MY COLORLESS RAINBOW.
The strange Lady took me home that night. As we stopped in front of my gate, I was reluctant to get down.
She was talking to me after handling me a card.
“…This is my business card, just in case you need someone to talk to. My name is Lydia. I live with my family…my husband and two sons close to the restaurant where I work. Listen to me, this is not the end of life….i understand how painful and thorn you are right now but give yourself time, you will be fine. You are beautiful and will get over all this. Is his loss not yours, don’t blame yourself for any of this. He was blind not to see the good woman in you. I can lead you inside if you want…
I told her I was alright, I got down and walk into my gate. The heel shoe I wore was beginning to annoy me just like everything was annoying me.
I removed the shoe, carried it in my hands and walked barefooted.
It was after the security man opened the gate and I entered I heard Lydia driving away.
The security man was saying something, probably asking me if I was alright and why I returned so late.
I did not even bother to listen to him, I just walked into the house.
My Dad was still awake, watching a football match in the sitting room as I entered.
He turned to me angrily, asking me where I was coming from by such a time. I was not in the mood for anybody, i tried to keep my head sane and right. Everything has become useless and meaningless including life itself.
No matter the amount of motivation I hear I will still not be alright. My heart was aching, my eyes swollen and I felt unworthy to even live.
I just thought maybe even God is against me. my parents were against me, my boyfriend of three years was against me, he finally ended the relationship i put my all into, I was also against myself. Nothing was worth it anymore and nothing will ever be the same again.
I wanted to come home and surprise my parents with an engagement ring, I did not want them to be disappointed again like the first time.
But instead I came home surprised at myself, the whole event turned upside down not as I have expected.
I was tired, sad, lonely and felt not good enough.
“Rebecca, I’m asking you a question, where are you coming from by this time of the night. Did you check the time, do you know how late it is? I and your Mom kept calling you but you never picked our calls. Where did you think you are going to when I’m still talking?
My Dad howled down at me with words, which shows he was angry. I stopped walking but did not turn back to look at him. I just stood there with my back to him.
Let him just finish with his rant so that I will quietly go to my room.
“…Rebecca you can’t go out and come in any time you like. This is still my house. If you want to do as you wish then go and get married and do anything that pleases you in your husband’s house but I will not tolerate such behavior in my house. Since you saw that it was late why didn’t you sleep over because I know there is no other place you will be except in Richard’s house. You should have slept over at his place instead of risking your life to come home and I don’t care if he drove all the way down to drop you…I hate grown up…adults taking unnecessary risk. I still don’t understand what you and that Richard is doing. You think you are still a kid, I have told you that if you are not careful your sister Melinda will bring a serious man to this house and you will still go and catch flower at her wedding because that is all you know how to do….
He was still talking when my Mom came out of the their room, robbing her eyes which shows that she was sleeping. She asked my Dad why he was shouting.
“Didn’t you see your daughter? She is just coming back from wherever she went to….look at the time. I was talking to her and she was walking away. Look…look at her giving me her back. She has started growing wings, I was talking to her before and she was walking out of me. You have to talk sense into her because I will destroy those wings of hers if she dares try to use it in my house. I have told her to go and marry so that she can do anything she wish in her husband’s house. This is my house and I won’t tolerate nonsense. She will soon be thirty years and still single, deceiving herself all in the name of relationship. Maybe I should prepare a certificate down for her just in case Richard decide not to marry her again after three, four or even five years of dating and uselessing her life…. I will hand her the certificate of being a fool and wasting her years with an unserious man. If a man is serious to marry a woman he will start taking some certain steps. It will be a great shame if that boy end up leaving her. I don’t pray for such to happen but I wish Rebecca will stop being stupid and think about her time running out with speed. She keep attending her friend’s wedding when exactly will they attend her own? Rebecca continue to deceive yourself…I hope you know what you are doing…
I turned and looked at them, tears was running down my face again. My Mom asked me if I was alright, my Dad felt like he was too harsh and reduced his tone but he did not stop talking.
I interrupted him angrily and said amidst tears that made him to be quiet.
