Why I Can’t Love

Why I Can’t Love – Episode 6

My time was due to leave to my new station and because I don’t have a car, William decided to take me with his car. As we were in the car going, we did chat about a lot of issues some of which include how I was going to miss my prince charming and how the last night’s experience was, in terms of how strong and skillful he was when it come to what you think am referring to . We also touched on how bad I was feeling for Mr Robert. Occasionally you will see him rubbing his right hand on my th-gh even as he was driving. It was all fun in the car.

Out of the blue, there was this Ford driver who tried to overtake five cars in a role. Our car was the second in the lane. Unfortunately for the driver, it was a long vehicle in front that was causing the slow movement of the cars. Also the car just behind the long vehicle also didn’t know that there was an oncoming vehicle that was on top speed coming from the valley and so he didn’t allow the Ford bus to join it’s lane. Unfortunately, there was a serious collision between the Ford and the oncoming sprinter bus causing the vehicle in front of us to lose control.

The next thing I realized was that I was lying-in a hospital bed. My head including my face was covered with bandages. I was only allowed a space to breath through the bandage. With a faint and weak voice, I asked what happened to me. I heard one female voice, I think she was a nurse saying to me “,you were involved in a fatal accident”.

Oh my God , “but how could that happen?, Where is my husband; William? ” I asked her. The only thing she told me was not to worry. She added that William was fine just that he was also admitted at the male accident ward. I just wished I died instantly. ” Madam nurse, please I hope you are telling me the truth that my husband is fine? ” I asked and she said yes.

Not knowing William died on the s₱0t but as professional as the nurse was, she didn’t want to worsen my condition and so lied to me.

The following day after the accident, people trooped into the hospital to check whether their relatives were there. My parents too came but because my face was covered a with bandage, I could only hear their voice. They got to identify me by mentioning my name. Upon hearing my name I responded through the bandage. My mother cried to the fullest. The nurses needed to send her out because she was disturbing the Ward. My father came to encourage me and said we should rather thank God that I didn’t die.

According to him, I had some severe cut in my face that was why my face was covered. I asked him if he saw William but he only said William was fine. I asked him how serious his condition was but he said the doctor did not allow them to see him. ”OK.” I responded.

My ward was close to the OPD Where there was a television set there so I could hear whatever was being said on the TV set . On the third day around 7:30am, I was listening to the news paper review. It was there that the story about the accident was read out . According to the presenter, 45 people lost their lives out of the accident. It was reported that all passengers in the two vehicles that collided died. Some died on the s₱0t and others upon arrival at the hospital. Also three other vehicles including ours was mentioned. In all, five vehicles were mentioned to be involved in the accident. I became more worried for William because I heard nothing like all those in the other three vehicles survived the accident .

After a week, the bandage was removed from my face but they said I needed to go through a plastic surgery. One of my eyes was almost damaged because according to the nurses, some glasses broke into my face and damaged one of my eyes leaving the other one with refractive errors. I just knew my life has come to an end because how can young lady like me live without sight . My beauty was gone.

I had my plastic surgery a month after the incident. It was then that I was told the gentleman with me in the car joined his ancestors on the s₱0t, and his family members even came for the body and buried.

” Oh my God!!! I killed my love! ” I said with a shout and tears run down my cheeks. ” But why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” I asked the nurse who reported the issue to me. She said they didn’t tell me becaus they feared my condition could worsen. I couldn’t see my William even for the last before he was buried. “why always me?” I asked myself.

I felt like taking my own life to the extent that it started affecting my mental faculty. After some weeks, I was referred to the counsellor of the hospital who took me through thorough counselling sessions. Had it not been for the good work of that counsellor, I don’t know how my state of life will be as of today. Oh yeah! Because all my hopes were lost. “Who will advice me again, that care, love,patience, pampering, rom-nce …… hmmm where will I get them from?

We need to appreciate our partners anytime they are around us because regardless of how he/she is, we will miss them should they die. My parents came for me after I was discharged. Ghana Education Service never left me behind. They sponsored everything of mine and even promised of giving me some managerial position when I become fit. The Ghana National Association of Teachers was also of tremendous support. This brings to the fact that there is a good human relation in the education sector. These people never let me lack anything.

I was sponsored overseas for further treatment. There, they managed to resolve the refractive errors but I became colour blinde. I want to state that by the grace of God, the situation is quiet better now despite the colour blindness which is not very severe . With all that social support, I still missed William. He was always concerned about how we could make a good future together. Little did I know that life was soo short. God knows best. That is the statement that kept me moving. Hmmmm , may his soul rest in peace.

It is said that good people never last. I went to his family and they showed me where he was buried. I paid my last respect to his grave and left a rose flower on the grave before leaving. It was a very sad moment for me. At times I do think I was dreaming. Though my identify was distorted, the surgery, and not withstanding the fact that I now have only one eye, my looks was not that bad. After three years, GES gave me an appointment to become one of their administrators.

Hmmm, the disabled in society are really suffering. The discrimination, stigma and social rejection I went through even from my co-workers was mind blowing. It was at this office that I met my next guy, Francis. Francis hmmm… I can’t stop mentioning his name.

How was life with Francis? Why can’t I love again?

Follow me to the next episode.

To be continued

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