Save me episode 14 – 16

Save me episode 14

I waited for minutes.

Maybe he will step out .. Maybe he just saw an old friend and came to talk with.

But no .. The bus took off . and he was still seating in there!

He really was going with me!

I sighed bothered as i turned to look outside the window.

_” oh i’m sorry.. Is my bag bothering you?” The girl sitting next to me asked nervously.

I looked at her laptop bag that she put in the middle between us and replied:

_” no, it’s ok”

_” this is my first time taking a long distance bus and staying out of my house, i’m really nervous” the girl suddenly turned intimate.

But i understood her .. I know all about that.

So i tried to calm her down all the drive in the bus.

Promising her everything will be fine.

That she will get used to the hostel very soon.

That she’ll make so many new friendsh¡ps and have a wh0le new life.

I really enjoyed easing her tiny worries. Because with her i forgot the hurricanes my life has been thrown in.

When our bus finally came to a stop for a rest in mid our way. “Rami” suddenly stood beside my seat . put his arm on the back of my seat and asked:

_” do you need me to buy you anything?”

_” no” i replied coldly . so he dismissed him self out of the bus.

As i watched him leave i couldn’t but notice that the girl sitting next to me started looking at me differently.

Like if i was shameless or something and she wanted to avoid me.

Just like every single person in my small town, and i was sick of that look:

_” he’s my husband” i explained.

_” ooh” she said relieved ” allah ybarek (may god bless you)”

I just rested my head and looked out of the window.

At least one misunderstanding was solved.

Few minutes later.. “Rami” got in,side the bus again.. With a plastic bag in his hand.

_” this is for you” he explained while handing me the bag.

He then left before i throw it in his face.

_” ooh.. Your husband is so thoughtful. He even bought me breakfast too! .. Thank him later for me ok?” The girl said excitedly as she smashed open the cookies and started eating.

I just nodded smiling as i started eating too.

I was hungry anyways.

_” your husband is so handsome by the way.. What is his work?” The girl asked nosily.

Although i wanted to say it is rude of her to ask these kinds of questions.

I just lied:

_” he’s a science teacher.. Just like me”

_”ooh, so you must have met in college” she asked excited.

_” yes, in our senior year..”

_” you must be very much in love . i envy you”

_” yes, we were” i hushed in sorrow. As i realized i suddenly started talking about him.

The man i loved before.

“Nadir”

And that silly dream of mine to marry him one day.

I lost the chance a long time ago .. And now i crushed every way of winning another chance with him.

_” you look like you really love him .. He too. I wish you a happy life” the girl said with a smile.

That was when i woke up to reality . her wish will never come true.

***************************

When we finally reached “D” city i bed farewells to the girl as i went to take my luggage from the bus trunk.

That’s when i saw “Rami” shamelessly holding my bag.. And reaching to get the other.

_” what are you doing! . leave my bags alone!” I shouted making all eyes turn to see what was going on.

_” do you need any help miss?” The bus driver asked.

_” yes! .. He’s taking my things!”

The driver soon grabbed “Rami”s hand forcefully and threatened.

_”sir, you better put down these before i call for the security”

That beast then pushed the driver angrily and shouted:

_” she’s my wife! .. So you can even call the army forces if you like”

_”is that true miss?” The driver asked.

I thought if he really called security then i will be at the fault since that animal really was my husband.

So embarrassed i admitted:

_” he is my husband”

_” son, you should solve your own problems under you roof .. Don’t get the others involved” the driver then frowned addressing “Rami” as he walked away.

I tried to take the bags from that shameless but he was stronger than me.

I didn’t want to embarrass my self even more so i just gave up.

_” where does your aunt live?” He asked as he was walking with my bags.

_” it’s not of your business. Now hand me back my things and get lost of my life”

But he just ignored me and kept walking!

Episode 15

After we walked out from “D” city’s station Rami soon stopped a cab and stuffed the luggage in the trunk.

He then turned around the car and opened the seat door for me.

I just eyed him coldly and asked:

_” what are you doing?”

_” i’m taking you to your aunt, i will “vanish” from your life only after i make sure you are comfortably settled with her. You’re my wife .. And that’s the least i can do for you”

To be fair, this was the most respectable yet disgusting chat i’ve ever had with “Rami Belarbi”.

