IS IT A MAN’S HELP YOU NEED NOW OR GOD’S?
I heard that down within me but I could say nothing!
I didn’t know how to pray
I didn’t know how to start bringing my allegations against God!
I didn’t know anything!
Nothing at all!
But I felt it deep within me that he could hear me…something told me with all assurance that He wasn’t deaf!
I became quiet and waited
The piano played on sweetly accompanied by the sonorous voice of the pianist
I must tell Jesus!
I must tell Jesus all of my troubles
He is a kind compassionate friend
If I but ask him, he would deliver,
make all my troubles quickly an end.
My heart became swollen within me with every word of the stanza
“I really must tell Jesus” I repeated on and on, my voice waning and fading as I spoke.
My eyes were still shut tightly and my voice scratchy
“If I only ask you, You will deliver Oh Lord…I ask you oh Lord!…I ask you Lord!” I repeated again, my heart’s burden outpouring
WHAT DO YOU ASK FOR? WHAT?
I heard that clearly too
Obviously, the Holy Spirit must be praying for me as it is written of Him in Romans 8:26 because hearing those spiritual suggestions sounded surreal to me
What exactly do I really want?
I wanted a lot of things but I had learnt that in asking anything from the Lord, specificity was key!
I’d got to specify
What do I want oh Lord?
I started crying again.
What was I supposed to ask for?
Hannah’s only problem was barrenness and reproach attached to it and she couldn’t voice out her prayers but could only moaned because of the abundance of bitterness in her heart.
What about me ?
What do I have to say?
That my husband be normalized?
What if he does something worse to me afterwards?
That my children be great?
What if I die and …oh my! What was I supposed to say oh Lord?
The piano started another tune and my heart was overwhelmed in quietness again
“Just as I am- though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt
Fightings and fears within, without
Oh lamb of God, I come, I come!
Oh yes I come Lord!
With many conflicts….down in my life, my heart, my family, my all!
With many doubt in my heart…a lot of them Lord!
I have fightings within me and a great fear lurking around me…
Oh I come…. I come Lord!
I cried out the more
What do you want exactly?
It was precise again and oh yes, what do I want?
The piano started again with the great voice
“I will never let you go, except you bless me…” the voice started again and I accompanied it
If the person couldn’t hear me or couldn’t see me, I didn’t know- I couldn’t say!
All I knew was that whatever it was that he was doing right on the altar was speaking to me too….
The wordings of the song were Jacob’s words
I could remember that story too!
Jacob fought with an angel….he fought!
BUT HE DIDN’T FIGHT AIMLESSLY, DID HE?
The voice asked again and I shook my head
That was so true…but what was his request ?
I heard again
PRAY UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS- PUSH!
I heard it so deeply in my heart and I was aroused in my heart
“Lord, I’ve got to Pray Until your Spirit Hovers over me” I heard the voice of the pianist too
Was he pushing too?
PRAY UNTIL SATAN HUSHES!
I heard again
Oh my goodness!
That’s the key!
The devil had to just hush and stp the nonsense he had been doing in my life and family.
He’d got to stop!
Teach me to pray Lord!
Help me labor in prayer and until something happens, don’t let me leave Lord!
I am ready to push!
“From today, your name shall no longer be called Jacob but Israel…” those words came like a spire on my ears and I smiled like a warrior that had found out the Achilles’ heels of his opponent.
I now know what to say!
A change of name!
That was all I needed!
“Oh Lord, I am Glory…Ogooluwa is my name. you made me gloriously and anything contrary to Glory in my life isn’t your will for me dear savior”
I was really pray, right?
“But the enemy has turned my glory to story. He had made my life so sour. He has turned me to Mara- to bitterness” I cried on as I beat my laps in anguish
“Mara isn’t my name anymore oh Lord! Change my name!” I screamed aloud as if my life depended on the volume of my voice and of course it did depend on it.
“I forgive all the assailants but I really do want to live for you- the way you had intended it to be from the very beginning”
RIGHT! YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!
