Thorn between episode 66

TITLE: TORN BETWEEN

WRITTEN BY OGECHI ALABI

URENNA’S NARRATION 3

Chinemerem took after Nda Flora in some ways. She is not someone you can put down or harass and she is not gentle or meek. Her husband found out that being the head of the house meant being responsible and he had to learn how to catch up with her. She forced him to drop habits he had formed for many years if he wanted to be with her. She did not shout too much or make a fuss, she just sent him out of the bedroom and sometimes locked him out of the house until he came to his senses.

What were the issues, he made money and spent everything carelessly. He had friends who were loafers and lived off him. Chinemerem allowed him to do as he liked while she adapted to her new environment. She did not make a fuss until she passed her competency examination and got a job. They were all shocked when for two years, she did not get pregnant or announce the birth of a child. She refused to disclose her reasons to her parents, rather she told them God’s time is the best. When I went to visit during the holiday, Nda Helen invited Chinemerem to the house to discuss the issue of pregnancy. She had avoided prying, but her sister was worried and she wanted to be sure all was well.

Chinemerem dismissed it by saying she would not get pregnant until she had her citizenship (she had her residency) and had a lucrative job. And she wanted to return to school for two years to divert into Technology.

“But Alder is doing well. He is wealthy, why do you want to stress yourself to do all this? You can do them at your leisure over five or ten years.” Nda Helen advised.

“That is if I am still married to him then. I do not want to have a child with an irresponsible man; a spendthrift who is childish. I have better things to do with my time. Once I can get my citizenship, I am out.”

Nda Helen was shocked to hear her. “Why didn’t you tell me you were having issues with Alder? I would have stepped in and called him to order.”

“So each time he goes clubbing and comes in with his friends in the early hours of the morning, I should call you? I won’t do that. I spoke with him about it and he called me a loser and boring bitch. I was in a good mood that day. I moved out of the bedroom and had my space in the other bedroom. I will not quarrel with him for him to want to divorce me. I will get my citizenship before then. He told me he would delay filing for it until I come to my senses. I’m still mad, so I am not in a hurry. Once I finish the examination, I will be an asset to the company I am interning with now. They would file for my citizenship and then I can divorce him.”

“Divorce? God forbid. You will not divorce him. Chinemerem, I know you are stubborn but marriage doesn’t work like that. You can’t divorce your husband. Tell me what he does wrong. Do you see him with other girls?”

“No.”

“Does he beat you?”

“No.”

“Doesn’t he give you money?”

“I have a card he pays off.”

“Does he deny you sex or demand excess of it?”

“No.”

“Then what is the problem?”

“He is irresponsible. He spends money as he makes it and doesn’t listen to me when I advise him. He paid rent for the house we just bought while a mortgage would have been cheaper. Can you believe we now pay far less for monthly mortgage payments after he paid a chunk of the cost of the house?”

“You see! You can influence him to do the right thing. He enjoys clubbing with his friends; do not make it a big deal, restrict his clubbing days to maybe a day or two in a week.”

“His mother should have thought him better. I will not pick up after him. He is messy and I am not his maid. I have told him several times to stop the nonsense he does but he wouldn’t listen to me. How can I come home to a sitting room full of men who had eaten and left the entire place a mess? One of his friends thought I was out of earshot and said he got himself an African maid to tend to him. I am an Engineer and this loafer referred to me as an African maid. I stopped cleaning. I don’t eat in the house. His mother came around with someone to clean up the house. I won’t do it.”

“This is serious. I wondered why you are calm and now I understand it is because you want your papers..”

“And I do not want the Police to be called to our residence. He is the owner of the house.”

“But, the fastest way to get your citizenship is if you have a child for him. Once a child is involved, he won’t let you go. If your company files for you and he says otherwise, it would be a long process to get it. I hope you are allowing him conjugal visits, he can use that against you.”

“I allow him. He wants a child, but I don’t. I asked him to get his act together before I have a child. He hasn’t.”

I listened to their conversation and I was surprised. The problems there were different from the problems women faced in Nigeria. I watched my sister as she spoke, she was different. I could see she had held in so much. Alder was much older than her, but he acted like a child who had missed out on candy while growing up. He overindulged in many things, some of which Chinemerem was unaware of at the time. She had made up her mind and I admired her for handling things maturely.