I remember back when we were in high school he never took me seriously enough to answer me properly.

When i asked him to donate money for the poor he said: ” i need that money more than all of them”

When i asked him to not smoke in,side the bus he shouted:

_ ” i smoke where i want to smoke .. Get lost!”

And that time after i accidentally saw him k-ssing a girl in the class shamelessly i practically ran out of the classroom, yet that didn’t stop him from chasing after me and threatening :

_” if you go report what you saw to any of your dear teachers , i swear i’ll damage you”

I then eyed him pathetically and said:

_” why would i rapport you anyways? The one you fear the most ( almighty god) was witness to what you did”

_” ok, your not god.. And i’m not planning to go to the heaven anyways. So you keep your religious bla bla for the mosque”

And although i never reported what i saw i still got damaged by him.

“Rami Belarbi” was always a sc-mbag and he will remain the same.

So this acting like the man of the family thing he’s doing isn’t fooling me.

_” i’m not your wife Rami Belarbi, i’m the girl you raped”

And although our little chat was just a hush and barely heard the cab driver seemed to overhear it.

Because he kept saying “Astaghfirou allah” ( may god forgive my sin ) all the drive. Eying us with his judging eyes.

I never committed sins.

I prayed my five prayers .. I fastened.

And i made sure to do good deeds wherever i went.

But at the end, i ended up being looked at as a girl who showered in the dirt.

Thank you very much Rami Belarbi. I wish you burn in hell.

I gave the driver my aunt’s address, and he was so eager to get rid of us that the half an hour drive barely took 15 mins.

At the end i found my self stuffed with my luggage standing in front of the door i was afraid to knock for the past three days.

The last “home” i can go to was behind that door.

I gathered my courage.. Took a deep breath. And knocked that old metal door.

My aunt was never better settled than my mother.

In fact my mother was the “luckiest” among her sisters because she ended up marrying to the “Knida” reach family’s older son.

My father isn’t good looking. He is even shorter than my mother!

Not to mention all the dirty “history” he had before his marriage.

But it was his money that fascinated my mother anyways.

A beautiful lady like her shouldn’t but marry a good name and bucketfuls of gold.

A beautiful lady like her is envied until this day just for that.

And my aunt who ended up marrying a poet and Arabic teacher who had far better brain and respectful manners .. Is regarded as “less” fortunate .

As stupid and silly it is, that’s what people see.

So i knocked the black old door of that house that looked like a small tent compared to ours and i hoped that my aunt would have bigger heart and have me with her again.

But who am i kidding?.. She’s her sister’s sister.

As soon as the door was open. My aunt eyed me from my head to the tip of my toes and said:

_” what are you doing here? You came to take your things?”

And that was it, i didn’t even need to open my mouth to know i’m kicked out.

I smirked in mocking and said:

_” yes, i came to take my belongings”

So she turned to look in,side the house and shouted

_”Akram! Bring your cousin’s bags!”

Waah.. She still considers me as her sister’s daughter. What an honor!

May god have his hand on these people around me .. Because i no longer have strength.

I looked at that woman i took as my mother for so long and i felt stabbed in my heart all over again.

It isn’t my fault that i was raped. What have i done to all these people?

I’m not the first who was raped in this country, while other girls got support.. Why is my family treating me like if i was a bare dog?

What’s my guilt?

I barely held my tears as i felt my self standing unclad in front of her with large sign over my head saying ” a girl without an honor”.

I felt more empty than nothing.

_” you know, i would have kept you with me but it is your mother who wouldn’t accept, you know that right?” She lied.

_” you don’t have to, i’m a man’s wife now .. I will live with my husband” i lied further.

To keep my pride.

_” oh, so it is true! .. You did this willingly to marry him because your family refused him. Oh daughter you really have no shame” she said under her nose.

Making me boil of anger.

So this is what my “respectful” family i saying about me!

_” don’t you dare bring my honor !.. You know me best .. And you know i have more dignity than the rest of the girls in this family” i shouted.

And by that .. I meant her daughters.