It was as if I heard a crowd of people clapping for me as I said that prayer point
ONCE YOU FAIL TO FIND OUT GOD’S PURPOSE FOR YOUR LIFE, YOU ARE GONE!
THE EARLIER YOU FIND OUT THAT PURPOSE, THE BETTER IT WOULD BE FOR YOU!
I cried out the more as it dawned on me that I had ought to have sought God’s purpose for my life earlier!
I had had many men and women preach to me on many occasion but never did I pay them any attention!
Never did I take them serious
The pianist played on, singing with all seriousness while I travailed on in prayers.
For the first time in my life, I felt like I was doing the “rightest” thing ever!
As I said the last prayer of my long session of prayers, I looked outside through the opened window and it was stark dark!
The church had become illuminated!
I sat up and the pain in my tummy had drastically reduced
I smiled to myself
I needed a sign that God had heard my prayers now.
“If you have heard my prayers Lord and you want to reassure me, by the time I look at the floor, let there be no blood on the floor. Then would I believe you more” o said
I had heard that Gideon asked God for sighs from God
Moses did too!
I was only doing what the holy patriarchs had done!
I was more than justified!
As I looked down gradually, my heart started racing until my eye met with it, plainly, face-to-face…
I was disappointed
I had really bled and there I was, seated in the puddle of my blood
God failed the first test!
NO, YOU FAILED THE FIRST TEST!
I heard the voice retorting and I sprung up suddenly, defying the mild pains in my tummy
I had to look around
“How?” I asked, moving towards the altar
The piano wasn’t sounding anymore and the pianist was on his knees, backing me.
YOU FAILED THE TEST OF FAITH!
How Lord? How?
FOR THE FIRST TIME, YOU HAD A STILLNESS IN YOUR HEART AS YOU PRAYED…YOU FELT MY PRESENCE!
Oh yes Lord!…That’s so right!
YET YOU STILL ASKED FOR A SIGN!
SO, THAT WASN’T ENOUGH SIGN TO TELL YOU THAT I HAD HEARD YOU, HUH?
I gasped in realization of what I had been told through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.
While we have obeyed God and we are on our knees praying and God says …”You are on point daughter. Come further”…we would start…we would pray like craze. Then, we would touch our pain, the swollen part of our diseased body and our already encouraged swollen faith would burst like a festering boil and like Peter, who looking at the waves after he had successfully started the On the water walk started sinking when he looked away from the master, we would start sinking too!
I just understood!
YOU FAILED THE TEST OF FAITH!
It was a calm yet stern voice!
I was shaken!
I hoped sincerely that I hadn’t spoilt my hours of prayer with the faithless act and words of mine
“I am sorry Lord. I am sorry” I cried out aloud
“Thanks for hearing me oh Lord!” the guy said and started playing the piano again!
Has it been this guy’s voice that I had been hearing since?
Or had he been praying for me?
Why was it that everything he said and did correlated with all I was doing too?
“Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee…How great Thou art…How great Thou art…” the guy played on and on until I was confused
That was the song on my mind;
I was standing right in front of the guy and he wasn’t even bothered.
He wasn’t moved
He dint behave as if I was there
He didn’t flinch
This young guy should be up to 30 years and I am well over that…couldn’t he see that?
This boy is out-rightly spoilt!
I was madder
He grinned yet
“You are here right? You are here to take me away abi?” he asked and I looked so confused
“Who?” I asked to be sure, looking around to be certain that it was only the two of us that was around
He rubbed his head softly as he grinned yet
“You, my mummy” he said and I was confused
He wasn’t looking up at me yet
“Mummy? Your mummy?” I asked, very puzzled
“God told me that you would come for me today and you are here. Obviously doesn’t lie” he exclaimed, still facing down
I was more than confused
The stench from my already dried body fluid had irritated me and as I tried to decode whatever it was that was coming out from the young guy, I became more irritated.
Come for him?
Or someone come for me sef!
Or, did Adejare have a child outside wedlock?
What was he saying exactly?
Why wasn’t he even looking at me at all?
Why oh Lord?
Thanks for the wait!
Watch out for Episode 13
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