MEMOIRS OF AN UGLY GIRL
By HSR* 📝📝📝
– *Diary entry –36*
One month later!
It’s been a whole month Diary, I missed you so much.
Gosh I have been so busy with school as usual. It’s been one assignment after the other.
My relationship with Elijah is moving at a stable pace I can proudly say I no longer doubt what he feels for me and then his sister and I have become very close, that woman is dramatic and she can talk for days but I like her either way, her husband is the total opposite of her though, he is quiet calm and reserved, I think I now believe what they say about opposites attracting each other.
So it’s a Saturday, I don’t have much to do, I am just lazing around at home though I plan to visit Elijah later in the day, I just want to surprise him, we haven’t spent a lot of time together of late because we have both been so busy but we do call and text almost every day.
‘Zendaya!’ Koko knocks on my door.
The door swings open and she walks in.
‘What are you up to?’
‘Nothing, I am just texting.’
‘With that boy?’
‘What boy Koko?’ I laugh
‘The one you have been seeing.’
‘Ha Koko, Elijah is a man.’
‘In my eyes he is still a boy.’
She rolls her eyes,’ don’t give me that tone.’
She sits on the bed next to me, ‘I want to talk to you.’
‘This same boy you are seeing.’
‘I am all ears.’
‘You seem to love this young man a lot.’
‘I can see it in your face, your eyes glow when you talk about him and I haven’t seen you this happy in like forever but…,’
‘Don’t take this the wrong way you know your happiness means a lot to me. I am excited that you have someone in your life now but please don’t lose focus.’
‘I can’t lose my focus Koko.’
‘Don’t let this man misdirect you, stick to your priorities and principles and keep the cookie jar closed at all times.’
I let out a loud cackle,’ Koko where did you learn about that?’
‘I have been through all this my baby I know what I am talking about. It might sound funny but you still have a long way to go, your future is bright so be cautious of your decisions, don’t allow a man to be the reason why you don’t achieve your goals.’
‘I have heard you Koko.’
‘I want to walk you down the aisle in white someday so don’t mess up.’
‘You did a god job raising me Koko, I can never disappoint you.’
‘Great! So now tell me about this relationship, how is it going does he treat you right?’
I smile, ‘So far so good Koko, he treats me like a princess and his sister loves me too.’
‘Then he is good for you, hold on tight to him.’
‘And when he hurts you Lord I am gonna disfigure his face.’
‘I will tell him that.’
‘Anyway let me leave you to your texting.’
She walks out of the room, I respond to some of my messages and head to the bathroom for a bath. I take a quick bath and get dressed, i am wearing a yellow jumpsuit and some slippers.
I walk out of my room to the kitchen, ‘Koko is preparing some porridge.’
‘Porridge in the afternoon,’ I ask
‘It’s for Sherister.’
Sherister has been unwell of late and you would think that my auntie would pay attention to her but no she is too busy moving up and down, that woman is just selfish she only cares for herself.
Koko shakes her head,’ she went out in the morning, she isn’t yet back. You know I expected Naomi to be more responsible after what happened with her husband but no she still acts like a child.’
‘It’s not even funny Zendaya, sometimes I feel like I failed in my duty as a mother.’
‘Ah Koko, don’t question your parenting skills because of choices that auntie has made, you raised them all in the best possible way , all these bad choices they have made have nothing to do with you.’
‘Please don’t turn out to be like any of them,’ she pleads
‘I am cut from a different cloth, I was raised by the best and I am never shifting my focus.’
‘You are my pride, I give thanks to God for you daily,’ she embraces me tightly
‘I love you Koko and if I turn out to be half the woman that you are, I will a blessed person.’
I pull away from her and decide to prepare lunch before going out. I prepare Rice with egg, when I am done I set the table and call out everyone.
‘How are you feeling?’
‘You want some Rice?’
‘What relish have you prepared
‘I can have some.’
I put some for her on the plate and hand the plate to her, afterwards Rina says grace and we all eat.
After lunch, I clean the kitchen, while Rina washes the plates, when I am done I ask Koko if I can step out for a few minutes.
I grab by phone and purse before I head out. With my earphones plugged into my ears, I disconnect from the world and walk to the station where I get on a bus to Elijah’s place. The ride to his place takes forty minutes, when I drop at the station I walk for ten more minutes to get to his house.
