Echoes of Loneliness episode 1

Echoes of Loneliness

Part 1 – It’s Over

[Four Years Back – The day of the funeral]

[Wame]

I’ve never in my life thought this day would come so soon. Mother and father left me with a 2 year old child and I am just 20 years old. Heartbroken as I am, I still have to be strong for my little sister, Warona. Saying goodbye to mother and father is not easy at all, I can never accept the fact that they are no more, I just can’t believe it. We left the graveyard after the burial. I looked at Warona and just cried. Why does a small baby like her have to lose both parents when she’s still so young? She looks so happy and okay, she just doesn’t know what’s happening. We are so unfortunate. I don’t know what happened to my parents so I don’t trust anyone, the person behind my parents’ death could be here right now so I honestly want this fake people to leave right away. I just want to be with my little sister.

Finally they all left around 14:00. The house was so empty. I was so lonely. I was disturbed by echoes of loneliness, I was broken. Mother and father, why did you have to leave me with a small baby? Who’ll continue paying for me at school? How will I take care of my baby sister? How will we survive? I wish I could die right now. Why didn’t the wh0le family just die? It’s my second year at the university. For me to get to university, my father had to sell his truck. So I paid my first year’s fees but I haven’t paid my second year’s fees. This year I haven’t started at school. I am supposed to go and register in three days time but it looks like I’ll have to go to school and tell them to remove me from their system. I don’t see myself going back to school without a plan, I really don’t have money. My father was going to give me all the money in three days time but now he’s gone and gone forever.

But how can I just give up like that? No, I’ll have to go look for a part time job but will it get me enough money to pay for my fees? What about this year’s textbooks? What am I going to do? Should I also apply for Bursary? Last year when I applied, my application was declined. I’ll try again this year.

Somebody knocked at the door. I went to open. A girl by the name, Ayanda came to see me. I know her from school. She’s the girl I used to chill with. We got along so well and she’s one of a kind. She couldn’t make it to the funeral because she had a family meeting back in KZN. She gave me a big hug.

Ayanda: I am sorry for what happened. I know that I can’t take away your pain but I really want to be here for you

Me: Thank you

We broke off the hug.

Me: Please come in

We went to my bedroom. Warona is sleeping. We sat down.

Ayanda: Do you need anything?

Me: No dear, I am okay

Ayanda: Have you eaten?

Me: No

Ayanda: But why?

Me: Ayanda, I can’t

Ayanda: Please Wame, you have to eat something

Me: I am not hungry

Ayanda: No, you can’t say that

Me: It’s the truth

Ayanda: When last did you eat?

Me: Yesterday

Ayanda: And what about Warona?

Me: I fed her before she fell asleep

Ayanda: Okay. I’ll get you something to eat

Me: No, I don’t want to eat

Ayanda: I won’t listen to you

She got up and went to the kitchen. She then came back with something to eat and started feeding me. She’s so sweet, I couldn’t say no to her. I finished eating.

Me: Thank you

Ayanda: It’s okay. So tell me, what’s your plan from here? Where to go?

Me: Uhm… I think I should apply for Bursary and also look for a part time job

Ayanda: Do you have money for registration?

Me: No

Ayanda: So where are you going to get it?

Me: I don’t know, Ayanda

Ayanda: I’ll give you the money for registration

Me: Excuse me?

Ayanda: Yes honey, I’ll give you the money for registration

Me: Ayanda, thank you so much

Ayanda: Don’t thank me, I know that you’d do the same thing for me if I was in your position

Tears streamed down my face as I hugged her.

Me: I will forever be grateful to you

Ayanda: It’s okay. I’ll come back tomorrow with the money. I’ll also help you apply for Bursary

Me: (Smiles) Thank you

She wiped off my tears.

Ayanda: You are welcome. Always smile, you are beautiful when you smile

Me: (Smiles) Thank you

Ayanda: I have to tell you something

Me: I am listening

Ayanda: I am moving to UK

Me: When?

Ayanda: By next week

Me: And what about school?

Ayanda: I’ll continue my studies that side

Me: (Smiles) Wow, I am so happy for you

Ayanda: But I am not happy

Me: Why?

Ayanda: I wanted to stay behind so that I can always be with you but I can’t because the wh0le family is going to UK

Me: Come on, don’t worry about me. I will be fine. Go to UK, you’ll love it

Ayanda: Are you mad at me?