“Dad, go and get the certificate ready because Richard just called it quit. He said I’m not good enough and he want to be with a better person. Yes, I still hope all this is all a dream but as I wait for reality to hit me, start preparing the certificate of my failure for me. You have painted me enough with your mouth and actions, all I hear every day in this house is “marriage…marriage…marriage” I’m so tired of you and Mom singing it to my ears. I hate to come back to this house because of the continues reminder but because I have no choice I still have to come home. I have tried my best to ignore, pretend, overlook and cheer myself up. I become so desperate to settle down and move out of this house, I centered my world on a man who broke me into pieces. I guess you are happy. Dad you should rejoice because you have won…maybe we should celebrate that I’m truly a failure. I will never be good enough for anyone, never good for my parents or Richard. If I wake up tomorrow morning and all this is real…that everything that just happened today is true, then I will know the next step to take but for now please, let me be. If I don’t make you proud at least you have Joe, my elder brother who is married and you also have Melinda. They will make you proud. Well… I can’t be a failure…not totally. I have a good heart, I give it all out. I have prayed and hope to really make you both proud and put a real smile on your faces but is never as I hoped. My world came crashing, I’m upside down with no one to look up to for comfort but Richard can’t leave me for real right? All this still can’t be real…
I speak every word with tears and demonstrated like a crazy woman. I was sick and tired of my parents taunting my every breath.
After talking I turned and went to my room and locked the door leaving them in the sitting room.
I woke up very late the following morning with sun light hitting my face and a knock on my door. It was my Mom’s voice calling me.
I checked my phone to see if Richard called, if there was a good morning message from him but I saw none. I saw the shoe I wore last night, I was still in the same gown, I did not bother changing to any night wear last night. I slept off after a long midnight cry, socking my pillow with tears.
Tears filled my eyes again as reality began to hit me. Is indeed true that Richard broke up with me.
I picked up my phone to call him, maybe he was not with his senses yesterday when he said those things.
He probably did not mean any of those things he said.
I called him and he did not pick up. He was probably not with his phone.
I called three more times but yet he did not pick. I decided to wait for some time.
My phone started ringing and I quickly checked, thinking is Richard but it was an office call.
I even forgot I was supposed to be at work today, I would have called to inform them if I can’t make it down but I was carried away with my present trouble and did not remember work.
I picked up and explained to them that I was not feeling well. I apologies for not calling earlier before the call ended.
After the office call, I try calling Richard again, after the phone rang twice he did not pick I tried the third time and he picked up.
“Hello Rich, Good morning…
I greeted him and hoped that yesterday was a mix-up. I was even ready to let go of whatever he said. I just want him back, I can’t afford to lose him, how will I even live without Richard. He was my happiness and ever since yesterday I have being so sad that I forgot what happiness feels like. But listening to his voice will bring back the lost color to my life.
“Becca, why are you calling me? I told you that it was over between us yesterday and there is nothing you will do or say that will make us come back together. I have moved on with my life, try and do the same. I know is hard to find a real man at your age but I can’t settle for less…stop calling me. I will block your every line from reaching me. I’m done with you Becca. Sorry it came rather in a shocking way. Sorry I couldn’t be the man for you, sorry that I got tired of you and can’t stand you anymore. I’m sorry Becca for everything but I’m really done and I mean every word. You cheated on me with your boss friend… and I know even the man will still use and dump you because you don’t worth much. Well, I was already planning to dump you but did not know how to go about it until you decided to give me reason to do so by cheating. It was manner from heaven, a good opportunity and I couldn’t wait any longer. So Becca keep your distance from me and let me be. I can’t accept you back. you used to be my type but not anymore. I have found another better and a pretty lady who keeps me entertained…I’m even planning on proposing soon to her…
I wiped a tear drop from my eyes as I listened to Richard. My heart was racing with speed and I was already having headache. I cleared my aching throat and began to plead to him shamelessly.
“Rich, please…I beg you. Don’t do this to me. Please….i love you so much Rich. Don’t leave me I’m pleading to you. I centered my life around you and I won’t be able to cope through life without you. Rich….please, for God sake and everything you believed in don’t do this to me. I beg of you my love. How do you want me to start all over, where will I even start from? Think of the three years we spent together, Rich think of the true love we once shared. Think of how lovely and fun it used to be between us. They are sweet memories I want to keep forever with you. Rich…what do you want me to do and I will do it. Anything just don’t leave me…don’t call it quit please….
