tales of two funny ritualist episode 3
Tales of two funny ritualist episode 3
Me: chaiii, pastor dey come true true oo..
Flex: wetin we go do oo.
Me: we don die today.
Flex: no, you don die today.
Me: tofiakwa, i reject it. Back to sender.
Flex: but na you be the sender na. No be you first talk am?
Me: heeyyy, na true oo.
Flex: abeg forget that thing lets think of a way out.
Me: make we just pretend say we dey pray abeg.
Flex: me i go pretend say i dey sick.
Me: ok, lets initiate the plan.
Donflex quickly feigned sickness immediately why i started singing praises to the most high God.
Me: *shouting and rolling on the floor* There is none holy as the lord, they is none besides him. Not the hills *gen gen, i no know the remaining part of the sing o, i mean song. I better change am.
Me: Holy, are you lord!!
.
.
Pastor: are you sure this guys really sad all those things?
Girl: yes pastor, they did.
Pastor: hmmm, ok o. Lets go and meet them.
He said and walked close to us.
Pastor: good day sir!
Me: good day pastor, may the blessing of the lord be upon you and your family.
Pastor: Amen and good day to you sir *he said referring to Donflex* whats wrong with you.
Me: erm pastor, he is not feeling fine. He is suffering from malaria, high fever and severe typhoid coupled with skin rashes, belle pain and wa-ist pain.
Flex: *shouted* God forbid o. Iyeee! I reject am ten times. Its just a slight fever and headache pastor.
Girl: its a lie pastor, they are lying oo..
Pastor: let them be, so i heard you both were quarrelling its that true?
Flex: holy Mary
Me: mother of God
Flex: pray for us.
Me: haba na sister, why are you lying against us in the house of God, is it fair?
Girl: hey pastor, they are..
Pastor: its okay. Go back and resume your duty *he said to the girl* and have a nice day brothers.
The pastor said and left us.
Me: *brought out my tongue at the girl immediately the pastor when out of sight*
the girl just shook her head and continued her work.
**************************
The praises and worsh¡p went well and indeed, me and Donflex were really touched.
The pastor climbed the pulpit and started preaching.
Pastor: Today’s topic is “HOW TO PROMOTE YOUR BUSINESS”
me: *whispering to Donflex* i love this.
Flex: we go apply am to our business.
The pastor kept preaching on tips on how to raise a successful business and the one that caught Me and Donflex’s attention is when he mentioned dressing code.
Pastor: some people will leave very early to work without dressing fine, dressing dirty and tattered and at the end of the day, they will blame God if their business is slow or unproductive.
Toor, no more dressing tattered again to work o. Its time to baff up.
BACK TO THE PRESENT.
We sat down there with our Italian suit and tie till it was getting dark. I looked around and people was getting smaller and smaller.
I turned around to Donflex.
Me: Donflex.
Flex: yes Idris.
Me: people don dey go small small.
Flex: i think!
Me: oya, make we use style style commot.
Flex: where Lamido dey now?
Me: i never still see the boy o.
I said as we searched around for lamido, a small boy who will lead us out of the place so that people will not suspect anything.
After all, no be our fault. You no expect two blind men to just stand up waka dey go their house.
Just then, lamido came by.
Lamido: oga Idris, oga Flex.
Me: you dey craze, why you come late na.
Lamido: i dey run things for ATM side.
Flex: shey people dey deir?
Lamido: well well.
Me: i get plan.
Lamido: oga idris the planner.
Me: carry us commot for her first.
Lamido: no problem.
He said and took us out of the place. We got to an uncomplited building where we took off our blind folds and straightened our suit.
Lamido: una never pay me for moving una commot from business ground na.
Me: no vex. Make we run little ATM things first.
Lamido: ok.
Me: here is the plan……………
He took us to the ATM machine. Then me and lamido entered in,side the queue while Donflex waited behind, hidden in,side a bush with a heavy stick and a mask covering his face. Lamido who was behind me was with a pen and a little paper.
Me: *whispering* Lamido, we need to initiate this plan for one better mugu.
Lamido: i swear, original Mugu.
Me: for where wey we go see better mugu na.
Lamido: by their face, we shall know them.
Me: see that idiot over there.
I said pointing to one fat man.
Me: make we approach am.
We went close to the man but did nothing.
Fat Man: *answering a phone call* five hundred thousand!
Voice: *************
Fat Man: ok, i go withdraw only 10k.
Voice: *************
Fat Man: ok.
Me: time to initiate the plan.
I said and walked up to the man.
Me: hello
Fat Man: who you be, i sabi you!
Thank God say i wear suit, God go bless our pastor infact.
Me: my name is John.
I lied
Me: I am from the state security service SSS and sir, you are not safe.
Fat man: how?
He said afraid.
Me: *straightened my suit again* i over heard your discussion and you said your pin was 1456.
Fat man: *breathed down* haa, that’s not my pin.
Me: are you sure?
Fat man: *whispering* yes, my pin is 65908.
Lamido quickly wrote it.
Me: ok, very good. I was just asking because this place is full of thieves you know, one must be very careful.
Fat man: thank you very much sir.
Me: you are welcome.
I said and left the man.
Lamido: bahdest Idris.
Me: shhh, just run go meet Donflex. Na una get the rest things to resolve.
Lamido: no probs.
He said and ran away.
what happened next?
Find out in the next exciting and thrilling episode of TALES OF TWO FUNNY RITUALIST.