Thorn between 67 – 68

TITLE: TORN BETWEEN

WRITTEN BY OGECHI ALABI

URENNA’S NARRATION 4

My sisters and my mother’s marriages taught me about marriage and prepared me for the task ahead. I studied Medicine so I ‘slept’ (spent six years) at the university. When I was on holiday, I explored and realised my story might be worse than I heard from my family and other people’s experiences I had witnessed or heard. I decided not to settle down with a man I did not know well and had a good relationship with. It was important to me that I studied the man so any decision I make will be entirely my fault.

Interestingly, man and relationship were of no interest to me, but my parents were breathing down my neck. They asked me if I intended to be an old maiden in the house. I didn’t, but I was not ready. They were worried because I had many male friends, but I was not serious with any of them. I enjoyed male company because it made me understand men better. They felt free with me and could talk about anything raw and vulgar while I was there, and I would not flinch. Most of the guys lived in Port-Harcourt but schooled in Enugu with me. None of them attempted to ask me out.

Most of my suitors were referrals or saw me in church or at a function. I was the tallest amongst my sisters and the fairest(in complexion), although none of us took my mother’s complexion. I looked more like my father but had my mother’s body shape. When I travel for Christmas, suitors come to ask for my hand, but my father told them he would finish training me before I got married. Some promised to allow me to finish school, but my father refused. He prayed I get married to an Igbo guy, he begged me to consider that. My major interest was compatibility.

I kept a journal where I wrote about my future husband. I detailed what I wanted in the man who would be my husband. I wrote about his physical attributes, financial capability, career, character, spiritual inclination and his family/background. I left two pages for each heading and I filled them as the years went by. I knew what I wanted and I was determined to get it. I was not worried I was getting older, I wanted a perfect husband and marriage. Most of the attributes I wrote, I saw through the men in my life and loved it; they made the list.

While I was acquiring education, I did not combine it with pleasure. Many of my mates got married while we were in school, and I admired them. I did not have a single boyfriend. Guys came, but I let them down respectfully. There were cult activities in school and some girls were taught lessons for refusing their advances. I did not want to fall out with anyone, so I joined the Medical Students Campus Fellowship. I was so dedicated to the fellowership that I was not harassed. I scaled through.

Now I was graduating, I had to consider a serious relationship. My mother asked if she could match me with her friend’s son but I declined. She made it sound as if there was something wrong with me. She asked me if I liked men and I found the question funny. Did she think I was a lesbian? At a point, she was almost going spiritual about it because I did not bring a man home.

Everything changed when she found my journal. She found it in my room and she read it. She came into my room that night to talk to me.

“Ure, I like the idea you wrote everything you want in a man, but what do you have to offer him? It is a two-way dimension. Is it only this beauty you will give him? Maybe your academic qualification too, but is that all? Why not start a journal about what you have to offer a man? Where you are deficient you can work on them. If he agrees with what you’re offering, it is a good deal. Also, I did not see anything about love and commitment. Love covers a multitude of sins. If a man loves you, he will lay his life for you.”

“Does that mean Daddy didn’t love you when he was with Nma Ejima?”

“That’s the beauty of life, there are no guarantees. He loved me, but he did what we humans do which is to fall into temptation. If I had not forgiven him and accepted him back, would I be as happy as I am right now? He will spend the rest of our lives together making up for that mistake. It is because he is a good man that is why he refuses to fall into sin again. Some men will not stop, they will only change tactics. Some ladies would do anything to marry a rich man like your father. They do not care if he is married or has children. Some of them turn the man away from his family and take over. We hear about these things and all we can do is pray our husbands do not fall into the wrong hands. One Thelma is enough for our lifetimes.”

“But in our culture, a woman is to be seen not heard. How do I present what I have to offer to a man? He is to discover during the marriage to make it more interesting.”

“But you want him to meet certain criteria before he can be accepted. That’s wrong. You need to add that to your journal. And also ask God to direct the right person (your man) to you.”

