Falling helplessly episode 20

🔥 FALLING
HELPLESSLY 👠

( For his brother’s friend …. 😇 )
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Written by:- Williams Kendall____✍🏽
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🏈 CHAPTER TWENTY
A: Be there soon. Just gassing up.

I narrowed my eyes at the phone screen as I tried to interpret the hidden message behind Archer’s text. We hadn’t spoken last night after our k-ss. His family had left and I stayed in my room until I was sure I could control myself. I’d thought he might text or call before bed, but when I’d woken up this morning all I’d gotten was that one text. About gas. Ugh.

From the second our l-ips touched, my wh0le world had shifted. It was like for my entire life, I hadn’t been taking full breaths. Then suddenly, I was able to actually fill my lungs. It was liberating, and exhilarating, and—well, freaking terrifying all at once.

Had I been naive to believe that Archer had felt the same way about our k-ss? I was no expert, but how on earth was it even possible for only one person to experience that alone? But why would Archer k-ss me—cross that invisible line—if it didn’t matter to him? Wait, did he k-ss me or did I k-ss him? I couldn’t remember. It was all a blur of heavy breaths and tiny touches.

My brain was a jumble of anxious thoughts as I packed up my stuff and got ready to go back to school. I wasn’t as sad to be leaving home again as I thought I’d be. I’d been at USC for almost three wh0le months now and this was my first trip home. I thought I’d be a shaking mess about leaving my family again, but I was okay. I really missed Mads and Emmett, and I knew I would be seeing my family again in less than a month for Christmas.

The satisfaction I felt from just simply being okay gave me the motivation to hold my head high and walk downstairs. My family were all waiting for me in the living room. Their sullen faces shook my confidence slightly, but I reminded myself that I had already gone months on my own, I could go one more.

“Come here,” my dad said softly, opening his arms for me to join him on the couch. I sunk into his embrace, feeling the peace of my father’s love washing over me as I rested my head on his chest.

I peeked up when I felt the cushion next to me sink. Oliver flopped himself down with an overdramatic sigh and sandwiched me in a hug.

“We’re going to miss you, sweet girl.” My mom smiled as she came over to rest on my dad’s knee. My dad wrapped his free arm around her as we all enjoyed the last few seconds of family time. I loved seeing my parent’s easy affection. They never hid how madly in love they’d always been with each other. I think it’s part of the reason why Oliver and I are so comfortable with physical affection, it’s always been the way in our house.

There was a knock at the front door before it swung open. Heavy footsteps clicked on the hærdwood of the foyer before stopping at the entrance of the living room. My back was to the archway separating the two rooms, but I already knew it was Archer. Keep it together Charlotte.

“Go away. You can’t take her,” Oliver pouted as he tightened his hold on me. His comment was met with complete silence, which was abnormal even for Archer. He usually at least entertained Oliver’s silliness.

I shook my dad and brother off to collect myself and stand up. The sight before me almost made me gasp. Archer was still wearing the same clothes he’d been in last night. There was a grey pallor to his skin that emphasized the stubble growing on his jaw. Dark purple bags protruded under his sunken eyes, almost like bruises. His eyes though… they made me want to cry.

As our gazes connected a chill ran over my spine. Archer’s eyes were lifeless. It was a stark contrast to the last time I’d seen them swimming with warmth and intensity. Now they were dull, hollow, and disinterested. They roamed over our family huddle, coldly taking in the embrace we’d been sharing, before settling back on me.

“Ready? I have practise soon.” Archer’s voice was hoarse and scratchy. Was he sick? Is that why he looked like this?

I nodded quickly, “Yeah, just let me say one more goodbye.”

Archer didn’t wait for me, instead, he turned quickly to leave again. He stopped momentarily before disappearing behind the dividing wall. When he came back into sight he had the duffle bag that I’d left at the bottom of the stairs. He didn’t spare us another glance though as he str-de out of the house.