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He began to laugh so loud over the phone, I did not stop pleading even with his annoying laughter. He later said.
“Look at the way you are begging me like a child asking for some candy. Try another trick, this one cannot work on me. Get off my phone Becca, is over and your tears and begging will not do any good. I know I was too good for you and you may never find another like me but is quiet unfortunate that I can’t be with you anymore. I hate to be disturbed so you better go get a life for yourself because I will block you from reaching me. Goodbye Becca.
Before I will say another word he ended the call. I try to call back but I couldn’t reach him anymore.
I try sending messages but still couldn’t reach him.
I was really devastated. I sat on my bed crying like a child and totally ignored the knock on the door.
I can hear my Dad shouting at my Mom who was at my door. “Leave her alone…she will be fine…”
I cried none stop until I was tired of crying. I later picked up my phone again to call him but I still can’t reach him.
I thought of Jojo and called her immediately, she picked up. And was sounding so lively just as usual.
“Becca, you sound like you have being crying, what happened to you…are you alright?
Jojo asked with a concerned tone.
“Richard broke up with me, he said it was over between us and blocked me from reaching him. I don’t even know what to do. Jojo, please tell me the truth…did you mention anything about my boss friend to him. You were the only person I told about one of my boss friend that asked me out and I turned him down. Did you by any means speak with Richard and told him about Mr Ohio…
“meee?? Never…no way! Where will I even see Richie to start gossiping such nonsense? You know that I can’t do such to you Becca. I did not even see him or tell him anything. I don’t know how he heard about it, maybe you mentioned it to him without knowing or he probably heard it from somewhere. But is definitely not me. Anita was at my place that week and I jokingly mentioned it to her, she was the only person I told but not Richie. I’m your friend, how will I go behind your back and start gossiping with your man, it doesn’t make sense. I’m a big girl and I can’t do such shit. Ooh, I’m really sorry Becca that Richie called it quit. Just dust off and move on. Is very sad and I even feel like crying right now because I know how much you loved him but this is life and is unpredictable. Since he wants you to leave him alone, just do exactly what he asked. I promise within a short time you will be fine. I so much hate Richie for doing this to you…he doesn’t even deserve you Becca. Don’t dwell on your pain or make him feel he has you where he want you. dust off and move on babe. Such is life. Maybe after work tomorrow, you can come over to my place and we will go out together and catch some fun, I will help you forget Richie…
After the call with Jojo, I try to reach Anita but her line wasn’t going. She was probably at work and I hope she will call me back when she sees my missed calls.
I need to understand how Richard got to know about my boss friend.
I managed to cope through that day and was at work the following morning. I couldn’t do much and sneak In and out of the rest room to cry my eyes off.
I’m finding it difficult to cope with everything happening to me.
I left for Jojo’s place after work and she has some consoling words which was a little helpful.
She got dressed and said she wants to take me out so that I can cool off, she said that all the bills is on her.
Something flashed in my eyes and it was her earring. I recognized the pairs earring, it was the same one I saw at Richard’s place one day and he said it was one of his friend’s that dropped it unknowingly.
I pointed at her earring, my heart was already filling up with anger and confusion.
She looked surprised at my action and asked me what was wrong with her ear ring.
I asked her what her earring was doing inside Richard’s room… I told her I saw the exact ear ring at his place.
“whaaat Becca! You should know me better by now. This are my earrings and Anita just returned them back to me last week after borrowing them to attend an event. If not that they are expensive, I could have asked her to keep them. And this earrings is not common but I can’t possibly say it was Anita that left the earrings in Richie’s house because is not possible, she is not capable of such. She is very cool and calm unlike me. Richie is probably right…it maybe his friend. Anita can’t be going out with your man. If she tries such I will personally deal with her myself.
I later left with Jojo in her car, she drove me to a cool spot where we sat and she ordered for drinks as the music played so loud.
My heart is still heavy, not just because of the break up but which of my friend sold me off to Richard, Anita or Jojo? It can’t be Jojo because she is doing well for herself and will not have such gut to betray me. Anita in the other hand is calm and collected and does not look like she can hurt a fly but ever since yesterday she has not called me back.
Is confusing because I don’t know who to accuse. Apart from the earrings, who among my dear friends told Richard about Mr Ohio?
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