The gate is slightly open, so I push it a little more and walk in. At the door I knock and wait for him to open. However when the door snaps open, it is not Elijah on the other side.
‘Zendaya!’ she says surprised as she eyes me from head to toe.
‘Christine,’ my eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
‘Oh Miss Kapinga!’
‘What are you doing here?’ we ask at the same time
‘I am here to see Mr. Kaseba is he in?’
‘He just stepped out for a minute, should be back soon.’
‘Okay. I should get going now.’
‘What did you want from him?’
‘I just wanted to enquire something concerning school.’
‘And it couldn’t wait till Monday?’
‘Just tell him I passed by,’ I turn to leave but she calls my name so I face her again.
She walks towards me.
‘Take care of yourself baby.’
I shake my head and walk towards the gate I am just confused, what is she doing in his house, anyway it’s his house after all he can do as he wants, I am just pissed I wasted my time.
Instead of going home, I decide to head to Angie’s place, I try calling Elijah’s phone but it takes me straight to voicemail.
‘Hey, I thought you will be here in the evening,’ Angie says when I walk into her house.
‘Oh you don’t want me here now?’
‘I didn’t mean it that way, I am surprised you here this time.’
I sit on her bed
I take a deep breath, ‘So I am just coming back from Elijah’s place.’
‘He wasn’t around but I found Christine there.’
‘What was she doing there?’
‘Kaya, I didn’t ask.’
‘Have you called him?’
‘Phone is taking me to voice mail.’
‘You know what, maybe she was there to help him with school or something, don’t get yourself worked up about all this.’
‘You think so?’
I laugh, ‘you are just trying to keep me calm I know you don’t believe that yourself.’
‘I just don’t want you to have the wrong idea of things.’
‘Should I get you something to drink, Juice, tea?’
‘I am not joking.’
‘Then whiskey it is,’ she laughs as she heads out of her room to get it for me.
I am trying by all means to just be calm and believe there is an explanation for all this so let’s wait and see what happens next.
MONDAY April 3rd*
– *Diary entry –37*
That’s how long it has been since the incidence with Christine at Elijah’s place.
Can you imagine that I haven’t been able to get through to Elijah the past one week? I am as confused as you are diary because I honestly don’t understand what’s going on.
‘This call cannot be connected at the moment,’ that’s all I get when dial his number and when I text him, the messages are never delivered.
He hasn’t been to school the past one week, I went to his house the other day and he wasn’t there. I also called Clarence to find out if she knows what’s going on.
‘He is taking some time off, he will get in touch soon.’ that’s the response she gave me.
‘Taking time off what? Me? What’s going on Clarence?’I pleaded
‘Zen, I will talk to you later hun, I have to go now.’
I seriously feel frustrated right now, I haven’t been able to sleep and eat properly of late. I don’t even know if I should be worried or angry.
Anyway it’s a Monday morning and as usual I need to go to school, we have exams in a few weeks so in as much as I feel sick and heartbroken I need to go school. I roll out of bed and head to the bathroom I take a quick shower and get dressed for the day.
I do my hair and makeup then I grab my bag and phone before leaving my bedroom to the kitchen.
‘Morning Koko,’ I greet her, she is feeding Becky porridge.
‘Morning hun, slept well?’
‘Want some porridge?’
‘No I am okay.’
‘Koko I will grab something to eat at school.’
‘You haven’t been eating of late, what’s going on?’
‘I am okay, just been busy with school.’
‘I know you Zendaya, there is more to this than meets the eye.’
Before I respond a car hoots at the gate, I know its Angie.
‘I have to go now.’
‘Okay, we shall finish this conversation when you get back.’
‘And you better be ready to tell me the truth.’
‘I love you Koko,’ I smile and rush for the door before she responds.
I walk outside and get into the car.
‘Morning yourself,’ Angie responds
‘How are you?’
‘I am okay, you.’
‘I am fine.’
‘Any news on Elijah?’ she asks driving off into the main road leading to our school.
‘Something is wrong somewhere.’
‘I don’t even want to talk about it right now. I think we have better things to focus on.’
She nods her head but doesn’t say anything else, I am glad she understands my need for quietness. At this point talking about Elijah just makes me so damn angry.
When we get to school she parks her car in the usual spot, we step out and walk to our first class of the day.