Nda Helen felt terrible about Chinemerem’s situation and called Alder to see her. When he came around, she said, “You wanted a Nigerian wife to help you put your house in order. To encourage you to work hard, save and make meaningful investments. Instead, my niece is now cold and withdrawn. She feels she made a mistake and is fed up with her life in your home. Alder, I wonder why she would be. You are a good guy, so what happened.”

Alder smiled and said, “It is about time. What did she accuse me of?”

“She said you are a slob, you party all the time and hang out with friends who are lowlifes. She believes you do not value yourself and the relationship. You see her as a maid and she is not ready to play that game with you.”

“Then she is free to leave. She is a cold-hearted bitch and I wonder what is wrong with her. She comes home and finds the house dirty, she leaves it that way for me. She would rather eat out than help wash out dishes. She moved out of my bedroom, why would she do that? She stays in a clean room, she has a kettle and items of food in her room so she doesn’t have to enter the kitchen. She doesn’t want to help.”

“Did you marry her to clean up after you or to have a partner?”

“I wanted someone who was domesticated and would help me achieve my dreams. She came over and became ambitious. She is more focused on what she can achieve and not on what we can do together…I feel she used me to get over here and I have told her until she has my child, I will not file for her citizenship.”

“Have you sat her down and had a chat with her? I feel both of you don’t communicate at all. When you feel this way about each other, how do you intend to make babies?”

“She insists on us making love in her room and when we are done, she asks me to leave. No cuddles or sweet words, just leave. She is cold. I love her that is why she is still in my house. She treats me like a child and talks to me in that manner, I dislike it.”

“Hmm. I know what to do, couples therapy is the solution. I will speak with Chinemerem and arrange for a therapy session. Would you be willing to attend?”

“I would, but she has to be willing.”

I have never heard about couples going to a counsellor for therapy before, most therapies back home were handled by Spiritual leaders such as Priests, Pastors, Alfas and Imams. Hardly did anyone go to see a therapist, except they were considered mad. I did not see Chinemerem agreeing to therapy.

She did not. Nda Helen had to convince her to accept the therapy. She said she had to prove that Alder was the problem and gave her incredible advice. She suggested she install a nanny cam in the sitting room, and kitchen and record how filthy the house is most of the time. Nda Helen paid for a high-quality camera with audio. She wanted to hear what Alder and his friends talk about. She was worried when Chinemerem mentioned that one of them believed he brought a slave from Africa.

Read – Stuck With An Obsessed Girlfriend episode 54 – 55

Chinemerem installed the camera for a week and took time to watch what took place in the house when she was at work. He and his friends trashed talked, and smoked marijuana, some of them did drugs which he paid for and they brought hookers to the house and used the bedrooms. Her bedroom was the only clean one and they used it and tidied it up before she came back. She was almost in tears. She slept on the bed those dirty guys had sex with a hooker on. She was devastated. She called Nda Helen very hysterical she had to ask him to calm down and explain what happened. Nda Helen asked her to bring the memory card to her house for her to watch and analyse. There was much more. They called Chinemerem names when she left the house. Alder never says a word or shuts them up. It was as if they were the ones in control.

Nda Helen was pissed off. She said it was enough and asked Chinemerem to move in with her. Chineremerem did just that and sent a message to Alder.

Hi,
You do not value me, but I value myself.
Your boys disrespect me; they call me names and you say or do nothing.
You allowed them to use my bedroom when I was not around, why would you do that?
This is not working and I am not your African maid so I have left.
Thank you for teaching me firsthand a weak man is a terrible husband.

When Alder got the message, he tried calling her, but she did not pick up. Chinemerem still set up the camera and had it remotely downloaded to her laptop. She saw them throw a party in the house with girls and loud music. The neighbours called the cops on them to get them to keep the noise down.

I was surprised at Chinemerem. She was not worried but rather relieved she had left Alder. Her main concern was getting her citizenship and moving on with her life. After a week, Alder went to see Nda Helen and asked her to please ask Chinemerem to come back because she was not taking his calls or responding to his messages.