“Hmm. I know what I want in a man, but I haven’t seen him yet.”

“Those your friends are discouraging eligible men from coming close, give them space and you will have suitors coming to you. Also, you will not find them sitting at home, you need to go out, join associations in the church, go out and have fun. Then the bold men you seek will talk to you directly and not through their parents.”

“Ok, ma. I will think about all you said.”

I thought about all my mother said that night and I agreed with her. If I wanted to change the narrative it had to be all the way. I had written that no man who asks my parents for my hand in marriage without speaking with me first will be considered. If I was going to go by my rules, we had to have something important to discuss and I prepared a questionnaire that night, my knowledge was not to be wasted.

As a Medical student, I was carefree about how I looked in the department but all that had to change now I had graduated. I used to pride myself as conservative, but I had to change that. I wasn’t and I needed to let my future partner see me for who I truly was. I changed my entire wardrobe. I dressed to suit my style. My mother felt my style was too sophisticated, but Nda Njideka loved it. She said I appeared chic. I liked the sound of that.

I joined my mother’s health club to keep fit. Most of the men there were married but it did not stop them from coming after me. They promised me heaven and earth but, I turned them down and refused to release my phone number. I joined a society in the church and it was the same there. Both single and married were after me. I got tired and left. I told my mother I would stop attending Mass, but she refused. My best time was spending time with my brothers. When they were around, we went out together and I got to hear about school. Onyekachi loved school but Onyedika wasn’t thrilled about it. He wanted to leave but Daddy did not want them in separate schools. As he grew older, he adjusted to school life and there were fewer complaints and more stories about girls.

When it was time for housemanship, I wanted to be posted to Lagos. I was bored with Port Harcourt and wanted a change of environment and a place where I had family. I could stay with my sister Dumebi and her family while waiting. Her husband, Tunde helped me ‘work’ my housemanship at Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH). I was happy about it and very grateful. I left Port Harcourt for Lagos filled with excitement. It was a new phase of life and I was excited about it. I had accommodation at the hospital which made my life better. I heard about the doctors at LUTH and their attitude towards interns and I was worried. I hoped I wouldn’t fall out with anyone or have an extension.

I had explained that my dress sense had changed and being the last girl of my parents, my siblings spoiled me and my father ensured I lacked nothing. On my first day at work, I dressed in a corporate gown, three-inch high shoes, my hair packed in a bum and my coach handbag. When I saw my fellow interns, I regretted my decision to look this good. I was placed under a female consultant and she did not seem to like me at all. I wished I could go back home and change into something less dressy. She sent me on several errands and I realised I had to wear flat shoes or sandals in the hospital. I could not rush with my heels.

I bumped into a chief resident at the laboratory. He had to hold me and say, “Hey, take it easy. Where are you rushing to.”

“Dr Ayoola sent me to pick up some results from the lab. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re an intern? You don’t look it.” He looked at my shoes and said, “Why wear heels when you are tall, you will go on many errands today. You were towering over her and she won’t like it.”

“I know. I have been here ten times today. I will dress down tomorrow.”

“Why?” he asked me. “You look charming and your perfume is intoxicating. Wear a milder one to the hospital because of the patients; some of them might be asthmatic. Just wear a flat pair of shoes and you are good. I am Paschal by the way.”

“Urenna.”

“Nice to meet you. Pick up your result before she sends an army after you. Don’t downgrade for anyone, be your unapologetic self. I like what I see.” and he walked away.

I felt good for that moment until I remembered I had to rush back to Dr Ayoola. I was tired but there was no rest.

The following day, I wore a pair of black pants and a pinstripe shirt with ruffles around the neck and hand. I wore my pair of flat shoes and mild perfume and body mists. When the Consultant saw me, she shook her head. She sent me on errands and I was faster this time. She gave up after a week because I didn’t back down.

