WHEN LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH.
Michelle slept off the moment her back touched the bed, James lay quietly besides her watching her sleep. She was not wearing her wedding ring, is being a long time she pulled it out of her finger.
James who has never removed his own ring stared at his finger, he rubbed his palm together before looking back at Michelle.
James stretch out his hand to touch her but quickly withdraw back, he tried again but stopped midway.
He was very careful not to offend Michelle. He wish he can hold and cuddle her up while she sleeps but was afraid, his reaction may provoke her the more.
He moved very close to his wife and gently put his hand on her body trying to feel her warm body.
Michelle shakes a little, James fly with speed to the other end with of the bed and remained still.
He looked at Michelle again, his emotions was burning up. James breathed deeply and moved closer to her for the second time.
He tried holding her to himself, he was so gentle and Michelle did not shake, she was still sleeping.
James kissed her fore head, her neck and then kissed her mouth fully.
Michelle awaken suddenly, James withdrew back his hands and quickly crawled away from her, turned and face the other side of the bed.
Michelle tapped him
“James…James, I know you are not asleep, turn and look at me…did you just kiss me… did you kiss me on the lips just now…James, answer me and stop pretending to be asleep?
James breathed deeply, his heart was racing as he turned to look at Michelle.
“i…I’m…i did… I’m sorry, i never meant to interrupt your sleep…please don’t be mad at me…I won’t disturb you again….
Michelle looked at him as he went on apologizing.
“Listen to me James…don’t misunderstand all this…the reason why I’m here is for you to get back to your feet and I will be out. Please, don’t come close to me, just stay at your end and put a gap between us…I don’t suppose to be even in the same bed with you but since I decided to follow all doctor said and keep a close watch do not take it for granted…don’t even try it….do you understand me?
James nodded before saying
“Alright, I won’t disturb you even though Doctor Ken said you should do whatever that will make me get well soon…i
Michelle interrupted him
“Doctor said I should help you and I have being doing that for the past six days, cooking, cleaning, feeding you and doing everything necessary. you just started eating fully by yourself two days ago. The only thing now is your left leg, which you seem to be struggling with but I’m still here watching you and making sure you bounce back to health, since everyone blames me for your carelessness that resulted to accident I have being doing all I can and I’m happy God is helping me through this big task that I’m face with. Doctor Ken said if after three weeks and you are fully back to health I can take my leave. James, taking care of you do not involve you touching me in bed or kissing me while am asleep…I don’t like it…just respect yourself and let me do my work in peace…if you are looking for who to kiss why not go to your…
Michelle pause, she sighed and mumble something that James do not understand before going back to bed.
James did not go any close to her after that, all he did was to stare at her back from his own corner of the bed.
It saddens him that Michelle is still angry with him but he was happy to have her around.
Her presence uplift his spirit and he silently pray she will not leave or even find out about the fake accident, she may never forgive him if she knows all this was all a cooked up plan.
The following day he remained on his side of the bed and did not go any close to Michelle
James who couldn’t sleep that night left the room and went to the dinning with his bible.
He spend most of the night reading and praying silently to God to restore his home.
Michelle woke up early in the morning and did not see James in bed, she knocked on the bathroom but he was not there.
She went out of the room and saw him sitting on the dinning, he placed his head on the dining table sleeping. There was an open bible lying closed to him.
She stood there watching him and wondering many things.
Michelle checked the bible chapter that he was reading before falling asleep, it was a psalm 121, and she began to read few verses.
“I lift up my eyes to the hill, where does my help come from…my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth…
Michelle kept reading to the end.
She tapped James awake, asking him to go and lie down inside.
James did not leave immediately, he stare right at nothing and when his eyes was beginning to close up again Michelle tapped him.
James stood up, as he took the first step he remember that he was not supposed to walk normal, he quickly adjusted and walk gently to the room.
Michelle began her daily chores, he later went inside and asked James if he was ready for his breakfast but James told her that he was going to pray till 12noon before he eats anything.
Michelle left the room, she sat in the sitting room thinking to herself.
James kept his distance and did not say much as he devote his time reading and praying and it encourages Michelle to also study on her own.
Another night came, James suggested that she takes the night prayer and she did before going to bed.
She lay on the bed backing James who try to subdue his racing emotions. he tossed and turn on the bed, ever since she warned him not to touch her, James tried everything possible to do as she said
Is being over five months he had any intimacy with his wife, ever since the incident that took their joy away. Michelle lying in the same bed with him is never easy, he struggles to remain in his space in order not to offend her.
Michelle was awake but kept her eyes shot, she tries to force herself to sleep but couldn’t.
Within the days of attending to James health she was also bonding, getting use to him again and her emotions was also building up.
She turned to James and said.
“Can you just be quiet, you have being turning up and down on the bed…I can’t sleep with the noise….
James breathed deeply and said
“Maybe if you will allow me to hold you…. you will be able to sleep and I will sleep too. I’m not trying to get you angry…I’m just asking kindly….Please…
Michelle was quiet and did not say yes or a no, James took her silent for a yes and gently moved closer to her, he drew her into his body and cuddle her up.
And little by little step on James part Michelle fell for it and they had their first intimate night in months which also continued the next day.
And after two weeks everything appears to be normal but Michelle did not leave, she stayed.
she and her husband had time for everything.
Time to pray and study, time to for chores and time to play and have fun. James even takes her out.
They hang out and go to church together, their pastor was happy to see them together again.
James went back to work and Michelle resumed back with Tim and she was more lively than she has ever being.