_” shush you filthy! Don’t bring my honoring girls down your level.. Indeed the shameful died” she smirked.

And although i wanted to reply to that.

I just kept my words for my self.

What is the use of arguing and defending my self?

Useless.

So i just kept waiting for my bags as “my” aunt took my silence invitation enough to insult me more.

As i was standing there.

“Rami” suddenly walked towards the door angrily.

My aunt, startled, just stepped away thinking he was going her direction to hit her or something.

I wouldn’t be surprised even if he raped her in public.

But instead he just punched the open door and shouted:

_” isn’t there men in this family? Since when women come talk to strange men!”

If my aunts continuous insults for me didn’t make her neighborhood curious enough to peak looks at us, than “Rami”s shouting sure did.

As the neighbors gathered around us to see what was going on. My aunt seemed melting of shame.

“Rami” kept punching the door until finally my aunt’s husband came out:

_” what is it? .. Who are you?” He asked.

_” i’m this woman’s husband.. And we came here with respect and dignity to take our belongings .. So why is your respectful family insulting us out of your door. Since when women have the word over men?”

( well, i have loots of explaining regarding these last words:

First, out of respect , a strange man doesn’t address a strange woman when her husband is around, and out of “self respect” the woman let the talking to her husband too . it’s called “el hourma” ” the women dignity” .

As for a “woman doesn’t have a word over a man” it is just the simple thing that women should respect and obey their husbands. And out of respect they should let the husband talk to strangers instead.)

My aunt looked like she wanted to dig a h0le and burry her self in it while her husband eyed her angrily.

_” here’s your bags son .. Go” the angry man said as he handed “Rami” the bags his son brought.

“Rami” took them and walked my direction.

_” i let it go this time.. But if i heard someone again talking about my honor (my wife) ..blood will shed”

He threatened as he looked at me sternly and with anger in his eyes.

The door was slammed behind him after my aunt vanished in,side.

And people dispersed to their ways.

But “Rami Belarbi” kept standing there looking at me for quite a time.

With guilt .. With sorrow.

As my tears finally gave up and w-t my face.

And although i promised my self never to cry in front of him and be strong. This is all beyond my patience.

I give up.

I tried to walk away.. Leaving all my bags and everything around me.

But very soon my vision turned blurry and i choke in my sobs.

So i kneeled on the ground and cried soundly .. On that street of “D” city that i walked on proudly for years.

I’m not a mountain.. I can’t take all this.

I no longer have a hope in life.

_” are you ok?” Rami asked standing behind me.

I’m not you beast.

You ruined my life.

_” i want to die.. But i’m afraid i’ll go to hell and meet you all again ..” I mumbled like a crazy.. Like a little child.

_” if you kill me .. You’ll save me” i begged looking at him. Although he was the last person i wanted to see.

But instead he kneeled next to me .. Making our knees meet on the ground . as he looked me in,side my eyes and hushed:

_” i won’t kill you Hayat, not in a thousand years .. But i’ll save you. I promise i’ll do”.

And that was .. The first time that beast ever called my name.

Episode 16

Rami held those 3 big bags for me, 2 from my family residency .. And 1 from my aunt.

Looking at them i knew that so many of my belongings weren’t there.. Because if every thing i owned was packed i would at least have 6 big bags.

I used to like buying lots of dresses and scarfs with all rainbow colors. I had so many hand bags that i could hold a deferent one everyday.

Looking at those three bags.

I suppose they were all thrown away.. Just like the colors in my life.

I’m now wearing a black dress and a black scarf.. And i’m not planning to change them. So as i stay in this long grief.

Because along so many things those beasts has taken from me.. Was my love for colors. And for life..

I walked closer to “Rami” and i took one of the bags from his hand.

He looked at me confused for a split second ..thinking maybe i’m taking all my stuff from him.. And leaving him.

But i didn’t .. I just took one and started walking beside him. Because if i leave .. I have no where else to go.

And i swear for a moment .. I saw a smile on his face .. So i cursed my self for wanting to help him hold a bag.

We walked for some time.. Just going on and on and i followed.

Not knowing where my life would lead me again.

But i don’t care anymore .. Even if i was thrown in the streets or in a pr-stitution house. I have nothing to lose anymore.