Read – Crazy Affection episode 17 – 18

TITLE: TORN BETWEEN

WRITTEN BY OGECHI ALABI

URENNA’S NARRATION 5

On my days off, I spend time with Dumebi and her family. Sometimes, she takes me to have lunch so we can be on our own and talk. I love to listen and I believe I learn from people’s experiences. On this day, we went to have Sunday brunch at Eko Hotel. The place was packed full inside and we decided to sit outside to eat. We had to walk into the restaurant to pick up food and come outside; it was a buffet. We sat by the pool, talked and ate for hours. She taught me people management skills because of the challenges with some of my colleagues and the nurses. The Consultants loved me and showed favouritism towards me and some of my colleagues treated me with disdain because of it. Some of the nurses were intimidated by me, I could see it. Dumebi taught me the power of a smile, she said it should be a constant fixture on my face. She talked about using the magic words please, thank you, I am sorry, pardon me, and excuse me. She was teaching her kids these words, but when she put it into practice in her life there was a transformation. She advised me to avoid arguments and listen more and when there is confusion. She had been taught me how to remain calm no matter the situation. My sister was the calmest of us all. I enjoyed our conversations because she proffered practical solutions.

After we had dessert, she said she had to leave for a church appointment and gave me money to take a taxi to my residence. As we walked out of the pool area towards her car, a young guy came to us. He excused us and introduced himself as Stanley. He asked Dumebi if he could talk to me for a few minutes. I knew my sister would not leave at that moment but she permitted him.

“I saw you with your sister and I had to wait for the right time to talk to you. I don’t think I was the only one admiring you, but I had to beat them to it by following you out. My name is Stanley as I mentioned earlier. What’s yours?”

“Urenna.”

“It is nice to meet you, Urenna. You are gorgeous, I couldn’t take my eyes off you. Your sister is pretty too. Your parents made beautiful children. Let us cut to the chase, I would like to know you better and hope you will be willing to know me too. I live in Lekki, where do you stay?” he asked.

“I stay at Idi Araba.”

“Where is that?”

“Surulere Local Government Area.”

“You don’t look like a Mainland girl.”

“How do they look?” I asked. My folks are rich, but we were not raise to look down on anyone.

“Never mind. Are you going home with your sister?”

“No. She is leaving now. She lives in VI. I am going home.”

“Can I give you a ride home? Please. We can talk better on the way. I am no threat, I will give your sister my phone number, and she can take a picture of me and my car.”

I was smitten by him because his handsomeness and height. He also smelt heavenly and was well-groomed. The only drawback was the Mainland girl story, I didn’t appreciate it. I was tempted to give him a chance; he was too good-looking to pass off.

I told Dumebi he wanted to give me a ride and she was a bit sceptical. She did as he suggested, she took his picture and the picture of his vehicle. He came in a BMW series and I could see he was proud of it. We saw Dumebi to her vehicle and he saw she came in a new Range Rover. He smiled and as she drove off, we went to his car.

“Your sister seems to be doing well,” he asked.

“She is an accountant.”

“That’s nice. I am into IT, what do you do?”

“I am a Doctor.”

“A doctor as in a Medical Doctor?”

“Yes.”

“Impressive. You don’t look it; you are way too hot to be a doctor. Do your patients hit on you?”

“My patients are sick people that want to live, hitting on me is the last thing on their minds.”

‘If I were your patient, I would hit on you whether I am dying or not.”

I laughed at his joke. He was lively and he told interesting stories. I also enjoyed his company.

“You have had lunch, I can’t take you to eat anything else. I would have loved to get you something.”

“Maybe next time,” I replied.

I got to know his state of origin, his parents’ names and their professions. He is the last child of his family, attended Unilag and then went for his Masters abroad. He lived with his parents, but he and his brother have a separate accommodation from the main family house. but in the same compound. I told him about myself.

“As a Doctor, if you live abroad you will make it,” he said.

“I know, but I want to remain here for as long as possible. I want to specialise before I leave.”