I hastily hugged my family again, telling them I loved them. My dad was last and as we pulled away he stopped me and rested his hand on my shoulder.

“You take care of yourself okay?” He asked gruffly, eyeing the door Archer had just left through.

“Of course, Dad.” I k-ssed his cheek before giving them all a sad smile and walking away.

Archer was already in the truck when I got to the driveway so I scrambled quickly up into the passenger seat. I tried not to let it bother me that he was acting this way. I had to give him the benefit of the doubt until I knew what was up.

As the truck rumbled to life underneath of me, my family all came out on the front porch to wave us off. My mom and Oliver both had teary smiles on their faces as they laughed and blew k-sses at me. My dad, however, looked stiff and troubled. His shoulders were straight back as he stood tall. His eyes were locked on something to my left, and as I turned I realized what was happening.

Archer and my dad were locked in some kind of silent conversation. Both men’s jaws were locked tightly as they stared darkly at each other. I flicked nervously between them, trying to figure out what was happening. Finally, Archer broke the contact, nodding to himself as he shifted into reverse and pulled out of the driveway.

We drove silently for a while. Archer’s knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. He didn’t look at me once, or say anything. He just stared blankly at the road before him, with his l-ips pressed together.

I pulled on my fingers obsessively, trying to hold back the tears that wanted to fall. This was not the man I was expecting today. I’d been nervous to see Archer after the k-ss, but never did I think he’d be this cold shadow of himself. I tried to tell myself that something was obviously wrong. But I hadn’t done anything to him, and yet his anger was definitely aimed towards me too. I hadn’t done anything… except k-ss him.

“A-Archer, are you okay?” I whispered, unable to take the silence any longer.

Archer’s knuckles tightened even more at the sound of my voice. The veins on his forearms were popping aggressively from his tanned skin. “I’m fine,” he said curtly, not bothering to look at me.

“Well, you don’t seem fine. Is… is this about last night?” The nerves pulsing through my body tightened my throat, making my voice small and squeaky.

Archer didn’t respond right away, torturing me with silence. I thought my heart would rip out of my chest if he didn’t answer me soon, but then I learned that words can cut a lot deeper than silence.

“You think a f-cking k-ss made me like this? Jesus Charlotte. That was a mistake, it should have never happened. If I’d known you were going to make such a big deal out of it, I’d never have done it.”

My eyes burned with tears as a chill settled in my heart. I didn’t respond. I couldn’t have even if I wanted to. My throat seized and my chest tightened as pain washed over me. I’d been so stupid. Stupid to think that the k-ss could mean something. Stupid to think Archer might feel something for me. Stupid to ever have even become friends with him in the first place. Stupid.

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I forced myself to take deep breaths through my nose. Archer wasn’t looking at me, but I was determined he wouldn’t see the pain he’d caused. I turned my back to him, facing out the window as I silently cried. How did this happen? Years later and I was still naive enough to let myself be embarrassed by Archer Johnson.

I stayed like that for the rest of the drive. A cold silence filled the truck as neither of us seemed interested in saying anything more. As we pulled into USC Village I tried to think of something impactful I could say to Archer. Something that would cut him as deeply as he cut me. Something that would show him I was done, that this was goodbye. But everything I came up with only worked if Archer actually cared. He’d made it clear he didn’t so what was the point?

The truck thudded to a stop in front of the dorm and I silently left the truck. I didn’t look at him or say anything. It wasn’t worth it anymore. Plus, I didn’t want him to see my w-t face or hear the weakness in my voice. I wouldn’t give him that. I kept my head low as I opened the backseat and grabbed my duffle bag. I thought I heard a sharp intake of breath but I shut the door and went in,side before I could register it.

My mind was numb as I entered the building and went to the elevator. A few people gave me weird looks but I didn’t care anymore.

“Jesus Christ Charlotte! What happened?” Madeline’s voice was shrill as I entered our dorm and dropped my bag in,side. She came running over, pulling my face up and inspecting me for injuries.

