Hidden Dream

Hidden Dream – Episode 12

Hidden Dream – Episode 12

©Tisa Phiri


I was the talk of our school. Even my friends who laughed at my dancing were now admiring me. I was going to Paris the year after completing school and everyone envied me.

I had gone home and had a confrontation with my father who told me he didn’t have time to watch the competition because like he always told me, he wasn’t interested. My mother had however watched it and aunty Nelly told me she was so excited even though she didn’t tell me to my face.

” you will have to go to the university after you complete school. For me that’s settled. Your grades have improved am glad but that will not change my mind about this dancing thing. You won the competition and are going to study dancing? Then what? ?” My father glared at me.

” No way am going to sit here and watch you the son of colonel Zimba, become a clown to entertain people. There’s no future in dancing my son you have to understand that. Tell Me how are you going to even earn your income? Or are you planning on going to college after the dance school?”

I wanted to leave his sight at that particular moment but I decided to take it easy. Recalling how Ms Jere had practically forced me to promise I wasn’t going to have another confrontation with my father.

” don’t go there and pick a quarrel with him. Let him speak his mind he’s your father. Just know what you want and let it go” she had advised and I agreed to do as she asked.

That time after we got to school she went back to being my dance teacher and I didn’t bring up the topic of my feelings again. Her eyes told me a million words and I needed not to push her. She wasn’t going to tell me she loved me as long as I was her student and her, my teacher.

Even when I was dying to get close to her I talked myself out of it and kept my distance.

My days became better as I had the motivation to study h-rder. One was to prove my self worthy and make it through grade 12 with results that would make my family consider me as a part of them.

The second motive was to prove myself as a man to the woman I had deeply fallen in love with. I just had to man up and ensure I became what she derseved.

Tracy and I had become close and the only reason I allowed it that far, was to cover up my love for Ms Jere. She had accused me of having an affair with her claiming that someone told her I was seen coming from Ms Jere’s room the night at the lodge. I couldn’t let her go on announcing that news.

so I ensured I painted a picture that she was my girlfriend even though we were not really in any kind of relationsh¡p of intimacy. .with time the news faded and I was glad. I feared for my dear Mistress if people were to start talking about us.

That day my father was shouting I didn’t respond. I let him say all he had and slowly walked away when he was done. But before I did I calmly told him,

” am sorry you feel that way father, but I will not let anyone else define my life now. I am 20 and am sure I can make my own decisions,” I responded calmly looking at mom and dad who sat across the table.

My mother seemed more supportive even though it was evident she didn’t want to go against her husband.

Months later…..

I was to write my final exams in a week’ s time and I was determined to study h-rder. John who always stood by me helped me through the most difficult subjects and i was glad my mind was now acquainted with some contents.

Even though my father was behaving harsh with me. He still paid up my tuition fees whenever I was home so I was confident I was going to pass even if it meant getting credits in all the subjects, for me that was good enough.

” why lie to myself I would get 6 points man” I had told John one day as we did our studying.

” you can do it Jay, we all can let’s just work hærd” he encouraged me but I didn’t want to set my standards higher than I could achieve.

” am okey with credits man, believe me I don’t intend to do anything else apart from dancing. So why kill myself. 6 points is for you John and my own is making it through grade 12 as long as I pass.” I exclaimed and John shook his head.

” you my friend are something else. But I know there’s no point in trying to tell you otherwise. I have come to understand you and even when you are having some hærd time getting on a good page with your old man, am sure he will one day appreciate you. You are a dreamer and with this kind of determination you will surely get what you want” He went on talking.

” mnmmm you surely have grown my man John I guess being 18 is really giving you some maturity” I teased him as I patted his back.

We both laughed before we started our studying.

” can I talk to you for a minute?” Tracy came over and I almost turned her down. The push on my shoe from John made me to stand up and follow her outside.

” what is it Tracy?” I asked not wanting to waste my studying time.

” Walk me to the other class I have something to ask you” she insisted.

I followed her as she walked close to me. She had been chosen head girl that year and so she had her own office. Instead of going to the class she had mentioned, she turned towards her small office and I sighed hating her hesitation to tell me what she called me for.

” Jay , we are completing school in a month’s time and I want to ask the way forward since we have not really talked about us” she spoke up after we got to her office and she sat down whilst I remained standing leaning to the wall.

I almost burst out laughing, but I quickly stoped myself before the laugh could escape my mouth. For me it was funny cause as far as I knew we had nothing going on. The only thing I knew was the fact that we were friends and nothing more.

” are you trying to laugh at me Jay?” She scoffed

” oh no, no” I raised my hand to my face.

” oh God, Tracy, you are so beautiful and a damn hot girl. Sure you are the envy of most guys in this school.”

” But?” She asked accusingly. Like she knew what I would say next wouldn’t be what she expected.

” how do I put this?” I asked loudly.

” listen, I don’t want to sound rude to you and ruin our friendsh¡p but I don’t think we needed to talk about anything concerning us” I said pointing my hand at her and back at myself.

We cannot possibly have any plan if we never started anything.

” So you are saying you don’t love me?” She said almost in a whisper.

” I love you Tracy but only as a friend am sorry if I gave you a different impression. I was even getting to think you are going out with Oswald before he went.”

“That was to get you jealousy” she cut in.

” oh okay” I sighed slowly hitting my head on the wall as I picked my next words.

” well am sorry whatever the case I wasn’t even jealousy because for me you have always been my good friend and I didn’t think you expected something more.” I told her honestly.

” is it because of Ms Jere? ” she asked.

“here we go again” I snapped moving from the wall.

” am not doing this with you again Tracy. That woman has not done anything to you and for some reason you are always jealousy of her. Am leaving now if you don’t mind I got to get to my books some of us are not naturally intelligent and we need to put in our best to pass” I stepped forward to go.

She quickly got in front of me and smiled.

” am sorry I brought her up I can’t just help feel she’s the reason you won’t look at me in the way I want you to , I love you Jay and am tired of waiting for you to see me and ask me to be with you already. We will soon go out there and I want you as my boyfriend” she added holding my chest.

” am sorry I can’t. I don’t feel the same. You have to get over those feelings cause we are not going to have anything between us” I told her calmly and walked out.

Her insistence got to my nerves when she ran after me and when she caught up, she blocked my way and tried to have me k-ss her.

At that moment I saw Angela (Ms Jere) passing along the corridors but I was sure she saw me even when she kept her eyes on her phone as she went forward.

” let me go!” I snapped feeling the urge to ran after Angela and explain the awkwardness Tracy was putting me in.

Stepping aside without a word, Tracy gave me way and I passed her without turning my eyes towards her angry gaze, I was sure was on me that moment.

The following day, I went to check on Ms Jere but was disappointed when I found she had left. Some teacher told me she had taken leave and would not be back until after we were done with the exams.

I tried her line on the phone I had sneaked in but it was off. ” how can she go without saying goodbye to me?” I asked the question several times without giving myself an appropriate answer. I decided to put my thou ghts of her aside as we went to the exams promising myself I would follow it up when I was done.

To be continued

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