Why I Can’t Love

Why I Can’t Love – Episode 4

© Jones Kwesi Tagbor
I fired at him with some sort of pain in my heart. He became motionless and speechless. He was just looking at my face with shock, fear and panic. Initially I thought there was going to be some truth in what he said so even though i said all that for him to deny it because I was not very sure it was my Richmond the prefect was referring to. The question he asked me was how I managed to know. He asked whether I have hired spies to monitor him. It was there that I realized it was real and not a scam or something else.

He said he was sorry but he could explain. “Explain what? Explain how you were on top of Afia or how she was on top of you? Just give me way so I can go and sleep. The prefect will lock the door when it’s late. He went on his knees and was begging me. I asked him whether He has finished with Afia. He wanted me to tell him how I got to know about all this but I just moved away from him in pain.

He was still kneeling when I left there. I never turned back to see whether he stood up or not. That was my back case. I couldn’t sleep that night. I switched my phone off and all I did was to shed tears. My heart was broken beyond repairs.

 Richmond tried all means to get me back to his bed but it all proved futile. Anytime I saw him on campus I do feel some sort of shock until he left to do his ‘out program’. I never had any other guy till I completed the college but I almost turned into a real l-sbian.

I do have fun with my hall prefect until one day some Christian org-nization came to teach us something about l-sbianism. According to them it was a sin and an act of the devil. They made us understand that once you are initiated into it, it can take only the grace of God to deliver you out of it. They added that those people will never inherit the kingdom of heaven.

After the teaching, they showed us some video about it and I was really touched so I gave my life to Christ and stopped that devilish act. Richmond only had fun with Afia, they were not into any form of relationsh¡p that could take them somewhere. They only meet to have fun and that’s all because after they went their separate ways after they completed.

I was posted to teach in a basic school in the Eastern Region after graduation. There, I was teaching English language. I was able to impress the headteacher after there was a 100% pass in performance when the students wrote their Basic Education Certificate Examination(BECE). the least grade they had in English was 3 and that was only 5 students out of 45 that sat for the paper. During their speech and price giving day, I was awarded the best teacher for the school. I was also nominated as the best district English teacher but I ended up as the second runner up. I became vary famous to all. Both administrative staffs and students in the district.

It was during these period that I met my second guy, William. Even with him I don’t even know how it all started because he was just a good friend and finally it turned to be a relationsh¡p.

William happened to be the circuit education supervisor. Because of my hærdworking character, he liked me and took me as one of his friends. Even before he will come to my school to supervise, he will pre inform me before coming. On one of his usual duty to supervise teachers at post, he requested for launch with me. He planned it in a way that we will go after school. School normally closes at 2pm and besides I had no extra class that day so I honoured his offer.

He came with his Landcrusar so we went to a very rich restaurant in town. But seriously, immediately he asked me what drink I cared for, I had that flashback of myself and Richmond at the club (spontaneous recovery). I nearly said I wouldn’t take any drink but to avoid any form of given reasons for not taking any drink I said Alvaro would do for me. He asked if I was sure I wanted to take that and I said yes.

He took star beer and we all took fufu with meat and crab. During the process of eating, he asked me if I was dating. I asked him back why he wanted to know. He said he wanted to know because he has not seen any man too close to me ever since he knew me. I said then he should be blind because there were a lot of men around me. Almost all the male teachers including the head teacher wants me. I added that even the situation was worse in the house.

 He finally broke his silence after watching me talk for about 10 mins. He said he actually likes me. This was what he said ” Esther, I know there is no way such a beautiful lady like you will remain single without men being around you like bees and sugar. I am also single and I want to apply for your heart. I know the applicants are many but I wish you treat mine with the highest consideration. I love you ”

I was just smiling as he was delivering what I call the sugarcoated speech. After he finished I jokingly asked how many ladies he has ever said that to. We all laughed over it. I had wanted to tell him about my past experience in terms of relationsh¡p but I decided not to. This is because some men will only capitalize on your weakness and use it against you some day.

I asked him to give me some time to think about what he said. He agreed. When I got home I thought of it throughout the night. I said well it’s not bad to give it a try. I didn’t hear from him for almost three days so I needed to do the calling. When the mountain refuse to come to Moses, Moses must go to the mountain.

I called him and all I said was ” you have won.” He said, “are you joking or what? ” I told him I don’t joke with the feelings of others. Come and see how happy Mr William was over the phone. He thanked me and said I was the best thing that ever happened to his life. He promised coming over to my house on that Saturday of the week. I actually arranged and ‘dressed’ my room very well . Around 5pm, he was around.

He came with some gifts. In fact he demonstrated that he was actually happy to have had me as his lover. I didn’t just accept his proposal just because he was rich. Yes he was rich but he was also respectful and God fearing. Talking about his looks, he was charming. He always rate me high anytime he comes around for supervision. To be honest, I really enjoyed life with William. He cared for me and he was not a fan of s€× as compared to my ex Richmond. He was always concerned about my well-being. I do visit him at his place especially over the weekends.

My head teacher started noticing my relationsh¡p with William. His worry was why I didn’t accept his proposal but for crying out loud, he was too old to be my father. I was 27 and he was in his late fifties but a widower with three children. How can a young girl like me start life with a person who has such number of children?

I saw jealousy in his actions. Anytime I present my lesson notes he will definitely get some fault with it and write with red pen in,side. He will tell all sort of things about Me to William anytime he comes around to supervise. William do tell me about his complaints to me. I explained everything to him and he also understood why he was behaving in that way.

This started making my work difficult for me so I asked William to workout things for me so that I get a transfer from that school to another school. He tried for me but the final signature from my head teacher for the transfer became a problem. I went to his office one afternoon for him to sign the letter for me and all he said was he will only do that if I should give myself to him. And that is because once I leave, he wouldn’t see me again. I nearly insulted him but I thought of it and I said to myself that my hands were in his mouth so the little thing I will do can make him worsen the situation for me.

I told him there was no way I could do that and besides he was not my man so why should I give myself to him. I left the office without even taking the letter I sent for him to sign. When I got home I went to Williams place to report everything to him. He said he has a plan. He said he would like to disgrace him if he should misbehave.

He said he will fix a secret camera in his office the next time he comes to the school. After that he will signal me to go back to him to sign the letter. If he should repeat the request I should pretend to accept. Even if possible I should go unclad. I told William that would be difficult for me to do. So He said I should do the little I could.

The following two days William came and everything was set. He prompted me and I went to the office to do exactly as planned. Mr Robert never got any conscience. He insisted on his request. I said OK I will do it. He stood up and came to lock the door. He came and started holding my br-ast and squeezing it. From the br-ast he started opening my zip at the back of my dress. There, I held his hands and I said this was an office so let’s continue when school is over so he should sign the letter for me. He said OK he will do that after school when we complete our task. I dressed up and left the office. Asem aba!

What happened next?

To be continued

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