“That is nice. You are brilliant and I like that about you. We had engaging conversations, but many young ladies do not know how to keep a man engaged in meaningful conversation. You are different.”

“Thank you,” I answered as I directed him to where to park his car.

“When will I see you again?”

“I don’t know, maybe when next I am off duty. I will let you know my schedule for the week.”

“Cool. What do you like?”

“I don’t understand.”

“What do you like? What type of food do you like? Do you like perfumes, jewellery, handbags and so on? What do you like?”

“I like everything, I am not choosy. And a gift is something one appreciates for the thought.”

“Your type is hard to find.”

I laughed. He was the type that liked to buy people with money and gifts. I gave him my phone number and he left.

I settled down to remember my conversation with my sister. We spoke for hours and I sat down to write down everything she said and planned on how to use the advice in my interaction at work.

Stanley called that evening and we spoke for a few minutes. He asked me to speak with his brother. “I told him I met an angel today but he doubted me.”

I laughed and spoke with his brother. The brother asked for a picture of me. I told him I didn’t have any to send to him but I heard Stanley telling his brother he had a picture of me and Dumebi. I wondered how he got the picture.

“My brother can’t stop talking about you. You have made him go ‘gaga’ if you know what I mean. Stanley has never been this excited about a lady before. And he said you have manners and you are respectful. These are not qualities we see in ladies these days, especially ladies. Being down to earth doesn’t make any girl less beautiful. Thank you for making my brother’s day.”

“You are welcome.”

I was surprised and also felt good about it. Apart from being handsome, he was also interesting. His excitement was infectious and it made my day too.

I had not made friends with many people at the hospital, especially my colleagues. They saw me as a pompous privileged girl who liked to show herself. I wasn’t. I decided to humble myself and see what happens. It was different. I greeted everyone wearing a smile as a badge. I refused to argue or quarrel with anyone and I also sought the opinion of the nurses when handling cases to make them feel a part of the treatment process. In less than three days, I noticed less frowns and more smiles. I was commended by the Consultant, other doctors and nurses. I felt wonderful and relieved. I was blending in well. Soon, I would be posted to another unit, and honestly I looked forward to it.

Stanley called me at every opportunity he had. I explained to him that I was on call and could not take calls. I told him when I would be off and would be able to speak with him. He agreed. Instead of calling, he left me several messages. I was surprised when I saw them and I couldn’t hide my smile when I read them. I had to reply. Then I told him I wanted to rest and I would call him when I woke up.

It was late when I woke up. I saw his messages and I was glad he understood and didn’t call me. I called him. He sounded excited to hear my voice.

“I have been waiting to hear this angelic voice since morning. You have tortured me today, I couldn’t do anything. My colleagues wondered what was wrong, but how would I explain to them that I, Stanley, had fallen in love at first sight?”

I laughed; he made me smile and laugh. I needed it as it was a stressful day. “How are you doing?” I asked him.

“Much better now I have heard your voice. I am sure it was not a dream.”

“Cut out the compliments, let us be serious.” Unfortunately, he did not know how to be serious when we were apart.

On my day off, he was at my residence early in the morning. I was still asleep when he arrived. I had to ask him to wait in his car for me to take a bath and get ready. It took me a while because I was not expecting him so early. I had to choose an outfit, wear light make-up and pack my hair. When I was satisfied with my look, I stepped out. My neighbour was by the railings of the balcony. She asked me, “Isn’t it you that man came to see? I saw him drop you off the other day. Why is Peace talking to him?”

“Who is Peace?”

“You don’t know Peace? My dear be smart before they snatch your man right under your nose. See how Peace is chesting out as she is talking to him.”

“He is not my man, we are friends. We just met so I cannot claim him. Peace might know him.”

“Peace doesn’t know him. If she knows him there is a problem.”

“Ok. Thank you.”

I left her to meet Stanley. Stanley smiled when he saw me. He said to Peace, loud enough for me to hear, see my favourite girl in the whole wide world. Peace saw me and was surprised. We exchanged pleasantries.