I stared back at her blankly, my body shutting down from the sheer weight of my own pain. “I k-ssed Archer,” was all I could manage. I didn’t even recognize my own voice.

Understanding flashed in Madeline’s eyes as she flicked her gaze over my face. She nodded, not asking any more questions. Instead, she wrapped her arm around my shoulder and steered me towards the couch. I absentmindedly was aware that she was calling somebody, but I wasn’t focused on her words. Her anxious voice was like a bee buzzing in the background that I desperately wanted to swat away.

I sat like that for a while until I heard the front door open. A tiny pathetic part of me hoped it’d be Archer walking through the door, but it wasn’t.

“Hey, Smalls,” Emmett cooed as he walked over to me. He sat down next to me on the couch and didn’t wait for an invitation before pulling me into his lap. His broad arms wrapped loosely around me as he dropped his chin on my head. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

I relaxed against his chest, taking a deep breath as his heartbeat thudded into my shoulder blade. Madeline sat on the coffee table in front of us, watching me, waiting.

“I don’t even know what to say,” I whispered hoarsely. “It all happened again.” I hated the cracks in my voice.

“What happened again?” Emmett asked soothingly.

I s-cked in air, trying to calm my frazzled brain into forming coherent sentences. “Archer and I k-ssed last night. But then this morning… h-he… said it was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened. It didn’t mean anything.”

“Son of a bitch.” Emmett growled.

Madeline gave him a look to shut up. “Charlotte that doesn’t make sense… Archer is crazy about you. I mean, even if he regretted the k-ss I can’t picture him being so unnecessarily cruel.”

I lifted one shoulder, still somewhat out of it. I couldn’t bring myself to theorize about why Archer may have acted as he did. Right now, it made the most sense that he just didn’t care. I didn’t realize I was crying again until Emmett’s slim finger swiped across my cheek softly.

“I don’t know. I just think something weird is happening here,” Madeline mused.

Emmett shifted in his seat, as though he had a lot of excess energy he couldn’t release. “Who gives a shit right now, Mads. There’s no excuse for him to say that.”

“I’m just saying, everything he has done so far points to him caring about you, Charlotte. At the very least as a friend.”

Emmett scoffed, then shuffled me off of his lap to pull his phone out of his pocket. “Shit. I’m sorry, Smalls. I’ve gotta go to practise.”

He bent over and pulled me into another hug. His warmth relaxed some of the tension I held in my muscles. But then he was gone. I noticed a look he shot Madeline on his way out, that she returned with a warning glare of her own. I wasn’t sure what they were going on about, but I also didn’t care enough right now to ask.

I settled back on the couch, closing my eyes. A soft fluffy fabric fell over me and I peeked my eyes open. Madeline stood over me, having just dropped my comforter from my bed over me. The familiar smell made me smile a little, which she returned looking relieved.

“Just go to sleep, babe. This all might seem better after you rest.”

I doubted it. But regardless, I closed my eyes and laid back. Archer’s cold voice drifted into my consciousness as my mind released control of my dreams. Blurry images of his face taunted my vision. I just wanted to get away, but his laughter chased me. I couldn’t escape it. It bound around my body and tightened at my throat. Mocking me. Ridiculing me.

I can’t believe I let it happen again.
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ARCHER’S POV:

You piece of shit.

Hit.

f-cking useless.

Hit.

Get a f-cking life.

Hit.

Be a man.

Hit.

I let my father’s words to me fuel each punch as I pummelled the wall. My knuckles were bloodied and raw, but the pain was the only thing keeping me sane. Every snap of my fists against the hærd concrete was like a reminder that I deserved this.

I had just dropped Charlotte off at her dorm and the look on her face, while she grabbed her bag, broke me. Physically, mentally, emotionally, broke me. I had forced myself not to look at her for the wh0le drive back to USC. I’d known that if I looked at her, really looked at her, I would have broken down. I would have told her everything, and I’m sure she would have been there for me. But she didn’t deserve that, to be sunken down by my bullshit.