“I don’t know what she is accusing my boys of. No one calls her a slave and they do not enter her bedroom.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, I mean it. If she wants to leave me for someone else, she can but at least she should not accuse falsely.”

“Wow! You might be right but she said she has proof of what you did and how much of a mess the house was until your mother sends in a cleaning lady. So, I would like to invite your mother to my house this evening with you so we can trash the issues out once and for all.”

Alder agreed. His mother would do whatever he wanted because they lived off him. His father had a small business and was away most of the time. It was all thanks to Alder. He had gotten broke twice and was lucky to get back on his feet. But now he was running through money like again spending on his friends. I wondered who those friends were. They didn’t work and they lived off him. Who agrees to live like that? I understood Chinemerem’s annoyance.

When Alder came to the house with his mother, Chinemerem was not back. Nda Helen and her husband sat with them and made small talk while they waited for her to return. I sat a little distance from them, I didn’t want to be conspicuous. Chinemerem arrived not long after. She was surprised to see them and her smile turned to a frown. She greeted Alder’s mother and the rest except Alder. She excused herself to change and have something to eat.

“You can see she did not say a word to me. She doesn’t respect me.” Alder complained.

Chinemerem joined them and they asked Alder to explain the problems they were having. He repeated everything he said before and more. It was Chinemerem’s turn to speak. She excused herself and brought out her laptop, she played the videos of the house and the filth it was in. It was only her room that was clean. Alder was quiet. Then she played videos of what he and his friends did in the house after she left for work. It was disgraceful. He couldn’t believe it. Then she showed the video of his friends calling her an African maid and they said other derogatory things about her and he was mute. Everywhere was quiet, even his mother was speechless. Chinemerem broke down as she watched the man she believed she loved watch his friends trash-talk her in his presence.

“Alder!” his mother called at him, “What is all this? Truly she was right, you are irresponsible. I told you she is unlike the other girls you dated who were only interested in enjoying your money while it lasted. She makes no demands, she doesn’t wear expensive clothes or luxury items. You take those losers shopping, but not your wife. That is why you quickly run out of cash. You owe her an apology. Hope she forgives you because you will not get a girl like her again. Such luck doesn’t happen twice.”

Alder could see he had messed up and he regretted his actions. He tried to apologise to his wife but she left in tears. Nda Helen followed her. Uncle Hilary took Alder to his den for them to talk man to man. They were there for a long time. Alder’s mother entered Chinemerem’s room to console her. She asked her to forgive Alder and assured her he would do better. She talked about the mistakes he had made in the past and how it affected them. He was making the same mistake again. She hated his friends too. They partied too often and Alder did not have time to work and make more money. He only struggled when the money had finished. He had no businesses, nothing to fall back on.

Eventually, they converged in the sitting room. Uncle Hilary suggested counselling for Alder first. He believed he had deep-rooted issues he had to deal with. Nda Helen talked about couple’s therapy but her husband said it could be done if there were no changes to Alder’s behaviour. Everyone agreed.

Alder knelt before Chinemerem and asked her for her forgiveness. He asked for the videos so he could assess the amount of damage he had done to his marriage. He was stunned by the state of the house, it was repulsive. He said it openly.

The next time I was back in America, I stayed with Chinemerem because Nda Helen and her family had gone on vacation. They had resolved their issues amicably. Alder got help. He also played the videos his wife had recorded for his friends to watch. He asked them not to see him at home henceforth. They were no longer invited into their home. Since he had no office it meant he was ending his friendship with them. They couldn’t believe it.

They had a cleaning lady but Alder learnt to pick up after himself. It was not that difficult. He was diagnosed with a mild case of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and received treatment for it. Chinemerem created an office for him in the house. She converted the garage into a beautiful office for him. He was able to work from home in a functional environment. He stopped clubbing and partying and his relationship with Chinemerem improved so much that she moved back into his bedroom.

I asked my sister when she would have babies. She laughed and said, “It is now I got married let me enjoy it before bringing children into this world. We’ve agreed to wait until we are both ready. I am not and I can tell you for free, neither is he.”

I guessed they also had couples counselling because I saw something about the couple’s goals. I smiled. At least it worked out well and Alder heeded to advice. Hopefully, they would live happily ever after.