Stanley said he knew Peace through a friend. She mentioned she was a doctor but they didn’t believe her. To them, female doctors were not this beautiful and fun. He said Peace was so much fun.

I smiled at Peace and I observed her smile wasn’t genuine. I knew her, she was one of the girls that negatively talked about her. She looked at me from head to toe and I stood there smiling and didn’t say a word to her.

Stanley came around to open the door for me to enter his vehicle. He hugged Peace and entered the vehicle. He talked about his surprise seeing Peace at the lodge. He and his friends doubted her claim she was a doctor.

‘But you did not doubt me when I said it.” I replied.

“You look it, you dress well for a doctor and look brilliant. Peace doesn’t but she is. For her to be here, it was not an easy feat.”

“I agree. Where are we going?”

“I want us to have breakfast and then you can choose what you want to do today.”

He took me to a restaurant on the Island for a buffet breakfast. It was not necessary because I didn’t eat much. I warned him I was not a breakfast person, but he insisted. I hated wasting food and money. After breakfast, he asked me if I would mind knowing his place. I didn’t mind, but I had let my sister know where I was and I needed to send her the address and the map of where I was.

“You are so cautious. Tell me, do you have a boyfriend?”

“No, I don’t.”

“You are kidding me. How can a fine girl like you be booless.” I laughed again. I explained to him that I hadn’t met the one. “Search no more, he has found you,” he replied to me.

“Where is he?” I asked jokingly.

“You just broke my heart. My brother can’t wait to meet you. My folks are not home, thank God. If they were, we would be planning a marriage.”

“I agreed to know your place, but I would wait in the car.”

“Why? Do you think I would harm you? Who will laugh and melt my heart if I hurt you? Who will make me leave sleep to rush to be with her? I can never harm you. I will never do to you what you don’t want. You are a decent girl and I can see it. Please relax and trust me.”

I went with him to Lekki Phase 1. He drove into a big compound and I came down from the vehicle. I walked with him towards the side of the house. We were almost at the door when a man burst out of it and asked Stanley, “Is she the one? Is she the one?” The guy looked like Stanley and I could see Stanley smiling at him. I knew he was his brother.

“Hello,” I said to him.

He looked past me at Stanley and said, “Bro you don’t know how to take pictures, what? She is finer than those pictures. Please come in before our nosy sisters come here.”

Kennedy was as excited as Stanley and I did not know why. I sat down on the seat offered to me and we all got talking. We had interesting conversations and they felt free to argue with me. It was fun being with them. Later in the afternoon, Stanley took me out for lunch. I was able to eat well this time. He took me to the mall and we shopped together. He bought so many things and I did not know they were for me until he was ready to take me home. I was impressed because he randomly asked me some things I liked and he shopped for those things.

When we got back to the lodge, we talked for a bit.

“Can I see your room?” he asked.

I was not ready for that because we had just met. It was moving too fast and I did not want to do anything stupid. There was no harm in him seeing my room. I hoped he would not just badge in at any time. He helped me carry the bags and we went upstairs together. I opened my door and let him in. I did up my room, I must confess. He liked the room and told me so. He wanted to stay but I insisted. I had a night call and wanted to rest before then.

“Can I get a kiss? Please,” he asked with a pitiful face.

“A peck is fine. I had fun today and I am grateful for spending your day with me.”

“You are so humble, I should be thanking you for tolerating me for all these hours. I enjoyed your company. We will spend the next day off together again.”

We spent many days off together. He was a breath of fresh air. He knew what he wanted and he went all out for it. She loved his sense of humour and how caring he was. When she met his friends, she didn’t like them that much. They were not her type of people. They bragged a lot and their conversations about women were condescending and they did not care that she was there. She tried to avoid going into arguments with them. She told Stanley her time was precious and she would rather spend it with him or with her sister. She had no desire to spend it with his friends. They were as close as thieves before long.