Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY Episode 14

Memoirs of A Lagos PLAYBOY………. Episode 14 
 
“Let’s go to this new s₱0t at Wuse 2. Its called Vanity. Its in,side Cubana.” Anita said. “I hear the place is awesome.”
“Sure thing. One club location is never enough.” I said, laughing.
I went to Abuja on Friday for a meeting with a prospective client. I haven’t been to Abuja for almost four years now but it certainly felt good to be here again. I was to lodge at the Transcorp Hilton but the moment I mentioned I was coming over, Uncle Emma would have none of it. I always stayed at the family house at Garki whenever I had any business in Abuja. Besides, I had hadn’t seen him or his wonderful wife, Aunty Charity in ages and it would provide the much needed opportunity to hang out with my cousins after such a long time.
My flight with Arik touched down at the Nnamdi Azikiwe Airport at 10:45am. I would have driven down to Abuja but the uncontrolled flood that submerged the Lokoja-Abuja road was all over the news so prudence dictated I took a flight. I hate to be without wheels in a town I’m familiar with but I guess I didn’t have a choice.
I was picked from the airport by Tony Mudiaga, the link to my potential client. After over three hours of grueling talks, tedious doc-mentation and contracts signing, I was ready to unwind and celebrate. We had a couple of drinks at a quiet gentlemen’s club till around 8pm before I hailed a cab to my uncle’s at Garki. It was a very emotional affair at my uncle’s. He was there at the gate with Aunty Charity to receive me. So was Anita, my 20 year old cousin. She had grown into a beautiful young woman who could knock the breath out of any man. Antoine and Anderson, the troublesome twins were away at boarding school.
Uncle Emma was definitely my favorite uncle. He was approaching 60 but still was as young at heart as any young man I know. He is that “guy-man” uncle that we all have. He was that uncle I could always reach out to as an undergraduate whenever I needed unconventional advise, and more importantly, cash! After hugs and laughs and a bit of catching up, he had to leave with his wife for some dinner party somewhere. A fantastic meal of pounded yam and oha soup was in the cooler waiting for me.
After a fantastic meal, I made several calls to my friends residing in Abuja and it appeared every was in a mood to party. Donald was on his way to pick me up and when it became apparent to Anita that I wasn’t going to stay all night with her to gist, she threw a tantrum saying she was going out with me. My pleas that I was hanging out with friends who were doing adult stuff fell on deaf ears. She retorted that she was a grown woman now and only a call to her dad by her made me drop my argument. I should have known better that Uncle Emma would allow her accompany me. He just told me to keep watch over her and I gave him my word.
“See your head! In your mind, you’ve won.” I said, mocking the smug expression of triumph on her face. Her reply was a tongue-out.
“Have you ever gone clubbing before?” I asked.
“Of course!” She said incredulously, looking insulted. “I always go with Aunty Lisa when she’s around.” Aunty Lisa was her mother’s younger sister who stayed with them sometimes.
“Ok. But we are going to need a ride. Have you got a dependable cab guy we can use.” I asked.
“Dad said we can use the Camry and I’ll drive.” She said, jingling the keys to the 2011 Camry parked outside.
“Like hell you will!” I said, snatching the keys from her. “Go get dressed. My friend will be here soon.” She dashed away from the sitting room excitedly.
In a few minutes, Donald was outside the gate so I went out to meet him. How I and Donald became friends is still a mystery to me. He was a couple of years older than I was but he was a real stand-up guy. I was serving my nation as a corper and had some issues with my bank account. When I went to lay complaint, Donald was the bank officer I was referred to. He was a short and rotund fellow with amazing energy levels and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. He was witty, jovial and very helpful. We sort of bonded while he sorted out my account issues. He gave me his card and asked me to call him during the weekend so we could hangout and I did. He was legendary with the booze and loved women, taller women! From then on, it wasn’t hærd for us to be friends. We lost touch for a bit when he was transferred from Lagos to Abuja but he gave me the shock of my life when he called me a year later requesting that I be one of his grooms men at his wedding which held in Lagos. I obliged and we’ve been in touch more often.
“A yo Dee!” I hailed as he stepped out of his white BMV 5 series. He looked fatter, fresher and fairer than the last time I remember.
“MJ, my man!” We shared a good hug. “Its so good to see you man!”
“I can see that married life becomes you!” I said, admiring him.
“It does. I married an angel. You know me, I’ve got high standards.” He said, and we laughed heartily. He really had “high” standards. His wife Jumoke was a towering 6″ 1′ while he was a mere 5″9′.
“So how’s she doing? Why isn’t she out with you?” I asked.
“She’ll be due in three months. She needs her rest.” He said, beaming with pride.
“Man! I actually feel jealous!” We laughed again. He was about to say something but paused as his attention left me for something or someone behind me. It was Anita. There was a miraculous transformation. She didn’t look anything like the little cousin I watched grow up. She looked like a star! We gaped in silence as she walked gracefully towards us. Donald muttered something under his breath and that was when I got myself back. She smiled shyly at the adoring look on our faces and greeted Donald. I took over before Donald could reply.