‘Hey,’ Rose smiles at me, she became friendly ever since I helped her with the assignment.
‘Hey,’ I manage a weak smile.
‘You are good.’
‘Ya,’ I walk to my desk and sit down, Angie sits next to me.
Christine walks into the classroom at 10 past 8 surprisingly she is wearing a long dress today.
‘Morning,’ she says curtly
‘Morning Miss Kapinga.’
‘Let’s get straight into business I will be explaining a few more concepts of Public Relations.’
Thirty minutes into the lesson, Angie leans in and whispers into my ears, ‘She is so boring.’
‘I know right,’ I yawn
‘I wish I didn’t come through this morning.’
‘Shhh,’ I laugh quietly
‘Zendaya, I am glad you find my class humorous, I am sure the class would love to hear the joke,’ Miss Kapinga says, directly staring at me.
‘I didn’t mean to laugh Madam……,’
‘I will not allow this kind of stupid behavior in my class,’ she cuts me off
‘It wasn’t her fault madam, I was the one who made her laugh,’ Angie tries to come to my rescue
Miss Kapinga clicks her tongue, ‘And who asked for your opinion?’
Both Angie and I keep quiet, the whole class is now staring at us.
‘The next time this happens I will kick you out,’ she says angrily before she gets back to lecturing.
When her class finally ends, I breathe a sigh of relief I just can’t deal with her right now.
‘Did Mr. Nuez communicate about today?’ Rose asks the class representative
‘Yes, he is coming.’
‘Lover boy is coming today,’ Angie whispers, I shrug my shoulders.
Ten minutes later Elijah walks into the classroom, our gaze meet for a moment but he quickly looks away. At this point my mind is all over the place, I don’t know if I should be happy that he is back or I should be angry that he went quiet on me for a whole full week.’
‘Mr. Nuez,’ Sarah smiles at him
‘It’s good to have you back. We thought you were never coming back.’
‘Sorry for being away I just had a few personal issues to sort out.’
‘So to start with we will go through the notes I gave the last time so we can move at the same pace,’ he says before he settles in his seat and starts explaining.
As he lecturers, he makes eye contact with me a few times, I can’t even pay attention to anything he says, I am just anxious to talk to him out of class and know what’s going on.
As soon as my last class is over I stand up and start packing my books.
‘I will meet you in the car park, let me talk to Elijah,’ I hand Angie my bag
I head out of the classroom and walk to his office, I know we shouldn’t be having this discussion at school but I can’t wait because my texts still aren’t getting delivered to his number.
I knock lightly on his door.
I push the door open and walk in; Elijah is at his desk he is busy pressing his phone.
‘What are you doing here?’
‘Isn’t it obvious, I am here to see you, can we talk?’
‘This is wrong place to talk from plus I have a class in the next ten minutes.’
‘What’s going on? Where have you been, I was worried about you.’
‘I had some issues to sort out.’
‘And you couldn’t tell me about them?’
‘Are you okay? Are we okay?’
There is a sudden stillness in him.
‘I have been doing a lot of thinking,’ he says
‘And?’ I ask not liking where this heading to.
‘I think we need to take time off this relationship.’
His words paralyze me, I can’t move I can barely breath, did I just hear him correctly.
I swallow, ‘Why? What did I do?’
‘I think we rushed things, I wasn’t thinking clearly when I asked you out considering you are my student.’
I stare at him, stunned at the change in him we were okay just two weeks ago.
‘Why?’I ask, even to my own ears my voice sounds faint.
‘I am sorry.’
‘It’s for the best.’
A big silence stretches between us he can’t even look at me.
‘Is this some kind of a joke because honestly I don’t get it is this about Christine, your colleague?’
‘Don’t do this.’
‘Wait at least tell me what I did, you owe me that much.’
‘Zendaya! Don’t even go there,’
‘What did I do?’ I blink quickly hoping he doesn’t notice the tears in my eyes.
‘Tell me where I went wrong?’ I raise my voice
‘We are at school calm down.’
‘I won’t fvcking calm down just tell me what I did.’
‘I don’t love you, I never did.’
At that moment my whole body goes numb expect for my chest.
I stand there staring at him hoping he will say this is a joke but he doesn’t. I turn to leave even though I can hardly lift my legs because I don’t want to crumble in front of him.