Once we reached the main street, Rami stopped another cab for us and once we sat down in,side he gave him an address to “L” street at the outcast of the city.

I lived here for over 10 years now, so i know that “L” street had the lowest renting departments.

“Rami” must live there i guess.

We kept silent along the drive.. I couldn’t but look out from the window . watching the car taking me from the middle class houses to the outcasts, where murders and drug dealers live.

Once we reached some cross road the cab stopped. The driver looked at us apologetically and said:

_” this is the furthest i can go.. The roads are broken and tight .. I can’t risk damaging my car.”

Yet what he really was afraid for in fact .. Was his life.

_” it’s ok kho( brother).. Here’s your money” Rami reassured as he handed the driver a red paper (1000 Dinars).

Once we stepped out of the car Rami started walking in fast pace .. So i followed him dragging the lightest of the three bags.

We walked up and down .. Along the broken paths.. Across the mud and between children and women who eyed us questionably.

And along the walk .. “Rami” kept looking behind him from time to time checking on me. Not saying a word though.

Until we finally stopped at some three stores old building.

_”i live here” he finally explained as if i didn’t already know.

_” i know this isn’t suitable for you .. But this is what i could afford” he mumbled barely heard.

_” what wasn’t suitable for me was you raping me, you still can throw me in the streets you know?” i mocked.

Making him just storm in,side the dark building .. And me at his track.

_” be careful of the__” Rami warned but it was already too late.

I trembled on some metal thing and fell on the ground.

It was so dark that i didn’t notice Rami benting closer to me until he asked:

_”are you ok?”

He was so close that i felt his breath brushing against my palms. And that i had that weird shiver knowing that someone was so close to me.

_” i’m fine” i rushed as i helped my self stand up .

_” your hand is hurt” he hushed.

As he turned and started walking away.

Indeed it was, burning me so hærd and blood steaming out of it.

I just followed him ignoring it.

We climbed two stares .. And he finally unlocked some door.

I was wondering how could he see in the dark.

When we finally walked in,side the house .. I realised what he meant by “not suitable for me”

Because he lives in a studio .. Just one big messy room with a smaller one in,side it. Probably the bathroom .. He didn’t even have a kitchen. Instead there was some cooking stove put above a table . with drawers beside it and a tiny fridge.

Not to mention that the room had barely space to walk because it was so tight. And the wh0le place seemed like it would fall down just if i gave a slam to the door.

I looked at him wondering how he could live here.. But He immediately shifted his gaze and went searching in some drawer.

I hærdly found a place to put my bag when he came back holding cotton and a medical alcohol.

_” go wash your hand and then clean your wound with these” he explained as he already started cleaning the big mess in the room.

Goblets of coffee.. Cigarettes and plastic covers of cookies where thrown everywhere.

And also so many dirty clothes .. Full of dust and paint marks. And dirty boots.

He looked quite nervous packing all that stuff in front of me.

He seemed embarrassed somehow.

I can’t but remember those days when we were in highschool . “Rami” used to make ugly sounds and drum on the table just to mess with the teachers and disturb the lesson.

He cheated in every single paper exam.. Even those of the Islamic sciences .. I mean who cheat with Coran!!

He would start fights in the class .. Mock the teacher .. Mock students like me who took the classes seriously. And then he would say to the teachers:

_” there’s no future in schools! I will go to the trade school and learn something to earn a living”

Our school boys used to worsh¡p him.. He used to promise them to open a workshop in the big city and hire all of them.

And then they would all start scre-ming and throwing their notebooks out of the class windows.

Looking at him now.. I can see that he made it to the big city. But that dream of the workshop was lost somewhere along his way.

although i hated “Rami Belarbi” more than the devil him self i just decided to spare him these moments of embarrassment. And i walked to the bathroom.

There wasn’t even a washbasin. Instead there was a low water tap above the cement floor.

There was a dry soap put in some plastic plate.

And an old tooth brush with no toothpaste at all. I looked around me for seconds and i started to wonder.

He must have spent a fortune to take those two cabs.

I felt guilty for a second.. Although the last thing i wanted to feel for rami belarbi was guilt.