WHEN LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH.
“…say something to me, I have pleaded with different gifts…I know is not enough to repair what has being broken…please Michelle…forgive me…say something…anything, stop this quietness. I can’t even concentrate at work, I have to be given a week leave. My love ever since we returned from the hospital which has being two days you refused to say anything, you locked yourself in the other room and I can’t get inside to speak to you… what do you want me to do…anything and I will do it…please talk to me…talk to me…I’m so sorry…it was an expensive mistake and I never thought it will lead to this…I will always look back with regrets…you are killing me with your silent…
Michelle try to walk pass with a bottle of water she came to take from the fridge but James will not let her pass.
She walked back to the dining table and sat down while James knelt down holding her legs, pleading and crying to be forgiven.
Michelle stood up and try to leave again but James wouldn’t let her go and she still refused to say anything to him as she drank deeply from the bottle of water before dropping it.
There was a knock on the door.
James did not want to leave because he knew that Michelle will go back and lock herself inside and he won’t see her until tomorrow when she comes out again to do or take something before going back inside. It has become her normal routine since two days
There was fridge and bathroom inside the room she moved into and she does everything in there.
Michelle tried again to leave as the person by the door kept knocking but James was holding onto her and refused to let go.
James shout out towards the door.
“please come in, the door is open…come inside…I left the door open…pastor…if you can hear me…kindly turn the door knob to the right and enter…the door is not lock….
The door swing open and the pastor walked in, Michelle sat back on the chair.
James left her alone.
He stood up to greet their pastor.
An elderly man who’s hair was all white.
The pastor responded to James and moved closer to join Michelle to sit in another dining chair.
James remained standing.
Michelle looked up at their pastor, whom she respected so much for his decades of mentoring and teaching people the ways of the Lord.
She quietly greeted him.
“My daughter…my good daughter, Michelle…I know you are angry, you are in pain…I see your sadness, is clearly written in your eyes. You quietly cried locking yourself in there…you felt hurt, betrayed and broken…but God will give you double blessing for all your trouble. Your husband explained everything to me, he was not ashamed to tell me that he messed up, that he hurt you and in the process you lost the pregnancy… he is also grieved my daughter, he did not mean for any of this to happen. I know is painful…I’m deeply sorry you got hurt from a person you trusted so much, God will give you more children, you will conceive again and all your pain and lost will be forgotten…
Michelle bent her head as tears clouded her eyes, she tried not to show it but she couldn’t hide it for long as the tears freely poured down from her eyes.
And with that vexation she spoke out angrily
“Pastor, him and his mistress killed our child…he could have just killed me too. I tried to be strong but I can’t anymore, James took a life he did not create…right out of my womb. His mistress took me by surprise when she showed up in our home and disrespected me in an unspeakable way…saying things I wish she never said…and I tried to keep my heavy emotions in check and replied her every insult…it was a big blow and when I thought I have seen it all she….she…
Michelle bent her head and started crying and James went to her but she angrily pushed James real hard and he fell back.
“…pastor she killed the life I was trying to nurture…she took it right out of me, I lost my baby all because of this man. I don’t know if God gave me a husband who will destroy me…husband from the pit of hell… James had an affair before and I forgive him pastor, I thought is all because of the s£x he wasn’t getting enough and I decided to improve in that area… I stopped being too spiritual and try to make my husband happy in every way. I do not understand his reasons again for having another affair…they even make out right in his car…can you imagine such thing….what is his reasons again…pastor…I have being trying to understand why James did what he did but I just do not know any more…my baby…my baby is gone pastor…i…I just don’t know how to take it all in….i don’t even know what to do right now…I was hoping just maybe this is all a night mare but is not…pa…pastor…James have killed me…
Michelle cried on, pastor moved closer and took her hands into his and did not say anything until Michelle stopped crying.
James quickly dropped a box of tissue beside her without her knowing.
Michelle raised her head and saw the tissue, she grabbed some tissue and whipped her eyes and nose.
“you are not dead my daughter…you are still very much alive…have you within this few days thanked God that you made it alive…the incident did not claimed your life. Have you also thought of this…the weapon that the lady threw at you, what if it landed on James head and he dropped dead instantly will you be happy to watch him die just because of his imperfection…his grave mistakes…
Michelle raised her head and looked at the pastor, she swallowed hard and looked away.
The pastor continued
“…this is just a phase. You are passing through life test…the devil is working hard to break two of you apart, don’t let the enemy have the last laugh…don’t. somebody punched the wall and created a hole and the devil is widening it far more than it should be…and in that way many things are creeping into your home…into your heart, into your love life…even to an innocent child forming in the womb…is affecting everything and everyone…Michelle, please forgive your husband…he is far more wounded and I know he has learnt his lesson in a hard way…he drove down to me and I watch him confess it all out…he failed you, disappointed you, he broke the trust you have for him and your love for him is also affected…I’m sorry Michelle, I plead on behalf of your husband…please forgive him…Christ said we should forgive seventy times seven…. Is okay to cry but after it all come together and don’t give the enemy more reason to smile….