But then I’d snuck a peek. I had thought just a small one in my rearview mirror couldn’t hurt. But it did. f-ck, did it hurt. Her eyes had been puffy and downcast. Her thick w-t lashed clumped and stuck to her bright red cheeks. Her bottom lip had trembled before she pressed her l-ips firmly together, keeping them still. She had been trying to be strong, I could tell.

I wanted to get out and run to her, tell her that I was sorry. But I didn’t. f-cking coward. Instead, I’d let her walk away, then I drove off looking for the nearest place to lose myself. An alleyway behind a bar had seemed good enough. No one would be there in the middle of the day. So it was private and had ample amounts of concrete walls. They were usually my stress-reliever of choice. I couldn’t damage it, but it could damage me.

My dad is right. I am a piece of shit. I am f-cking useless. I need to get a f-cking life and be a man.

By the time I climbed into my truck to head to practise, I couldn’t feel my fingers anymore. They were numb, just like me. I pulled a bottle of rubbing alcohol out from under my seat and doused my hands like it was water. I scrubbed off the blood while the alcohol stung each break in my skin.

I tried to relax as I drove to the field but it was hærd. My hands throbbed in pain while my body itched from my old clothes. I tried to tell myself that I just needed to get to practise—football would make this better. But deep down, I think I knew nothing would ever actually help. I’d hurt Charlotte, and ruined everything. Sure, she was better off without me. Hopefully, she would realize that soon. But until then, I’d broken her and I would never forgive myself.

“Hey man, you look rough.” Tyler slapped me on the shoulder as I walked by to get to my locker. I didn’t respond. I needed to get my gear on as quickly as possible and get on the grass.

More of my teammates shuffled into the locker room as I got dressed but I kept my back to them. Just as I was about to pull my jersey over my head, I heard heavy footsteps slapping across the room quickly. A hush fell throughout the usually rambunctious room.

“You son of a bitch,” was all I heard before I was pushed forward into my open locker. I caught myself, swinging around to see what the f-ck was going on.

Emmett stood before me, his chest heaving as he glared at me. I didn’t get a chance to even blink before he lifted his fist and connected it with my jaw. An audible crack rang through the silent room as our teammates looked on, shocked.

“How f-cking dare you,” he seethed. I didn’t have a defence, and I didn’t blame him. So I just stared back. My lack of reaction seemed to piss him off more as he pushed my chest hærd, sending me back into the locker. The sharp metal stung my back as it shot between my shoulder blades, but I didn’t stop him. I deserve this.

James and Tyler finally seemed to break from their trance as they jumped forward to flank Emmett, holding him back. Emmett fought against their hold, nearly breaking free several times. I had to hand it to the kid, he was brave. No one else would have messed with me like that, not without expecting to have hell to pay.

“Get the f-ck off of me,” Emmett struggled, “He f-cking deserves it! Tell them what you did you piece of shit.” I flinched at his words. The same words my dad had spat at me last night.

Tyler and James were both snapping their heads back and forth, trying to make sense of Emmett’s anger and my lack of a reaction.

“What is he talking about?” James finally asked. I couldn’t verbalize what I’d done, the pain I caused. So I just hung my head, ashamed of myself.

“He f-cking k-ssed Charlotte, then told her she didn’t mean anything to him,” Emmett raged, still fighting against the hold of the other boys. I couldn’t lift my head to see the reactions of my team. They had all come to care about Charlotte in their own way. Sure, some of them would definitely make a move if I weren’t there. But most of them had begun to see her like a little sister.

I didn’t bother correcting Emmett that I had actually said the k-ss didn’t mean anything—not her. Either way, I’d been lying and I was a coward. The silence from my team told me everything I needed to know. They thought so too.