Me: Of course not, I am actually happy for you

Ayanda is actually from a rich family so everything is always going well for her, she always got the money and she doesn’t mind helping others. She’s so kind, caring and loving. She’s really the best. We met at university last year and she was always there for me. She’s not from Johannesburg like me, she’s from Kwa-Zulu Natal (KZN) and she came to Gauteng on her own because of school. Her family is back in KZN.

Ayanda: I will call you everyday, I promise

Me: (Smiles) I believe you, Aya. So tell me, when are you going back to KZN?

Ayanda: When I am done with everything – Talking to the university, moving my belongings back to KZN and many more

Me: Oh, I hear you

Ayanda: Yes, on Monday I am going to the university with my parents. The university in UK already accepted me

Me: (Smiles) Wow, that’s amazing

Ayanda: I guess so

Me: So you came with your parents?

Ayanda: No. They’ll be here by tomorrow

Me: Okay, cool

Ayanda: Look, I’ll have to get going now. I’ll come here again by tomorrow before my parents arrives

Me: Okay, no problem

She k-ssed Warona and got up.

Ayanda: Please take care of yourself and your sister

Me: I will

I also got up and walked her out. I hugged her and she got in her car then left. She’s got a driver and a car. Rich people are truly blessed. I wish to have my own car one day.

I went to lock the gate then walked back to the house and locked the doors. I broke down, I cried so much. I am happy that Ayanda is going to UK but I am broken that I’ll never see her again. It looks like the people I love are just going far away from me. It looks like I’ll forever be lonely. Loneliness is a disease. What could I possibly chat about with Warona? I mean she’s just a baby. I am so lonely, no lie. I feel so alone. Mother and father, why did you have to go away? Couldn’t you at least wait for me to get married? Couldn’t you at least wait for more years? Why did you have to leave so soon? Why?

As I was crying, I heard Warona crying. I quickly wiped off my tears and went to her. She’s such a lovely baby. I just held her and k-ssed her forehead. She stopped crying and just looked at me. I hope that she doesn’t sense that everything is over. I really don’t want her to be going through what I am going through right now. I am not at peace.

[The Next Day]

Ayanda arrived like she said she would. We chilled outside. Warona was playing, she was really looking happy.

Ayanda: How are you today, Wame?

Me: I am okay and you?

Ayanda: I am fine. Look, I’ll give you money for registration. I really wanted to give you money for the wh0le year, I thought that I’d steal my father’s money but I couldn’t because he already took it to the bank but he gave me ten thousands so I added it to my money so I have only twenty thousands for you

Me: Hold on, are your parents already in Johannesburg?

Ayanda: Yes, they arrived early in the morning

Me: Ayanda, stealing is not a good thing. It’s good that you didn’t steal from your own father

Ayanda: But twenty thousands will not be enough

Me: For registration, It is going to be enough and I’ll have change. Thank you so much

Ayanda: You are welcome. I have cash, should I give it to you?

Me: Cash is also fine

Ayanda: Okay, here you go

She gave me R20 000 in cash

Me: Thank you, Aya

Ayanda: (Smiles) You are welcome. Now let’s start applying for Bursary. I brought my laptop

Me: Sure

We did as she said we should do. I filled out my form online and attached all the necessary doc-ments. Now I will wait for the good news.

Ayanda: We are done now, I’ll have to go, my father can’t stop calling me

Me: Okay dear, go well

Ayanda: I’ll try to bring more money for you tomorrow. Actually I still have your account number so I’ll send money again for you tonight

Me: Aya, No. You’ve helped me enough, don’t give me money again

Ayanda: Have I ever listened to you?

Me: (Giggles) No

Ayanda: So I’ll do as I want. Bye Warona

Warona also said bye to Ayanda. Ayanda k-ssed my cheek and left.

Warona is two years old so she can speak but not clearly. I remember how mother never used to understand her and she’d call me and ask me “Wame my baby, what is your sister saying?” Then I’d say “Mama, she wants to sleep/eat/play”. My mom would then laugh and say “It looks like she’s your daughter, not mine. You understand everything she says. I know that one day when I am gone, Warona will be in good hands. I know that you’d do anything for her. Always look after her like she’s your own daughter”. So today she’s really gone and I am looking after Warona like she’s my own daughter. Mom, I will never let you down, I’ll do anything for Warona and I mean ANYTHING.

To be continued…