but they dismissed it and continued praying.
“Baba, I am in trouble o, hey I am dead and finished!”
Spiritualist: “Calm down and tell me exactly what happened”.
Eno: “I…er…em…I mean…I was in my room when I heard that my husband was with my best friend in a Church, I thought they had gone there to wed and I was consumed by rage and anger and I forgot the warning you gave me. I only remembered after I had set my eyes on her”.
Spiritualist: “Arlueeh, abomination. You have committed an unforgivable sacrilege. I am afraid there is nothing we can do about it. Prepare to go blind just as your friend did”.
Eno: “Are you kidding?” she lost her temper and flared up. “Are your gods this dumb that they do not have a solution for a mistake I committed? After I did all that you asked me to do during the thanksgiving rituals? Your gods must be mad. In fact, they are impotent. Afterall, there were not even able to make Dozielove me. I curse the day I came here, I curse all these stupid deaf, dumb, blind and powerless idols. She brought out the idol in her bag and smashed it on the floor”.
“Mbanu!” the spiritualist shouted. “This is the height of insults that my gods can take. This is the straw that will break the camels back. Get out of my shrine, the gods will fight for themselves”.
She drove back to the Church to go and carry out her evil plans but immediately she stepped into the Church premises, she was struck with madness and began to laugh hysterically and display characteristics of mad people. All the people in the Church were surprised and the security men held her bound for fear that she would run away. After hours of intense prayers and praise and worship sessions, the scale fell from Samantha’s eyes and her eyes opened. “Mum, I can see. Pastor, I can see. My healing has come. Thank you, Lord.”
“Halleluya! God never fails”, her mother and other people including Dozie and the pastor chorused. The pastor heard the commotion outside and ran out. Immediately Eno saw that Samantha had regained her sight, a scale like object came over face and her face began to swell.
Eno: “Hahaha, I am finished. Yes, I deserve it, I am reaping what I have sown. Look at you Samantha, I wanted to kill you, that is why I came here but I don’t know what is happening to my head. I broke the sacred idol the spiritualist gave me and insulted the hell out of the gods. Hehehe, the gods are mad. They are crazy and foolishly stupid, hohoho. I was jealous that you were getting married before me and so I seduced Dozie and hired boys to kidnap him on your wedding day and force him to cancel the wedding.Kikikikikikki (laughing in Spanish) I was never pregnant, I did that drama with my mother. Kakakkakakaka (Laughing in French lol), that woman is mad, imagine someone who doesn’t have a man of her own forcing me to get a man for myself. Mad people everywhere”, she ran forward and all those watching and listening to her confessions with their hands on their mouths ran back. “Hahaha, everybody is scared of me, I want to go to my husband place but I don’t know where he is and I know these mad people here will not help me”. She released a long fart and ran out of the Church premises, the security men attempted to stop her but she maneuvered her way through and took off on her knees.
Dozie immediately got on his knees and brought out a ring and took Samantha’s hand. “I bought this ring weeks back and I promised to put it on your finger again. Please, Will you marry me? This time around, I promise not to abandon you on the altar, not for any reason in the world”.
A tear dropped from Samantha’s eyes as she remembered the first time Dozie proposed to her. “I am sorry dozie but I cannot marry you again. The last time I accepted to marry, my heart was shattered beyond repairs. A fragile heart was broken before, I don’t think it can endure another pain”. Tears trickled down her left eye. She shook her head and ran away leaving Dozie on his knees with the ring in his hand. That evening, the spiritualist lost balanced, drowned and died in the famous Ilele River when he went for his daily midnight bath.
Two Months later, Eno escaped from the psychiatrist home where she was on admission. Her mother had tried everything humanly possible including visiting native doctors and spiritual home but her daughter’s condition continued to deteriorate with her face swollen to the point that people ran away whenever they saw her. Mama Eno was in her room taking a nap when Eno ran into the house from the psychiatrist home. Her mother jerked up when she heard her door open suddenly. “What are you doing here? You are supposed to be at the psychiatrist…” before she could conclude her sentence, Eno ran into the kitchen, grabbed a sharp knife, ran back to her mother and stabbed her multiple times to death. She ran out of the house, licking her mother’s blood on the knife and she didn’t know when a trailer on top speed crushed her to death.(Hmmm…. SINNERS they say, will never go UNPUNISHED)
18 months later, after much persuasion and apologies from Dozie and his parents, Samantha agreed to marry him and they got wedded in Church ceremony that was attended by friends and well-wishers. When the reporter who came to cover the event for the national television asked why the bride had no brides maid or maid of honour, Samantha replied. “In this life, there are no friends anymore. What you have are friendly enemies. Once bitten, twice shy”. WHAT A LIFE!
——THE END–‘—please comment
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