“What the f-ck is happening out here?” Coach barked from the doorway. Tyler and James quickly released Emmett but it was too late. Coach had already seen him being held back, and me with a bruising jaw. f-ck that kid could throw a punch. “Reynolds, you better have a really good excuse for getting violent in my locker room. USC has a zero policy for fighting on the team.”

Emmett stared back at the coach’s harsh glare. He didn’t respond immediately but he also didn’t cower away. “It was my fault coach,” I said finally lifting my face fully for everyone to see. I must have looked bad because even Coach got shifty like he was uncomfortable. I’d already looked pretty rough coming in here with pale skin and deep bags. But now a stinging sens-tion was coming from my eyes and I knew I looked like a p-ssy about to cry.

“Trust me, I deserved it,” I sighed as I fell back tiredly against the lockers. I didn’t bother looking at Emmett. I hadn’t said that for his forgiveness, he just didn’t deserve to get kicked off the team for being more of a man than I could be.

“Alright, then finish getting geared up quickly and get on the field,” Coach snapped and disappeared into his office.

I turned to see Emmett, Tyler, and James all still staring at me unsurely. The rest of the team had gone back to getting ready but I knew they were listening. “I’m f-cking sorry, okay?” I said quietly. “I f-cked it up I know. But Charlotte deserves better than me so it’s better this way.”

Emmett nodded slowly, having calmed down but clearly still angry. “You’re right. She deserves the best, so if you can’t man up, then stay the hell away from her,” he warned before walking back to his locker.

“She’s a good girl, bro. You just can’t f-ck around with girls like that,” Tyler added apologetically before he followed Emmett.

James sat next to me on the bench, bumping my shoulder but staying silent for a moment. “I don’t know man,” he finally spoke, “I think she was good for you, you were good for each other.”

I scoffed, not even knowing what to say to such bullshit.

“Look, I’ve known you since Freshman year and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you as happy as you are with her. She makes you relax and act… normal. Sorry, but it’s true.”

“Yeah, that’s all great. But just because she is good for me, doesn’t mean I’m good for her. I’m trying not to be selfish here.”

“That’s such a f-cking cop-out and you know it. You aren’t a martyr, you’re scared, man. When I first met Charlotte, she was a squeaky little mouse who could barely look me in the eye. But you helped her too. I mean, she’s still shy but she relaxes around you.”

I didn’t want to think that James’ words could be true. That there was a way I could be with Charlotte and not be toxic to her. I just couldn’t see it. Maybe as her friend, but the second I’d k-ssed her, that went out the window. You can’t close that door after it’s been opened. I definitely couldn’t, not after experiencing the euphoric pleasure of Charlotte’s l-ips on mine.

k-ssing had never meant anything to me before. It was just a means to an end. A bridge that you had to cross to get to the good stuff. But with Charlotte, I could have k-ssed her forever and been satisfied. Just thinking about it made me feel like a drug addict who was desperate for their next hit.

As I ran out on the field to join my team, all of whom were avoiding my eyes, I realized with a pang in the gut that I’d been right. Football was not going to fix this. Nothing could.

But I couldn’t go there. I’d take from Charlotte, then take and take, and take some more. Until there was nothing left of her. The toxicity within me would feed on her purity and goodness, and I couldn’t let that happen.

The rest of the week went by similarly. I had flipped between missing Charlotte, and trying to stay strong and keep away from her. I had stared at my phone for hours, wishing I could call her. I’d even driven towards her dorm, determined that I would apologize. But then I’d just keep driving, not wanting to make it worse. It had been my own personal hell.

I couldn’t tell you a single thing any of my profs had talked about. Coach had also been riding my ass in practice. Thankfully, it’s our bi-week so we don’t have a game tonight—otherwise, I’d be getting benched. I just couldn’t bring myself to care about anything without her. My team tip-toed around me as if I could snap at any moment. I didn’t blame them, I’d been volatile in the past. But I didn’t have the energy to do anything.

I was laying on my bed when a loud banging startled me. “James go away,” I called out, knowing it was him.