While doing their normal study one weekend, Michelle read about forgiveness, James looked at her ring finger which holds her wedding ring, she was wearing the ring and James was very happy.
“So, from what we just read, do I have another chance to call you my wife now…I know is being all good and rosy recently. I have being the happiest man alive this past two months that went by, I really want to earn your full forgiveness… I love you so much Michelle and won’t be able to live without you, if it means me apologizing every day, rolling on the floor just to merit your love I will do anything. Do you know that we were going almost half of the year as enemies….those silent months was the worst period of my life… I even thought I will stop breathing… my love, I’m so sorry I put you through so much…I never wanted to hurt you in anyway, hurting you is just like hurting myself…I thought I was going to die with the guilt and when you talked about divorcing me every blood in me stop flowing…I was going crazy. I only find solace in talking to God and reading the bible and also visiting pastor who told me all will be well again…my faith was failing apart but I refused to give up…I trust God to restore my home…and I can’t thank God enough for this miracle of having you back here with me….i just hope I will be able to earn your full forgiveness and make you proud…
Michelle listened to her husband without interrupting him and when he was done talking she said.
“It was never easy I assure you, it took me a long time. It was not just about forgive and let it slide, no…is far more than that. what you did got to my soul…if the baby has lived it would have being so easy for me to let it all go but my life was almost cut short and in the process my baby was gone…ooh, it still hurt real bad. But I never wish you dead. When I watch you lie there in the hospital, I remembered lying same way when our unborn child was taking out of me. I couldn’t watch you die James. I know I hated you for all that happened but I never wish you dead, never. I still look back and it hurt like yesterday, I try not to dwell on my pains anymore, I try to see you differently. Katie, Tim and Doctor Ken made me see my own self clearly, they said your death was going to be on me…Katie dropped few words that touches me greatly and i started working so hard to see you differently…I use to be very angry and sad. angry with everything, with you, with myself and even with God… all of that changes while nursing you back to health my anger turned to pity then something far more stronger…my love for you was gradually resurfacing…getting free from hate and everything that held me captive. hmmm…I just want God to do something new…to help us in our daily race because is not easy to keep running…watching you study encourages me the more….
“Thank you Michelle…I’m not promising it will be a smooth ride but with God’s help I will not mess up again…I will be the husband you have always wanted, I will be the man you prayed to have…I’m sorry I created a huge crack on the wall of our marriage, I defiled our vow on the altar of God, I’m deeply sorry. God is helping me to seal it up and there will be no crack again…I will forever cherish you with my life. I know what it took me to have you here with me…it was a huge sacrifice. Thank you for giving me another chance…this is another beginning for us…
Michelle visited Katie who was lamenting over her fiance
“…He has not being taking my calls since two weeks…we had misunderstanding the last time I visited…but I apologies even though he was the one at fault. I thought it was all settle before I returned back, I don’t know he was still angry with me. can you imagine anytime he wants to receive a call he will move away from me, far from me…he doesn’t even allow me close to his phone,even in the night the person will be calling him…no reasonable name, he saved the person as “Lv”, I don’t understand what that means. I was angry and threaten to leave if he does not put a stop to the constant call and he said I should leave if I want to…we quarried and I have to end up apologizing…I’m always the one traveling down to see him…he never comes down to see me…we planned on getting married and I looked forward to it but with all this his recent behavior…babe, I’m just tired…maybe this distance relationship is not working out for me… I wanted to move down and be close to him but he said no I should wait until we are married. I told everyone that I have a fiance and I’m hurrying him up for us to get married but he is not even acting serious…over one week now I have not heard from him, my mind is telling me to travel down to go and see if he is okay but I’m battling within me. what if he is purposely avoiding me just because of that small quarrel that I have already apologies…he said that I have trust issue, I’m not yet his wife and I’m already acting as if I own him. That was what he said to me…maybe I will travel again to see him… he maybe sick or something….i will travel tomorrow.
Michelle sigh angrily
“why not give him a break…he is passing a clear message to you which you don’t want to understand…you shouldn’t be the only one travelling all the time to see him, let him also come down here. stop pestering him about marriage, he may not even be ready yet but using it to hold you down because of the benefits he may be getting from you, I know you two have being in this distance relationship thing for a long while but if it is not working out just don’t force it…stop travelling all the time to go and see him, he should also come down here if he feels that you are important to him. since he is not taking your calls…leave him when he is ready to call back and explain why he has not being taking your calls then you will know what to do…just relax.
Michelle and Katie talks about many other things, Michelle felt like throwing up all of a sudden.
She try to control herself but it kept rushing up to her truth and she move away with speed to the bathroom and came out after she was done.
“Are you alright babe…? Katie asked her.
“I don’t know…this vomiting thing started this week and another thing is that i missed my flow again this month…last month and this month. Could it be what I’m thinking? Michelle asked Katie with a confused face.
Katie started laughing, Michelle who do not understand why she was laughing so hard while saying “James has scored a goal already” she decided to ignore her.
She was not sure if it was pregnancy, the last pregnancy she loosed took them time to conceive. she was so worried after a year and no child and another year came yet nothing. James will console her asking her not to trouble herself back then since they were medically okay. When she finally conceived, the pregnancy came with sickness, tiredness, feeling hungry every time and many other complication before it finally disappeared tragically.
and In just three months of being with James and she is doubting is she is pregnant or not because it looks so soon. she doesn’t feel sick or constantly tired just as the first, the only trouble she was having is throwing up which started this week, and it appears to be normal. The symptoms was different from the first.
To be continued
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