Tears of a Helpless Woman


As I rushed behind the nurse, fear paralysed my
Was I rushing for good news or bad news? Along
the corridor I saw a woman mourning and asking
God for an explanation. She had just lost a loved
one, was I going to be in the same situation soon?.
The thought of it all frightened me so badly that I
started reciting PSALMS 23. Davids confidence in
God through that prayer calmed my spirit.
The walk along the hallway felt like the longest
walk. Atusaye was on my mind and I was praying
with every fibre in my veins that he survives this
Finally the nurse made a turn, it wasn’t the ward I
hærd earlier left Atusaye in but it was another private
Wondering whether to question the nurse what was
happening, I bit my l-ips and folded my arms. I was
feeling very cold. It wasn’t cold but the fear brought
a very unpleasant breeze.
I hated the sight of hospitals, they all seemed like
death traps to me and this one was no different.
“Madam sit over there am coming” the nurse said
as she pointed towards a bench that was near the
ward. She entered the ward alone and as soon as
she was in, a doctor walked out. Now this
frightened me more.
“Doctor… Doctor wait.. How’s the patient?” I asked
as I ran after him.
“Take a sit madam you will be informed soon” he
responded as he continued walking.
Did this man know how I was feeling?. Soon
sounded like forever. Besides he knew so I don’t
understand why he wouldn’t just tell me.
“Madam.. You can come and see the patient” the
nurse said.
I couldn’t read her face, but she called me to see
the patient. Meaning he had to be alive at least.
I entered quickly and walked to the beside. It was a
private room so he was alone.
Atusaye’s eyes were closed but I could tell he was
breathing, his face expressionless. He looked like
he was really tired and so I avoided waking him up.
Gently, I dragged a chair and sat by the bedside. I
began to recite prayers in silence while I looked at
It had been 4hours and Atusaye was still in deep
sleep, the nurses told me he was on strong
medication to ease the pain. He needed to do an
operation but first he needed to feel better
otherwise it would be too unbearable for him.
I didn’t want to leave his side, even just to use the
toilet. The nurses advised me to rest as it was now
night time but I didn’t want to sleep. How could I
when the love of my life was in that condition?.
I watched the day turn into night and the night turn
into day but my dear Atusaye was still in deep
sleep. He neither winked nor move a muscle, not
even smile at me or even frown. At this point I
preferred the arguments to seeing him in that state.
Every minute was critical, I couldn’t shut my eyes. I
concentrated a lot on his chest as his shirt gently
vibrated. It made me aware that he was still
breathing, still holding on to me.
The nurse and doctor came in for their morning
round, I was asked to step outside. I didn’t want to
but I obeyed and slowly walked outside. My body
was fatigued, and I felt weak.
The hunger had now hit me so i went to the
hospital canteen and bought some soup. After
taking 3 h¡pped tablespoons of the hot chicken
soup my throat blocked. I couldn’t swallow any
further.. I couldn’t eat knowing Atusaye was hungry,
he had been lying in that bed undergoing treatment
yet unable to eat or drink. What was the medicine
Working on? An empty stomach?.
Tears clouded my eyes and in one blink my face
was w-t. I cried profoundly, questioning God in my
heart when this suffering would end.
I got up leaving the soup ball on the bench and
took a tour of the hospital, praying and hoping
things could get better. I was in a foreign land
where I went to get my recognition but it came with
a lot of stress.
As I decided to go back to the hospital ward my
phone rang. I couldn’t recognise the number but I
could tell it was Nigerian.
“Halo…” I answered calmly.
“Halo my dear its Clara. How do we get to the
hospital?” Sh
e asked.
I gave them directions and went to check on
Atusaye as I waited for them to come.
The nurse cornered me before I could reach the
“He is awake, don’t stress him with conversation..
Make sure he rests” the nurse said.
Atusaye’s eyes where closed but I could tell he
noticed the presence of a person by his bedside as
he slowly opened his eyes.
I moved the chair closer to his bedside and I
noticed his face become bright and the left corner
of his l-ips bended into a gentle smile.
He was restless but he still smiled at me.
“I love you honey” I whispered.
Atusaye’s smile w¡dened and he nodded his head
before closing his eyes again.
I held on to his hand and leaned my head on his
bed as I too fell asleep.
I was woken up by a loud mourning voice and my
heart skipped. Clara was in the room with Atusaye’s
mother who was scre-ming on top of her voice.
I looked at Atusaye and he was still sleeping
peacefully so I gently left his hand as I tried to
advice Clara to take mum outside.
“What are you saying!!!!!” Atusaye’s mother yelled.
“You are a witch and if my son listened to me, we
wouldn’t be here!!!!!” she mourned.
Those words echoed in me and I couldn’t believe
what I was hearing. I was hurt but Atusaye was my
biggest concern at that point.
The nurse came in and Atusaye’s mother was taken
Atusaye started coughing uncontrollably and the
nurse called the doctor. They said he was
frightened and that increased his breathing causing
him to cough badly. They managed to stabilise him
and I finally heard him say a word….. it was my
He called out my name.
The nurse asked me to hold his hand so he could
be aware of my presence which I did and he looked
at me with a smile.
Clara was indifferent towards me and as we sat by
Atusaye’s bedside together, I could tell she did not
want me there.
I rested my head on Atusaye’s bed again as I held
on to him and dosed off.
Suddenly a rough tap on my shoulder woke me up.
“Mum wants to see her son but you have to leave
first, she doesn’t want you here” I heard Clara say.
I couldn’t believe what I heard so I looked clearly at
Clara who was seated next to me by the bedside.
“I said mum wants to come and see her only son.
Can you please excuse us?” Clara said rudely.
I smiled gently trying to brush the anger away.
“If mum wants to see him let her come in, Atusaye
does not want me to leave his side so I can’t go
anywhere” I responded calmly.
“You have managed to make a fool out of everyone
in this family but not me and certainly not my
mother, maybe Mrs. Martins who welcomed you
into her house after picking you from God knows
where”.. She said angrily.
I did not respond but just took in a deep sigh and
turned around to look at Atusaye.
After a moment of silence Clara left the ward.
A lot of pain stirred up in,side but I let it go with a
short prayer.
Suddenly Clara bulged in this time with her mother
and the nurse.
The nurse came to me and politely asked me to
follow her outside.
I opposed as I didn’t want to leave Atusaye’s side.
“madam I know how you feel, you’re the wife but
she is the mother. Please give her a chance to see
her son” the nurse said.
“Wife???? No! Make no mistake she is not the wife
but a maid who has made a living by reaping off
men. ” Atusaye’s mother shouted.
“Its OK madam keep your voice down” the nurse
“This woman here actually has another man” Clara
yelled in the background.
As all this chaos was taking place Atusaye was
asleep peacefully while I shed tears
“Clara you know that’s not true” I cried.
Clara looked at me disgustingly from head to toe,
you could tell my plea meant nothing to her.
“Dear let’s go…” The nurse said as she held my
Despite trying to resist, the nurse insisted i go.
I cried bitterly as I let go of Atusaye’s hand and
followed the nurse outside.
To be continued… 
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