James’ voice drifted through my door. “Archer you can’t mope forever. We’re having people over and you are coming out.”

“Yeah, go f-ck yourself,” I deadpanned. My door flew open and my eyes w¡dened in shock.

“Seriously, dude. Your shitty attitude ruined the surprise.” I opened my mouth and closed it several times, trying to process that Oliver was standing in my bedroom.

“So what’s got you so bummed?” Oliver continued. I shot a glare at James. How could he think bringing Oliver of all f-cking people here would help me. I’m upset about hurting his sister. I can’t f-cking tell him that.

I tried to school my face as I said, “Nothing major. Just my dad, you know the drill.”

Oliver gave me an understanding nod. “Alright, well you just need some beer and girls and you’ll bounce back, man.” I shot James another glare. The thought of having random girls hanging off of me made me sick, but how could I tell Ollie that?

An hour later I was feeling a little better. James was full of shit, this wasn’t a few people—it was a full-blown rager. Our house pulsed with loud music as bodies were packed from wall-to-wall. Whatever though, I’d been shooting whiskey with Oliver and playing beer pong with the boys and somewhere along the line, I actually started having some fun.

That was until a mop of dark curls caught my eye. Was that Charlotte? It had only been for a second but I was sure I recognized the wild hair. I raced into the crowd, bumping and pushing people out of the way as I tried to chase her. My heart pounded in my throat as I wh¡pped my head around, trying to catch another glimpse.

Across the room, I s₱0tted the curls again, only this time I knew it wasn’t her. This girl stood a good few inches taller than Charlotte would. Plus the imposter’s curls were dull and flat. How could I ever have thought that mousey brown was anything close to Charlotte’s rich, dark, shiny hair?

I slumped into a chair, defeated and no longer in the party mood. f-ck I missed her. I was going crazy not being able to hold her, hear her light laughter, or even just talk to her. I was so deprived of Charlotte that I’d even convinced myself a random stranger was her.

“You look like you could use a little company,” a feminine voice drifted over to me.

I looked up to see Teela standing way too close to my chair, leaning forward, giving me a straight shot down her cle-vage. “I’m good thanks,” I said tersely.

“Awe c’mon Archer. We used to have fun together,” Teela whined. Her insincere pout and screechy voice were such a turnoff.

“Did we? I don’t really remember.” Teela flinched at my cruelty. I don’t blame her, that was really a d-ck-move. To be fair, I really don’t remember having fun with her. We’d hooked up a few times at the beginning of the year. But I’d been so wrapped up in Charlotte the last few months, I could barely remember ever caring about any other female.

Teela recovered quickly and simpered at me as she tucked her ass on the arm of my chair. I straightened my spine, trying to avoid any unnecessary contact. “Really?” She purred in my ear. A wave of chemicals wafted over me almost making me gag. “You don’t remember our nights together? Because I definitely do… You’re hærd to forget Archer, especially your big—”

“Okay Jesus,” I interrupted trying to shove her off of me. “Seriously, I’m not interested. Get the f-ck away from me, your perfume is making me sick,” I growled.

Teela looked over my shoulder for a moment, before smiling down at me. “No problem, Archer,” she said with a sugary smile I didn’t trust, “I’ll just go grab a drink and check back later.” She leaned in slightly, using a long fake nail to pick a piece of fluff off my shoulder. Then she got up and sauntered away. Thank f-ck.

I stood up and turned around to go find myself something to drink as well when I froze. My heart dropped from my chest as every nerve on my body became exposed and raw. I s-cked in a breath trying to form a sentence but I was hit with a wall of emotion that choked me into silence.

Charlotte was standing in the doorway of the house, staring right at me. Her oversized doe-eyes had a sheen to them as they flicked between me and something over my shoulder. I turned to see Teela’s retreating back f-ck. I wh¡pped around to tell her it wasn’t what it looked like, but it was too late.

Charlotte was gone.

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TBC

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