“Donald, this is my little cousin, Anita. Annie, meet my married friend Donald.” I said quickly.
“Did you have to qualify me with “married”?” Donald asked laughing. “Its a pleasure to meet you, Anita.” He reached out and they shook hands. “I could have sworn that Aphrodite herself just walked amongst men.” Anita giggled and blushed.
“That’s ok. He’s married and his wife is pregnant. Pay him no attention.” I said, breaking up the handshake quickly. “Let me drive out Dee. You lead the way.”
“Sure.” He said.
We stopped at a club in Maitama called The Grotto where we chilled outside and had a couple of over-priced drinks and over-priced plates of nkwobi. My little cousin fawned over Donald to my obvious discomfort. The fact that I had blatantly exposed him as a married man didn’t seem to deter her in the least. In fact, I think her reaction was just the opposite; she was fascinated and charmed by his mannerisms. They talked and for a second, seemed to forget all about me. I began to wonder if I hadn’t made the greatest mistake of allowing these two meet. Oh well…
Donald’s phone rang and he picked it up immediately. It was Jumoke. They spoke briefly before he passed the phone to me and I spoke to her for a while, teasing her about her soon to be attained status of motherhood. She laughed and requested that I come visiting the next day after which she begged me to let her man come home that she was lonely and I totally agreed.
“Oya, come dey go house. Madam is lonely.” I said and we laughed.
“Hope I’ll see you again. Uncle Mike never told me he had cool friends in Abuja.” Anita said.
“But you never asked.” I said with mock defense.
Donald said bade us goodbye and we promised to pay him a visit the following morning. Anita and I had some more drinks while she quizzed me over when I was going to get married. She confided in me that her dad had begun to worry that I was enjoying bachelor hood a little too much. I laughed at this but the laughter dried up when she informed me her mom was going to talk to me about it. Now, if there’s one thing I don’t like, is all these unscheduled talks. Scheduled talks about marriage, I could always escape but not when Aunty Charity was involved. She was going to drill me. Right then, I began to plot my escape.
We finally went into the club to dance. It was a lively crowd with lots of fire crackers over Champagne bottles carried by different waiters heading in different directions. So many beautiful ladies, either paired with men or with their girl crews. The DJ was awesome with his wild mix of current Nigerian hit songs.
After a couple of hours, I decided we head out. That was when she suggested we head to Vanity. A couple of her friends were there. She wanted them to meet me, she said. While there, it was a crew of seven girls and two guys who met us. Anita took her time to introduce them all to me but I barely heard a name because of the loud music. I just nodded as if I heard and ordered a round of drinks for them. I suddenly missed Christy and decided to call her. We had a little fight a day before I left for Abuja. I didn’t call and neither did she. I excused myself and went outside where it was less noisy. She picked up on the first ring.
“Hi.” She said. Her voice was sort of choked. She was holding back.
“Hey baby, I thought you’d be asleep?”
“Well, I’m not feeling sleepy.” She said stiffly. A little sniff and I realized she had been crying.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. I really don’t care about what we argued about. It does not matter to me as much as you do. I have tried to drown myself in alcohol but its no substitute for you. I miss you like crazy.” I said in one breath.
I heard her catch her breath sharply. It was loud silence for a moment or two before she spoke.
“I miss you too.” She paused. “When are you coming back?”
“I was going to come back on Sunday but I’ll take the evening flight today. I need you…”
We talked some more and tried to catch up on what we missed for the two days past. I’d just k-ssed her goodnight over the phone when I heard a musical and American accented voice behind me.
“Hey you. I’ve been watching you. You look kind of familiar.” I couldn’t place the sweet soft spoken voice but when I turned, I was totally unprepared for what I saw. It was a guy dressed in riot-coloured, body-fitting t-shirt and ski-ny red trousers that accentuated his almost feminine frame. I had to admit he had a pretty face. He had on a nose ring and wore earrings on both ears with gold bracelets. He never stopped batting his false eye lashes and continued to lick his lip stick coated l-ips in a sensual way. He actually stood in a funny pose as if waiting for a snapshot from a hidden camera. I was dumbfounded!
“Stop gaping at me hon. Its rude!” He exclaimed, gesticulating effeminately. “If you take me home tonight, I’ll make it worth your while.”
When I kept staring, mute and in shock, he snapped his fingers close to my face. Immediately, my instincts took over. As his snapping fingers came close to my face, I grabbed his lean wrist and twisted it brutally behind his back. He yelled in pain.
“Your kind disgust me!” I said revoltingly. “Get out of my sight before I bash your f-cking head in.” I pushed him roughly and he fell clumsily to the floor. There were several gasps from people around.
“Run along faggot!” I said, folding my sleeves, preparing to slam my fist into his face at the slightest provocation. He wanted to say something but thought better about it and scampered away. It was when I heard Anita’s voice call my name that my rage dissipated a bit. She was with her friends and they were laughing heartily.
“Welcome to Abuja, handsome!” One  of her lady friends said.
Malcolm.
@saymalcolm