Michelle spoke out halting the pastor
“I’m not sure I have a husband yet, I’m also sorry that we are all affected this way but James is never to be trusted, I will not trust him ever again. Pastor, every feeling I have for James died in that hospital bed. I lay in that cold hospital, crying and begging God not to allow anything to happen to my child…I prayed and kept on praying despite I was in serious pain. all that matters to me is to save the life of my unborn child…but when the doctor came to me with the news…I did not even need him to say anything I already knew what he was about to say…I bled far too much and they couldn’t do anything. Just in that moment I know things will never be the same. Pastor the first affair was a mistake and I took it as my fault and did not make too much fuss about it, I blended into the wife he wants just to make him happy but what do I call the second affair? Let’s assume the first one was my fault, he blamed his cheating and getting into a romantic relationship with another lady my fault, I took all the blame and did as he wanted and when I thought he has changed he came with a caterpillar and suddenly cleared me off. Pastor do you know that there was a day I was in serious pain right in the office, early pregnancy then, that day I almost had miscarriage. I called my husband to please come and take me to the hospital and he said he was on his way, I waited and kept waiting…I tried calling him again but he was not picking up his phone…I refused the man that wanted to help me…I told the person that my husband was coming to take me to the hospital and I do not need his help. Pastor I kept praying that James will show up, I was almost dying in pain and I couldn’t say no again to the help offer. Tim is an old friend and also my manager at work, could you believe he was the one that speed down to the hospital and our family doctor, Doctor Ken said I was lucky to have arrived on time because if I have delayed any further I would have being affected or the baby would have being miscarried. I had a serious complication and do you know where my husband was…he was with his mistress…and he did not show up until after two or three hours later…what if I died while he was in the arm of another woman? Pastor, there are things beyond repair…he has to fix this all by himself, I refuse to be another victim of his. This is a good sign for me to run without looking back. James dribbled with my life and the life of my unborn child…I just don’t know if I can do this marriage thing anymore…I’m sorry pastor…I sound disappointing but I wish you understand what it is like to lost so much and face death all because of a man who took an oath on the altar of God to protect the same person he exposed to great risk….not just once or twice. Hmmm…I do not love him anymore and I don’t know if I will ever do…all my feeling for him died off with the disappearance of my unborn child…James is so harden…he can kill…forget all this pretence he is showing pastor…once I open my arms and accept him back it won’t be a caterpillar he will use to clear me off, James will rent a bulldozer…he may even start sleeping with his mistress in our matrimonial bed. Pastor I’m done with this so called marriage…
James stood without saying anything.
After Michelle was done vibrating in anger and saying out how she felt the pastor later said.
“my daughter…I will give you time to think about this…I will not argue or say more than this to you…take your time and think it through….when you come to a conclusion of whatever you plan to do then come to me with it…I will be there to listen…do not make decision out of pain or anger because the devil, whose only mission is to to kill and to destroy is standing by waiting for those words to fall so that he can sow seed of bitterness in your heart and unforgiveness. Pray my daughter, you are always on fire for God. Don’t let something or someone drained or quench that fire… this is the best time to pray. Call me and I will come running to you and if you want to come to me….i will be available to listen…
The pastor later left, James walked him to his car and he told James to also pray, do everything he can to win back his wife.
He shouldn’t force Michelle in any way rather he should allow God to take charge and repair what has being broken.
He will also be praying for them.
Michelle called her friend Katie if she was around so that she can move in with her and stay for some time but Katie told her she was not in town. She was visiting her fiancé who stays in another state.
Michelle later went back to work.
Timothy who has not seeing her for weeks was surprise when she came. She has slimmed down and her stomach has gone down too
“Mich, what happened…nobody heard from you, your line has not being going…are you alright?
“Please Tim, I want to keep this job, don’t employ another person…I will do far better this time.
“Mich, what happened…what of the pregnancy…what is going on…
“There is no pregnancy, no child anymore…I lost it…please don’t feel pity for me…I am fine…maybe I will be fully fine someday…but I need this job…I need to get distracted from all that has being going on lately…I want to channel my energy and anger to something useful…
“Your job is still intact, I almost employ another person last week but something just wanted me to hold on for a month…if you did not show up then I will go ahead and do that, I’m glad I listened to my instincts. I’m deeply sorry Mich…welcome back… I know you must be so hurt right now…I’m sorry about the baby is really sad, I don’t want to troll you with questions of how it happened…I’m sorry. What of your husband…I know the news must be so hard on him too…hope he is fine…
Michelle did not reply as she walked to her office and started the day work.
To be continued
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